NCP Req to Amend Visitation

[RemitAdvice]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia.

My ex-husband and I have a visitation order through local courts mandating visitation as follows for the NCP: (Effective April/09) Alternating Fridays @ 6 pm until Sunday @ 6 pm. On non-weekend visits, he was awarded Thursdays @ 6 pm until Friday @ 6 pm w/our 4 yr old son. Support is hugely contested issue. We had a court case in Jan., he req. a reduction in c/s for 'loss of employment.' The court case did not go in his favor b/c he no longer kept ins. on the child as previously mandated (I retro'd my coverage to include the child with my coverage), and the presiding judge required that he pay an amount toward arrearages, which increased his monthly amount due. He was very unhappy with the judges decision. During the c/s hearing the judge indicated that the only way he would be able to reduce support was to increase visitation. A week later I received a summons to appear before the court b/c the NCP has requested an amendment to increase visitation. (There is, of course, a c/s hearing 30 days after) Conversation with my son indicates that he does not spend a great deal of his time w/his father, instead he spends the night at various people's houses, including a great-aunt, and a girlfriend. The NCP states that he goes to school at night and is getting various babysitters for our son. I am not agreeable to this as he would be more comfortable at home with his other sibling and sleeping in his own room, in his own bed. I have attempted to reach an alternate custody agreement w/the NCP so that he may have a day with his son without having school so that he will not be left with strangers. He is unresponsive to my requests to change the agreement. I have a couple of questions regarding the upcoming visitation hearing. 1) Is it possible that the judge would award more visitation days to the NCP even though he has a previous engagement during the days he is requesting? (he attendes school Mon-Thurs) Therefore, leaving my son in another person's care? Would he not be better off at home with his mother? 2) Is there a possibility that his contested support issues can be used to illustrate that this request to increase visitation is a ploy to reduce his support amount?

I just want my son confortable and he comes back from his weekends with a case of separation axiety. I have difficulty dropping him off at daycare on Mondays and repeated comments of 'I want to stay with you' By the third or fourth day this begins to decrease.

I am not financially equipped to hire an attorney for the proceedings. I would only prefer that he either spend time with his father during his days of visitation, or myself.

He will also begin preschool in the fall, and I'm afraid that attendance will become an issue as the NCP is quite possibly the most irresponsible individual I have ever encountered.

My thanks for your advice.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Ohiogal]

Has there been a GAL appointed? If not, request a GAL. Most children have separation anxiety in that age group. It is normal for children to have anxiety in that age group so you cannot take that as a sign that dad is doing anything wrong.

You can also attempt to request a ROFR. Which means if YOU or dad cannot be with the child that the other parent gets first chance at having extra time> This would apply to you as well. Explain however why you state this:

I would only prefer that he either spend time with his father during his days of visitation, or myself.

and then state this:

I have difficulty dropping him off at daycare on Mondays and repeated comments of 'I want to stay with you' By the third or fourth day this begins to decrease.

Apparently you utilize daycare and "strangers" to watch your child. Yet you criticize him for that. Or is it because he has not gotten YOUR approval for allowing "strangers" to be with the child?

 

[RemitAdvice]

In re: Explain however why you state this:

Quote:
I would only prefer that he either spend time with his father during his days of visitation, or myself.

The NCP is requesting to increase visitation, but he fails to utilize what time he has now and drops him off with a sitter on the day that HE requested as his weekday. I offer to change the day, or change the time, but he chooses not to work with me. Another question: If he chooses to prioritize school over time with his child, does that matter? Original question of: 1) Is it possible that the judge would award more visitation days to the NCP even though he has a previous engagement during the days he is requesting? (he attendes school Mon-Thurs) Therefore, leaving my son in another person's care? Would he not be better off at home with his mother?....Has not been answered

In re: Quote:
I have difficulty dropping him off at daycare on Mondays and repeated comments of 'I want to stay with you' By the third or fourth day this begins to decrease.

Apparently you utilize daycare and "strangers" to watch your child. Yet you criticize him for that. Or is it because he has not gotten YOUR approval for allowing "strangers" to be with the child?

