My wife and her Ex.

[Ray82]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee

I don't want to give you a wall of text, but I am pretty frustrated.

My wife received a text message earlier this week from her ex asking to drop the children off two hours later. My wife responded with a No.

Today, an hour before the swap he texts and says he'll be two hours late because of traffic out of Atlanta. (Two hours away.)

This person does everything he can to undermine my wife's parenting of the three children they shared. I am not exagerating and will list them below for those that want to read the wall of text, but trust me if you can imagine a person going right up to the limit and a little over what a child can see without getting shocked you'd be on the right path to understanding everything he does.

But hey, it's our problem right? Judges don't care about the parents even though we influence the children more than any other while they are pre-teen.

The girls cry when we even mention their hair and maybe getting it cut because the last time we did the dad got upset with the oldest and told her that he was the only one allowed.

Any help appreciated. Too angry to type more. Thanks.

Currently know that lawyers can get us custody but it would involve the girls and 5k to start... We can get more time easilly, but really for the girls it wouldn't be the best thing because of his family that he relies on that we don't have a problem with and are great with the children. And we live just far enough away that they would be tired in the morning for school.

I guess I want him to have a judge smack him and tell him if his attitude continues there will be consequences. It really shouldn't be this ugly. The oldest girl is aged way past where she should be and she has the attitude of a teen even though she's 7.

 

[haiku]

You clearly didn't read the sticky, at the top of the forum.

Co-parenting requires a lot of give and take between the parties. Sometimes peoples schedules and traffic get in the way, and you just have to deal with it. My husband has a long distance order and over the years its much easier to bend an hour here and there, than be so rigid.

Hair? Its HAIR. Not worth arguing.

And as far as you involvment goes? You should not be getting angry. Period. You have no dog in this fight.

And custody is something that is very difficut to change and I doubt your WIFE would easily get custody-you, you must remember, would not be a party to the court order.

And the children should NEVER be aware of the parents issues-shame on you if any of your issues with the ex are being displayed in front of them.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee

I don't want to give you a wall of text, but I am pretty frustrated.

My wife received a text message earlier this week from her ex asking to drop the children off two hours later. My wife responded with a No.

Today, an hour before the swap he texts and says he'll be two hours late because of traffic out of Atlanta. (Two hours away.)

This person does everything he can to undermine my wife's parenting of the three children they shared. I am not exagerating and will list them below for those that want to read the wall of text, but trust me if you can imagine a person going right up to the limit and a little over what a child can see without getting shocked you'd be on the right path to understanding everything he does.

But hey, it's our problem right? Judges don't care about the parents even though we influence the children more than any other while they are pre-teen.

The girls cry when we even mention their hair and maybe getting it cut because the last time we did the dad got upset with the oldest and told her that he was the only one allowed.

Any help appreciated. Too angry to type more. Thanks.

Currently know that lawyers can get us custody but it would involve the girls and 5k to start... We can get more time easilly, but really for the girls it wouldn't be the best thing because of his family that he relies on that we don't have a problem with and are great with the children. And we live just far enough away that they would be tired in the morning for school.

I guess I want him to have a judge smack him and tell him if his attitude continues there will be consequences. It really shouldn't be this ugly. The oldest girl is aged way past where she should be and she has the attitude of a teen even though she's 7.

YOU will NEVER get custody. More time? Seriously? YOU? No. Not going to happen. You need to back off and back out.

Any lawyer promising to get YOU custody for 5k is lying through their teeth. There is no guarantee. What is the substantial change in circumstance in the life of the girls that is a detriment? Does your wife have ANY custody right now?

Quite frankly you are in over your head.

 

[TheGeekess]

And yes, Hotlanta traffic is going to be worse than usual this weekend. They had a SEC ball game (LSU & Carolina played there yesterday), DragonCon is this weekend in Hotlanta AND it's Labor Day Weekend.

 

[Ray82]

I understand that it is. But you know it and I know it. You should plan around it. It's Atlanta. Everyone knows it... He obviously wanted to stay later and he did despite her telling him we had plans.

