emancipation/visitation rights

[dopeyf16]

michigan

my husband recently 'found' his daughter. he was told about her when she was 3 years old, she comes from a one night stand. she is turning 16 in july.

he has been emailing and texting her for months now. met her once, without her mother knowing. its what daughter wanted. she has known about him for a few years.

shes been dropping hints here and there that she isnt happy with her mom.
and life in general at her house.

she just told him that her step dad hit her becuz she didnt want to give up her cell phone. says her face was swollen from it. (her mom was on board with her eventually meeting her dad, until her step dad decided he had a problem with it. then she emails the father and says stay away from MY daughter. unless you want to pay for the last 15 years) and yes, he agreed to her offer, and regrets it. but her offer when the child was 3, was that shes a happy girl with a man she thinks is her dad. leave her happy, pay no support. at that time, he was paying support on one kid, found out about this one, and another the same day. so he was working part time, sleeping ona friends couch, paying support on 3 kids. so he agreed to leave her happy. wishes he didnt. but couldnt see a way at the time to pay for all of them with the small job, and no home.

this girl wants out, shes afraid of her step dad now, and her mother doesnt care. she wants a life with her real dad. she has told him a week ago to call the courts and set up something with visitaion, cuz she wants to see him but her mother wont let her and wont talk to her about it. and her step dad doesnt want her to either.

she says she doesnt want him to tell the courts about her step dad hitting her becuz shes scared of what he will do when he finds out, and she doesnt want her younger siblings to be affected. she doesnt want him to be removed from them. (im not sure if he is the real father of those 2 kids or not)

she just said that she wants to try to become emancipated from her mom and move in with her real dad.

what do we do??? can she emancipate? is she old enough to tell the courts she wants to move in with her real dad ? what if her mom says no? im just at a loss here and dont know what to do. she has a younger sister here, and a sister the same age. (the other 3 year old he found out about the same day)

hes not on the birth certificate, obviously, but he has the paternity test papers. can anyone point us in the right direction?? we live in isabella county michigan. as far as i know, the child can not decide, the parents do.

 

[stealth2]

It sounds as though he had a support order to pay support for this child - is that right? If so, was there ever a court order stopping support from being paid?

 

[cyjeff]

There is absolutely no way that your "friend" will be granted custody of his daughter after 16 years.

No way.

Unless there is proof of all the drama that the teen ager talks about, it doesn't exist. Why didn't you tell your daughter to call the police and report the abuse? Or is it only abuse if you can use it to gain advantage in a custody battle?

EVERY 16 year old wants to live somewhere else other than the home they are in... and that includes my own.

If he establishes paternity and if the COURT believes it is in the best interest of the child to do so, he MAY be granted a graduated visitation plan beginning with supervised and limited visits.

HOWEVER, your 'friend' should also be prepared to find his checkbook. College is just around the corner and guess who gets to pay half?

 

[Banned_Princess]

Ah, and the storys I used to tell about my parents when I was sixteen and wanted SO BAD to live Anywhere else...

 

[stealth2]

EVERY 16 year old wants to live somewhere else other than the home they are in... and that includes my own.

Sorry jeff - you're wrong. Not EVERY 16yo wants to do so. Neither of mine have. Not once.

 

[dopeyf16]

yes there was a order of support. and I have no idea what papers were filed. we will go to the courts and get copies. and I guess find out what was filed.

I am not sure what I believe, since we don't know her that well. she didn't file a police report... soo.. that gives me 2 options. either she's telling the truth and doesn't want her siblings to lose him..or she's lying..and just wants tto check out how life would be here..

I don't know.. except that she's ansked for visitation with her dad and her mom says no. so she's asked us too go to the courts.. and yet again has asked for her dads help. so we can't ignore it.

a friend of hers also says her step dad is a real jerk to her. and her moms doesn't pay attention or doesn't care.

 

[stealth2]

yes there was a order of support. and I have no idea what papers were filed. we will go to the courts and get copies. and I guess find out what was filed.

I am not sure what I believe, since we don't know her that well. she didn't file a police report... soo.. that gives me 2 options. either she's telling the truth and doesn't want her siblings to lose him..or she's lying..and just wants tto check out how life would be here..

I don't know.. except that she's ansked for visitation with her dad and her mom says no. so she's asked us too go to the courts.. and yet again has asked for her dads help. so we can't ignore it.

a friend of hers also says her step dad is a real jerk to her. and her moms doesn't pay attention or doesn't care.

Well, here's the thing. Since there was a support order, and Dad apparently stopped paying - he owes back support. Plus interest.

And Dad is unlikely to get custody based on his lack of involvement.

