Questions on Paternity,visitation,support

[poppabear]

My guess in this scenario is that mom is a little uncomfortable about dad (come on guys we all know that his initial request to spend the night at the hospital without her support system being around was over the top) and therefore mom chose to give the child her last name and chose not to press the issue of the AOP.

Frankly, it seems much more likely that mom is hoping that dad will not push the issue at all since it seems she has a habit of playing musical daddies. IMO I do not see what is so odd about a new father wanting to spend the night with his newborn, especially when he knows it will be a quite a while for the chance to do so again. If mom was a bit uncomfortable, perhaps it was because she chose to put herself in the situation of having a new SO before her child was born, and it's just easier to play family with the new BF than admit she is a tad, um, promiscuous. But of course since OP doesn't have a uterus there must be something terribly weird or unnatural with a new parent wanting to share a few extra hours with their newborn, especially since he will eventually get all of about 6 hours a week with the baby. How much more could a father possibly want?

OP, once you are legally established as dad, you can motion for a name change, along with custody and visitation. Unless mom is willing to completely change the child's last name, then it's most likely that the court will decide to hyphenate the last name.

Mom will not be able to rename the child based on her flavor of the week.

ETA: Noted and quoted.

 

[LdiJ]

Frankly, it seems much more likely that mom is hoping that dad will not push the issue at all since it seems she has a habit of playing musical daddies.

OP, once you are legally established as dad, you can motion for a name change, along with custody and visitation. Unless mom is willing to completely change the child's last name, then it's most likely that the court will decide to hyphenate the last name.

Mom will not be able to rename the child based on her flavor of the week.

The quote button is your friend...it makes your posts more relevant in terms of context.

 

[Nicaho]

My guess in this scenario is that mom is a little uncomfortable about dad (come on guys we all know that his initial request to spend the night at the hospital without her support system being around was over the top) and therefore mom chose to give the child her last name and chose not to press the issue of the AOP. That turned out to be the best for dad as well because its in his best interest for there to be a court ordered paternity test.

When I chose to leave the hospital at 4am after the baby arrived at 1am and before we were moved to new room, mom was wanting me to stay. Since her new guy was there I chose not to. I didn't ask for the 2nd night either. When I first asked and posted on here I was confused and wanted it all. Some thought it was creepy and others thought it was perfectly fine to stay the night. I am happy with how the hospital visit turned out.

A few weeks before when mom went to hospital because she thought she was in labor, I was the one she chose to go back with her as only one person was allowed. When it came time for her to change back into her clothes, I was about to leave the room when she said, "you don't have to leave, it's not like you haven't seen it before." I left anyways.

I might have been confused as to what was right and wrong when it comes to my daughter but I think mom might be even more confused with life in general.

Sometimes I feel like I am made out to be the bad guy here, but in all honesty I am trying to do whats right and the best I can. If I knew all the answers I wouldn't be here for help. I take what info I am given, if I like it or not, and make the decision I think is best. I'm the one trying to be civil here. Mom thinks she is also but there are examples as to why she is not.

Last week I bought a stroller car seat combo on clearance from Kmart for $35 marked down from $150. Not a thing wrong with it, just the new line had come out. When I told mom, it was unreal how mad she got at me. Saying I should have spent my money on something our daughter needs now and that there must be something wrong with the stroller at that price and she wouldn't put her daughter in it. (I checked online for recalls and both are just fine) I think she was just upset with the thought of me actually using the car seat and taking the baby away at some point in it. Maybe I never get to use the car seat but a stroller for $35 and up to 40lbs is something I will use for sure at some point in the next couple years. I know the hormones were raging and I wasn't trying to start a fight. I only told her because I was so happy to have gotten it.

I just don't want anyone to think that I am out to get her and trying to get more than I deserve. I just want what I am legally allowed to when the time comes.

Also I plan on doing paternity, support, custody, and visitation as soon as I am allowed to file for any and all. I have been told by some that I can do it all at once and others that I have to wait until paternity is established. Whatever I find out at the prosecutors office next week is what I will do. Maybe it's different in different counties? I will find out soon enough and I feel like I am on the right path

 

[LdiJ]

When I chose to leave the hospital at 4am after the baby arrived at 1am and before we were moved to new room, mom was wanting me to stay. Since her new guy was there I chose not to. I didn't ask for the 2nd night either. When I first asked and posted on here I was confused and wanted it all. Some thought it was creepy and others thought it was perfectly fine to stay the night. I am happy with how the hospital visit turned out.

