Ex being difficult regarding Memorial Day Holiday visitation

[Ohiogal]

Good grief. Why do people even bother wasting their time coming on here to LIE? Yeah, you've been alternating holidays through some side out of court agreement we worked out years ago and ALL OF A SUDDEN, inexplicably, Dad changes course and thinks he's having child 2 Memorial Days in a row now and I can't for the life of me figure out why in heaven he would think such a thing?!?

The court order changed -- all of a sudden.

 

[sipa]

Good grief. Why do people even bother wasting their time coming on here to LIE? Yeah, you've been alternating holidays through some side out of court agreement we worked out years ago and ALL OF A SUDDEN, inexplicably, Dad changes course and thinks he's having child 2 Memorial Days in a row now and I can't for the life of me figure out why in heaven he would think such a thing?!?

I think Ohio came to the rescue again. God I love this women. Not in a lovey lovey kind a way but lol you know waht I mean

And I really want to know where did anyone get that Memorial Day is not a holiday. Let me tell ya this, ex took me for every other holiday which I gave him anyway but new girlfriend wanted it all spelled out and pretty along with a bunch of other stuff he lost on but anyway. So off to court we go.

He is Odd and I Even years. Court had a pretty little pamplet preprinted with the rotation schedule already set.

So along comes Memorial Day, his court ordered holiday and I call and ask what time he wants them, and he says: "I really only wanted the "important holidays, Thanks Giving, Christmas and New Years. " I told him he got what he asked for because in NJ Memorial Day, July 4 th, Labor Day, ****** Luther King Day, Election day, Black Friday, Easter Monday and Good Friday, yep they are all holidays.

Now my new hubby didn't have anything laid out for holidays if the holiday fell on his days it was his her days it was hers. The schedule with out specific outline for holidays does at least in Jersey default to what ever day it is and whose visitation day it falls on.

Suck it up buttercup

 

[kimberlywrites]

The court order changed -- all of a sudden.

I think, quite possibly, this is the most smilies in a row I've ever seen! It does get the point across very well.

 

[wileybunch]

The court order changed -- all of a sudden.

I hate it when that happens. You know when you wake up and find out it's going to rain after all. Other times you wake up and find a surprise revised court order on your pillow. Makes it hard to plan your day.

 

[mommabearx1]

I think Ohio came to the rescue again. God I love this women. Not in a lovey lovey kind a way but lol you know waht I mean

And I really want to know where did anyone get that Memorial Day is not a holiday.

It isn't considered a holiday in my court order. My order says share holidays ( Easter, Christmas, July 4th, Thanksgiving) as agreed upon by parties. Nthing about Memorial day.
Sorry about the hijack

 

[Ohiogal]

I hate it when that happens. You know when you wake up and find out it's going to rain after all. Other times you wake up and find a surprise revised court order on your pillow. Makes it hard to plan your day.

I know. It's just -- I have no words. I lost my words. Oh wait -- the court fairy left it! Cool. Hopefully the Court fairy doesn't sue the tooth fairy. that would be bad. Oooh... and then there is the whole Santa Clause thing... Dang Court Fairy...Op I am so sorry the Court Fairy came. I know you were expecting Jack Skellington and it just didn't work that way for you last fall. So sorry.

 

[Ohiogal]

It isn't considered a holiday in my court order. My order says share holidays ( Easter, Christmas, July 4th, Thanksgiving) as agreed upon by parties. Nthing about Memorial day.
Sorry about the hijack

Its not a holiday for OP either.

 

[LdiJ]

Nobody is going to like me mentioning this, but I sometimes have a problem when we are so "scathing" about what someone's attorney has advised them to do.

Who are we, who know nothing about the climate of their courts, the local judges, or anything else relevant, to speak quite so derogatorially about someone's attorney?

I can see stating that I believe someone's attorney might be wrong, and that some follow up research should be done to make sure that the action isn't going to get the OP in trouble. I can even see OG being scathing if we are talking about an Ohio attorney giving advice that she thinks is bad...but otherwise, I think its a little arrogant on our part.

In any case, I think that there is a reasonable chance that you are all right on this one, but I do believe that some OK counties have standard guidelines that are used when orders are silent on an issue, so there is a chance that you are wrong.

She should get local advice.

 

[sipa]

Its not a holiday for OP either.

seems to me like any day she can put the screws to her ex is a holiday to OP so sad people can not share and just move on...

 

[wileybunch]

And I really want to know where did anyone get that Memorial Day is not a holiday.

So says their court order. They have NO provisions for holidays at all in their court order is what I believe the OP said.

 

[bononos again]

Nobody is going to like me mentioning this, but I sometimes have a problem when we are so "scathing" about what someone's attorney has advised them to do.

Who are we, who know nothing about the climate of their courts, the local judges, or anything else relevant, to speak quite so derogatorially about someone's attorney?