And.... you can ignore anything you want. Because your involvement will eb ignored. It isn't your situation.

 

[Banned_Princess]

In two short years, you are free to take her in if you want.

I suggest without actual proof of abuse (why didn't her school see the injury to her face?) your husband should just tell her without her mothers approval, he shouldn't see her.

Because its been 16 years, she kinda has two parents and she probably isn't an innocent participant to her step dad being a jerk. and your husband will have to pay 16 years in back support. Have you caculated that? then mom basically just sold her daughter to you...

The court case could go on that long anyway.

 

[cyjeff]

Sorry jeff - you're wrong. Not EVERY 16yo wants to do so. Neither of mine have. Not once.

your kids have never thought about how cool it would be to live with X's parents?

Really?

Ever asked them?

 

[stealth2]

We've talked about it. And they have been very clear that it would not be an option for them. But then, their Dad has some .... interesting .... rules.

ETA - they're not interested in living with friends' parents, either.

 

[CdwJava]

Most every teen thinks life with their parent(s) sucks sometimes. Most of them have at least one friend with "cool" parents that they would want to live with ... note that "cool" means the parent has few or no rules, maybe lets them drink and stay out all night, etc. Even mine have expressed this desire to be elsewhere from time to time.

If only I had a dollar for every time I have heard tales of woe from a teenager that actually turns out to be a case of "I don't like following the rules at home," I could retire! We had a 14-year-old girl here just last week that ran away to every home she could find a sympathetic ear (took off almost daily for three weeks after dad found out she was letting her 17 year old boyfriend in to sleep with her at night). All of a sudden, out of the blue, he was evil incarnate and his wife (the girl's step mom) was the bride of Satan. Her stories boiled down to the fact she did not want to follow the rules.

The bottom line is that kids can and will manipulate others into doing their bidding. If they think they can have a champion for their cause (sometimes it can be as simple as pitting parent A against parent B - even in the same household) they can and will manipulate that situation. Granted, that is not always the case, but it is the case often enough for it to be pretty commonplace.

To echo the opinions of others, your friend may have a great deal of child support to pay up before a court will entertain a motion for custody or even visitation. If she is telling the truth, and IS being abused, she needs to call the police or child services. She can tell them at school (or could have done so before it got out), she can call the police or child services on her own, or she can walk in to a station or government office somewhere and do it. If she truly is being beaten and abused, that would be the avenue to travel.

 

[stealth2]

Most every teen thinks life with their parent(s) sucks sometimes. Most of them have at least one friend with "cool" parents that they would want to live with ... note that "cool" means the parent has few or no rules, maybe lets them drink and stay out all night, etc.

I actually AM the cool parent. The one their friends would like to live with (probably why mine don't want to live elsewhere). However, I am NOT the "cool" parent you describe.

My home is open to my kids' friends anytime that I am home - whether my kids are here or not. If I'm not home, I expect to be asked first as there are a handful of friends I will allow here w/o my being home.

I usually have available food and beverages (non-alcoholic), although the kids more often than not bring stuff along. They know resources are limited, so they don't take advantage. What they tend to find most fascinating is that I actually cook. Real food. For - and with - them.

They are not allowed to drink or drug here. Period. No discussion. I don't care if their parents allow it or not - I refuse to serve someone else's underage kid alcohol.

They are not allowed to stay out all night. Though, when they come here, they don't tend to want to go out. When they do? It's usually to a movie, the mall, bowling, etc. And they keep in touch to let me know where they are. Yes, even the 18yo.

They can't have sex here. Can I stop teens from having it? Of course not. But I don't have to provide the venue.

Why are they eager to spend time here? We don't have a pool. Or a hot tub. Or a gaming system. What DO we have? Well... a lot of them have parents who don't have the time or interest to listen to them. I make the time and show the interest. For starters, then I know who my kids are hanging out with and what they're like. But I also find their thoughts really interesting. We have discussions about all sorts of things. While I don't judge them, I do make my beliefs clear - and accept theirs. Based on what my kids tell me, their friends actually listen to what I think.

So... ya know... not all "cool" parents are permissive.

ETA: I also require that their parents know where they are.

 

[cbg]

I don't see where Jeff suggested that all "cool" parents were permissive.

 

[Zigner]

I don't see where Jeff suggested that all "cool" parents were permissive.

Actually, Carl did

 

[>Charlotte<]

she says she doesnt want him to tell the courts about her step dad hitting her becuz shes scared of what he will do when he finds out, and she doesnt want her younger siblings to be affected.

Huge red flag. She's willing to make the accusation to the extent that it might get her what she wants, but she is not willing to make the accusation in a venue where she could be shown to be lying.