Deperate for advice

[koritora3]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

Basically, I met my stbx while he was in the military and in Florida. We married. (against his parents wishes) But, they claimed to have gotten over it and convinced us to move to his home state (near them) after he was discharged. They purchased a house (that we'd never seen) and got us into a land contract with them as the mortgage holders. Before we moved here everything was storybook and I figured his love for me was beyond his parents control. Within 6 months of living here his parents convinced him that I was lazy and disrespectful and went ahead and hired him an attorney before I even realized we had a problem. So, his parents are divorcing me with all of the ugliness and childish accusations that they can come up with. He left the home after filing. (to move back to mommy and daddy's house) He also emptied our joint account, took all MY credit cards, and left with the only vehicle. I sat in the house alone with no friends or family to reach out to and him never returning a phone call. He'd bring a bag of groceries maybe once a week, but refused to even tell me why we were getting divorced. His maturity level plummeted after being around his verbally abusive and physically intimidating father. This whole family seems to have only one thing in common and that is getting rid of me ASAP, by any means necessary. They are currently trying to have me evicted. (even though my husband has been telling me that the rent was being paid) He flaunts his new teenage girlfriend online and even his dad (who is 56 and has a MySpace with mostly teenage friends) keeps posting nasty comments about me being a "cougar" and how I''m "always looking for fresh meat'. It's disgusting and all this has seriously affected my physical and mental health. I've lost 25 pounds in 2 months and barely have a blood pressure.

My questions are this:
~Does Indiana law state that he has to provide me with a place to live until the divorce is final?
~Will all the internet garbage even matter in court as mental harassment?
(his dad wrote my sister a completely slanderous letter against which I can clearly prove as such)
~My husband has been getting unemployment for several months without even trying to look for a job. Can this be proven and/or mentioned?
~My family made the down payment on the leased car which he now claims as his own. Can I recoup that money?
Can the fact of how he abandoned me with absolutely nothing and no means to provide for myself be mentioned in court?
~He claims that items given to us by his family are now "property on loan" which is utterly ridiculous. Old lamps. Useless furniture. ETC.
~Finally the credit cards we used during the marriage were originally in my name (I added him as a user) He now says he bears no responsibility for them. ((though it didn't bother him to use them to buy illegal steroids from overseas)

I know that this is a really long post, but I've been keeping it all to myself for so long that I'm about to lose it. Any advice would be very appreciated.
Thank you

 

[mistoffolees]

For starters, you BOTH need go grow up.

His parents didn't get you into a land contract. Unless you signed it, you are not obligated to anything. If you signed it, then YOU got into a land contract.

His parents can't divorce you. Only he can divorce you.

It's not his fault you don't have friends or family to talk to.

You need a job so you can support yourself.

Time to grow up and start taking responsibility for your own life.

To answer your specific questions:

1. He is not obligated to provide you with a home. However, he can not simply throw you out of the marital home without a court order. Since the parents bought the home and they are paying for it, they'll probably get it, but you will have a little time. When he files for divorce, he will request temporary custody of the marital home and he will probably receive it since it is in the parent's name. Find yourself a place to live that you can afford.

2. If they are posting lies online AND you can prove it's them AND you can prove damages (other than 'they hurt my feelings'), then you can sue them for slander. You could also contact the internet site and ask them to remove the posts - but only if it is clearly identified as you. With a good lawyer, you might even win, but I'm not sure it's worth the trouble. An easier and probably more practical solution is when your attorney responds to his divorce filing, ask the judge to order them to stop posting things about you online. That will probably be enough to stop it. If someone saying bad things about you online caused you to lose 25 pounds, you should get into counseling. You need to develop a backbone.

3. Your husband should not be receiving unemployment without even making the effort to look for a job, but what do you hope to gain by reporting him? Vengeance might feel good for a little while, but it will come back to bite you - guaranteed.

