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Update on my Paternity

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Nicaho

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

The day after my daughter was born I called the prosecutors office. One week later I went for the interview and got the paper work moving. The hearing and test is not until the beginning of May. They said that mom would receive the letter in 3-4 weeks. Yesterday was 3 weeks.

I had not told mom a thing about it until last night. She asks me about child support every time I go over. I just kinda keep putting it off because I was advised not to give her anything until paternity was established. Well, last night she said she was going to start withholding visitation until I gave her something. So I had no choice but to tell her that the letter was in the mail and that we were going to court. She was not happy at all. She is still letting me come over for my visit tomorrow morning so who knows how that will go. I go over to her place tues, wed, and sat for 2hrs each visit.

In the past 2 weeks, I have given her a large box of diapers and wipes and also brought over 2 large garbage bags of baby clothes to go through. She ended up keeping more than half. Last night she told me not to buy any more diapers that she needs money for other support.

She also got the birth certificate in the mail and no surprise my name was not on it. She was asking me when I was available to go to health office to sign paternity and get added on. My only guess as to why she didnt have me do it at the hospital was so that there would be no argument when she put her last name down as the babys. From what I have read, and I could be wrong, but the nurses legally had to tell her about the AOP. She claims they never made mention of it at all.

Well I'm glad it is finally out in the open that we are going to court and I dont have to dance around support and signing the AOP. My intentions from the start were to get paternity established and pay support through the courts.
 


Actually they would mention the AOP to you, since you are the one to establish paternity. That's if you went to the hospital. Without signing that, then no, your name doesn't go on the bc because you haven't got paternity.

What you give mom, as far as diapersn clothes, etc., has no bearing towards cs either before or after there is an order.

I'm not sure why you're saying prosecutor - no one's committed a crime here. The Department of Child Services handles child support in Indiana.

I am very surprised at how long it's taking for you to get DNA, they must be very backlogged.

Remember that since you have not yet had your paternity established, any visitation mom gives you is purely out of her desire for her child to develop a relationship with you and can be withdrawn at any time right now.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
Remind mom that not only does going to court protect both of you, it also protects the child from being used as a pawn if one of you gets mad at the other. A court order is a court order and has to be followed regardless of whether you and mom are getting along at the moment, and it means the child's relationship with both parents will be preserved throughout any temporary disagreements.
 

Nicaho

Member
Actually they would mention the AOP to you, since you are the one to establish paternity. That's if you went to the hospital. Without signing that, then no, your name doesn't go on the bc because you haven't got paternity..
I was at the hospital probably 60% of the time she was there. Her new bf was there the whole time so I'm thinking maybe they made mention of it in front of him while I wasn't there.

What you give mom, as far as diapersn clothes, etc., has no bearing towards cs either before or after there is an order.
Completely understand. I just feel like I should be doing something to help.

I'm not sure why you're saying prosecutor - no one's committed a crime here. The Department of Child Services handles child support in Indiana.
I went through the Child Support Division of the Prosecutors office.

Remember that since you have not yet had your paternity established, any visitation mom gives you is purely out of her desire for her child to develop a relationship with you and can be withdrawn at any time right now.
I wish that was the case. Who knows if she will continue to let me see her knowing there will be no support coming in until June. She let me see her because she figures if she did I would pay support. She feels that having diapers, wipes, and clothes is more important than a bond with her father. I think they are both important but the baby is not going without a thing. She is more focused and cares more about the bond that the baby has with her new bf. In moms mind he is the father figure. She has made the comment to a mutual friend that bf is dad and I am the father. What really got me going last night was when she told me we couldnt do every saturday visitation because that will affect the time she can spend with her family. I dunno. Still all a mess and thats why I am going to court to protect my rights.
 

garrula lingua

Senior Member
If the paternity test comes back showing that you cannot be excluded, then you should ask the Judge to change the baby's surname to yours, if that is your desire.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I was at the hospital probably 60% of the time she was there. Her new bf was there the whole time so I'm thinking maybe they made mention of it in front of him while I wasn't there.


Completely understand. I just feel like I should be doing something to help.


I went through the Child Support Division of the Prosecutors office.


