Right of First Refusal and Child Support

[LdiJ]

Ohiogal, my boyfriend is in a different jurisdiction then dad. He was however able to make a phone call to that jurisdiction and a report was filed, and I go tomorrow to get my protective order signed.

So, to sum this thread up, dad has no right to have a say so in who my daughter is around?

During your time, no, he has no say so at all.

The Reimbursement is able to be calculated in as a gross earning?

Maybe...maybe even probably, but you haven't given enough detail to be certain. If you are getting an expense reimbursement from your employer I would certainly fight it tooth and nail from being included in your income. That is to reimburse you for the wear and tear on your car, its NOT additional income.

And the First Right of Refusal means that if dad has to work during his week of summer visitation, his wife or someone else is not able to care for my daughter if I am available?

Thanks again.

Again, that's a maybe. You need to get out your paperwork and see exactly what it says about ROFR. Sometimes it doesn't kick in if the person watching the child is a member of dad's family or dad's household.

Since dad only gets two one week summer visits he certainly has the right to share that time with his family.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

Thank you LdiJ. I have no problem with dad spending time with her, but he wants me to go and get her from him every morning before he goes to work and then he will pick her up from me when he gets off. I don't understand why his family wouldn't want to spend that time with her especially when she has other siblings that will be home with his wife during that week and they will be swimming at their pool. I feel that this his way of getting back at me since we live so far away. I mean, that is 2 hours worth of driving. REALLY???? I would prefer him to make alternate arrangements or switch his week during the summer.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you LdiJ. I have no problem with dad spending time with her, but he wants me to go and get her from him every morning before he goes to work and then he will pick her up from me when he gets off. I don't understand why his family wouldn't want to spend that time with her especially when she has other siblings that will be home with his wife during that week and they will be swimming at their pool. I feel that this his way of getting back at me since we live so far away. I mean, that is 2 hours worth of driving. REALLY???? I would prefer him to make alternate arrangements or switch his week during the summer.

Whoa...wait a minute. ROFR does not REQUIRE you to take the child if dad is working. It requires dad to offer the time to you first, before hiring a babysitter. It does not mean that you HAVE to take the time.

 

[stealth2]

Thank you LdiJ. I have no problem with dad spending time with her, but he wants me to go and get her from him every morning before he goes to work and then he will pick her up from me when he gets off. I don't understand why his family wouldn't want to spend that time with her especially when she has other siblings that will be home with his wife during that week and they will be swimming at their pool. I feel that this his way of getting back at me since we live so far away. I mean, that is 2 hours worth of driving. REALLY???? I would prefer him to make alternate arrangements or switch his week during the summer.

I'm with LDi - you are not REQUIRED to take that time with your child. (Although, for the life of me, I cannot understand a parent who is available who would not WANT to do so given the option!)

But yes - if you want to exercise ROFR, you'd usually have to do the transport. If two hours driving isn't worth it to you? Let him find alternate arrangements. Whacked as that decision may be.

ETA: And stepmom is under NO obligation to watch your child if you choose not to. So don't get all pissy if they put her in camp, daycare, etc.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

Stealth, don't get ahead of yourself there. I did not say I was available and on vacation during that time. I am scheduled to have a procedure for this particular week, because this was the week that dad wanted her. Unfortunately I am having surgery on my rotator cuff. I even offered to split summer camp with dad but he refuses. I thought that if I did not exercise Right of First Refusal, he would need to find alternate arrangements, and he acts like if I don't go pick her up before he goes to work, I will be in contempt. I never said I did not want my girl as that is the furthest from the truth. I am perfectly capable of making arrangements here at my home if he would switch weeks with me. Unfortunately it is him I am dealing with. I mean we are talking about someone who hasn't seen is daughter in over 5 weeks**************And for the record, stepmom is always making sure to be in control of my daughter whenever she is over with her dad. She makes sure to drag her to the grocery, and run errands while dad is home on the sofa. It's just a little odd that her kids will be in town, and she does not want them to spend time with my daughter. They all adore each other, but I guess to each is own. I would just rather swap weekends.