I never said we do it... I tried to be brief and not air out all the dirty laundry.

We've been told that it wouldn't be an issue to get more time because of other things going on. This is just one thing in a line of many.

And I understand that co-parenting requires give and take, but it's literally just give from us and take from them. And I know that EVERY parent feels that way, but it really is true.

In Tennessee and in Ohio I know because I have a child in Ohio with my ex they require you to go to parenting classes during custody/divorce involving children.

I could literally flip to a page and tell you about what he's done that is completely opposite in that book. Even petty stuff adds up...

The only thing we could prove is a police report of his refusal to allow the girls to come to a birthday. Despite the cop and us telling him it's in the order for all the girls he only gave us the birthday girl.

The rest is written and text message.

And if we do petty stuff back like returning them late, it only hurts the girls.

The problem with you two is that you assume the worst in people and go by that. I was brief and to the point and got 0 help, but flaq.

I hope you understand that if a less stable person comes on here looking for help and you throw out some of the hate you just did it could have bad consequences.

 

[Ray82]

And the hair you focused on... Yea... it's hair. I don't care about that. You missed the whole point of the sentence and jumped right to it.

It's that she cried about it and acted distant the minute we brought up going to a hair cuttery.

It's not the hair... we left the hair alone. Another give and his take drip in a large lake.

EDIT: And yes... Im just the step father, but Im not a lawyer and I can't turn off my love button like you can. Wife called me before I made this topic crying and I asked her to deal with it herself because it really wasn't my place. I felt like the worst husband AND step father on the planet.

 

[Proserpina]

I understand that it is. But you know it and I know it. You should plan around it. It's Atlanta. Everyone knows it... He obviously wanted to stay later and he did despite her telling him we had plans.

I never said we do it... I tried to be brief and not air out all the dirty laundry.

We've been told that it wouldn't be an issue to get more time because of other things going on. This is just one thing in a line of many.

And I understand that co-parenting requires give and take, but it's literally just give from us and take from them. And I know that EVERY parent feels that way, but it really is true.

In Tennessee and in Ohio I know because I have a child in Ohio with my ex they require you to go to parenting classes during custody/divorce involving children.

I could literally flip to a page and tell you about what he's done that is completely opposite in that book. Even petty stuff adds up...

The only thing we could prove is a police report of his refusal to allow the girls to come to a birthday. Despite the cop and us telling him it's in the order for all the girls he only gave us the birthday girl.

The rest is written and text message.

And if we do petty stuff back like returning them late, it only hurts the girls.

The problem with you two is that you assume the worst in people and go by that. I was brief and to the point and got 0 help, but flaq.

I hope you understand that if a less stable person comes on here looking for help and you throw out some of the hate you just did it could have bad consequences.

If someone harms him/herself/someone else based upon the LEGAL TRUTH that has been given here tonight, they have much bigger problems and frankly shouldn't be anywhere NEAR children.

Hatred? There was no hatred.

You are legally a stranger, and you have no standing to do a darned thing.

Your WIFE needs to answer the questions posed.

And you didn't read the sticky, didya?

I know you didn't

 

[Proserpina]

And the hair you focused on... Yea... it's hair. I don't care about that. You missed the whole point of the sentence and jumped right to it.

It's that she cried about it and acted distant the minute we brought up going to a hair cuttery.

It's not the hair... we left the hair alone. Another give and his take drip in a large lake.

EDIT: And yes... Im just the step father, but Im not a lawyer and I can't turn off my love button like you can. Wife called me before I made this topic crying and I asked her to deal with it herself because it really wasn't my place. I felt like the worst husband AND step father on the planet.

When you're done with the melodrama, have Mom answer the questions posed to her.

 

[Ray82]

No I didn't read the sticky, I apologize. Normally I know better on a forum.

 

[Ohiogal]

Here-- this may help:
The Llama Song | Flash Videos

 

[haiku]

My advice is still the same. I am not a lawyer, I am a stepmother with 13 years experience, dealing with one of the most uncooperative, control freak, nightmare, useless, CP's on this planet. I have BTDT, but you go ahead and do your own thing, I can see its working well for you....

