Status Hearing/Scheduling Mediation - School Issues

[Ohiogal]

Thank you, I do understand Dad's burden of proof on that one.

I do not understand, however, why it would be a negative for them to attend school together.

On a (slightly) side note: My step son has no full-siblings and never will, but he does have half-siblings and step-siblings on both sides (although he doesn't live with the ones on his mother's side). Is there any point when those relationships will be a consideration?

No one has said it would be a NEGATIVE for them to attend school together.

 

[SimplyMom]

No one has said it would be a NEGATIVE for them to attend school together.

The question was in response to CJane's statement:

Irrelevant. He doesn't need to attend with his step-sister. And in fact it may be better if he does not.

 

[wileybunch]

Soon she will be his adopted sister, will that change anything? They have grown up together for the past 3 1/2 years.

To clarify, not exactly adopted sister, but once adopted, they will be half siblings (she will be his half sister ie. they will share the same father, different mothers).

 

[SimplyMom]

To clarify, not exactly adopted sister, but once adopted, they will be half siblings (she will be his half sister ie. they will share the same father, different mothers).

Thank you for clarifying. I wasn't sure if that was the correct terminology or not.

 

[CJane]

The distance for the Friday transfer is not an issue for my husband, but is an issue for his ex. Driving 45-60 minutes for pick up twice a month is not a hardship.

However, with the increased distance and travel time, the child would have to sit through that 2x daily on school days in order to be transported back and forth.

So, looking back at it, that could be grounds for a modification of custody.

In my experience, 45 minutes in the car w/a parent to go to school/home in the evening is NOT grounds to change custody. And yes, I DO have experience in that exact matter.

We live roughly 9 miles from my oldest child's school. She spends 45 minutes or more on the bus EVERY MORNING and EVERY EVENING. That's just life.

As far as the children attending school together... would you find it equally important if child were to attend school w/one of his half-sibs on Mom's side?

The kids are the same age. It's not necessarily a good thing for them to be in the same school/class and have comparisons made every day.

 

[SimplyMom]

As far as the children attending school together... would you find it equally important if child were to attend school w/one of his half-sibs on Mom's side?

The kids are the same age. It's not necessarily a good thing for them to be in the same school/class and have comparisons made every day.

What I find important doesn't matter, I'm just the stepmom.

However, our school district is open and you're given the option of applying to a non-local school as long as there is room. So, regardless of which school he attends his half-siblings (on both sides) will have the option of attending with him. The school decision is not being approached with the intent of cutting out any half-siblings at all, although his half-sibling at his mom's house will be 5 years behind him in school anyways.

The biggest issue with the school mom has chosen is that it's an alternative teaching style that my husband does not feel is in their son's best interest.

In my experience siblings (whether full, half, or step) are going to have comparisons made of them to some degree, whether they're the same age or not.

 

[CJane]

The biggest issue with the school mom has chosen is that it's an alternative teaching style that my husband does not feel is in their son's best interest.

Seems to me that the 'biggest issue' keeps on changing.

 

[SimplyMom]

Seems to me that the 'biggest issue' keeps on changing.

After re-reading the thread I don't see where the "biggest issue" has changed at all.

I stated that his ex-wife's biggest issue was the distance.

I stated that my husband's biggest issue with the school his ex-wife chose was their alternative teaching style.

I'm not seeing any contradiction here.

 

[profmum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AK


Her new local school is "better" than the previous one, but still not as "good" as the local school here.

Is this good for her or bad? The new school area is better than her previous one, but she's increasing the distance she says is the issue in the first place.

Thank you.

How do you define "better"? if you and Dad believe her new local school is better than what is all this about an alternative teaching style that Dad does not agree with in the said "better school"?

Story keeps changing here!

 

[SimplyMom]

How do you define "better"? if you and Dad believe her new local school is better than what is all this about an alternative teaching style that Dad does not agree with in the said "better school"?

Story keeps changing here!

"Better" simply in terms of the standardized testing scores, which isn't a complete comparison of benefits/etc, so I put it in quotations. There are other considerations when rating schools, I know. The testing scores are just the easiest way to look at everything on paper.

I stated that her new local school is better than the local school at her previous residence, not better than dad's local school. (Again, based on test scores).

The alternative school is a third option that his ex signed their son up for without telling him. And, no, those testing scores aren't "better" than dad's local school, either.

My husband has offered options for schools between the two houses, but she won't consider them. He has tried to be flexible and agreed on a charter school with her, but unfortunately he wasn't accepted this year and is on a wait list.

Is anything clearer now?

 

[wileybunch]

OP, your original question is if it would reflect "good" or "bad" on Mom for complaining about the distance to school as it currently is and then increasing the distance with the move she just announced, almost doubling the distance from 25 min to 45 min (not taking snowy/icy days into account). Mom may have complained about the distance before, but unless that complaint was put forth in family court and we have the context for the complaint, I don't know that the court will care.

Nextwife may have hit the nail on the head, but only time would tell this, there is no way to know this at this point or not unless there are other factors that would line up to support this theory:

\]Sounds like she's trying to CREATE ground to cease the joint physical custody. By creating an unmanageable distance to continue 50/50, she's trying to usurp the joint custody and guaranty herself full physical custody.

As for the current mediation, if I were Dad, I would certainly fight for the distance to be minimized, not increased.

 

[SimplyMom]

OP, your original question is if it would reflect "good" or "bad" on Mom for complaining about the distance to school as it currently is and then increasing the distance with the move she just announced, almost doubling the distance from 25 min to 45 min (not taking snowy/icy days into account). Mom may have complained about the distance before, but unless that complaint was put forth in family court and we have the context for the complaint, I don't know that the court will care.

Nextwife may have hit the nail on the head, but only time would tell this, there is no way to know this at this point or not unless there are other factors that would line up to support this theory:
As for the current mediation, if I were Dad, I would certainly fight for the distance to be minimized, not increased.

Thank you. No formal complaint was made with the courts by his ex regarding the distance, and the move (it happened over two years ago) is still within the confines of their existing custody agreement.

The status hearing was today, they both just told the judge their goals for mediation. It's unclear if there is any remaining funding for the free mediation program, but if not they will be scheduled for a settlement hearing with a different judge. In the meantime they are both to provide the court with a summary detailing the changes they want to make with the existing custody agreement and their options for school.

 

[CJane]

Mom moved TWO YEARS AGO?

 

[SimplyMom]

Mom moved TWO YEARS AGO?

Both moved two years ago, about 6 weeks apart. It was that move that created the original 25 mile distance that mom has had a problem with.

Mom is moving again this weekend, increasing that distance.

 

[CJane]

Both moved two years ago, about 6 weeks apart. It was that move that created the original 25 mile distance that mom has had a problem with.

Mom is moving again this weekend, increasing that distance.

I think it's terribly unlikely, since they're jointly responsible for creating the original distance, that Mom will be penalized for moving another 10 miles... especially if it was done w/in the constraints of the court order.

Their lack of agreement on schools IS a problem, but it's a short-term one. If it's unlikely to be agreed to in mediation, it's unlikely this will get before a judge prior to end of summer. Child is already signed up for school where Mom chose. Unless there's a compelling reason child should NOT attend, it's probably in DAD'S best interests to start wrapping his head around kiddo attending there.