Determining Primary Custodial Parent

[Hisbabygirl77]

Thank you! Could you fill me in on how to go about getting a court to order me as the PC. Do I need a lawyer, or can I just file for a hearing like a child support case? If I were able to be declared the PC, would I be able to stop it then?

Yes you can go to court and file. Whether you need a lawyer or not depends really on how well you think you and your ex can work together to come up with a plan that works for both of you. More than likely you would get Joint legal/joint custody. You may be CP depends again on what you and your ex can agree on or what judge orders.

Almost guarenteed that you will get joint legal. you need to work with your ex to resolve this problem. That being said your willing to go through all of this just so you can have your way about your kids seeing their uncle as their dentist. Where they will visit him what once every six months in an office setting?? Your choice to do that but it seems a lil irrational and controlling to me.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Just wondering, if a man and woman get married and have kids. They then get divorced. Why is the mom automaticaly the PC? I have them more and do more for them.

Its not "normal" actually. What I was referring to was a situation where the parents split and no order has taken place. Once going to court actually its usually joint custody. Since you were married , are obvioulsy the legal father then there isnt really the " we know mom is the mom but until dad is legally found to be father**************.....not 100%" Do you understand what I am saying?

Of course its very unusual to go through divorce and custody not be addressed in some fashion..... So thats a new can of worms for me. Sorry I was not meaning to confuse which is why I referred it back to some more experienced posters.

 

[CJane]

Just wondering, if a man and woman get married and have kids. They then get divorced. Why is the mom automaticaly the PC? I have them more and do more for them.

She's not. HBG is incorrect. However, I find it VERY hard to believe that child custody wasn't handled AT ALL in the divorce. And if it wasn't, then you have equal custody - which still means you cannot just tell Mom what to do wrt physicians/dentists/anything really.

You'll need to file for custody/visitation/child support/etc.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

She's not. HBG is incorrect. However, I find it VERY hard to believe that child custody wasn't handled AT ALL in the divorce. And if it wasn't, then you have equal custody - which still means you cannot just tell Mom what to do wrt physicians/dentists/anything really.

You'll need to file for custody/visitation/child support/etc.

Actually I stated that I may be incorrect and referred it back to more experienced members because this situation isnt the normal divorced w/custody through courts yet its not unmarried either which at first I was thinking it was... But ok yes I was incorrect fine I admit it


Note to self...Do not let hubby come to this site he would love to see me actually admit to being wrong.....

 

[Proserpina]

She's not. HBG is incorrect. However, I find it VERY hard to believe that child custody wasn't handled AT ALL in the divorce. And if it wasn't, then you have equal custody - which still means you cannot just tell Mom what to do wrt physicians/dentists/anything really.

You'll need to file for custody/visitation/child support/etc.

I'm wondering if there's some confusion here - though an uncontested divorce in PA does allow for everything to be filed and decided in one swoop (as opposed to having to file separately to address custody and child support) it still requires that the specifics of the custody agreement are included in the order.

OP, what exactly does your decree address? word for word?

 

[devlin]

I'm wondering if there's some confusion here - though an uncontested divorce in PA does allow for everything to be filed and decided in one swoop (as opposed to having to file separately to address custody and child support) it still requires that the specifics of the custody agreement are included in the order.

OP, what exactly does your decree address? word for word?

I'll have to find it and read it. My ex filed through an ad that was in the paper. $185.00 no fault non contested divorce. We never met the lawyers, it was all done through the mail. I don't remember any questions or statements about children. We were broke and going through a BK at the time. there were very few assets. It was a result of a failed business. I got an official divorce decree from the Allegheny County Courts. I will locate it and post it.

 

[devlin]

Yes you can go to court and file. Whether you need a lawyer or not depends really on how well you think you and your ex can work together to come up with a plan that works for both of you. More than likely you would get Joint legal/joint custody. You may be CP depends again on what you and your ex can agree on or what judge orders.

Almost guarenteed that you will get joint legal. you need to work with your ex to resolve this problem. That being said your willing to go through all of this just so you can have your way about your kids seeing their uncle as their dentist. Where they will visit him what once every six months in an office setting?? Your choice to do that but it seems a lil irrational and controlling to me.

This is about more than just the dentist. She has made poor decisions regarding the kids since we first seperated. Up until now I have just tried to mitigate the damage. When this all started, I tried to reason with her. She is very stubborn and always has been. I have been very generous through this whole divorce, but am tired of being taken advantage of. I guess this was just the straw that broke the camels back.

