Mom expects 12 YO son to pay for his dinner

[mcwjjm]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio. Wow, just wow. My son's mother told him she would give him money for Christmas so "He could buy what he wants". On Christmas she said "She would hold onto it for him" then a couple of weekends ago he said mom made him pay for his dinner when they went out to eat with his grandmother & grandfather. Just got off the phone with him and he said "All of my monies gone", that "his mom spent it". So I call her to get her side of the story and could you believe she said that "She was going to give him cash but hasn't gotten around to it and that she doesn't see anything wrong with him paying for his dinner when they go out". As it is I was awarded full custody in October 2008 and she has visitation every other weekend. Looks like I'm heading back to mediation [initially] to get our parenting agreement amended.

 

[las365]

This is worth going to court? She's being a jerk. Your kid knows that, you know that. If she would admit it, she knows that. This is not worthy of the expenditure of your money and our tax dollars to try to get the court to say she is a jerk.

Give your son some spending money when he goes for his visits so he can pay for his meals if she so insists. He will have control over his money and he will appreciate you all the more.

 

[Banned_Princess]

Why dont you just send your child out with her, with money?

I would, cash, cell phone, and a smile

 

[mcwjjm]

So, your "advice" is to cave and encourage her delinquent behavior? She has responsibilities. Grow a spine.

 

[stealth2]

What do you plan to amend?

Seriously - enjoy dying on this hill.

 

[Banned_Princess]

So, your "advice" is to cave and encourage her delinquent behavior? She has responsibilities. Grow a spine.

I don't really see what you can do... What is it you can ask from the court, that will change her?

Your encouraging it by even acknowledging it.

thats how she is, better equip your child to deal with her, then try to get her to change.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Basically, what it boils down to is that mom didn't give him his present as she promised. The judge isn't going to order mom to give him his present.

The lesson child will learn is that mom is a jerk and won't believe her in the future.

No judge can make mom a "responsible" mom.

 

[stealth2]

So, your "advice" is to cave and encourage her delinquent behavior? She has responsibilities. Grow a spine.

She does not have a responsibility to give him gifts. Nor does she have a responsibility to take him to dinner. Is it pretty sleazy to take him out and expect him to pay for his own food? Yeah, it is. But that doesn't mean a court can make her do otherwise. A LOT of parents give kids money as gifts, and expect them to put some towards savings, some for spending, some for charity, etc. She may be trying to do something like that. Who knows? If you don't like it, do as others have suggested - send him with money.

I can tell you that I have, on occasion, borrowed money from my kids. I have also sent them to their Dad's with money as I know they have some funky rules there when it comes to money. Big deal.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

So, your "advice" is to cave and encourage her delinquent behavior? She has responsibilities. Grow a spine.

Its not about caving or not. Its about choosing which battles to fight. Is her 'parenting style' of not following through on promises and gifts worth paying money to a stranger to not accomplish anything positive?
Your best bet is to help your son deal with his feelings, do what you can to compensate (like Banned said, send cash, cell phone, etc with him) and do what YOU think is best in similar situations.
LEGALLY, your ex is allowed to be a craptastic parent. Its her thing. Deal with it or not, your choice. But constantly fighting in court or using mediation to try and change her parenting style accomplishes nothing.

 

[gr8rn]

This is NOT a good reason to take her to court. It is, as others have nicely explained to you, NOT a hill to die on. If you have the money to pay an attorney for this type of frivolous litigation, then you can afford to do as others have said and give the kids some money, a cellphone and a SMILE!!
And while you are at it, buy kid a wallet that he likes so that Mom has no reason to hang on to HIS money anymore!

Seriously? Your "grow a spine" comment? Totally uncalled for.

 

[Isis1]

maybe i'm the only one here....

but i've made my son pay for his own dinner. especially when it's his idea. he has chores and options to make his own money. but he also has to spend it. and he needs to learn that eating out costs money.

or, if he wants an expensive item on the menu, he has to pay the difference of the cheapest entree on the menu.

makes him think twice.

once, he stop spending just to take the whole family out to dinner. there's six of us.

 

[stealth2]

You're not the only one, Isis. I have times when I know I'm working late-ish, so I leave dinner for the kids (either to reheat or prepped for them to cook) and they'll call to ask if they can call in for pizza or Chinese, or walk up to the sub shop or pizza joint. My response is usually along the lines of "as long as you can pay for it." Though sometimes I'll tell them to put it on my card.

They're old enough to understand that stuff costs money. I sometimes make them pay for something they want from the store that I wouldn't normally buy. Guess I'm a mean old mom like OP's ex.

 

[mcwjjm]

I apologize about the comment but I found the tone of the "Why bother? You can't win" replies disturbing. He's MY SON, and I'm damn sure there's a better chance of winning by trying vs throwing my hands up in the air. Mom lost custody for a reason. She has a long history of putting her needs ahead of her child's while not providing a stable home and neglecting basic needs. Just because she's no longer the custodial parent doesn't mean her responsibilities go away. I realize, as I told my son today, she doesn't have to buy him presents, and while weak she's free to do what she did as far as her "gift". She never actually gave him the money because she never intended too. That was just another lie about the "safe keeping". But after talking with her today when she stated that she doesn't see anything wrong with him paying for eating out. How does she expect him to do that now that his "Christmas money" is gone? He doesn't work, get an allowance. Is he just going without? It isn't about not liking what's provided. They don't cook and eat out often. I'm monitoring the situation and asked my son to keep me informed. This isn't the 1st issue my son has raised. She was dragging him around to strangers houses on her weekends and he complained to me about feeling uncomfortable staying the night with people he doesn't know. Sometimes a different place every night. So she's basically doing what she's always done [she doesn't work, has no place of her own - lives at with her over-crowded grandparents where they sometimes don't even have a bed to sleep in]. I understand it's important for him to see his mother but ATST I know I'm really the only one looking out for his best interests. I don't follow the logic of "teaching her". She's 36 YO. I have three children to raise, I don't need another. If she is unable or unwilling to provide the basic essentials for my son I'll ask the court to look into the matter. She obviously doesn't respect me or her son, perhaps the courts could get through to her. As far as an attorney. I represented myself.

 

[stealth2]

You really don't get it.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

You really don't get it.

Wonder if he'll get it when the judge tells him the same stuff?

Oh the webs we weave, when we practice to deceive.