4. Whether he 'abandoned' you is irrelevant. What is relevant is that he took marital assets. You need to be able to document how much money was in your accounts at the time he filed for divorce and ask for half of it. You will be entitled to 1/2 of ANY marital assets (and 1/2 of marital debt). However, if he had the money before the marriage, then it's not marital. Also, if the money was a gift from his parents, it COULD be separate property, although putting it into a joint account creates a presumption that it's marital. It really depends. Go to the bank and ask for copies of the statements if you don't have them.

5. Stuff given to him by his family is separate property anyway - whether they call it a loan or a gift. Besides, why are you arguing over useless items? Even if you convince the court that they're marital property, they will be valued at what they would bring at a yard sale. So if the 'useless furniture' is worth $10, you're arguing over $5. Just not worth the bother.

6. He is responsible for 1/2 of marital debt. That means he has to pay for 1/2 of credit card spending during your marriage. Whether he spent it on steroids or gift's for the orphan's home is irrelevant.

You really need to get a job, see an attorney, and see a counselor to start rebuilding your life.

 

[Proserpina]

I don't know whether it's just dramatics, but losing 25 lbs in two months - stress or no stress - might need to be addressed by a physician. Get yourself into counseling hon - divorce isn't a cakewalk and you could use the support.

How can you prove that he's not even looking for a job, btw? Even if you could, what's the point in reporting him?

The online/myspace thing is not important in the grand scheme of things. Slander/defamation suits are expensive and lengthy (I'm going to paraphrase a senior member here - $20,000 if cheap, and 2-3 years if short) and in your case, frankly, not worth the hassle...and that's IF you could prove you've suffered actual damages.

It's not illegal to be a mean jack-a ss online. It's also not illegal for you to stop looking at their websites - if the sites bother you, don't click on 'em. Rise above it. Though slander is possible, as is invasion of privacy if they post personal information about you, again these are not the big issues here.

As for everything else, mistofolees' post said it all. It's time to pull up your boot straps, start finding ways of supporting yourself and start being the new independent you!

 

[Ohiogal]

For starters, you BOTH need go grow up.

His parents didn't get you into a land contract. Unless you signed it, you are not obligated to anything. If you signed it, then YOU got into a land contract.

His parents can't divorce you. Only he can divorce you.

It's not his fault you don't have friends or family to talk to.

You need a job so you can support yourself.

Time to grow up and start taking responsibility for your own life.

I agree with the above.

To answer your specific questions:

1. He is not obligated to provide you with a home. However, he can not simply throw you out of the marital home without a court order. Since the parents bought the home and they are paying for it, they'll probably get it, but you will have a little time. When he files for divorce, he will request temporary custody of the marital home and he will probably receive it since it is in the parent's name. Find yourself a place to live that you can afford.

WRONG. If there is a land contract then whoever is on the land contract is buying it which could be her and her husband, just hubby or just her. If she is on it, she has as much right as him to get awarded the house. You also don't get temporary custody OF a home. (Try sole possession for the pendency of the divorce).

2. If they are posting lies online AND you can prove it's them AND you can prove damages (other than 'they hurt my feelings'), then you can sue them for slander. You could also contact the internet site and ask them to remove the posts - but only if it is clearly identified as you. With a good lawyer, you might even win, but I'm not sure it's worth the trouble. An easier and probably more practical solution is when your attorney responds to his divorce filing, ask the judge to order them to stop posting things about you online. That will probably be enough to stop it. If someone saying bad things about you online caused you to lose 25 pounds, you should get into counseling. You need to develop a backbone.

A judge cannot order THEM (meaning the parents) to stop posting things about her online -- at least not in the divorce suit. The parents are NOT parties to the divorce.

3. Your husband should not be receiving unemployment without even making the effort to look for a job, but what do you hope to gain by reporting him? Vengeance might feel good for a little while, but it will come back to bite you - guaranteed.

Agreed. And there are several ways to look for work nowadays.

