What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA
I'm looking for some advice before starting new mediation processes/hearings. Ex-husband and I have a 10 year old daughter; we've been divorced since she was 5. For the most part, we've split parenting time 50/50. We've had some bumps in the road, but I've seen and heard of worse, so here's my dilemma:
I was CP, he was NCP, with joint legal and equal parenting time for the first 3.5 years. At the time, he was ordered to pay me support. I made about 35k annually and he made about 95k. He was ordered to pay me $1,000 per month, which he didn't think was fair (since we split her time), but he was always on time with the full amount. He and I have much different values, but he does love our daughter and he is a very responsible person.
Close to 2 years ago, I had a major accident that fractured my pelvis. I was hospitalized and in rehabilitation therapy for months, and also had to be weaned off of pain medication in an inpatient setting. During this time, the hospital and treatment facilities were about 4 hours away from the city we lived in with our daughter, and we signed papers to make him temporary CP and have decision making/legal authority. He also filed to have his CS suspended and I was ordered to pay CS to him. We had always been on a private pay basis (CS wasn't taken out of his check), and this is what he asked of me as well. Due to his income and my situation at the time (which was deemed temporary), I was only ordered to pay $25 per month. This went on for about 6 months.
When I was well enough to return home and return to parenting, my ex started refusing my checks, saying he didn't need such a menial amount, and said that if that was all I was going to pay (the amount I was ordered), that I should just put it each month into a college savings account for my daughter and send him the info, which I've been doing. (I should mention that his income has more than tripled since he was first ordered to pay me CS 5 years ago. He now makes 320k per year, and I am making 48k.)
Since I've been back and we've gone back to 50-50 parenting time, we've never officially addressed the temporary orders, so legally he is still CP and has 100% legal custody. I recently filed to have this amended, as it seems like it would be best for all involved that our orders reflect status quo. I'm not picky about who is CP and who is NCP since we do a pretty good job of sharing, but I do want joint legal. Would a CS modification go hand in hand with such a request? He is making me feel very guilty about even *thinking* about asking for CS again, since we split time equally and he was her primary parent without much help for a 6 month period.
He said that if I DO ask for CS, it's only fair to ask for what the state calculator says. Every state calculator I can find only gives CS payment amounts for incomes up to 75k; I can't find any sort of "calculator" that takes into account such a high income and such a large income disparity between parents, and for payments to NCP by CP when parenting time is shared.
I don't want to do wrong by him, so if it's ridiculous to ask for my "old amount" to be restored or revisited, can someone let me know? I know that I will have an attorney's help eventually for assistance with mediation, filing, document wording, etc. for the CS mod, but I don't want to surprise my ex with a letter from my attorney right off the bat. So far, each time we've gone to court has been by mutual agreement, and I'd like it to stay that way if possible. What would be a reasonable amount to ask for or present to him for his consideration before we get the attorneys too heavily involved? Will my filing for the custody mod automatically trigger CS order to be revisited, or will it be completely separate? Will my deposits into a college savings account, rather than CS payments to my ex, be frowned upon by the court?
I'm looking for some advice before starting new mediation processes/hearings. Ex-husband and I have a 10 year old daughter; we've been divorced since she was 5. For the most part, we've split parenting time 50/50. We've had some bumps in the road, but I've seen and heard of worse, so here's my dilemma:
I was CP, he was NCP, with joint legal and equal parenting time for the first 3.5 years. At the time, he was ordered to pay me support. I made about 35k annually and he made about 95k. He was ordered to pay me $1,000 per month, which he didn't think was fair (since we split her time), but he was always on time with the full amount. He and I have much different values, but he does love our daughter and he is a very responsible person.
Close to 2 years ago, I had a major accident that fractured my pelvis. I was hospitalized and in rehabilitation therapy for months, and also had to be weaned off of pain medication in an inpatient setting. During this time, the hospital and treatment facilities were about 4 hours away from the city we lived in with our daughter, and we signed papers to make him temporary CP and have decision making/legal authority. He also filed to have his CS suspended and I was ordered to pay CS to him. We had always been on a private pay basis (CS wasn't taken out of his check), and this is what he asked of me as well. Due to his income and my situation at the time (which was deemed temporary), I was only ordered to pay $25 per month. This went on for about 6 months.
When I was well enough to return home and return to parenting, my ex started refusing my checks, saying he didn't need such a menial amount, and said that if that was all I was going to pay (the amount I was ordered), that I should just put it each month into a college savings account for my daughter and send him the info, which I've been doing. (I should mention that his income has more than tripled since he was first ordered to pay me CS 5 years ago. He now makes 320k per year, and I am making 48k.)
Since I've been back and we've gone back to 50-50 parenting time, we've never officially addressed the temporary orders, so legally he is still CP and has 100% legal custody. I recently filed to have this amended, as it seems like it would be best for all involved that our orders reflect status quo. I'm not picky about who is CP and who is NCP since we do a pretty good job of sharing, but I do want joint legal. Would a CS modification go hand in hand with such a request? He is making me feel very guilty about even *thinking* about asking for CS again, since we split time equally and he was her primary parent without much help for a 6 month period.
He said that if I DO ask for CS, it's only fair to ask for what the state calculator says. Every state calculator I can find only gives CS payment amounts for incomes up to 75k; I can't find any sort of "calculator" that takes into account such a high income and such a large income disparity between parents, and for payments to NCP by CP when parenting time is shared.
I don't want to do wrong by him, so if it's ridiculous to ask for my "old amount" to be restored or revisited, can someone let me know? I know that I will have an attorney's help eventually for assistance with mediation, filing, document wording, etc. for the CS mod, but I don't want to surprise my ex with a letter from my attorney right off the bat. So far, each time we've gone to court has been by mutual agreement, and I'd like it to stay that way if possible. What would be a reasonable amount to ask for or present to him for his consideration before we get the attorneys too heavily involved? Will my filing for the custody mod automatically trigger CS order to be revisited, or will it be completely separate? Will my deposits into a college savings account, rather than CS payments to my ex, be frowned upon by the court?
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