I wish that was the case. Who knows if she will continue to let me see her knowing there will be no support coming in until June. She let me see her because she figures if she did I would pay support. She feels that having diapers, wipes, and clothes is more important than a bond with her father. I think they are both important but the baby is not going without a thing. She is more focused and cares more about the bond that the baby has with her new bf. In moms mind he is the father figure. She has made the comment to a mutual friend that bf is dad and I am the father. What really got me going last night was when she told me we couldnt do every saturday visitation because that will affect the time she can spend with her family. I dunno. Still all a mess and thats why I am going to court to protect my rights.
Don't expect a judge to give you time every weekend.

Google the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines to see what you can expect a judge to give you.
 

Nicaho

Member
Don't expect a judge to give you time every weekend.

Google the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines to see what you can expect a judge to give you.

I guess I worded that wrong. The Indiana Guidelines state 3 non consecutive days a week with no more than two days passing. So tues, thurs, sat or sun : mon, wed, fri. It's the 3 days a week I am talking about. I told mom that if she wants to skip a Saturday then that is fine that we would just make that day up. She said it's ok if we don't. I said it's not ok. She said it IS ok.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
So, one week, it's Monday, Wednesday, Friday; the following week, it's Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. It really is simple. Mom could have time every other weekend to spend time with "family."
 

Nicaho

Member
I went back and rechecked the guidelines. He made a mistake thinking that they say no more than two days apart...they do not.

From the Guidelines:

2. Frequency Versus Duration. Infants and young children have a limited but evolving sense of time. These children also have a limited ability to recall persons not directly in front of them. For infants, short frequent visits are much better than longer visits spaced farther apart. From the vantage point of the young child, daily contact with each parent is ideal. If workable, it is recommended that no more than two days go by without contact with the noncustodial parent. A parent who cannot visit often may desire to increase the duration of visits but this practice is not recommended for infants. Frequent and predictable parenting time is best.


So maybe I am reading into it wrong and it won't necessarily be the two days.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
From the Guidelines:

2. Frequency Versus Duration. Infants and young children have a limited but evolving sense of time. These children also have a limited ability to recall persons not directly in front of them. For infants, short frequent visits are much better than longer visits spaced farther apart. From the vantage point of the young child, daily contact with each parent is ideal. If workable, it is recommended that no more than two days go by without contact with the noncustodial parent. A parent who cannot visit often may desire to increase the duration of visits but this practice is not recommended for infants. Frequent and predictable parenting time is best.


So maybe I am reading into it wrong and it won't necessarily be the two days.
For each section of the guidelines there are requirements, and for each section there is commentary that makes recommendations that are not requirements. The portion you quoted was from the commentary. Therefore its a recommendation rather than a requirement.
 

Nicaho

Member
For each section of the guidelines there are requirements, and for each section there is commentary that makes recommendations that are not requirements. The portion you quoted was from the commentary. Therefore its a recommendation rather than a requirement.

Got it! Well as long as I get my 3 days a week I will be happy. Friday-Tuesday without seeing would be hard at first but I would get used to it just like I did the one day apart and the first time I had to go two days. I hope I'm not coming off like I want too much time. I already have a bond with my daughter, I just want her to be able to have one with me as well. I just spent 2 hrs with her this morning. Usually she in only awake for maybe 30 minutes of the total time I am there. Each visit gets better and better as her eyes open wider and just the lil things she does=)
 
I just wanted to say, I'm proud of you, OP. I wish my ex had been more like you when our daughter was born...it took him several years to decide he was ready to be a father...I commend you for doing the right thing for the right reasons right from the start. Hopefully your ex will realize what is best for the child and not fight it too much.
 

Nicaho

Member
I just wanted to say, I'm proud of you, OP. I wish my ex had been more like you when our daughter was born...it took him several years to decide he was ready to be a father...I commend you for doing the right thing for the right reasons right from the start. Hopefully your ex will realize what is best for the child and not fight it too much.
Thanks! I am trying the best I can. Still making mistakes as I go but learning from them and from all of you. All advice, good and even what I don't want to hear but is true, is very much appreciated;)
 

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