4. Whether he 'abandoned' you is irrelevant. What is relevant is that he took marital assets. You need to be able to document how much money was in your accounts at the time he filed for divorce and ask for half of it. You will be entitled to 1/2 of ANY marital assets (and 1/2 of marital debt). However, if he had the money before the marriage, then it's not marital. Also, if the money was a gift from his parents, it COULD be separate property, although putting it into a joint account creates a presumption that it's marital. It really depends. Go to the bank and ask for copies of the statements if you don't have them.

Agreed.

5. Stuff given to him by his family is separate property anyway - whether they call it a loan or a gift. Besides, why are you arguing over useless items? Even if you convince the court that they're marital property, they will be valued at what they would bring at a yard sale. So if the 'useless furniture' is worth $10, you're arguing over $5. Just not worth the bother.

partially true. Stuff given to him may or may not be separate property.

6. He is responsible for 1/2 of marital debt. That means he has to pay for 1/2 of credit card spending during your marriage. Whether he spent it on steroids or gift's for the orphan's home is irrelevant.

True.

You really need to get a job, see an attorney, and see a counselor to start rebuilding your life.

True.

 

[mistoffolees]

WRONG. If there is a land contract then whoever is on the land contract is buying it which could be her and her husband, just hubby or just her. If she is on it, she has as much right as him to get awarded the house. You also don't get temporary custody OF a home. (Try sole possession for the pendency of the divorce).

Other than semantics (obviously, I was referring to possession rather than custody), it is very unlikely that she's going to keep the house. I did misread the original post - I thought the parents were on the mortgage, but on re-reading it, it says that they were the mortgage holders. However, unless they put it solely in her name (which doesn't seem likely from the scenario), she won't keep the house. She's not even working - how is she going to pay for the mortgage? The parents might be willing to overlook nonpayment from the husband (their son), but they'd crucify her if she didn't make the payments.

A judge cannot order THEM (meaning the parents) to stop posting things about her online -- at least not in the divorce suit. The parents are NOT parties to the divorce.

No, the parents can't be ordered to do anything by the divorce judge, but the son can be ordered to stop. The son can also be ordered to stop telling the parents things that they can post online. If the parents continue to post slanderous things, she has the option to pursue them legally (outside of divorce court), but it is rarely worth the trouble. She can also contact the web site - which is more likely to do some good.

 

[koritora3]

In response

First of all, thank you for your replies.
Yes, I do have a job. And an attorney.
I do see a therapist when I can afford the co pay.
And I'm about to leave for an MD appt. concerning the stress and weight loss.
I'm not a whiner, by any means, but I'm just having trouble understanding such spiteful people. I have temporary possession of the home because my finances are limited and his parents' pay all his bills on top of of his 1660.00 a month in unemployment. I don't want any of his "loaned" items. My point was simply that I can't believe how petty they are. (like the basement flooded this past Monday and they are filing another motion today to have me evicted before the final date) It has flooded several times before as the foundation was built in 1925. Anyway, every day is a new hassle. I only want him to pay for his half of the marital debt.That's it.(and not keep trying to have me evicted every week contrary to the court order that says I can stay here until the 20th) I'm glad to be getting away from such cruel and negative people.

~Question: Will he have to disclose all his bank accounts? (even ones opened after the separation)
The final hearing is set for May7th and he still has not provided a financial disclosure. I know his lawyer jumped all over me to have mine completed months ago.
~How, at all, will this affect the case?

Once again, thank you so much.

 

[Ohiogal]

YOur attorney needs to force the issue of disclosure.

