Earrings, Ear Piercing

[justalayman]

In all honesty, this is nothing but a power struggle. It really has nothing to do with legal custody or either parents rights to do or demand something. You have the right to dress your child as you want when she is with you and dad does when she is with him. That is all there is too it. Any discussion between the parents it just the two of you fighting to show each other who has the power.

 

[aubreyz]

In all honesty, this is nothing but a power struggle. It really has nothing to do with legal custody or either parents rights to do or demand something. You have the right to dress your child as you want when she is with you and dad does when she is with him. That is all there is too it. Any discussion between the parents it just the two of you fighting to show each other who has the power.

You are probably right. Ultimately, I guess my question/concern was whether or not the earrings could be considered a "legal" issue since technically he still has legal/decision making custody. From what I can tell here, it looks as if it's not the type of issue that falls into a court-worthy category.

I'm not out to spite dad OR let my daughter look like a fool, and I'd never wish or want for these earrings to be lost or stolen.

 

[CourtClerk]

You are probably right. Ultimately, I guess my question/concern was whether or not the earrings could be considered a "legal" issue since technically he still has legal/decision making custody. From what I can tell here, it looks as if it's not the type of issue that falls into a court-worthy category.

If the earrings become lost or stolen on your watch, it becomes a legal issue.

 

[aubreyz]

It would seem, then, that I could ask dad to leave them at home.

 

[Isis1]

It is one thing for you to be concerned about YOUR appearance, it's another to insist someone else to be concerned the same exact way. There is also no shame in purchasing clothes from target, walmart, or forever 21.

From one of my most favorite movies, from probably the world's most overtanned man..."there's nothing wrong with being poor, only dressing poorly".

 

[stealth2]

Whatever happened to that saying "It's not the clothes that make the man"? I, personally, think it's a shame that the child is being raised to think that the cost of the clothes she wears in some way indicates her worth as a person.

As far as I'm concerned, if the clothes are to the taste of the person, clean, fit neatly, and are locale/event appropriate? Good enough for me.

My oldest went through an "emo" phase, wore mostly black, used eyeliner (believe me, it is very odd to shop for make-up with your son!), etc. However, every Sunday, w/o any prompting apart from one discussion, he shed all of that to put on a suit and tie for Church, and then something "nice" for dinner at the grandparents. Then he went off the emo phase, and that was that. Just not a hill to die on, IMO.

But then... I'm the one who will run to the store with a pair of sweats and a tshirt, a baseball cap and sneakers w/o a second thought. If someone wants to judge me for my clothes? It's their loss, not mine.

 

[mistoffolees]

It would seem, then, that I could ask dad to leave them at home.

Yes, you could. But he probably won't do it - and you can't really force the issue.

From a practical perspective, your best bet is probably to have the girl replace them with more modest earrings as soon as she arrives at your house and store them in a safe place. That wouldn't be my first choice, but the father is clearly not going to cooperate. You can also bet that if she loses them, you're going to have a REAL battle on your hands.

 

[cyjeff]

I don't allow my 9 year old to walk across the house with a plate of food for fear of the damage...

A $1500 pair of earrings is silly.

I agree. When she shows up, take out the earrings and replace them with something cheaper that SHE picked out.

Going back to dad's, the reverse is true.

Tell dad that, despite the learned medical advice given to him by his jeweler, you will do what you wish with your child on your time.

Period. End of story. Life is grand.

 

[MichaCA]

I don't see this as being a difference in what clothes the kids wears (although I do think dad sounds like an arrogant jerk), but a sincere legal question.

My understanding of dad having sole legal is that gives him the veto power on MAJOR decision making...education, spiritual, medical decisions.

It does not give him the authority to dictate how you parent in your own home, at all...unless your not giving child a medically prescribed medication, or refusing to send her to the new school dad signed her up for.

Major decisions vs day to day parenting are very different...dad does not need to dictate, in any way, shape or form, how your daughter dresses when with you.

When my daughter comes home with things I don't really want her to have - from dads - I've done a couple of things...I either nicely explain to her that these are things that she can leave at dads in the future, or I take them and hold them until she goes back.