I can see stating that I believe someone's attorney might be wrong, and that some follow up research should be done to make sure that the action isn't going to get the OP in trouble. I can even see OG being scathing if we are talking about an Ohio attorney giving advice that she thinks is bad...but otherwise, I think its a little arrogant on our part.

In any case, I think that there is a reasonable chance that you are all right on this one, but I do believe that some OK counties have standard guidelines that are used when orders are silent on an issue, so there is a chance that you are wrong.

She should get local advice.

These are the OK Standard Guidelines. It appears her attorney didn't follow them AT ALL.

B. The standard visitation schedule should include a minimum graduated visitation schedule for children under the age of five (5) years and a minimum graduated visitation schedule for children five (5) years of age through seventeen (17) years of age. In addition, the standard visitation schedule should address:

1. Midweek and weekend time-sharing;

2. Differing geographical residences of the custodian and noncustodian of the child requesting visitation;

3. Holidays, including Friday and Monday holidays;

4. Summer vacation break;

5. Midterm school breaks;

6. Notice requirements and authorized reasons for cancellations of visitation;

7. Transportation and transportation costs, including pick up and return of the child;

8. Religious, school, and extracurricular activities;

9. Grandparent and relative contact;

10. The birthday of the child;

11. Sibling visitation schedules;

12. Special circumstances, including, but not limited to, emergencies; and

13. Any other standards deemed necessary by the Administrative Director of the Courts.

 

[wileybunch]

I'll just stick with answering the questions ask though there has been more light shed since the OP.

What are my grounds for contacting the police to stop him from coming to my house and ruining my holiday with my daughter?

You don't have any. He has a court order that he can show the police to prove right there in black and white that it is is parenting time and he's not trespassing and that you are violating the order. If you choose not to turn your DD over, the incident will be obviously well documented should Dad decide to take you to court for contempt. Penalties CAN include a change of custody to Dad having primary custody and you visitation.

If you all were recently in court, why didn't you have any ideas for rotating holidays spelled out then? That is what you would need to do.

I have spoken to my attorney awhile back regarding this and told him he had her last year and I get her this year to which he wholeheartedly agreed.

That is not a bad way to approach an official change to the court order, but your attorney didn't do that. You should ask your attorney what the legal basis is for his answer since there's obviously a lot of controversy over this.

My question is does said holiday include her staying overnight at my home?

Holidays are not addressed in your CO at all so they don't exist. Typically if they are included in an order, they are also defined. You have really nothing to do on so anything we say would really be pulling it out of thin air. But, if you were to approach the court for a modification, unless you two agree otherwise, this sort of holiday would likely be 9AM-6PM or something like that. But, again, you have nothing defined so you would need to define it in the CO. My suggestion is to let Dad have child this year on the Monday and then work on a rotating schedule with the times for each holiday start/end, as well.

There is nothing in the divorce or joint visitation regarding holidays. We are rotating them as my atty. calls it to be fair.

Again, I agree with your attorney's thinking it would be fair to rotate the holidays and that's very common in court orders. So I wonder why your attorney didn't file a modification or get your ex to agree to a stipulation to do this since you were supposedly all in agreement, at least at one time? His opinion needed to have bore fruit into an actual court order. Is he not a regular practicing family law attorney? I can't understand why he's encouraging you to do things, but not cleaning things up legally so leaving you holding the bag. You cannot use your attorney's ignorance as a defense if/when Dad files for contempt.

 

[LdiJ]

These are the OK Standard Guidelines. It appears her attorney didn't follow them AT ALL.

B. The standard visitation schedule should include a minimum graduated visitation schedule for children under the age of five (5) years and a minimum graduated visitation schedule for children five (5) years of age through seventeen (17) years of age. In addition, the standard visitation schedule should address:

1. Midweek and weekend time-sharing;

2. Differing geographical residences of the custodian and noncustodian of the child requesting visitation;

3. Holidays, including Friday and Monday holidays;

4. Summer vacation break;

5. Midterm school breaks;

6. Notice requirements and authorized reasons for cancellations of visitation;

7. Transportation and transportation costs, including pick up and return of the child;

8. Religious, school, and extracurricular activities;

9. Grandparent and relative contact;

10. The birthday of the child;

11. Sibling visitation schedules;

12. Special circumstances, including, but not limited to, emergencies; and

13. Any other standards deemed necessary by the Administrative Director of the Courts.

Actually, that is not what I meant by standard guidelines...

 

[bononos again]

Actually, that is not what I meant by standard guidelines...

I know what you meant.
I believe Texas is a state with standard guidelines if I'm not mistaken.
I did look for that for OK.
This is all I could find in regards to it.

 

[LdiJ]

I know what you meant.
I believe Texas is a state with standard guidelines if I'm not mistaken.
I did look for that for OK.
This is all I could find in regards to it.

When a state does not have standard guidelines its not at all uncommon for individual counties within that state to have their own standard guidelines that they use. I know for certain that there are some counties in OK that have such guidelines. Unfortunately, you usually won't find county guidelines online easily.