 

[stealth2]

Perhaps you should reread how you phrased your posts in this thread - it comes across that you don't want to have the child with you. At least to me it does.

And apparently, LDi got the same impression.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal, my boyfriend is in a different jurisdiction then dad. He was however able to make a phone call to that jurisdiction and a report was filed, and I go tomorrow to get my protective order signed.

My only point is you are dating law enforcement and I would think you would be aware of your legal options so that you could utilize them.

So, to sum this thread up, dad has no right to have a say so in who my daughter is around?

Nope. Not unless he can PROVE they are a danger or your court order states that he can have a say so.

The Reimbursement is able to be calculated in as a gross earning?

Sometimes. Though If it is a reimbursement, the argument would be that it counted as gross earning when you FIRST earned it and before you spent it on whatever you were reimbursed for. I.e. If for your car payment, then instead of having a car payment of $300 if they reimburse $150, your car payment is actually $150.

And the First Right of Refusal means that if dad has to work during his week of summer visitation, his wife or someone else is not able to care for my daughter if I am available?

WHAT EXACTLY does the FROR state? Word for word? Because no one can tell you what it means if we don't know what it states exactly.

 

[LdiJ]

Perhaps you should reread how you phrased your posts in this thread - it comes across that you don't want to have the child with you. At least to me it does.

And apparently, LDi got the same impression.

I really didn't get the impression that she didn't want the child with her, but rather that logistics made it difficult. Not every parent is able to exercise ROFR every time it is offered.

 

[ecmst12]

It sounds like dad is claiming that because she has FROR, she is not allowed to make plans to do anything other then work during dad's parenting time if HE will have to be working. It's not very likely that the order is actually worded that way is it? It's not like mom is going to vegas with her girlfriends either, she's having surgery!

 

[stealth2]

It sounds like dad is claiming that because she has FROR, she is not allowed to make plans to do anything other then work during dad's parenting time if HE will have to be working. It's not very likely that the order is actually worded that way is it? It's not like mom is going to vegas with her girlfriends either, she's having surgery!

Who knows? Several have asked for the actual wording, with no response. Oh well.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

I located the order and this is what it states, "if a parent should be unavailable for more than 4 hours during his/her custodial time, that parent shall offer the other parent the opportunity to care for the children prior to hiring or arranging a childcare provider. The custodial parent at that time must provide to the non-custodial parent a name address and phone number of where the child will be staying."

 

[dannyt]

let his call his lawyer

He gets 2 one week summer visits and we live an hour away from each other. I have to get the language of the order.

My daughter used to tell him what she did on our weekends when she was with him on his. That is how he would find out what I was doing. And then he would call and threaten me on my weekends that if he found out my daughter was around my boyfriend he would contact his attorney.

Thanks for the advice.

tell him to go right ahead and call his attorney-if he gets an order that no unrelated people can be around your child, he wont be allowed to have any of his gf's around your child either. i bet he'll shut up in a hurry

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

tell him to go right ahead and call his attorney-if he gets an order that no unrelated people can be around your child, he wont be allowed to have any of his gf's around your child either. i bet he'll shut up in a hurry

Seriously... do you even read your own responses? Do you read the questions and answers prior to you putting in your own two cents?

 

[LdiJ]

I located the order and this is what it states, "if a parent should be unavailable for more than 4 hours during his/her custodial time, that parent shall offer the other parent the opportunity to care for the children prior to hiring or arranging a childcare provider. The custodial parent at that time must provide to the non-custodial parent a name address and phone number of where the child will be staying."

Ok, then clearly you are not REQUIRED to provide the care. Since you are having surgery you obviously will not be in a position to do the driving, so its impractical for you to prove the care as well.

Tell dad that you are sorry, but you cannot help him that week. That he will need to make other arrangements. You can also reiterate your offer to trade weeks.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

Thanks LdiJ. Sounds like a plan to me, so let's hope this is not a ONE WAY ordeal. I've been trying to choose my battles wisely, but this one seems redundant since I am having surgery, and we live 85 miles apart. I appreciate it.