Substantial change question

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Not for Disney. The prices are more expensive at Disney when the schools are out. It is also more crowded when schools are out. The cheapest and easiest time for DISNEY is when school is in session.

I still am NOT a proponent of children missing school for VACATION. Considering there is a custody battle going on right now, I side with dad on this one. A day or two here and there, yeah. But, this has the sounds of more than a week to be gone. Driving 24 hours plus in EACH direction with 7 people in the car sounds like he double-hockey-sticks to me to vacation maybe 3 days in Florida.

Mom's thinking bribery here. Dad's thinking education. This really is a no-win situation for all parties.

 

[Ohiogal]

I gave Dad my two cents, for what they're worth. I pointed out that in the tug-of-war between Dad and Mom, Son is the rope. Not exactly a fun place to be.

Apparently when Dad told the lawyer that he really didn't want his son to miss out on something like this, lawyer said "Don't have a conscience". I REALLY don't like this guy. I told Dad that maybe that's not the best attitude to have since ultimately this about SON, not MOM or DAD or LAWYER.

I have planted the seed of doubt in my husband's brain. That's all I can do.

Thank you all so much for your opinions and insights. I have learned so much from this website, not just legal stuff, but how I should behave as a step-mom. It's been very eye-opening. This site has also shown me how blessed I am and how good our family life is, regardless of the custody issues. No sex offenders, no child abuse, no crazy grandparents, no meth addicts-We're downright boring.

I don't like your lawyer and I am a lawyer. If dad were my client I would be telling him to listen to his conscience and have dad give a good reason why not going would hurt the child or why going would hurt the child.

Not going would hurt because his half/step siblings would enjoy time. Going would hurt child because he would ... miss kindergarten? Ummmm... which is the bigger hurt to the child? Longterm the hurt caused by not going. I have driven from OHIO to Disney in two days (18 hours but the car broke down in Beckley WV and that caused an issue) and am biased in that I love Disney. However, long term the goodwill this could bring between dad and mom and their coparenting relationship coupled with the joy it would bring child (and making a child happy all the time is NOT the priority) as well as the fact that the child is ONLy in kindergarten AND would be the only one in that HALF of HIS family to miss out seems to lean towards dad actually being decent.

Legally he doesn't have to allow the time. But quite frankly if he is doing it only because he can get away with it, don't look for mom to be flexible at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

I still am NOT a proponent of children missing school for VACATION. Considering there is a custody battle going on right now, I side with dad on this one. A day or two here and there, yeah. But, this has the sounds of more than a week to be gone. Driving 24 hours plus in EACH direction with 7 people in the car sounds like he double-hockey-sticks to me to vacation maybe 3 days in Florida.

Mom's thinking bribery here. Dad's thinking education. This really is a no-win situation for all parties.

Disney can be quite educational. There is a homeschool website out there with info for homeschooling at Disney. It could be both. And your idea of hell is not necessarily what the child would consider hell. The child might think this sounds like heaven. To each his own however I am thinking there could be LONG TERM benefits for dad to give in when his child is in kindergarten.

 

[Silverplum]

I gave Dad my two cents, for what they're worth. I pointed out that in the tug-of-war between Dad and Mom, Son is the rope. Not exactly a fun place to be.

Apparently when Dad told the lawyer that he really didn't want his son to miss out on something like this, lawyer said "Don't have a conscience". I REALLY don't like this guy. I told Dad that maybe that's not the best attitude to have since ultimately this about SON, not MOM or DAD or LAWYER.

I have planted the seed of doubt in my husband's brain. That's all I can do.

Thank you all so much for your opinions and insights. I have learned so much from this website, not just legal stuff, but how I should behave as a step-mom. It's been very eye-opening. This site has also shown me how blessed I am and how good our family life is, regardless of the custody issues. No sex offenders, no child abuse, no crazy grandparents, no meth addicts-We're downright boring.

From one stepmom to another: YAY for you!

My wondrous SSs are grown now. Fine, superb young men. I can tell you -- from the "other side," the years-later perspective -- that all the hard work was worth it. Turning the other cheek was worth it. Behaving myself was worth it. Putting the skids first, being their friend, faithfully performing Stepmotherly Duties without a reward that day, never denigrating their mother, but instead supporting her, etc. etc. -- every bit of it was worth it. Then and now.

You go, girl.

 

[LifesPeachy]

If Dad does allow Son to go, I would get written permission from the school.

Where I work, a vacation absence has to be approved by the principal. If the grades are good, there are no conflicting dates (such as some sort of important test in school) and the general attendace is good- then the principal gives "permission" for the student to be out of school for the dates listed on the request form.

I would also get a written itenary from Mom. When are they leaving, when will they be back, where are they staying.. With phone numbers of their hotel, cell phones (even if they have it), etc.

Just my two cents

 

[WittyUserName]

I gave Dad my two cents, for what they're worth. I pointed out that in the tug-of-war between Dad and Mom, Son is the rope. Not exactly a fun place to be.

Apparently when Dad told the lawyer that he really didn't want his son to miss out on something like this, lawyer said "Don't have a conscience". I REALLY don't like this guy. I told Dad that maybe that's not the best attitude to have since ultimately this about SON, not MOM or DAD or LAWYER.

I have planted the seed of doubt in my husband's brain. That's all I can do.

Thank you all so much for your opinions and insights. I have learned so much from this website, not just legal stuff, but how I should behave as a step-mom. It's been very eye-opening. This site has also shown me how blessed I am and how good our family life is, regardless of the custody issues. No sex offenders, no child abuse, no crazy grandparents, no meth addicts-We're downright boring.