 

[Ray82]

No, you are right, it's not work out. I was frustrated and took it out here. I apologize to all here and have read the sticky.

It's been a 4 year nightmare and it really is as bad (For me and I guess I can only speculate on the girls) as I typed. I came on here to see if there was anything I could do for my wife other than just telling her she has to deal with it herself.

My own situation with my one daughter and her mom is great. It's long distance and everything is wonderful. It's give give give and give some more on both ends. We stop and have lunch during swaps and talk about the year and teachers and stuff I may have missed... she mails me news clippings/pictures... offers money for day care and sends me day camp things she's looked up. Never follows up and sees if I take her advice... she just gives it nicely.

This guy just tries to stand between my wife and their children. I mean EVERYTHING in that parenting book is just to **** for him.

I'm just disappointed that you can't legally do anything for petty stuff if it gets to be too much.

EDIT: Love the Llama song... always have. She does have shared or partial custody. 110 Days and it's not long distance so it's every weekend. She was kicked out and he immediately filed (Same story you've all heard probably... No friends/family/job because of being made into a housewife and then kicked out after getting upset about cheating..). She couldn't afford a lawyer and it was a small town. She got her feet under her and thankfully he didn't get too much in the legal part.

 

[Ohiogal]

No, you are right, it's not work out. I was frustrated and took it out here. I apologize to all here and have read the sticky.

It's been a 4 year nightmare and it really is as bad (For me and I guess I can only speculate on the girls) as I typed. I came on here to see if there was anything I could do for my wife other than just telling her she has to deal with it herself.

My own situation with my one daughter and her mom is great. It's long distance and everything is wonderful. It's give give give and give some more on both ends. We stop and have lunch during swaps and talk about the year and teachers and stuff I may have missed... she mails me news clippings/pictures... offers money for day care and sends me day camp things she's looked up. Never follows up and sees if I take her advice... she just gives it nicely.

This guy just tries to stand between my wife and their children. I mean EVERYTHING in that parenting book is just to **** for him.

I'm just disappointed that you can't legally do anything for petty stuff if it gets to be too much.

EDIT: Love the Llama song... always have. She does have shared or partial custody. 110 Days and it's not long distance so it's every weekend. She was kicked out and he immediately filed (Same story you've all heard probably... No friends/family/job because of being made into a housewife and then kicked out after getting upset about cheating..). She couldn't afford a lawyer and it was a small town. She got her feet under her and thankfully he didn't get too much in the legal part.

Llama song posted to get her past the tears. (Oh and you just gained a bit of respect from me for taking it as it was intended as a bit of levity). Okay so she has every weekend or EOW? Look the point is, if he is in contempt then she needs to file for contempt.

What does the court order state regarding transportation?

 

[Ray82]

Her visitation outside of Holidays is every weekend except the first full weekend of the month. During the school, she drops them off on Monday at school and picks them up at school on Friday.

If School is out we meet in at a Wal-Mart parking lot between our two cities. It's about a 15 minute drive for us and a 20 minute one for him.

I'm not very good with acronyms and hope this answered you.

The main thing I'd like is just for the petty stuff to stop. We've dug in and are ready to just be parents the way things are and understand that 18 years is tough, but really it's just a small part of their life... It's just tough seeing the other parents on the weekends the girls aren't in school.

I don't want her to have to call me crying anymore.

 

[Proserpina]

Ray, being a stepparent is going to be the most difficult job you're ever going to have to do. It's SO hard falling in love with the kids, head over heels, and knowing that you can't and don't have any input, legally, regarding the situation.

It is hard.

Couples counseling can seriously help both of you deal with the dynamic; it's never too late to try it.

Other than that...help your wife choose her battles.

Some of 'em are absolutely worth fighting and dying on that hill for.

But most of the time? It's a big case of "grin, bear it and suck it up".

And laugh at llamas