Neglect?

[>Charlotte<]

At 13? I would not allow a child to tote around a whole bottle.
I think the journaling is an excellent idea!!!!

I think the journaling is an excellent idea, too. But from a practical standpoint, if Dad is a control freak who trips off the line when Junior tries to take an aspirin and tells his doctor he's a liar, is there any reason to believe he's going to let Junior keep a journal about it?

I'm also surprised that no one seems to share my opinion that 13 year olds can be trusted with some personal responsibility. This particular 13 year old sounds a little less than capable, but the idea that 13 year olds in general can't be trusted with a bottle of Tylenol is a surprising revelation.

There's something about this whole thing that's just not quite right. I'm not sure what it is.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I'm with you Charlotte. My children have learned to take medicine responsibly from an early age. If a child complained about a headache, we would go to the medicine bottle and READ what the dose might be. It's just a training exercise. We would check the time and see when a next dose might be appropriate (if it were necessary.)

My only requirement was that the child must ALWAYS tell me when they were taking something. It helped to keep track of symptoms.

My job as a parent is to work myself out of a job.

 

[Isis1]

My job as a parent is to work myself out of a job.

i love that!! it's so true! you've been plagiarized!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

awwwww ... I'm touched.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

I know that sounds easy enough, but from experience most of the teachers take my requests w/ a grain of salt b/c of this situation. I have gone to the school and asked that if dad is called or emailed about an issue that I be called as well. I have even given teachers self addressed stamped envelopes, my cell phone # and email address and have never received a single correspondence. Dad seems to get calls and emails all the time and goes to conferences w/ the teachers freguently and I have never received a call, not even once, despite my request. I have had to go to the school and meet w/ the teachers myself and am told that he is "doing fine." Even though I hear from dad (after the fact) that he was called to the school to have a conference (at least 3 times) for my son's behavior.

Do you get to see your son's homework, tests scores, and grades? Glasses are a big deal. I know someone charged with neglect for failing to get their child glasses.

The journal is a great idea. Some food sensitivities can cause headaches.

Talk to your son's teachers. Don't let his dad bash you into the ground in that way. Let them see you. If they see you and talk to you they will realize what dad is doing, and he will soon enough be labeled the nut.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

For the OP - check out a website called www.flylady.net. The thought process is that it helps the "disorganized" folks to get towards organized. There is a section that has a control journal for students. For the ADHD/ADD folks, keeping on track is very difficult. It's focus is that you basically can do anything for 15 minutes. When the time is up, you have permission to do something else. You just focus your energy for those 15 minutes on that task.

Besides the caffeine, wondering how much stress might be contributing towards headaches. Unless you suffer from ADD yourself, it can be difficult to comprehend what that person is going thru.

 

[bononos again]

For the OP - check out a website called FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home. The thought process is that it helps the "disorganized" folks to get towards organized. There is a section that has a control journal for students. For the ADHD/ADD folks, keeping on track is very difficult. It's focus is that you basically can do anything for 15 minutes. When the time is up, you have permission to do something else. You just focus your energy for those 15 minutes on that task.

Besides the caffeine, wondering how much stress might be contributing towards headaches. Unless you suffer from ADD yourself, it can be difficult to comprehend what that person is going thru.

Thank you so much for sharing this link with everyone!

I LOVE IT!!!!!

This is sooooooo me that thay created this site for.

The single mom, 2 kids, 2 jobs, 2 dogs.
I am the Clutter Queen. My house is clean, but cluttered!


PS - OP, he is 13, hormones can add to reasons for headaches too!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Oh, I have received their emails for about four years. It's gentle reminders. They make decluttering fun. In the case of ADD (which I suffer from badly), it does work.

And the concept is NOT just about physical clutter. She also covers body clutter and brain clutter.

There is also the cutest "no whining" sign that's made it to my refrigerator.

 

[lilbnp]

There's something about this whole thing that's just not quite right. I'm not sure what it is.

Charlotte you are so right when you say that. I know it is hard to believe, but unfortunately that is the situation I am in. When I have to sit down and explain to my attorney some of the things dad does he just looks at me in awe and surprise. To put further history into the case...dad was the same way in our relationship...controlling, demeaning, very emotionally abusive. He takes alot of his anger towards me out on our child b/c as he has said b/4 "He acts just like you!!!" As far as me talking to the teachers if you read my earlier posts you will see I have done that and get nowhere since they are stepmom's co-workers and adore dad. He is one of those people who is so suave and gets people wrapped around his finger, but is secretly a manipulative control freak who only uses people until he no longer needs them.