 

[Proserpina]

I'll have to find it and read it. My ex filed through an ad that was in the paper. $185.00 no fault non contested divorce. We never met the lawyers, it was all done through the mail. I don't remember any questions or statements about children. We were broke and going through a BK at the time. there were very few assets. It was a result of a failed business. I got an official divorce decree from the Allegheny County Courts. I will locate it and post it.

Yep - you really need to post the details. But once you do we can see where you're at and what you can do about it.

 

[CJane]

This is about more than just the dentist. She has made poor decisions regarding the kids since we first seperated. Up until now I have just tried to mitigate the damage. When this all started, I tried to reason with her. She is very stubborn and always has been. I have been very generous through this whole divorce, but am tired of being taken advantage of. I guess this was just the straw that broke the camels back.

You need to be prepared to be a bit more detailed about these "poor decisions" - because she's allowed to parent drastically differently than you. "Co-parenting" does not mean "Parenting as the other parent thinks I should"

 

[devlin]

You need to be prepared to be a bit more detailed about these "poor decisions" - because she's allowed to parent drastically differently than you. "Co-parenting" does not mean "Parenting as the other parent thinks I should"

When we first got divorced, she advertised on a swingers site for casual "no strings" sex partners. She was specifically looking for married men so they wouldn't become too attached. She also wanted older financially well off men who would give her gifts. She termed it an arangement. When I found out, I took away her cell phone which I paid for. I told her I was not going to pay for a phone for her to arrange her tricks. She began to use my 11 year olds phone. I found that out too, because his minutes used went way up and there were a lot of long distance calls. I had to take that away too. After that rather then get her own cell phone, she resorted to using the home phone. The problem I had with that, other then the fact that I paid for it also, is that it we had our address listed. Now any of these weirdo's or their angry wives could show up at the house. I then changed it to a non published number and restricted the account so she didn't have access. Then there was the time she asked me for help with her computer. I discovered my son was using it to browse for porn. Thank goodness his spelling was almost as bad as mine because he miss spelled many of the slang wards fo body parts, otherwise I just would have thought it was her. My son came home from school one day and found her mom in the shower with a guy she met that day at the gym. He has also been caught looking at porn in her room. Now I have no problem with porn, but keep it out of the hands of children. I also don't care how many men she has sex with, but keep them away from my kids. The last time my son who is now 16 forgot something at her apartment, I drove him over. She was half naked on the couch with a guy. When he came out slightly blushing, he said his mom was in there with a date. I had to explain to him that you usually went out on dates.

 

[Ohiogal]

So you do realize that without a court order technically mom is sole custodian of the kids according to the law right? You need to go get a court order. At anytime she could say the kids arent going back to you and without an order you would have no recourse. As of right now she is the one who would have final say on dentists. Since you already have this agreement in place for so many years you would more than likely get same thing just with legal order. Plus you could iron out these little details like final say for medical decisions and so forth.

I dont know the circumstances with your brother but he is their uncle...Your ex seems to have a point.

WRONG. This couple was married. Mom is not the sole custodian.

 

[Ohiogal]

Cjane I am gonna leave this one to you all.....It is situation I have never heard of. I still think ( I could be wrong) that mom would be legally CP.

Wrong. Both parents would have EQUAL rights without a custody determination since they were married.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm pretty comfortable saying that w/out an order to the contrary, you and Mom would be presumed to have joint custody. Therefore, you are not allowed to make any arbitrary decisions and neither is your ex.

You do not HAVE to take the kids to this dentist on your time, but you cannot prevent your ex from doing so.

You have in no way indicated that your brother, in his professional capacity, is in any way a danger to your children, and therefore it's unlikely a court would order that your children see a different dentist.

Or I could have just said DITTO to Cjane.

 

[Ohiogal]

Just wondering, if a man and woman get married and have kids. They then get divorced. Why is the mom automaticaly the PC? I have them more and do more for them.

Mom is NOT.

 

[Ohiogal]

Its not "normal" actually. What I was referring to was a situation where the parents split and no order has taken place. Once going to court actually its usually joint custody. Since you were married , are obvioulsy the legal father then there isnt really the " we know mom is the mom but until dad is legally found to be father**************.....not 100%" Do you understand what I am saying?

Of course its very unusual to go through divorce and custody not be addressed in some fashion..... So thats a new can of worms for me. Sorry I was not meaning to confuse which is why I referred it back to some more experienced posters.

Actually when married parents split they stand equal in the eyes of the law. So you are incorrect. Without an order and people who were married, they have EQUAL custody rights.