I completely agree...I'm a better stepparent from my time on this site as well. And I think you're doing the right thing, as hard as it can be to disengage emotionally. (Everytime I read your username, btw, I think of that line from Anchorman, "Dorothy Mantooth is a SAINT!")

 

[dorothymantooth]

Witty- That's where the name is from. My husband has called me Dorothy (not my real name) since we first watched that movie. The line we're hooked on is "And then I'll take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, to nice seafood dinner and NEVER CALL HER AGAIN!"

 

[WittyUserName]

I always wondered! I love that movie too. We even named the dog Baxter.

 

[dorothymantooth]

Update on Disney World trip

Dad spoke to the school, who said it would be okay for Son to miss a few days. Dad has changed his mind and is letting Son go with his mother. Yay!

As I mentioned, Dad's lawyer-the one with no conscience-said he should absolutely not let Son go. He sent Mom's lawyer a letter explaining why Dad was not going to let Son go. A copy of the letter came in the mail Saturday. He mentioned that Son would miss school, etc. and implied that because Mom didn't ask permission until a few days before the trip that she didn't plan to bring Son at all. He didn't even get Son's name right in the letter.

Dad is obviously going against the lawyer's wishes, but I think the lawyer is a total heel. Dad went with someone we could afford, meaning cheap, and Dad is getting what he paid for. He's about 100 years old, is hard of hearing, has to be reminded every five minutes of the details of the case, can't remember anyone's names, yells at Dad and is trying to be very vindictive toward Mom, which Dad doesn't want. I swear in Court he nodded off at one point while the Judge was talking. Even though Mom's case seems pretty weak, Dad needs to keep the lawyer for the hearing so he doesn't get outmanuevered by Mom's lawyer because of some legality he doesn't understand.

I'm going to keep trying to provide help and support behind-the-scenes. Thanks for all your advice.

 

[LdiJ]

After reading this entire thread, I honestly would let the child go as well. It would be different if the child was in regular school, but its only KG.

 

[chronicle]

Glad the kid gets to go on the vacation. PS- I left my first lawyer behind because he was EXACTLY like that! So overbearing (I swear he was almost cartoonish with the "don't worry young lady, I'll take care of things...") and he kept getting irritated with me (!) because I didn't want to totally screw my ex. I kept trying to make our settlement 50/50 fair, and this guy just could not understand that! My new atty gets it. Good luck!

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad spoke to the school, who said it would be okay for Son to miss a few days. Dad has changed his mind and is letting Son go with his mother. Yay!

As I mentioned, Dad's lawyer-the one with no conscience-said he should absolutely not let Son go. He sent Mom's lawyer a letter explaining why Dad was not going to let Son go. A copy of the letter came in the mail Saturday. He mentioned that Son would miss school, etc. and implied that because Mom didn't ask permission until a few days before the trip that she didn't plan to bring Son at all. He didn't even get Son's name right in the letter.

Dad is obviously going against the lawyer's wishes, but I think the lawyer is a total heel. Dad went with someone we could afford, meaning cheap, and Dad is getting what he paid for. He's about 100 years old, is hard of hearing, has to be reminded every five minutes of the details of the case, can't remember anyone's names, yells at Dad and is trying to be very vindictive toward Mom, which Dad doesn't want. I swear in Court he nodded off at one point while the Judge was talking. Even though Mom's case seems pretty weak, Dad needs to keep the lawyer for the hearing so he doesn't get outmanuevered by Mom's lawyer because of some legality he doesn't understand.

I'm going to keep trying to provide help and support behind-the-scenes. Thanks for all your advice.

Good for dad. The attorney sounds like a jerk. But don't equate the cost of the attorney fees with quality. The child will have memories he will not forget and dad gets to feel good knowing he did right by his child and not his attorney.

 

[CatFood]

I am searching for it, but there's a very wonderful article on custody tips, keeping your cool when the other parent is being difficult, etc.

While I know that the son is able to go, I wanted to pass on that everywhere I've read states that if the other parent wants to take the child on an occasional trip that is to the child's benefit, let them go. I think that this is definitely the case, as missing only a couple of days of kindergarten is not going to harm the child. Now, I feel there is a fine line in this point, as if it is a recurring problem, or it's causing the child to miss out on social and educational needs, then you should put a stop to it.

While you have should be worried about protecting your rights as a parent, I feel that it's also necessary to step back and look at the situation from the child's point of view and do what is best for them. Letting the child go with the mother at least proves that you are flexible enough to keep your custodial rights and do what's best for the child.

I will be looking for that website, as it's somewhere in my email. I feel that it would be very helpful to you in your situation.

 

[CJane]

Pre-trial conference is over, hearing set for June 1st. Dad's attorney said that he learned during the conference that: 1) the only witness mom has is herself and 2) Son (5 y.o.) told his law guardian that he wants to live with Mom.

Um, re the bolded...

How does ANYONE know what the child told the GAL? Doesn't attorney/client privelege come into play here? I know it certainly does in MY state, and the GAL CANNOT reveal anything that the children tell them.

 

[dorothymantooth]

CJane that's a good question. The lawyer told Dad this as they were leaving the courthouse after the pre-trial conference, so I assumed the GAL told him during the conference. I didn't even think about it being privileged. The lawyer didn't really say where he got that info from. I'll see if Dad can find out where that info came from.