Extremely Unique Situation

[Ohiogal]

MY stepson is now 14, but he was 13 when he committed the offense. We have been told that is why he will not have to register as a sex offender.

In regards to his brother...on the day of the hearing a woman came and asked the victim's mother if she would like her youngest son to have representation and she said "no" and signed something. The younger brother is recieving counseling that was set up by Children's services.

Also, I want to make it clear that I don't like the idea of having him in my house. But I also care deeply for his brother. And while his mother doesn't think it will happen again I can't imagine his victim living with his offender everyday. Let me also say though that the case worker on this has told both mom and dad that she doesn't think there is a problem with the offender and the victim living together as long as they both have therapy.

Another factor in this is the living arrangements of the home. Mom has three bedrooms and would have 2 boys and 1 girl. I thought that boys and girls couldn't share the same room, so either the victim and offender share a room, or the 14 year old has no room. Is this a problem?

Ohiogal...I completely agree with the conflict of interest. However, so far there has been nothing said that indicates he will be getting seperate representation.

Oh one more answer....the father of the victim is a drug addict who plays absolutely NO role in this child's life.

What part of LAW don't you understand? the child is REQUIRED to have a CASA/GAL or an attorney/GAL or BOTH at this juncture. Again, give me the court. Neither of these homes should have this rapist quite frankly. Neither parent is doing this child or any other child a service by allowing this. The problem is both your home and mom's home is FULL of potential victims. But hey who cares about the children? Just sign a sheet and all is right with the world.

 

[Isis1]

Please don't assume that I am downplaying the severity of what he did. I have been a stepmom to this child for ten years and I love him as my own. Are you all suggesting that I simply give up on him completely? I should sacrifice any chance of a normal life for him for the sake of my other four? I am not patronizing you as it may sound; I am asking you sincerely. If you are a parent is that what you would do?

I also want to note that the comments about him not being allowed in either home is the exact opposite of what we have been hearing from every other professional involved. His therapists and case worker keep telling us that he will be ok to come home. If we can't trust what they are telling us what should we do?

Ohiogal...I forgot to tell you on the last post. He did undergo a PSI and they determined that he was a moderate risk of reoffending before any rehabilitation. I am assuming they will do the testing again before they would release him.

it's not a matter of giving up. it's a matter of knowing what your capabilities are. for ten years you were in this child's life, you could not prevent this. you are not capable of changing this boy's life. this is where a long term professional steps in.

from your own wording, you don't want mom to have custody, so you don't have to pay child support to her. instead of custody, i'd be fighting to keep the child institutionalized.

 

[Ohiogal]

Please don't assume that I am downplaying the severity of what he did. I have been a stepmom to this child for ten years and I love him as my own. Are you all suggesting that I simply give up on him completely?

I am stating that NO HOME WITH CHILDREN IS APPROPRIATE FOR THIS RAPIST.

I should sacrifice any chance of a normal life for him for the sake of my other four?

Yes. This child who raped is NOT going to have a normal life. This rapist should be in a residential treatment facility until cured -- if possible -- or an adult and then placed in a home with NO OTHER CHILDREN. So guess what -- divorce your husband and that way you can protect YOUR CHILDREN.

I am not patronizing you as it may sound; I am asking you sincerely. If you are a parent is that what you would do?

If dad was so keen on bringing his sex offending son around MY CHILDREN, I would be filing for divorce so fast his head would spin. I would NOT RISK my children being raped because this teenager is being put before anyone else. He has RAPED a seven year old. I would in no way shape or form risk him around my children who are ages 3 to 7. So quite frankly YOU should be looking at protecting YOUR FOUR CHILDREN. Divorce dad if dad wants the child. Then dad only sees the four children when the rapist is not around. Understand? That way YOUR CHILDREN are not going to be victimized by the fourteen year old.

I also want to note that the comments about him not being allowed in either home is the exact opposite of what we have been hearing from every other professional involved. His therapists and case worker keep telling us that he will be ok to come home. If we can't trust what they are telling us what should we do?

good. When your 3 year old is raped by the fourteen year old, make sure you use that excuse. Of course the professionals wherever you are, don't believe the 7 year old needs an attorney. Even though the law mandates elsewise. Again, give me the case name and that way I can make sure that the seven year old is protected because no one else involved seems to care about anything.

Ohiogal...I forgot to tell you on the last post. He did undergo a PSI and they determined that he was a moderate risk of reoffending before any rehabilitation. I am assuming they will do the testing again before they would release him.

A moderate risk? And yet you believe you should allow him around your children. Yeah. When your three year old ends up in a hospital because she has been torn apart physically and requires stitches, DO NOT start crying that you don't understand how it happened. You are inviting that by wanting this fourteen year old in your home.

This fourteen year old should be living in a residential program geared towards sex offenders. He should not be living in a home with children. End of story.
And the seven year old should have an attorney representing him. This case is preposterous. You are going to do what you want and if -- no, when your children are the next victims, you will express outrage and disbelief. I won't. Because i am telling you it is a GREAT POSSIBILITY and almost guaranteed that they will be victims.