This daycare center is a licensed and accredited pre-school that the NCP and I BOTH chose to send our child to since we separated. It is the only center he has ever attended and has done so for two years now. These folks are NOT strangers. I'm not sure if it matters, but both of my children attend there so that we may both work during the hours of 8 - 5 M - F...no evenings or weekends.

Can you tell me what other benefits a GAL would be able to provide? I have never heard of a ROFR, can you please tell me more about it as well?

Thank you for your response.

 

[RemitAdvice]

Perhaps I should have included the following in my response to your reply:
In re: Explain however why you state this:

Quote:
I would only prefer that he either spend time with his father during his days of visitation, or myself.

My son is an absolute joy to be around and parent. He is a very loving and kind boy and never ceases to remind me of why it's all worth it. He and his sister are very close, both in age and in their relationship, and he is very sorely missed when absent. As a single parent of two children working a full time job, my time at home with my family seems limited and therefore precious to me and time spent together as a family is my top priority.
This little boy DOES deserve time with his father, that is not in dispute. He is not, however, spending time with his father. He is spending it with a babysitter. Would it not be better for him to be at home?

 

[filledeplage]

His father's home is his home, just as your home is his home. Your house is not the only home of the child. If you are able to leave him with strangers (licensed or not), why should dad not be able to also?

 

[RemitAdvice]

Is now the time to mention he stays overnight with his 'sitters'...sleeping on a couch or pallet on the floor. His father uses his brother's address (A two bedroom apt. that he is to share with HIS son). The NCP has mentioned that he doesn't have a room there (the father or my son). That doesn't sound like home to me. If he is not on the lease, and the brother is not sub-leasing to him, does he have a legal residence?

WE agreed that he would be in the facility so that we could both work. It is different if his evening activities are elective, and not mandatory, and he CHOOSES this day to attend school and 'visit' with his son.

Besides, if he needs a sitter, who better than his mother?

No advice on the actual questions asked?

 

[rbw5147]

OP, the legal advice that was given was to request an ammendment to your parenting plan called "Right of First Refusal." As stated by somebody else, it would require that dad give you the opportunity first, to spend those times that he is utilizing babysitters, with your son. If he were to not offer you that time first and then use a sitter, he could be held in contempt of court. Google "right of first refusal custody." There are lots and lots of links that will explain this clearly to you.

Until that is done through the courts, I don't believe that there is anything that you can do about what dad does with his visitation. And if you were to attempt to, without the ROFR, you can be held in contempt.

 

[Silverplum]

Is now the time to mention he stays overnight with his 'sitters'...sleeping on a couch or pallet on the floor. His father uses his brother's address (A two bedroom apt. that he is to share with HIS son). The NCP has mentioned that he doesn't have a room there (the father or my son). That doesn't sound like home to me. If he is not on the lease, and the brother is not sub-leasing to him, does he have a legal residence?

It doesn't have to "sound like home" to you. You really need to wrap your head around the idea that your child, like many others, has two homes now. Wherever his Dad is, is Dad's home. Yours may be "nicer" or more "comfortable." That doesn't make Dad unfit.

WE agreed that he would be in the facility so that we could both work. It is different if his evening activities are elective, and not mandatory, and he CHOOSES this day to attend school and 'visit' with his son.

That's your opinion. I could easily argue that Dad's "elective" "evening activities" are going to benefit his child, and are thus beneficial.

Besides, if he needs a sitter, who better than his mother?

You may file for ROFR. Until it is granted by a judge and you have a signed court order in hand, you do not have ROFR and Dad can have (just about) any sitter he chooses.

No advice on the actual questions asked?

 

[Datman07]

After reading what the OP has posted, it sounds as though she still has some issues with the NCP and what he does with their child when she is not around. Just because the child is not attached to his hip for the entire duration of the visitation does not take away from his ability as a father. In sure the child does have relatives on his father's side who are just as capable of looking after the child while NCP is in school. They may be considered strangers to the OP, but there is really nothing here to argue. I think its the OP trying to make whatever case she can to keep from bowing down to NCP.