Had a meeting w/ my attorney today and told him all that is going on. He told me to take my son for a second opinion about the medication since the other dr still has not called me back. The trial has been postponed for another month d/t the judge having a scheduling conflict. I'm frustrated, but ok w/ it since school is over in 2 1/2 weeks and it gives us a little more time to prepare, take my son for the 2nd opinion, etc.

Another situation we have been dealing w/. Every time (literally every time) anyone calls to speak to my son (me, my husband, my mother) (if we ever manage to get someone to answer) 2-5 min. after getting him on the phone we hear stepmom yell to him that he has to get off (always different reasons...supper time, homework, shower). I'm wondering if I should say something about it to dad and stepmom or just keep my mouth shut and bring it up in court. My only concern is if I don't say something about it that the judge will ask if I mentioned it too them, as maybe she isn't
doing it intentionally. From experience it seems they always give the benefit of the doubt even if someone obviously does not deserve it....I am right or wrong here?

 

[bononos again]

Oh, I have received their emails for about four years. It's gentle reminders. They make decluttering fun. In the case of ADD (which I suffer from badly), it does work.

And the concept is NOT just about physical clutter. She also covers body clutter and brain clutter.

There is also the cutest "no whining" sign that's made it to my refrigerator.

My sink will be shining tonight!

 

[lilbnp]

For the OP - check out a website called FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home. The thought process is that it helps the "disorganized" folks to get towards organized. There is a section that has a control journal for students. For the ADHD/ADD folks, keeping on track is very difficult. It's focus is that you basically can do anything for 15 minutes. When the time is up, you have permission to do something else. You just focus your energy for those 15 minutes on that task.

Besides the caffeine, wondering how much stress might be contributing towards headaches. Unless you suffer from ADD yourself, it can be difficult to comprehend what that person is going thru.

Thank you from me also for the link...I joined the group....you are a life saver to me for sending me this it will be a huge huge help.

I realized that I didn't answer a couple of questions.....my son is never allowed anything to drink other than water at dad's home as stepmom has the impression that my son needs to be on a diet b/c his dr said he gained 5 lbs in 6 months. At my house he may drink 1 soda (caffienated or not, he usually picks root beer which has not caffeine) on a weekend that he is w/ me and that is only if we go to the movies or dinner; the same goes for summertime. Since I have younger kids we don't keep sodas in the house only juice or milk.

As far as stress I would certainly agree w/ that. My son is under a tremendous amount of stress having to deal w/ the situation b/t dad and I, not getting along w/ stepmom, getting in trouble and being punished constantly while at dad's (not to say he doesn't misbehave w/ me, but not to the extent that dad claims he does at their home) and having the pressure that dad places on him that he can't bring any grade home less than a B and if he does is punished for it. So anyone would crack under such pressure.

 

[jbowman]

I'm also surprised that no one seems to share my opinion that 13 year olds can be trusted with some personal responsibility. This particular 13 year old sounds a little less than capable, but the idea that 13 year olds in general can't be trusted with a bottle of Tylenol is a surprising revelation.

There's something about this whole thing that's just not quite right. I'm not sure what it is.

I think the issue is more about Dad freaking the heck out when he finds Jr. with tylenol or whatever medication. It is directly defiant (obviously) to what dad wants and has said. So telling Jr. to be responsible for his own medication is just an invitation for trouble with dad. It is actually putting the child in the middle of an adult situation.

I have a 14 year old and there is no way i would allow him to just have medicine on him when he traveled to his fathers. Kids act impulsively. I could see my kid thinking "oooo if I take 8 of these, maybe I wont have a headache for like a WEEK". And this is an ADHD kid, come on now!!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

My daughter is twelve and ADD. I have TAUGHT her HOW to take medicine. We take the time to evaluate age and weight, etc. We talk about what our pain feels like and whether it may be appropriate to take a nap versus a pill. The key is TEACHING your children.

 

[jbowman]

My daughter is twelve and ADD. I have TAUGHT her HOW to take medicine. We take the time to evaluate age and weight, etc. We talk about what our pain feels like and whether it may be appropriate to take a nap versus a pill. The key is TEACHING your children.

Tink, I completely understand that. But why take the risk? Its irresponsible. And why put the kid in the way of dad's wrath??? I dont understand the argument here.

Given this situaion, sending medication with child to dad's visits is a completely bad idea and NOT good advice!!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I did NOT say to send medicine to dad's and have him take it arbitrarily. Mom, on mom's time, can teach her child how to take medicine and to understand doses.

I also suggest finding ways to help child's ADD that doesn't involve medication.