I have a HUGE problem

[Raisingmaddy]

What is the name of your state - Washington

I planned a trip for me and my kids to go to Disneyland, we are to leave Monday May 3rd and return Saturday night May 8th.

The trip has been planned and paid for for a long time. When I planned this I made sure to plan it around ex-husbands weekends with the kids.

Ex-husband is supposed to get the 1st and 3rd weekend of every month, and I get the 2nd, 4th, and 5th if there is one. I planned this weekend to be his weekend, even though Friday falls on the 30th Saturday is the 1st and of course Sunday the 2nd. I figured the following weekend beginning Friday May 7th-9th is my weekend since it is the second weekend of the month, and that is when we will be leaving.

Dad just informed me this morning that THIS weekend is mine and said it's because it's the 5th weekend of the month, and he gets NEXT weekend, the weekend we are leaving for our trip. He has made it clear that he DOES not want me to be able to take the kids, for no reason, he is just that way.

So, I need to know how all of you see this. Who is supposed to get what weekend? Am I right or wrong? And can Dad stop me from taking the kids to Disneyland next weekend? Sorry for such a long post, I hope it all makes sense. I am just REALLY worried right now.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state - Washington

I planned a trip for me and my kids to go to Disneyland, we are to leave Monday May 3rd and return Saturday night May 8th.

The trip has been planned and paid for for a long time. When I planned this I made sure to plan it around ex-husbands weekends with the kids.

Ex-husband is supposed to get the 1st and 3rd weekend of every month, and I get the 2nd, 4th, and 5th if there is one. I planned this weekend to be his weekend, even though Friday falls on the 30th Saturday is the 1st and of course Sunday the 2nd. I figured the following weekend beginning Friday May 7th-9th is my weekend since it is the second weekend of the month, and that is when we will be leaving.

Dad just informed me this morning that THIS weekend is mine and said it's because it's the 5th weekend of the month, and he gets NEXT weekend, the weekend we are leaving for our trip. He has made it clear that he DOES not want me to be able to take the kids, for no reason, he is just that way.

So, I need to know how all of you see this. Who is supposed to get what weekend? Am I right or wrong? And can Dad stop me from taking the kids to Disneyland next weekend? Sorry for such a long post, I hope it all makes sense. I am just REALLY worried right now.

I hate to tell you this, but I believe that dad is right. Friday is the 30th so that makes it the 5th weekend of the month, and therefore your weekend.

Now, what I would do, if I were you, is offer dad this weekend, plus the weekend after you return, plus then of course his regular 3rd weekend. That would be basically giving him two makeup weekends for the one weekend you are taking. I would put this offer in writing.

Then, if dad takes you to court for contempt, you will be able to prove that you misunderstood the weekends, and offered him two replacement weekends for the one you are taking.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

I hate to tell you this, but I believe that dad is right. Friday is the 30th so that makes it the 5th weekend of the month, and therefore your weekend.

Now, what I would do, if I were you, is offer dad this weekend, plus the weekend after you return, plus then of course his regular 3rd weekend. That would be basically giving him two makeup weekends for the one weekend you are taking. I would put this offer in writing.

Then, if dad takes you to court for contempt, you will be able to prove that you misunderstood the weekends, and offered him two replacement weekends for the one you are taking.

Really? Even though we have done it this way for the past seven years? I would think there is precedence here on my side.

 

[chronicle]

There might be, but if you fight Dad on this- and he says, "fine take it to a court" then not only might you (likely) lose, but none of that would accomplish what you need in time for a trip coming that quickly. Compromise like the other answer said. And make sure you are clear on which weekends next time so you don't get stressed again!

 

[Raisingmaddy]

The trip is already paid for and of course I certainly don't want to cancel it, my kids have been waiting for this for years. Whats the worst that can happen to me when we go?

I offered Dad what you suggested and he said NO WAY. He is trying to be difficult on purpose. I don't know what else to do.

ETA: Also, Dad has known about this trip for a year as well.

 

[CourtClerk]

Really? Even though we have done it this way for the past seven years? I would think there is precedence here on my side.

Even if it is, how do you suppose you'll get into court before May 3? This is NOT an emergency and therefore does not qualify for an emergency hearing.

You're going to have to suck it up. You screwed this one up.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Even if it is, how do you suppose you'll get into court before May 3? This is NOT an emergency and therefore does not qualify for an emergency hearing.

You're going to have to suck it up. You screwed this one up.

If he was right and this weekend isn't considered the first weekend in May then he would get two weekends in May and I would only get one. Doesn't seem right.

Not to mention, he NEVER shows up Friday at 7 like he is supposed to, usually shows up on Saturdays and that Sunday is Mothers day and per our agreement I get them that day anyways.