Is there a possibility that his contested support issues can be used to illustrate that this request to increase visitation is a ploy to reduce his support amount?

Hate to tell you this, but that is the whole point!! To encourage the NCP to spend as much time with the child as possible or else pay more in CS. So there is really no conspiracy there.

 

[RemitAdvice]

Thanks folks. You are correct, DatMan, I do have issues w/how the NCP spends his visitation time (or not, as the case may be) with our son. I only want the very best for him and I do not feel that he is getting what he could out of their time together. I don't understand why, after several offers to switch days and compromise about his weekdays, he continues to keep the day he has and send him to a sitter. But, his non-sensical actions are one of the main reasons he is the NCP. 'Nuff said. I am relieved to some degree that NCP has chosen to go back to school. I do realize that his attempt to better himself will only help our son and improve his quality of life in the long run. I do have a tendancy to get myself up on a high horse when it comes to this subject, and I thank the Sr. Members for helping me down. Hubris is definately not what I want to take with me to court.

Since he has already filed for an amendment to the visitation agreement, do I need to file to request ROFR or can I request it at our hearing coming up in the first part of April?

Thanks again.

 

[gr8rn]

[QUOTE

Hate to tell you this, but that is the whole point!! To encourage the NCP to spend as much time with the child as possible or else pay more in CS. So there is really no conspiracy there.[/QUOTE]

Wha?????

 

[RemitAdvice]

I know, I don't get it either. Having to fight for CS sucks. My ex's arrears are starting to catch up with him, hence his request to amend and increase visitation...

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks folks. You are correct, DatMan, I do have issues w/how the NCP spends his visitation time (or not, as the case may be) with our son. I only want the very best for him and I do not feel that he is getting what he could out of their time together. I don't understand why, after several offers to switch days and compromise about his weekdays, he continues to keep the day he has and send him to a sitter. But, his non-sensical actions are one of the main reasons he is the NCP. 'Nuff said. I am relieved to some degree that NCP has chosen to go back to school. I do realize that his attempt to better himself will only help our son and improve his quality of life in the long run. I do have a tendancy to get myself up on a high horse when it comes to this subject, and I thank the Sr. Members for helping me down. Hubris is definately not what I want to take with me to court.

Since he has already filed for an amendment to the visitation agreement, do I need to file to request ROFR or can I request it at our hearing coming up in the first part of April?

Thanks again.

What you do is file a response to dad's motion. In your response you argue that because dad goes to school Monday through Thursday nights that he has no available time to spend with the child during those days. You argue that on his current Thursday nights the child is spending the night with someone else every time, because dad is attending school.

You can also ask for the ROFR.

Its not very likely that a judge will feel that its in the child's best interest for dad to have extra days with the child when dad cannot even be with the child on those days...or the judge will agree with the ROFR.

 

[RemitAdvice]

I think I need further clarification on 'filing a response to dad's motion'. I went to the clerk's office and requested to do so and the clerk looked at me like I had grown a third eye. Then I explained what I was trying to do and she said she didn't know of anything to 'file a response' to. Is there something else specific that I should have told her? I thought about filing a 'request to amend' for the ROFR, and include the statement that NCP goes to school Mon through Thurs.
I also expect the NCP to lie in court about his school attendance and days. Should/could I have his attendance or school schedule subpoenaed?

I also have questions concerning child support. Should I ask them here or in the 'Child Support' area.

Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

I think I need further clarification on 'filing a response to dad's motion'. I went to the clerk's office and requested to do so and the clerk looked at me like I had grown a third eye. Then I explained what I was trying to do and she said she didn't know of anything to 'file a response' to. Is there something else specific that I should have told her? I thought about filing a 'request to amend' for the ROFR, and include the statement that NCP goes to school Mon through Thurs.
I also expect the NCP to lie in court about his school attendance and days. Should/could I have his attendance or school schedule subpoenaed?

I also have questions concerning child support. Should I ask them here or in the 'Child Support' area.

Thank you.

Take your ex's original motion to modify and use it as a template to create your response and your counter motion for ROFR. Or, in the alternative, get yourself an attorney to handle your response.