 

[mistoffolees]

I'm not a whiner, by any means, but I'm just having trouble understanding such spiteful people. I have temporary possession of the home because my finances are limited and his parents' pay all his bills on top of of his 1660.00 a month in unemployment. I don't want any of his "loaned" items. My point was simply that I can't believe how petty they are. (like the basement flooded this past Monday and they are filing another motion today to have me evicted before the final date) It has flooded several times before as the foundation was built in 1925. Anyway, every day is a new hassle. I only want him to pay for his half of the marital debt.That's it.(and not keep trying to have me evicted every week contrary to the court order that says I can stay here until the 20th) I'm glad to be getting away from such cruel and negative people.

If you have a court order, then they can't evict you without going back to court.

Your story sounds a lot different now. In your first post, you said he left you with nothing and you were stuck in the house with no where to go. Now, you're saying you have a job which pays well enough to pay your attorney and your therapist. You've got the house and you don't want his items. All you want is for him to pay his half of marital debt - which the court will almost certainly order. You're wasting a lot of energy on things that don't matter. Focus on what you need to do to move forward. Who cares if his parents like you or not? Who cares if you can understand them? Who cares if they don't want you in the house? You've got a lot more than many people have in your situation.

~Question: Will he have to disclose all his bank accounts? (even ones opened after the separation)
The final hearing is set for May7th and he still has not provided a financial disclosure. I know his lawyer jumped all over me to have mine completed months ago.
~How, at all, will this affect the case?

Once again, thank you so much.

He has to provide all financial information. If he doesn't, your attorney can ask the judge to be held in contempt.

 

[koritora3]

Thanks again

Sorry the version sounds different. I was left as described for 2 months until my grandmother could borrow the money for a car and lawyer. I do not mislead. I did find a waitress job for 2.13 an hour and anything I make goes to keeping the lights on and my car insurance paid. I had a therapist who charged $10 a session. Thanks for the positive comments and I am fully aware that things could be worse. And in my life, they have been.
regankendall/myspace.com
I appreciate the time and effort of the people that honestly wish to help.

 

[Isis1]

Sorry the version sounds different. I was left as described for 2 months until my grandmother could borrow the money for a car and lawyer. I do not mislead. I did find a waitress job for 2.13 an hour and anything I make goes to keeping the lights on and my car insurance paid. I had a therapist who charged $10 a session. Thanks for the positive comments and I am fully aware that things could be worse. And in my life, they have been.
regankendall/myspace.com
I appreciate the time and effort of the people that honestly wish to help.

i hope that's 12.13 an hour.....or 21.30 an hour...

 

[LdiJ]

i hope that's 12.13 an hour.....or 21.30 an hour...

Its a misleading answer. Servers are paid 2.13 an hour on the clock but get the rest of their pay in tips. She is not acknowledging her tips. Right now servers are not doing so well however. Legally if they do not make enough in tips to bring them to at least minimum wage per hour, the employer is supposed to make up the difference. Some employers however, ignore that law.

 

[koritora3]

Acknowledgement of tips....

Especially if you work in a small family owned Greek restaurant....
If it matters, I made 27.00 in tips last night. Usually, it averages about 25.00 a night. However, my questions were more legally inspired.
Technically, his parents are suing both of us for default on the land contract.
I'm not sure how this will play out. He wrote me stating that he was indeed paying the rent and maybe he is. His parents are going to swear he isn't. The final hearing is next week and he still has not provided ANY financial information.

 

[mistoffolees]

Especially if you work in a small family owned Greek restaurant....
If it matters, I made 27.00 in tips last night. Usually, it averages about 25.00 a night. However, my questions were more legally inspired.
Technically, his parents are suing both of us for default on the land contract.
I'm not sure how this will play out. He wrote me stating that he was indeed paying the rent and maybe he is. His parents are going to swear he isn't. The final hearing is next week and he still has not provided ANY financial information.

You've got your answer. Your attorney has to force the disclosure issue.

 

[koritora3]

If he has not disclosed by the the final dissolution date, is this grounds to push back the date?

 

[Ohiogal]

If he has not disclosed by the the final dissolution date, is this grounds to push back the date?

Not necessarily. Your attorney should file before then.