A few weeks before when mom went to hospital because she thought she was in labor, I was the one she chose to go back with her as only one person was allowed. When it came time for her to change back into her clothes, I was about to leave the room when she said, "you don't have to leave, it's not like you haven't seen it before." I left anyways.

I might have been confused as to what was right and wrong when it comes to my daughter but I think mom might be even more confused with life in general.

Sometimes I feel like I am made out to be the bad guy here, but in all honesty I am trying to do whats right and the best I can. If I knew all the answers I wouldn't be here for help. I take what info I am given, if I like it or not, and make the decision I think is best. I'm the one trying to be civil here. Mom thinks she is also but there are examples as to why she is not.

Last week I bought a stroller car seat combo on clearance from Kmart for $35 marked down from $150. Not a thing wrong with it, just the new line had come out. When I told mom, it was unreal how mad she got at me. Saying I should have spent my money on something our daughter needs now and that there must be something wrong with the stroller at that price and she wouldn't put her daughter in it. (I checked online for recalls and both are just fine) I think she was just upset with the thought of me actually using the car seat and taking the baby away at some point in it. Maybe I never get to use the car seat but a stroller for $35 and up to 40lbs is something I will use for sure at some point in the next couple years. I know the hormones were raging and I wasn't trying to start a fight. I only told her because I was so happy to have gotten it.

I just don't want anyone to think that I am out to get her and trying to get more than I deserve. I just want what I am legally allowed to when the time comes.

Also I plan on doing paternity, support, custody, and visitation as soon as I am allowed to file for any and all. I have been told by some that I can do it all at once and others that I have to wait until paternity is established. Whatever I find out at the prosecutors office next week is what I will do. Maybe it's different in different counties? I will find out soon enough and I feel like I am on the right path

Dad, I will tell you something that my daughter's obstetrician said to us shortly before my granddaughter was born.

He said it because my daughter was crying because she didn't have the things that she felt that she needed to have for the baby. (she was all hormonal at the time).

He said that a newborn needs diapers, wipes, formula and bottles (if not breastfeeding) and receiving blankets. He even said that clothing was optional if you had plenty of receiving blankets.

Right now, if you are going to spend money on the baby spend it on necessities. It will be more appreciated/positively recognized by mom and more useful for your child.

 

[CJane]

Dad, I will tell you something that my daughter's obstetrician said to us shortly before my granddaughter was born.

He said it because my daughter was crying because she didn't have the things that she felt that she needed to have for the baby. (she was all hormonal at the time).

He said that a newborn needs diapers, wipes, formula and bottles (if not breastfeeding) and receiving blankets. He even said that clothing was optional if you had plenty of receiving blankets.

Right now, if you are going to spend money on the baby spend it on necessities. It will be more appreciated/positively recognized by mom and more useful for your child.

And a swing. Every single one of my kids NEEDED a swing from the get go.

 

[CJane]

IMO I do not see what is so odd about a new father wanting to spend the night with his newborn

Here's why I thought it was creepy -

Because he wanted to spend the night in MOM'S hospital room AGAINST HER WISHES and wanted to dictate who else could be there.

I don't care if they've been married 20 years and Mom was devoted to him with all her soul. He had no right to attempt to insinuate himself into that particular situation in that manner.

 

[poppabear]

Here's why I thought it was creepy -

Because he wanted to spend the night in MOM'S hospital room AGAINST HER WISHES and wanted to dictate who else could be there.

I think you are imagining things. From OP's first thread:

"I have asked the mother if I can stay the night at the hospital the day the baby is born. For whatever reason, in my head even before the pregnancy, I always imagined bringing my child home and having that first night. I asked if the new boyfriend not be there and give me this one night. It's possible but I'm not getting my hopes up."

"I know I do not have that right. I stated that I asked, knowing she is free to say no."

Would you please point out where he is wanting to spend the night against mom's wishes?

Because the way I read it, he expressed a desire to stay, but knew the the matter was entirely up to mom.