I get that I may have screwed up, but since he won't agree to anything and if I take the kids anyways then what is the worst that can happen?

I know you don't have a magic crystal ball, just looking for thoughts and experiences.

 

[CourtClerk]

I get that I may have screwed up, but since he won't agree to anything and if I take the kids anyways then what is the worst that can happen?

You're denying him his access to his children. I'd have you in court, ESPECIALLY after I explained to you that you have your weekends screwed up. Then I'd let the judge deal with you and you may find yourself not having ANY weekends in May, since you'd owe him one.

 

[AkersTile]

Maybe I'm just not reading this right, but I'm confused. My calendar (2010) shows 4 weekends in May.
WE1: 7-9 (Mother's Day WE)
WE2: 14-16
WE3: 21-23
WE4: 28-30 (although this is Memorial Day WE so generally would go until 31)

So how would Dad get 2 and Mom get 1??? Where are the kiddos the 4th WE?

Someone please explain

 

[Zigner]

On what day does dad get to pick the kids up to start his weekend? If it's Saturday, then you are right. If it's Friday, then dad is right.

Frankly, I don't think you'd get in trouble much at all over this if dad even bothers heading to court on this matter. You are offering make-up time AND dad has known about and (presumably) agreed to the trip for a year now.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Maybe I'm just not reading this right, but I'm confused. My calendar (2010) shows 4 weekends in May.
WE1: 7-9 (Mother's Day WE)
WE2: 14-16
WE3: 21-23
WE4: 28-30 (although this is Memorial Day WE so generally would go until 31)

So how would Dad get 2 and Mom get 1??? Where are the kiddos the 4th WE?

Someone please explain

I looked at that wrong, I would still get two weekends. The point is, he wants to deny the children going to Disneyland yet he wouldn't lose ANY parenting time whatsoever. He would still get his two weekends in May, he just wants to complicate which ones are his and mine.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

On what day does dad get to pick the kids up to start his weekend? If it's Saturday, then you are right. If it's Friday, then dad is right.

Frankly, I don't think you'd get in trouble much at all over this if dad even bothers heading to court on this matter. You are offering make-up time AND dad has known about and (presumably) agreed to the trip for a year now.

It starts on Friday, so I guess technically he is right. Like I said, he wouldn't be losing ANY of his time whatsoever, he would just get them the following weekend and of course again two weekends later all still in the month of May.

And yes, he has known about the trip for some time. I just checked again and we return Friday May 9th at 10:18 p.m. I thought this would be my weekend. He never shows up on Fridays to pick the kids up for his weekends as it is, he will make sure to show up that Friday just to take me to court.

He told me this morning if I do not have the kids ready for him Friday the 9th at 7 p.m. he is filing contempt on Monday. I just can't believe he is willing to try to take away the kids disneyland vacation over 4 hours that he normally wouldn't be there anyways. It's just sad.

 

[Isis1]

I looked at that wrong, I would still get two weekends. The point is, he wants to deny the children going to Disneyland yet he wouldn't lose ANY parenting time whatsoever. He would still get his two weekends in May, he just wants to complicate which ones are his and mine.

look. utilmately, the choice is yours.

do you have anything in writing confirming dad KNEW this weekend was the one you were planning on taking the kids?
it would show he KNEW about it, chose not to say anything about it till last minute.

now, this could be a simple misunderstanding. depends on how a judge will look at it.

is it helping your co-parenting by stepping on dad's rights regardless of what a jerk he might be? probably not. is it annoying you that he is sitting there getting his ego all blown up because you canceled an entire family trip cuz "he said so"? i'm sure it is.

no one here is going to tell you to take the contempt, or call dad's bluff. at least not anyone with ethics.

we can tell you all sorts of things that MAY happen, but you know your judge better than i do. i know my judge wouldn't ding my ex for something like this, but she sure would ding me.

 

[CourtClerk]

do you have anything in writing confirming dad KNEW this weekend was the one you were planning on taking the kids?

Who cares? She does not have the right to schedule her activities on his time unless he consents. He's not consenting, nor does it appear that he ever has.

 

[CJane]

Honestly?

I seriously doubt Dad will take this to court. It's not like he hasn't been posturing and making yours and the kids lives difficult for ages.

I think that even if he DID file for contempt, you could easily show that status quo is on your side. Especially if your order doesn't spell out that it's considered a 5th weekend going by the Friday (and even more especially since he routinely doesn't use Fridays).

I think you should go on the trip. I think you shouldn't stress about it, and I think you should wait and see if you get served with anything.

And THEN, you need to gather up all of your calendars, etc and be able to show exactly how it's worked for the past 7 years.