Mom expects 12 YO son to pay for his dinner

[Proserpina]

I apologize about the comment but I found the tone of the "Why bother? You can't win" replies disturbing. He's MY SON, and I'm damn sure there's a better chance of winning by trying vs throwing my hands up in the air. Mom lost custody for a reason. She has a long history of putting her needs ahead of her child's while not providing a stable home and neglecting basic needs. Just because she's no longer the custodial parent doesn't mean her responsibilities go away. I realize, as I told my son today, she doesn't have to buy him presents, and while weak she's free to do what she did as far as her "gift". She never actually gave him the money because she never intended too. That was just another lie about the "safe keeping". But after talking with her today when she stated that she doesn't see anything wrong with him paying for eating out. How does she expect him to do that now that his "Christmas money" is gone? He doesn't work, get an allowance. Is he just going without? It isn't about not liking what's provided. They don't cook and eat out often. I'm monitoring the situation and asked my son to keep me informed. This isn't the 1st issue my son has raised. She was dragging him around to strangers houses on her weekends and he complained to me about feeling uncomfortable staying the night with people he doesn't know. Sometimes a different place every night. So she's basically doing what she's always done [she doesn't work, has no place of her own - lives at with her over-crowded grandparents where they sometimes don't even have a bed to sleep in]. I understand it's important for him to see his mother but ATST I know I'm really the only one looking out for his best interests. I don't follow the logic of "teaching her". She's 36 YO. I have three children to raise, I don't need another. If she is unable or unwilling to provide the basic essentials for my son I'll ask the court to look into the matter. She obviously doesn't respect me or her son, perhaps the courts could get through to her. As far as an attorney. I represented myself.

OP, you really aren't seeing this clearly. Seriously. Step back and look at this again.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

OP, you really aren't seeing this clearly. Seriously. Step back and look at this again.

He's on his soapbox of his being the only parent... apparently he forgot that it took two to tango this time... He's not going to get it without someone actually banging it into his head. Poor kid is getting put into the middle by the parent who says he's actually the ONLY parent...

 

[mcwjjm]

Listen, you really don't know the particulars of our situation so don't preach to me about "not getting it". Mom basically has given up any desire to raise OUR child. She made that very clear to myself, the GAL, our child and the magistrate. Frankly, I'm surprised she's kept up the visitation.

 

[spallanzani]

What you are clearly looking for is somebody to say, "WOW! What a terrible mother she is. How horrible of her to be an irresponsible jerk who has to take money from her son because she's broke. You are absolutely right and somebody needs to teach her a lesson!"

There. I said it. You have been vindicated.

Going back to court is not the right response.

 

[Proserpina]

Listen, you really don't know the particulars of our situation so don't preach to me about "not getting it". Mom basically has given up any desire to raise OUR child. She made that very clear to myself, the GAL, our child and the magistrate. Frankly, I'm surprised she's kept up the visitation.

No, you listen.

You're NOT getting it.

You NEED to start getting it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Mom is NOT going to get dinged for this. It is a parenting choice. It is NOT illegaly. It would be an issue if she forced junior to starve while she and everyone ate steak and lobster at a restaurant in front of him. This is NOT an issue that you are trying to make it to be.

 

[stealth2]

Listen, you really don't know the particulars of our situation so don't preach to me about "not getting it". Mom basically has given up any desire to raise OUR child. She made that very clear to myself, the GAL, our child and the magistrate. Frankly, I'm surprised she's kept up the visitation.

Stop. Just... stop. YOU started out with only your outrage that Mom used the kid's Christmas money to pay for his dinner. Wow - that's horrendous. When that didn't garner the expected response, you started throwing all this other stuff in. If all of that was SO important to you, you would have included it at least with - if not above - the silly money issue. But funny... you didn't.

As for his being forced to go to other people's homes during his time with Mom? So what? Mom is allowed to do that. The only time you get a say is if you find out any of those people pose an actual, demonstrable and provable threat to your son. is moot. He likely doesn't like it when he has to go to the dentist, does he? Yet you still make him go.

Look - a lot of us here are single/divorced parents, with difficult other parents to deal with. Such is life. We deal with it. Not EVERY issue requires a trip back to court. "Mommy makes him pay for dinner" is one of them that doesn't. We gave you some ideas on how to deal with it. It's not that complicated.

 

[Isis1]

i give up. this IS my ex, isn't it????

 

[LdiJ]

Listen, you really don't know the particulars of our situation so don't preach to me about "not getting it". Mom basically has given up any desire to raise OUR child. She made that very clear to myself, the GAL, our child and the magistrate. Frankly, I'm surprised she's kept up the visitation.

Dad, you need to step back for a moment and think this through. In order to ask the court to "look into it" you have to file a specific motion to the court requesting specific action.

What motion are you going to make to the court? A motion to suspend visitation because she is making him pay for his own meals if they eat out?

Do you realize how ridiculous that could sound to a judge?

 

[mcwjjm]

My child is coming to me with issues that are troubling him. I'm listening to his side, then the other and documenting it. In most situations I would try sharing and reasoning with the other party but that option has not proven successful with his mother. I realize bringing up this one issue may not produce the desired result, I'm just adding it to my list of questionable behavior. I appreciate some of the replies but some of you are trippin'. Nothing I've done or haven't in the situation raised requires me to do anything and that includes heeding your lectures. I'll take it under advisement. Ok?

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

My child is coming to me with issues that are troubling him. I'm listening to his side, then the other and documenting it. In most situations I would try sharing and reasoning with the other party but that option has not proven successful with his mother. I realize bringing up this one issue may not produce the desired result, I'm just adding it to my list of questionable behavior. I appreciate some of the replies but some of you are trippin'. Nothing I've done or haven't in the situation raised requires me to do anything and that includes heeding your lectures. I'll take it under advisement. Ok?