 

[divona2000]

If mom is getting state aid, wont the state go after dad for paternity and re-reimbursement (child support) ?

 

[Hoosyermom]

The bolded is absolutely NOT correct for Indiana. The mother can give the baby any last name at all that she likes in an unwed situation. It can be hers, it can be the alledged father's or it could be any other last name in the world that has nothing to do with either one of them. The hospital won't necessarily tell mom that, but nevertheless its tru

I am honestly not trying to argue this point with you but I am guessing you are saying the lady that brought the paperwork to me to be filled out after both my children were born was wrong? I kept my married name after i divorced and later had a child by someone else and tried to give my child my maiden name and was told I could not do that and had to put my LEGAL last name as her name, when my second child was born by my fiance (at the time) he was not there when she was born and I was told I was NOT allowed to put her fathers last name down as hers unless he came in and filled out the AOP and had to put her name as my LEGAL last name.

 

[CJane]

I am honestly not trying to argue this point with you but I am guessing you are saying the lady that brought the paperwork to me to be filled out after both my children were born was wrong? I kept my married name after i divorced and later had a child by someone else and tried to give my child my maiden name and was told I could not do that and had to put my LEGAL last name as her name, when my second child was born by my fiance (at the time) he was not there when she was born and I was told I was NOT allowed to put her fathers last name down as hers unless he came in and filled out the AOP and had to put her name as my LEGAL last name.

1) YES, very often "the lady who brings you the form" is either NOT correct about the legalities or uses the opportunity to impress upon you HER beliefs as to what is "right" to do.

2) Is it remotely possible something has CHANGED since you had your kids?

 

[Isis1]

I am honestly not trying to argue this point with you but I am guessing you are saying the lady that brought the paperwork to me to be filled out after both my children were born was wrong? I kept my married name after i divorced and later had a child by someone else and tried to give my child my maiden name and was told I could not do that and had to put my LEGAL last name as her name, when my second child was born by my fiance (at the time) he was not there when she was born and I was told I was NOT allowed to put her fathers last name down as hers unless he came in and filled out the AOP and had to put her name as my LEGAL last name.

that is definitely not right. if you want to name your child hostess cupcake the third, it's your legal right to do so. even if your name is debbie kitchen.

 

[CJane]

that is definitely not right. if you want to name your child hostess cupcake the third, it's your legal right to do so. even if your name is debbie kitchen.

That's not ALWAYS true. SOME states DO have rules about things like that.

 

[Nicaho]

If mom is getting state aid, wont the state go after dad for paternity and re-reimbursement (child support) ?

The state won't have to come after me because I am going to them. Mom has said from the start that she does not want to involve the courts. I think she wants my child support and knows that if I pay directly to her then she can double dip from the state. She moved from her sons dad who lives in Florida. He just pays directly to her (sometimes) and she doesn't claim that money for food stamps or whatever else she gets. I think she feels that I will be like him and just let her do whatever she wants with our child. He let her leave the state with his child and didn't even try to put up a fight. He has four other kids so what's one gone? I don't get it but I guess some people dont care and it's ok to see their child once a year.

Her sons dad is about $1000 behind on CS. He pays $60 a week. She has said as recently as in the delivery room that he can not come and visit until he is caught up on CS. When I mentioned to her a few months ago that you can't withhold visitation because they are not caught up, she said she never heard of that and yes she can...and will. I am going to pay support and I am going to do it legally. We could have tried to keep it out of court but I work construction and it's seasonal and maybe one week I fall behind. I'm not going to let her have the chance of telling me I can't see my child until she is paid. I don't plan on falling behind but I have seen the curve balls that life throws at you.

 

[LdiJ]

That's not ALWAYS true. SOME states DO have rules about things like that.

It is true though for Indiana.

 

[LdiJ]

I am honestly not trying to argue this point with you but I am guessing you are saying the lady that brought the paperwork to me to be filled out after both my children were born was wrong? I kept my married name after i divorced and later had a child by someone else and tried to give my child my maiden name and was told I could not do that and had to put my LEGAL last name as her name, when my second child was born by my fiance (at the time) he was not there when she was born and I was told I was NOT allowed to put her fathers last name down as hers unless he came in and filled out the AOP and had to put her name as my LEGAL last name.

Yep...the lady was totally wrong...both times.