She either shoved him or she didn't

[kimberlywrites]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX
Any of you who have been following my situation (and you know who you are) are aware I've had problems co-parenting 50-50 as per the divorce decree ever since my ex remarried.

There have been a lot of situations between the kids and their stepmom, which were finally addressed via a lawyer's letter about a month ago. It basically told dad to ball-up (sorry if that's rude) and be a dad. It worked like a charm. Even he was glad I spent the $1500 on a lawyer because then he had proof he could show his wife that he should indeed be taking the kids to their actvities and such.

Tonight my daughter (10) called from her cell phone, from her brother (who is 8) room. They are at dads. Dad was not home from work yet.

I don't want to exaggerate - but basically the kids were in hiding because stepmom cornered my son, shoved him and yanked the phone out of his hands. He apparently had been talking to his dad, in fact, when he and his sister got in an argument. Son started yelling at daughter, the fight was on, stepmom lost it and shoved him into the corner then sent him to his room.

Thats where they called me from. Scared, crying, the whole bit.

I know things have since calmed down but dad denies the shove occured, as does stepmom, so I guess both kids are making it up or exaggerating or whatever. And I should leave it alone. Right?

With the last fiasco, when stepmom shoved me, the lawyer mentioned in her warning letter against doing things like that.

But now she's shoved my son .

Calm me down if I'm over-reacting, slap me up the head if you think I need to get back to the lawyer tomorrow. Lawyer had told me we had enough to ask for custody modification as it is, and to alert her if stepmom ever put her hands on the kids. It sounds so dramatic coming from the kids and from the lawyer, but not from my exhusband.

Opinion? Advice?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX
Any of you who have been following my situation (and you know who you are) are aware I've had problems co-parenting 50-50 as per the divorce decree ever since my ex remarried.

There have been a lot of situations between the kids and their stepmom, which were finally addressed via a lawyer's letter about a month ago. It basically told dad to ball-up (sorry if that's rude) and be a dad. It worked like a charm. Even he was glad I spent the $1500 on a lawyer because then he had proof he could show his wife that he should indeed be taking the kids to their actvities and such.

Tonight my daughter (10) called from her cell phone, from her brother (who is 8) room. They are at dads. Dad was not home from work yet.

I don't want to exaggerate - but basically the kids were in hiding because stepmom cornered my son, shoved him and yanked the phone out of his hands. He apparently had been talking to his dad, in fact, when he and his sister got in an argument. Son started yelling at daughter, the fight was on, stepmom lost it and shoved him into the corner then sent him to his room.

Thats where they called me from. Scared, crying, the whole bit.

I know things have since calmed down but dad denies the shove occured, as does stepmom, so I guess both kids are making it up or exaggerating or whatever. And I should leave it alone. Right?

With the last fiasco, when stepmom shoved me, the lawyer mentioned in her warning letter against doing things like that.

But now she's shoved my son .

Calm me down if I'm over-reacting, slap me up the head if you think I need to get back to the lawyer tomorrow. Lawyer had told me we had enough to ask for custody modification as it is, and to alert her if stepmom ever put her hands on the kids. It sounds so dramatic coming from the kids and from the lawyer, but not from my exhusband.

Opinion? Advice?

Was she shoving the child or was she breaking up a fight and removing the children from each other?

 

[kimberlywrites]

Dad said (and he was not there) that he thinks it was her breaking up a fight. Kids say yes, they were fighting, but stepmom cornered my son, shoved him, yanked the phone away and told him to go to his room.

I know kids see things differently than adults.

I guess the thing niggling at me is she has proven to be confrontational - example, when she shoved me. And that was a Shove Shove to where I staggered back a couple of steps. and no, i did not lay my hands on her at any time in any way, shape or form. I was actually trying to get to my son who was calling for me and she wouldn't let me because it was her time. (She says she is their mother when they'er with her.) The only reason I was even over there in the first place was to return my daughter from dance class, since stepmom wasn't "letting" him take her to her actvities. That's why I was doing it.

She supposedly (this is the kids talking, so I say "supposedly') told them tonight that she would call the police on me if I showed up after the kids called (which I did not), and that she wouldn't let them outside because "your mother might come and kidnap you."
Niiiiiice.

 

[kimberlywrites]

And I have a cold/flu whatever nastiness the kids gave me last - so I'm signing out and will be checking back in the morning for all your fabulous answers, even if they are insulting.

 

[cyjeff]

When a stranger abused your child, you didn't call CPS.

Why was that?

 

[CJane]

When a stranger abused your child, you didn't call CPS.

Why was that?

Ummm because it would be WHOLLY inappropriate and a waste of already very limited resources?

Kimberly, I really think the kids are feeding drama right now. YES, she probably shoved him and took the phone away and sent him to his room. Was it 100% appropriate? No. Was it abuse? No.

Kiddo was SCARED, not INJURED. And frankly, I can kind of see a point where two sniping kids drive a person to this point - especially if there's already stress surrounding the situation and dad isn't home.

 

[cyjeff]

Ummm because it would be WHOLLY inappropriate and a waste of already very limited resources?

Kimberly, I really think the kids are feeding drama right now. YES, she probably shoved him and took the phone away and sent him to his room. Was it 100% appropriate? No. Was it abuse? No.

