Drama at the front door

[Stressssed]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

Hi - I imagine I'm not the only one that's had the ex at the front door throwing fits about whatever it is that day they are upset about. The tirades include yelling, name calling, accusations, blaming, trying to come in the house, ringing the door bell 50, 60 times over the course of 30-45 minutes, calling and leaving messages on machine while they are out front ringing the door bell, demanding I hand over items they want (even though house contents were divided a year+ ago), etc. Just generally being a royal PITA.

I am wondering what my options are to prevent that kind of drama in front of the children. Of course I've asked them to stop. Of course I've told them to stop. I've threatened to call the police (and did once when NCP entered the house when I wasn't there). Is it unusual for CPs to amend SPPs (or maybe include it up front) that says the NCP picks the kids up from the curb?

It certainly would be in the best interests of the children if it didn't happen. I'm unable to stop it by asking. I am considering something, just don't know what. I am really interested in what others have done and if it required a legal action. What have other people done here to avoid, or at least minimize, all the drama at the front door? - thx.

 

[BL]

It's not unusual at all . Document these obnoxious incidents ( call the law if you must ) . ( I would consider it a form of stalking - harassment at the least ) .

Then file for that order to be included , along with something along the lines of not to do these things in front of the children . It sets bad examples .

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

Hi - I imagine I'm not the only one that's had the ex at the front door throwing fits about whatever it is that day they are upset about. The tirades include yelling, name calling, accusations, blaming, trying to come in the house, ringing the door bell 50, 60 times over the course of 30-45 minutes, calling and leaving messages on machine while they are out front ringing the door bell, demanding I hand over items they want (even though house contents were divided a year+ ago), etc. Just generally being a royal PITA.

I am wondering what my options are to prevent that kind of drama in front of the children. Of course I've asked them to stop. Of course I've told them to stop. I've threatened to call the police (and did once when NCP entered the house when I wasn't there). Is it unusual for CPs to amend SPPs (or maybe include it up front) that says the NCP picks the kids up from the curb?

It certainly would be in the best interests of the children if it didn't happen. I'm unable to stop it by asking. I am considering something, just don't know what. I am really interested in what others have done and if it required a legal action. What have other people done here to avoid, or at least minimize, all the drama at the front door? - thx.

Personally I would have called the police, filed for an RO and filed a motion to amend pick up's and drop off at the police station.

 

[Isis1]

Personally I would have called the police, filed for an RO and filed a motion to amend pick up's and drop off at the police station.

i would have done all the above, AND bought some pepper spray, a really big ugly dog, or a bar bouncer......

 

[Just Blue]

i would have done all the above, AND bought some pepper spray, a really big ugly dog, or a bar bouncer......

Where does one purchase a bar bouncer?? Walmart? Would that be in the household goods isle?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Where does one purchase a bar bouncer?? Walmart? Would that be in the household goods isle?

Ive heard you can get anything on EBAY.

 

[Just Blue]

Ive heard you can get anything on EBAY.

Ebay...Ahhhh....Cool beans!

 

[ecmst12]

Thugs R Us

 

[gr8rn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

Hi - I imagine I'm not the only one that's had the ex at the front door throwing fits about whatever it is that day they are upset about. The tirades include yelling, name calling, accusations, blaming, trying to come in the house, ringing the door bell 50, 60 times over the course of 30-45 minutes, calling and leaving messages on machine while they are out front ringing the door bell, demanding I hand over items they want (even though house contents were divided a year+ ago), etc. Just generally being a royal PITA.

I am wondering what my options are to prevent that kind of drama in front of the children. Of course I've asked them to stop. Of course I've told them to stop. I've threatened to call the police (and did once when NCP entered the house when I wasn't there). Is it unusual for CPs to amend SPPs (or maybe include it up front) that says the NCP picks the kids up from the curb?

It certainly would be in the best interests of the children if it didn't happen. I'm unable to stop it by asking. I am considering something, just don't know what. I am really interested in what others have done and if it required a legal action. What have other people done here to avoid, or at least minimize, all the drama at the front door? - thx.

Yes, this has happened frequently in my life. Despite numerous calls to police (sometimes he was the one that called, other times I did) I started taking him to court. It just never seemed to get better. We spoke to a mediator three times and finally the judge heard the problem: Dad wanted to scare son silly in order to make him behave, but Dad's antics only served to teach the child that this kind of behavior was somehow, warranted, and acceptable. I had begged son not to react when Dad came rushing up to the house screaming and yelling insults at me and at son, but son is only 7.

So I explained to the mediator the third time that for some reason when Dad came to the house he somehow became enraged at seeing us happy without him there, and I begged her to ask the judge for another way to do the custody exchanges. I explained that I was already in counseling with the local womens shelter where at the same time I saw an adult therapist and son saw a child therapist, I said that I had son in individual therapy through my insurance company, I had the school guidance counseler involved and I had signed son and I up for family counseling as well. I wanted the judge to know I was willing to do anything to fix this.

