Actually a JUDGE very well MAY find that is reasonable depending on the relationship that the child has with the therapist. Where is your son on the autism spectrum? How does he handle changes? How successful has he been with this therapist? Many children with autism suffer severe setbacks when major changes are made -- changing therapists because the therapist is out of network may NOT be a good enough reason. How much is each session costing? How often does the child attend?
If there were concerns about Out of Network providers then quite frankly that should have been dealt with at the time of the divorce/initial custody hearing to prevent out of network providers from being used.
ETA: The other thing is why weren't you involved OP during all of 2009 with your child's therapy and whether the insurance was covering?
We have a very long complicated history. My ex's wife is overly involved in the upbringing of our son and has been. I wish I had known about this site years ago as it wasn't until last August 2009 that I was finally able to get the court to keep her from any further contact with me.
I should let you know that I had been raising my son since he was 2 without my ex being very involved. It wasn't until he was in 7th grade and paying a lot of child support that he started trying to re-establish a relationship with him. He would go to his day care and talk to him about coming to live with him and his wife so he wouldn't have to go to the Y after school. My son really wanted to try living 50/50 so I eventually agreed and then six months into it, they dropped a bomb that they were moving to OR and my son had to choose who he wanted to live with. The therapist he was seeing at that time thought I should agree to let him go and try since he had just started having a place in my ex's life so I reluctantly agreed. We put wording in the court docs that if after six months my son/therapist in OR agreed he could come back here to CA if it was felt necessary.
I should also note that my son has threatened suicide in the past when he first moved to OR to be with them when he was very frustrated over a fight he had with SM (she had put him in the shower with all his clothes on in front of his little brothers). He had only been living there six months and then when he came here for the following summer we agreed that he would stay here with me and my ex let me enroll him in school and then a month into it even after our first IEP he came down while I was at work and took him from school by police escort as I didn't have Primary custody any longer. Although, I had filed but the date wasn't until the end of Oct. Then it was continued due to some fires that we had and my attorney's paralegals house burnt down. Then I had to pay for him to have his (son) own attorney. By the time we got back into court it was May and near the end of the school year and my son was no longer saying at that time he wanted to live with me and the judge didn't want to make a change at that time but told me that I was free to come back at any time.
My son is not real high on the spectrum but it does affect him and he's on meds. I have tried contacting this therapist several times and she has never returned my calls or anything. I was very upset when they fired the first one without my knowledge and they tried to get him fired because he thought my son should be back here in CA with me and sent me letters to use in court to that effect. Like I posted earlier, when I found out last Jan. 2009 that my insurance wasn't going to cover the therapist I told my ex and the therapist (via voicemail) that my insurance wasn't covering any longer and that we needed to find a new one. The therapist told me that they would bill through my ex's insurance. I never get copies of anything from my ex until they want me to pay for 1/2 of his medical tx and send me a bunch all at one time. It's happened only twice since they moved there and I send my 1/2 once I reconcile it. The therapist bills have never been included. My ex also said that this is the first time they too have received a bill. Her visits cost $125 and he goes every other week.
My ex just recently also discontinued use of his latest specialist that was treating him for his Aspergers because she too disagreed with their punishments of him (such as can't go to school until his chores are done, he's missed 10 days so far this year). The Dr. felt that that they needed to help him with his diagnosis and accept it rather than punish him for it. When I objected to them discontinuing treatment and put up a fight they did try to reinstate treatment but the doctor wrote an e-mail and copied me on it saying that she would rather stay fired and help families that truly want to work with her rather than against her. So now I've had to help them try to find a new doctor that treats Aspergers in their very small town that is within my network. He has a new appt. on the 20th. I do plan to call this doctor and ask that he discuss my sons case with his old doctor.
They have been simply doctor shopping whenever a doctor disagrees with their parenting style.
Financially, I have been wiped out of my savings and have just been trying to keep the peace so that we avoid having any further custody battles as he is getting closer to 18. I fly him home once a month and pay child support so it's taken it's toll on me.
Sorry this is such a long post and probably more info than you asked for but with 12 years of history, it's hard to cut it down.