 

[stepconcern]

Ohiogal... please understand that I want help for all of the children especially the victim. However, how can I be assured that you won't do more harm than good. I know I am a good mother and I don't want something that may be misunderstood to go against my own children.

My husband and I are completely on board with him continuing to stay in a residential facility however our case worker and his mother want him out. How do we fight to keep him there?

 

[troublesleeping]

Please don't assume that I am downplaying the severity of what he did. I have been a stepmom to this child for ten years and I love him as my own. Are you all suggesting that I simply give up on him completely? I should sacrifice any chance of a normal life for him for the sake of my other four? I am not patronizing you as it may sound; I am asking you sincerely. If you are a parent is that what you would do?

I also want to note that the comments about him not being allowed in either home is the exact opposite of what we have been hearing from every other professional involved. His therapists and case worker keep telling us that he will be ok to come home. If we can't trust what they are telling us what should we do?

Ohiogal...I forgot to tell you on the last post. He did undergo a PSI and they determined that he was a moderate risk of reoffending before any rehabilitation. I am assuming they will do the testing again before they would release him.

Oh Honey, I can completely understand the emotional side of all of this. You remember this sweet little boy that you helped raise and you don't want to give up on that little boy. I am a mother and I can empathize with never wanting to give up on a child that you have spent 10 years of your life with.

Is this therapist trained and specializes in treating sex offenders?? If not than I cannot help but think that this therapist could be potentially wrong. Therapists are human and very capable of making mistakes. I would get opinions from multiple therapists who are trained in treating sex offenders before I would take anyone’s opinion for gold.

Is his current therapist a female?? Rapists/Murderers can be extremely charming (hello Ted Bundy, Charles Manson.) So can sociopaths (hello, Scott Peterson.) It is possible that your stepson is using his charm to portray an inaccurate picture to the therapist and the therapist is not picking up on it.

The PSI determined he was a moderate risk for reoffending??? It is my opinion that is not always accurate in determining the actually risk and the actually risk is even higher a lot of the time. The man who kidnapped and raped Jaycee Duggard (sp ?) was considered low risk and he held her captive for what 18 years??

Do I think you should give up on him?? No. Do I think you should let him in your home with you other children?? HELL NO! He needs to be in a treatment center and away from other children. Would you be able to live with yourself if he raped one of your children?? Or even worse ended up killing them after he got his fix??

I get it, I get it…. You love the kid but think about the bigger picture.

Have you thought about seeking your own therapy for some clarity on this issue? For some help on you own guilt issues about not wanting to give up on this child??

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal... please understand that I want help for all of the children especially the victim. However, how can I be assured that you won't do more harm than good. I know I am a good mother and I don't want something that may be misunderstood to go against my own children.

My husband and I are completely on board with him continuing to stay in a residential facility however our case worker and his mother want him out. How do we fight to keep him there?

You see GOOD being done in this situation? Seriously? the law is being ignored. Children are being put at risk. And all the parents involved don't give a damn about giving a rapist ACCESS to children. Nor do they care that the seven year old should be being protected and have separate counsel. Again, just sign a sheet of paper and you can wipe away all the laws.

You are not helping anyone quite frankly. If you want to help the child, then quite frankly dad's attorney should be telling the court that the children NEED an attorney for each of them and an GAL for each of them. Got it?

 

[Isis1]

Ohiogal... please understand that I want help for all of the children especially the victim. However, how can I be assured that you won't do more harm than good. I know I am a good mother and I don't want something that may be misunderstood to go against my own children.

My husband and I are completely on board with him continuing to stay in a residential facility however our case worker and his mother want him out. How do we fight to keep him there?

OG is a guardian ad litem. her ONLY focus is for the children. not for the parents. especially the victim.

i'd take her suggestion and give the case number. for the sake of the 7 year old victim. mom wants the rapist? she loses her other children for it.

dad wants a rapist in his home? file for divorce to protect your children.

 

[Ohiogal]

OG is a guardian ad litem. her ONLY focus is for the children. not for the parents. especially the victim.

The above was written oddly. I care about this victim. I don't care about the parents in this case because NONE OF THEM are caring about the children. CSB wants the case closed to get it off the books -- why? It is costing them money.

i'd take her suggestion and give the case number. for the sake of the 7 year old victim. mom wants the rapist? she loses her other children for it.

dad wants a rapist in his home? file for divorce to protect your children.

I agree -- mom wants the rapist -- caselaw supports me on this -- she can lose PARENTAL RIGHTS to the other children.
Dad wants the rapist -- he can lose his parental rights as can stepmom if ANY THING happens.

This is a time when a CHOICE MUST BE MADE> And no, this case is NOT unique. Literally I have cases quite similar except in them, the CHILDREN have representation and the law is being followed.

Stepmom, ball is in your court. Who do you choose? Your children or the rapist?

 

[Just Blue]

Ohiogal... please understand that I want help for all of the children especially the victim. However, how can I be assured that you won't do more harm than good. I know I am a good mother and I don't want something that may be misunderstood to go against my own children.

My husband and I are completely on board with him continuing to stay in a residential facility however our case worker and his mother want him out. How do we fight to keep him there?