As stated at the beginning, dad CANNOT ding you for daughter wearing and taking the earrings out in your care, or the daughter not wearing them at all. He just doesn't have that power.

Hopefully along the way, dad will learn that daughter also is going to wear what you choose on your time with her and not humiliate her for her choices. There is too much entitlement going on there.

 

[KnownOne]

Tell the daughter to bite dust. The dog can wear the freaking earrings for all anyone cares.

 

[frylover]

Whatever happened to that saying "It's not the clothes that make the man"? I, personally, think it's a shame that the child is being raised to think that the cost of the clothes she wears in some way indicates her worth as a person.

As far as I'm concerned, if the clothes are to the taste of the person, clean, fit neatly, and are locale/event appropriate? Good enough for me.

My oldest went through an "emo" phase, wore mostly black, used eyeliner (believe me, it is very odd to shop for make-up with your son!), etc. However, every Sunday, w/o any prompting apart from one discussion, he shed all of that to put on a suit and tie for Church, and then something "nice" for dinner at the grandparents. Then he went off the emo phase, and that was that. Just not a hill to die on, IMO.

But then... I'm the one who will run to the store with a pair of sweats and a tshirt, a baseball cap and sneakers w/o a second thought. If someone wants to judge me for my clothes? It's their loss, not mine.

Major cosign the bolded!

 

[mistoffolees]

Tell the daughter to bite dust. The dog can wear the freaking earrings for all anyone cares.

Why attack the daughter? She's not the one causing problems - it's the father.

As for the rest, the problem will be when the dog loses an earring. I wouldn't want to get a bill from the father for $1500. Granted, I think it's unlikely that he would win, but he apparently doesn't mind spending money on attorneys to irritate OP.

 

[haiku]

Though I can't really relate to someone in a socio-economic class whose children wear 1500 dollar earrings, but I kind of get it in the sense of I dress, and dress my child within my class range, which does include target clothing on occasion.

I live in an area that caters to old money families, and yep they knock around with the hoi poloi at the supermarket and such on weekends, and yep you can see a huge difference in a frayed "faded glory" shirt over the frayed "brooks Bros." shirt....

The TRULY rich are....different....is true, in my experience. I don't even try to compare the lifestyle. I always find it amusing when people try to relate to movie star parents, in those celebrity baby forums, because no matter how normal and "just like us!" they are, I highly doubt once past the parental fundamentals, someone like Jennifer Garner can really relate to Sally Jo in Peoria and her daily grind.....

As to the OP, its jewelry, other than losing it, I would think you get to do as you want with your kid on your time, without interference.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Tell the daughter to bite dust. The dog can wear the freaking earrings for all anyone cares.

Did you even READ and COMPREHEND this thread? You seriously need to FOCUS. This isn't about the daughter demanding to wear anything... its about dad trying to dictate what daughter wears while on MOM's parenting time. Seriously, its time for you to FOCUS.

 

[CourtClerk]

Whatever happened to that saying "It's not the clothes that make the man"? I, personally, think it's a shame that the child is being raised to think that the cost of the clothes she wears in some way indicates her worth as a person.

Who's to say that she's being raised to think it's the cost of the clothes she wears that indicates her worth as a person. Maybe it's about the quality and the style. I'm not saying dad's right here, but that's where it is with me. I'd rather have my child wear good quality, stylish clothing and I have yet to find an outfit at Target I'd send him to school in or let him come to my job in. Play and get sweaty at the park in? Maybe. At the point where I can find Macy's quality clothing at Target, I'll revisit my viewpoint.

My oldest went through an "emo" phase, wore mostly black, used eyeliner (believe me, it is very odd to shop for make-up with your son!), etc.

And that's why you're much more a better parent that I am... because I'm not doing it.

But then... I'm the one who will run to the store with a pair of sweats and a tshirt, a baseball cap and sneakers w/o a second thought.

I have no problem going to the grocery store in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, if that's the only place i'm going. I've got a pair on now and I'm doing laundry, cleaning the house and later I'm going to the market (but I'm also going to do my hair and throw on some lip gloss) - but I wouldn't stop by anyone's house. My dad was very persnickety about his children looking like anything going outside. I guess it just stuck.