Ok then.... go hire an attorney to tell you the very same thing... or he will blow smoke, take your money and the end result will more than likely be the same that the seniors have predicted here. Nope, not unfit. and shame on you for putting your child into a position of having to tell on mommy.... Jeez guy, get a grip. Nothing you've said here has given any indication that you could prove that any of your ex's behavior is going to give you grounds to pursue anything other than getting laughed out of court.

Let's get ONE thing straight about the bolded above. YOU came here seeking help. YOU'VE been given a legally complete answer based upon the information you posted. YOU'VE been told that YOU are NOT going to get kudos from the court about bringing something as trivial as making a 12 year old financially aware is going to get you anywhere.

 

[Isis1]

Ok then.... go hire an attorney to tell you the very same thing... or he will blow smoke, take your money and the end result will more than likely be the same that the seniors have predicted here. Nope, not unfit. and shame on you for putting your child into a position of having to tell on mommy.... Jeez guy, get a grip. Nothing you've said here has given any indication that you could prove that any of your ex's behavior is going to give you grounds to pursue anything other than getting laughed out of court.

Let's get ONE thing straight about the bolded above. YOU came here seeking help. YOU'VE been given a legally complete answer based upon the information you posted. YOU'VE been told that YOU are NOT going to get kudos from the court about bringing something as trivial as making a 12 year old financially aware is going to get you anywhere.

good gracious. a mother parenting her child by teaching the value of money. omg, what is this world coming to. it's all going to collapse!!! someone alert the media!! it's a code red!!

 

[wileybunch]

My child is coming to me with issues that are troubling him. I'm listening to his side, then the other and documenting it. In most situations I would try sharing and reasoning with the other party but that option has not proven successful with his mother. I realize bringing up this one issue may not produce the desired result, I'm just adding it to my list of questionable behavior. I appreciate some of the replies but some of you are trippin'. Nothing I've done or haven't in the situation raised requires me to do anything and that includes heeding your lectures. I'll take it under advisement. Ok?

Dude, the damage from having his mom entirely out of his life -- visitation cut off -- is worse than the damage of him not getting the cash gift you gave to his mom to give to him. DON'T DO THAT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE. Problem solved. Quite frankly, since you've unrolled all this info about Mom, I have to wonder where YOUR judgment skills were. I feel like you did that to set Mom up, to catch her in a gotcha moment. Mom should not have done that, don't even think I'm defending Mom. But, you need to stop and stop thinking your son will have LESS pain if you cut off his mom entirely. Help your son be compassionate with regard to things his mom does that are wrong. Not that you're justifying her behavior, but help him separate her choices from her love for him. She may well love your son as much as you do, but cannot express it the same way for various reasons and she may make really poor choices. But, you cannot say she doesn't love him and pilfering his money gift was perhaps bad judgment -- not entirely sure, though, this may be a parenting choice -- but you really need to mind your own business and not think that your job as a "good parent" is to shield your child from all hurt feelings or his mom. That is NOT your job.

 

[mcwjjm]

Wow, I can't believe the number of assumptions and snap judgements from some of you. Perhaps it would be more helpful if you actually read my posts before replying. FWIW, I do not want to keep my son from seeing his mother but I don't want him to go hungry or be put in situations that make him uncomfortable because she'd rather spend time with her friends than her son. I did not "set mom up". I've never told my son his mother doesn't love him but that the courts found she was neglecting her responsibilities and that he would be better off living with me. I'm not making this up, my son called me with an issue HE has with HIS mother. He wants my help or at least to vent his anger and frustration. I told him there wasn't anything I could do to recover his loss, that I reminded him I anticipated this happening and now he's learned a lesson and hopefully has a better understanding how to deal with her. I wasn't even going to talk to her but to speak honestly about the matter I needed to hear her side. I was just amazed she admited to it. I understand I shouldn't speak negatively to my son about his mother but this sort of behavior makes it a little difficult to paint her as a trustworthy adult let alone caring parent. But as I told her it really doesn't matter what either of thinks or has to say on the subject. What matters is what our son thinks.

 

[Banned_Princess]

Wow, I can't believe the number of assumptions and snap judgements from some of you. Perhaps it would be more helpful if you actually read my posts before replying. FWIW, I do not want to keep my son from seeing his mother but I don't want him to go hungry or be put in situations that make him uncomfortable because she'd rather spend time with her friends than her son. I did not "set mom up". I've never told my son his mother doesn't love him but that the courts found she was neglecting her responsibilities and that he would be better off living with me. I'm not making this up, my son called me with an issue HE has with HIS mother. He wants my help or at least to vent his anger and frustration. I told him there wasn't anything I could do to recover his loss, that I reminded him I anticipated this happening and now he's learned a lesson and hopefully has a better understanding how to deal with her. I wasn't even going to talk to her but to speak honestly about the matter I needed to hear her side. I was just amazed she admited to it. I understand I shouldn't speak negatively to my son about his mother but this sort of behavior makes it a little difficult to paint her as a trustworthy adult let alone caring parent. But as I told her it really doesn't matter what either of thinks or has to say on the subject. What matters is what our son thinks.

Your not doing your son a disservice by giving him the tools to be a man.

You cant get mom to be any different with any court order. Its hard to talk kind of some people, and I know that, my daughters father wont even call her. But since mom is exercising her minimum obligation via the court order, you can at least give her that.

Your son will learn, and basically he has to.

Thats it. Good Luck.