Judge ordered that I was to bring son to Dad's girlfriends house for drop off and Dad was to bring son back at the end of the visit.

It worked. No more hissy fits in front of my house.

 

[Proserpina]

Ebay...Ahhhh....Cool beans!

Those too! But you have to be quick - those always sell really really quickly...

 

[Just Blue]

Those too! But you have to be quick - those always sell really really quickly...

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

Hi - I imagine I'm not the only one that's had the ex at the front door throwing fits about whatever it is that day they are upset about. The tirades include yelling, name calling, accusations, blaming, trying to come in the house, ringing the door bell 50, 60 times over the course of 30-45 minutes, calling and leaving messages on machine while they are out front ringing the door bell, demanding I hand over items they want (even though house contents were divided a year+ ago), etc. Just generally being a royal PITA.

I am wondering what my options are to prevent that kind of drama in front of the children. Of course I've asked them to stop. Of course I've told them to stop. I've threatened to call the police (and did once when NCP entered the house when I wasn't there). Is it unusual for CPs to amend SPPs (or maybe include it up front) that says the NCP picks the kids up from the curb?

It certainly would be in the best interests of the children if it didn't happen. I'm unable to stop it by asking. I am considering something, just don't know what. I am really interested in what others have done and if it required a legal action. What have other people done here to avoid, or at least minimize, all the drama at the front door? - thx.

?There are other ways to minimize contact with PITA X's.

Have picking up parent get them from daycare directly on Friday; they can drop off child at school on Monday AM
They can pick up/ drop off at a neutral party
Move the exchange to a public place
Move the exchange to the police station

As for the constant phone calls, request that the DA FILE harrassment charges.
Dad shows up at the door and is complete PITA, CALL and ask for charges to be filed for being a nuisance.
If dad is being a nuisance in front of the house, maybe a NEIGHBOR could call the police to see that he is NOT just disturbing YOU.

 

[Stressssed]

Thanks to all for you replies (and the little bit of humor....very.....little bit.....)



I think I will file a motion to amend the SPP so that it can be more specific regarding pickup and drop off. -thx again.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

i have a question though, if he has to ring the door 50 times over 45 minutes and call while doing it when he is supposed to be picking the kiddo up.... why aren't you opening the door? he wouldn't have to ring 50 times in 45 minutes and call if you just opened the door and handed kiddo over, right? am i missing something?

 

[Stressssed]

Thanks for asking.

NCP doesn't have to ring the door bell that many times. NCP chooses to do it.

It's more of the same behavior that I and the children experienced before and during the divorce - keep coming at you until you no longer have the emotional strength to put up a fight and you just give in. Relent just to make things quiet again and restore the 'peace'. The fight and ramifications are worse than giving in so you give in.

The difference now is I don't have to relent anymore and can say 'no' and not bend. The loss of this twisted sense of control is maddening to NCP.

In this particular situation NCP arrived unannounced (the norm), spoke to the children at the front door (and decided to take one for the evening) then asked to speak to me. I came to front door, listened to the request (which really was a demand in disguise unrelated to children), said 'no' and that's when it started. I tried reasoning and talking but got yelled at, requested it stop, then shut the door. It was from that point on that the door bell starts ringing. When I don't come back to the door to get yelled at and listen to how bad I am for saying no, that's when the phone starts ringing. Messages are left that start by blaming me for starting the problem, for being unreasonable, abusive, lying, (different reasons different days - take your pick) and then goes on to explain their point of view. I usually come back to the door several times demanding it stop. This time one child (teenage) was in car waiting for most of this time but eventually came into the house through another door and sat on couch to wait until it stopped. I continued with what I was doing - laundry, dinner, etc.. NCP switched between ringing the door bell (furiously at times), calling (I eventually disconnected phone) and just quietly waiting at door, trying to listen inside house.

This episode lasted longer than any previous in the last year. My concern, and the reason I started this thread looking for advice, is that it's a preview of things to come and I want to put a stop to it. Things were crazy scary during divorce, GAL fought to have parent removed, and instead of that quieting things down, it only escalated the behaviour.

Typically any interaction with ex is negative unless I am 100% compliant to their thinking on that day. My requests for it to stop only exacerbate the situation (a ringing door bell is not as bad as an ex at the front door yelling at me or the kids). My trying to reason in a logical manner are met with yelling, or curve balls, accusations, etc. unrelated to the initial topic. 'One' thing becomes 'everything'. Every problem is caused by me and I'm the only one that can prevent them. I am at wit's end in trying to deal with it face to face.