What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington State
I have started this new thread based on my detailed situation described at: https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/regaining-custody-after-rehab-478463.html#post2324390. (I posted this link in the "trackback; sorry, seniors, if I did this incorrectly the 1st time!)
To recap, I was the custodial parent and also the parent with the most parenting time (4-5 days per week) of my 8 year daughter until 6 months ago. I had broken my pelvis while moving a large dresser 3 months prior, and found myself badly dependent on prescription pain meds and sleep aids after the pain had subsided. My ex-husband and I had co-parented well before this, and we agreed that he would assume custody while I entered a rehab program. He presented me with the agreement in writing, stating that it was necessary in case I did not recover or became less compliant in seeking treatment. I was anxious to have life return to normal, saw no reason not to sign at that time, and did so. Since my daughter and I have an extremely tight emotional bond, it was agreed that my ex would bring her for 2 over-night visits every other weekend, and I could speak to her on the phone daily. We've kept in close contact; and beyond visits and phone calls, we send letters and chat via webcam. She asks when I'm coming home almost every day.
The medications in question were taken for a legitimate reason. I was never trying to get "high". I did not seek out multiple doctors, overfill or refill prescriptions too soon, buy pills from friends or the internet, or anything like that. I just had a very difficult time when it was time to stop taking them--headaches, upset stomach, insomnia, irritability, etc. which would not let up unless I took more medicine; in turn making me tired and occasionally absentminded. However, I did not drive while under the influence of meds, or forget about school, meals, etc. I simply needed professional help to wean my body off of the medications.
To make a long story short, I successfully completed rehab, have been medicine-free for almost 6 months, have returned to work, and otherwise normal life. The problem is that my ex has since decided that he wants to keep full custody, and thinks that the level of contact I have with my daughter is adequate. I've jumped through a lot of hoops to make him happy in the last few months, hoping to stay out of court. Although I didn't outwardly agree with his demands, I've remained in counseling, held my job steadily, and not relapsed; all things he claimed to fear would happen.. Now he's decided he’ll never trust me to parent again.
This being the case, it is time for me to stand up for myself and get a lawyer. Right now, the custody shift still seems temporary to all involved, and my daughter keeps wondering when things will be back to normal. I definitely want to proceed ASAP, because I realize that this won't always be the case--the longer we wait, the more this becomes her "new normal" and home environment.
This week I've had conflicting advice in two initial consultations with attorneys. I'm wondering if anyone can give me their opinion on the following questions.
Although it's an expensive process, I wonder if I should sign up for random drug testing or a hair strand test, even though it hasn't been court ordered or asked for? I wonder the same things about signing up for a psych evaluation, home evaluation, and parenting investigation. Maybe by asking at the court house to see if there are neutrally-positioned professionals already appointed for these things? Should I seek mediation before preparing to litigate? If I do these things, will I be shooting myself in the foot and making myself look guilty, or will I appear proactive, or neither?
We did a pretty fair job of not dragging out dirt on each other during divorce proceedings 3 years ago, but I fear this time might be different. If he makes it his project to attempt to make me look bad, do I have to do the same to him in order to level the playing field? I wouldn't want it to appear that I have nothing on him and he is the ideal parent, but I just hate the idea of mudslinging in court. It seems time consuming hurtful, and usually irrelevant to the actual matter at hand.
What actions should I take over the next 1-2 weeks to begin?
I have started this new thread based on my detailed situation described at: https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/regaining-custody-after-rehab-478463.html#post2324390. (I posted this link in the "trackback; sorry, seniors, if I did this incorrectly the 1st time!)
To recap, I was the custodial parent and also the parent with the most parenting time (4-5 days per week) of my 8 year daughter until 6 months ago. I had broken my pelvis while moving a large dresser 3 months prior, and found myself badly dependent on prescription pain meds and sleep aids after the pain had subsided. My ex-husband and I had co-parented well before this, and we agreed that he would assume custody while I entered a rehab program. He presented me with the agreement in writing, stating that it was necessary in case I did not recover or became less compliant in seeking treatment. I was anxious to have life return to normal, saw no reason not to sign at that time, and did so. Since my daughter and I have an extremely tight emotional bond, it was agreed that my ex would bring her for 2 over-night visits every other weekend, and I could speak to her on the phone daily. We've kept in close contact; and beyond visits and phone calls, we send letters and chat via webcam. She asks when I'm coming home almost every day.
The medications in question were taken for a legitimate reason. I was never trying to get "high". I did not seek out multiple doctors, overfill or refill prescriptions too soon, buy pills from friends or the internet, or anything like that. I just had a very difficult time when it was time to stop taking them--headaches, upset stomach, insomnia, irritability, etc. which would not let up unless I took more medicine; in turn making me tired and occasionally absentminded. However, I did not drive while under the influence of meds, or forget about school, meals, etc. I simply needed professional help to wean my body off of the medications.
To make a long story short, I successfully completed rehab, have been medicine-free for almost 6 months, have returned to work, and otherwise normal life. The problem is that my ex has since decided that he wants to keep full custody, and thinks that the level of contact I have with my daughter is adequate. I've jumped through a lot of hoops to make him happy in the last few months, hoping to stay out of court. Although I didn't outwardly agree with his demands, I've remained in counseling, held my job steadily, and not relapsed; all things he claimed to fear would happen.. Now he's decided he’ll never trust me to parent again.
This being the case, it is time for me to stand up for myself and get a lawyer. Right now, the custody shift still seems temporary to all involved, and my daughter keeps wondering when things will be back to normal. I definitely want to proceed ASAP, because I realize that this won't always be the case--the longer we wait, the more this becomes her "new normal" and home environment.
This week I've had conflicting advice in two initial consultations with attorneys. I'm wondering if anyone can give me their opinion on the following questions.
Although it's an expensive process, I wonder if I should sign up for random drug testing or a hair strand test, even though it hasn't been court ordered or asked for? I wonder the same things about signing up for a psych evaluation, home evaluation, and parenting investigation. Maybe by asking at the court house to see if there are neutrally-positioned professionals already appointed for these things? Should I seek mediation before preparing to litigate? If I do these things, will I be shooting myself in the foot and making myself look guilty, or will I appear proactive, or neither?
We did a pretty fair job of not dragging out dirt on each other during divorce proceedings 3 years ago, but I fear this time might be different. If he makes it his project to attempt to make me look bad, do I have to do the same to him in order to level the playing field? I wouldn't want it to appear that I have nothing on him and he is the ideal parent, but I just hate the idea of mudslinging in court. It seems time consuming hurtful, and usually irrelevant to the actual matter at hand.
What actions should I take over the next 1-2 weeks to begin?