Kiddo was SCARED, not INJURED. And frankly, I can kind of see a point where two sniping kids drive a person to this point - especially if there's already stress surrounding the situation and dad isn't home.

Stepmom has a history of violence against the OP. The stepmother preventing contact between that child and a legal parent was troubling in the extreme... especially when it was the DAD he wasn't allowed to contact and not the OP.

I don't see this as inappropriate in the slightest... especially when stepmom went out of her way to tell the kids that all kinds of terrible and awful things would happen if a legal parent showed up.

That is a definite sign that stepmom not only overstepped her boundaries but KNEW she overstepped the boundaries... and, without a third party there to shake out what happened from what might have happened, we will never know.

The appropriate agency to make that determination is CPS.

 

[CJane]

Stepmom has a history of violence against the OP. The stepmother preventing contact between that child and a legal parent was troubling in the extreme... especially when it was the DAD he wasn't allowed to contact and not the OP.

Clearly the child was ALLOWED to contact a parent by virtue of the fact that StepMom gave the phone back and the kids called MOM.

I don't see this as inappropriate in the slightest... especially when stepmom went out of her way to tell the kids that all kinds of terrible and awful things would happen if a legal parent showed up.

Whatever. Kids hear terrible things all the time. It's not any kind of "abuse" that CPS is going to look into.

That is a definite sign that stepmom not only overstepped her boundaries but KNEW she overstepped the boundaries... and, without a third party there to shake out what happened from what might have happened, we will never know.

What we know is that no one was injured/hurt/any more than scared.

The appropriate agency to make that determination is CPS.

We'll just have to agree to disagree then. It's MY opinion that CPS is for investigating ACTUAL DANGER not over stepping steps.

Kim hasn't even used the word abuse. She's asking if she should handle this via the family courts. My opinion on that? Not yet.

CPS should NOT be a factor here.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Clearly the child was ALLOWED to contact a parent by virtue of the fact that StepMom gave the phone back and the kids called MOM.



Whatever. Kids hear terrible things all the time. It's not any kind of "abuse" that CPS is going to look into.



What we know is that no one was injured/hurt/any more than scared.



We'll just have to agree to disagree then. It's MY opinion that CPS is for investigating ACTUAL DANGER not over stepping steps.

Kim hasn't even used the word abuse. She's asking if she should handle this via the family courts. My opinion on that? Not yet.

CPS should NOT be a factor here.

I agree that this is not a reason to involve CPS. I would however, let dad know that if she ever put her hands on the kids again the police would be notified.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Just to clarify, stepmom did not give the phone back. My daughter has a cellphone (that I pay for) and that's what they used to call me from my son's room.

 

[troublesleeping]

Just to clarify, stepmom did not give the phone back. My daughter has a cellphone (that I pay for) and that's what they used to call me from my son's room.

Kim, look I am a marriage and family therapist (currently a SAHM) in California (I know guys, I know different state but I do know about making A LOT of child abuse reports.) If a child told me the story that you told us than I would definitely call CPS to make a report.

While CPS may not take the report (likely) but at least it will be in the system in case she does something worse in the future. It will make CPS take later events more seriously. This woman sounds like a control freak that doesn't have control and therefore she is lashing out. It is totally possible that it may escalate. Your children are an extension of you and she obviously hates you sooooo you just never know.

Please let us know what you decide

 

[wileybunch]

Ummm because it would be WHOLLY inappropriate and a waste of already very limited resources?

Kimberly, I really think the kids are feeding drama right now. YES, she probably shoved him and took the phone away and sent him to his room. Was it 100% appropriate? No. Was it abuse? No.

Kiddo was SCARED, not INJURED. And frankly, I can kind of see a point where two sniping kids drive a person to this point - especially if there's already stress surrounding the situation and dad isn't home.

I agree that this is not a reason to involve CPS. I would however, let dad know that if she ever put her hands on the kids again the police would be notified.

ITA with both of these.

 

[cyjeff]

I agree that this is not a reason to involve CPS. I would however, let dad know that if she ever put her hands on the kids again the police would be notified.

This is my point.

If it was wrong for stepmom to touch the child, why should you wait until she does it again?

 

[cyjeff]

Kim, look I am a marriage and family therapist (currently a SAHM) in California (I know guys, I know different state but I do know about making A LOT of child abuse reports.) If a child told me the story that you told us than I would definitely call CPS to make a report.

While CPS may not take the report (likely) but at least it will be in the system in case she does something worse in the future. It will make CPS take later events more seriously. This woman sounds like a control freak that doesn't have control and therefore she is lashing out. It is totally possible that it may escalate. Your children are an extension of you and she obviously hates you sooooo you just never know.

Please let us know what you decide

Again, my point.

You need a third party to record the event and assess the situation.

 

[cyjeff]

We need to look at this from a step back.

If I had received a call from my children - who were so scared they had locked themselves in a room to make the call - and neither legal parent was within earshot... AND the person with the child had prevented communication between those children and those legal parents... I would have had squad cars out front before step mom knew what was happening.

If, instead of stepmom, you were out for the evening and the kids called you to tell you that the sitter had gone nuts and they had locked themselves in a bedroom out of fear, what would you do? Would you rush home?

Mom can't... it is dad's time. I would, therefore, send those in the chain of authority that are qualified to intervene.

That would, again, be CPS. Fine, call the police instead.

DON'T wait for this to escalate before you do.