How can OG do more harm to this situation? Give her the case name/number and allow her to help you protect ALL the children involved in this horrific situation. Send her a P.M. and she will NOT share it with the site. I know OG and she will do everything in her incredible ability to help the children.

Right now you seem to think having this convicted child rapist either living with your small children or his victim...There ARE OTHER CHOICES THAT WILL PROTECT ALL THE CHILDREN.

 

[kimberlywrites]

I can't recall who posted this, but I agree that the offender has probably been sexually abused himself. WHEN and WHERE? Wouldn't this info have a determination in where he goes to live?

 

[CJane]

I'm wondering why this child is in a residential treatment facility and not a juvenile detention facility.

My cousin's son committed a pretty heinous crime against her and his younger brother when he was a young teen. He was tried, convicted, and sent to a detention facility where he received intensive therapy, a high school education, and job training for various things (dog training, small engine repair, auto mechanics and body work, etc).

Because he was a juvenile, the longest they could keep him was until 6 months past his 21st birthday (which would have been right at 7 years). He ended up being released early after graduating with honors from high school, but he's on a very strict regimen of daily meds too.

He DID come back into the home, and has since gotten a job out of state, but it wasn't as simple as OP is making it sound.

(And no, his crime was not sexual in nature, rather it was a quite violent crime)

 

[Ohiogal]

A colleague of mine is sitting here and she does criminal law as well as juvenile.

Conversing with her on this, she is shocked. The PSI is done only PRE SENTENCING -- hence why it is called a pre sentencing investigation conducted by a probation officer for the purposes of determining whether community control is appropriate -- and it will NOT be done again. Therefore, the probation officer's only concern is whether the perpetrator is at risk for reoffending in any manner adverse to the law.

It is NOT a sexual offender evaluation which would be done by a professional schooled in sexual offending and able to treat sexual offenders.

The big question though, upon conversing with her and showing her this thread, is -- IS THERE A JUVENILE ABUSE/DEPENDENCY**NEGLECT case open? If not then why not? Because CSB is involved according to you and YET there is no GAL as required by law. So explain.

And my criminal law friend is also shocked that you would risk your four children with a rapist.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm wondering why this child is in a residential treatment facility and not a juvenile detention facility.

My cousin's son committed a pretty heinous crime against her and his younger brother when he was a young teen. He was tried, convicted, and sent to a detention facility where he received intensive therapy, a high school education, and job training for various things (dog training, small engine repair, auto mechanics and body work, etc).

Because he was a juvenile, the longest they could keep him was until 6 months past his 21st birthday (which would have been right at 7 years). He ended up being released early after graduating with honors from high school, but he's on a very strict regimen of daily meds too.

He DID come back into the home, and has since gotten a job out of state, but it wasn't as simple as OP is making it sound.

(And no, his crime was not sexual in nature, rather it was a quite violent crime)

But crimes that are sexual in nature ARE different that violence. Children that commit violent crimes CAN be rehabilitated while some children CAN'T prevent themselves from being sexual predators.

Depending on the facts of this case this teen may continue to be a risk to all children that he is ALLOWED to be exposed to.

And considering that this is an OHIO case and OG is an OHIO GAL and ATTORNEY I think she would be able to determine what is LEGALLY relevant for HER STATE OF EXPERTISE.

 

[Hoosyermom]

This post has really bothered me so had to respond...not legal advice but something for the OP to see.....

I have an ex-friend whose son molested his little sister, son was removed by CPS and put into treatment (came out that relatives had molested him but state didnt pursue charges as they had just been sentenced to 20 years in prison for molesting their own children). My ex-friend and her husband fought to get this boy back home and the state sent him home after five years of treatment.
Four months later CPS came and took their daughter and said she couldnt stay in same home as her abuser. Rights were terminated to the little girl and she was eventually adopted but....she tried to commit suicide twice, once by throwing herself down a flight of stairs at one foster home and at another foster home she climbed on their roof and threatened to jump.

The son they fought to bring back home is now 23 and married but still lives at home...he is an alcoholic, beats his wife and has had to be restrained several times doing it, steals money from his grandparents and has charges on him right now for sexual misconduct with a minor. He has also admitted that at the time he molested his little sister he also had molested their family dog.

You should not even consider having this child in your home! You need to protect your children first! Do you really want to risk having something happen to your children or losing your children because you allowed this boy in your home??? Please listen to what every one here is telling you and I really hope someone gets help for the 7yo because this is a very serious situation!

 

[msmom22000]

I'm going to say this in a different, non-legal way, so maybe you can understand. Your SS raped a little defenseless boy. That's already a proven fact. There is an extremely high probability he will do this to another child, even yours, again. Do you really want to take that chance? I know you're probably torn in your loyalty to your husband as well. However, bottom line, those innocent children come before you, your husband, or your stepson. What hurt you suffer or your husband or his ex suffers doesn't matter as long as those little innocent children are protected. The come first. PERIOD. So, regardless of what your DH feels, you DO NOT allow that boy back into your home if you love your kids!!!!!