What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA
I feel practically silly asking this question, but it is becoming a constant issue here. 10 year old daughter, On paper, dad is CP and I am NCP, although we split time 50/50, one week on, one week off w/a Wednesday night visit. We've been divorced since she was 5.
Daughter first got her ears pierced at 5, and they didn't heal properly... Primarily because she fiddled with them so often. We let them heal up within 6 months. Daughter got them re-pierced at 6 1/2. Both times her Dad took her, but the second time it was to a very upscale jewelry store.
Dad and I have had this underlying issue for years--he makes a great deal more money than I do, and is very flashy about it. He insists that daughter wears very expensive clothing, shoes, gets her hair cut at a fancy salon, etc. I don't love how much importance he places on appearances because I don't want daughter to have those values, but at the same time, he covers all the costs of those things... Just gets mad if we happen to run into him on my time and he sees her in an outfit from Target or something.
So back to the earrings... Dad has purchased two pairs of earrings she can wear; platinum hoops and diamond studs, both from Tiffany & Co.; the hoops were $700 and the studs were $1500 (I am constantly reminded). First of all, daughter doesn't always want to wear these earrings. She knows that she is supposed to, but at every opportunity is taking them out to borrow dangly earrings from friends or from my own collection.
Dad is trying to say that she can't take her earrings out while she's at my house. He says that it is a medical issue, and that her ears will get infected if she has anything less than platinum posts. This is what the jeweler said was the case, not a doctor. She's gone without an infection for the entire 4 years they've been pierced for the second time, so it's not as if she's at great risk or has tested positive for any kind of metal allergy.
Frankly, I think his "rule" is ridiculous; I do NOT want him trying to make rules for what will happen at MY house, and I do NOT want to be responsible for the loss of an expensive piece of jewelry, should something happen to an earring while she takes them out. The only *problem*, as I see it, is that we do not have joint legal; HE has legal. However, this is just a carry-over from a time about 2 years ago when I lived in another city and we had temporary orders that he be made CP and have decision making power. Since I've returned to her city, we've been parenting as if we have joint custody and joint legal, but it won't be official in court until this fall.
It seems, first of all, that status quo would be on my side as far as decision making is concerned, but second of all, that something as menial as changing a girl's earrings would not be considered a "legal" issue--I wouldn't think this authority would extend during my visitation unless it were a true medical issue, documented by a doctor, and not an issue of snobbery. Am I wrong?
I feel practically silly asking this question, but it is becoming a constant issue here. 10 year old daughter, On paper, dad is CP and I am NCP, although we split time 50/50, one week on, one week off w/a Wednesday night visit. We've been divorced since she was 5.
Daughter first got her ears pierced at 5, and they didn't heal properly... Primarily because she fiddled with them so often. We let them heal up within 6 months. Daughter got them re-pierced at 6 1/2. Both times her Dad took her, but the second time it was to a very upscale jewelry store.
Dad and I have had this underlying issue for years--he makes a great deal more money than I do, and is very flashy about it. He insists that daughter wears very expensive clothing, shoes, gets her hair cut at a fancy salon, etc. I don't love how much importance he places on appearances because I don't want daughter to have those values, but at the same time, he covers all the costs of those things... Just gets mad if we happen to run into him on my time and he sees her in an outfit from Target or something.
So back to the earrings... Dad has purchased two pairs of earrings she can wear; platinum hoops and diamond studs, both from Tiffany & Co.; the hoops were $700 and the studs were $1500 (I am constantly reminded). First of all, daughter doesn't always want to wear these earrings. She knows that she is supposed to, but at every opportunity is taking them out to borrow dangly earrings from friends or from my own collection.
Dad is trying to say that she can't take her earrings out while she's at my house. He says that it is a medical issue, and that her ears will get infected if she has anything less than platinum posts. This is what the jeweler said was the case, not a doctor. She's gone without an infection for the entire 4 years they've been pierced for the second time, so it's not as if she's at great risk or has tested positive for any kind of metal allergy.
Frankly, I think his "rule" is ridiculous; I do NOT want him trying to make rules for what will happen at MY house, and I do NOT want to be responsible for the loss of an expensive piece of jewelry, should something happen to an earring while she takes them out. The only *problem*, as I see it, is that we do not have joint legal; HE has legal. However, this is just a carry-over from a time about 2 years ago when I lived in another city and we had temporary orders that he be made CP and have decision making power. Since I've returned to her city, we've been parenting as if we have joint custody and joint legal, but it won't be official in court until this fall.
It seems, first of all, that status quo would be on my side as far as decision making is concerned, but second of all, that something as menial as changing a girl's earrings would not be considered a "legal" issue--I wouldn't think this authority would extend during my visitation unless it were a true medical issue, documented by a doctor, and not an issue of snobbery. Am I wrong?
) It is important to me that my daughter looks nice and is well-groomed; clothing isn't normally the biggest issue as she wears a uniform to school, and hey... He has good taste--I almost always love the clothing he buys for her.