what more can I do?

[tiredofthegamez]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Custody order states that I am to pick up the child at 6pm Fridays every other weekend. This past weekend was the scheduled weekend for him to be here. I went, I knocked, I waited, no one answered (far from this first time this has happened). When I checked my email, his mother had sent an email a half hour before I left, saying that he would not be there for me to pick him, and adding that she would give me a make up weekend- after soccer ends (Side note: she told me after the fact that she signed him up for soccer knowing there were conflicts which we did not work out ahead of time). I responded that I didn't know when that is and I asked where he was that he wasn't there when I came to pick him up. She replied it is none of my business and told me to pick a weekend in November or December. I said I felt it should be made up sooner than that (suggesting October), one of the reasons being that he will have a hard time understanding being here for 3 weekends in a row- if it is made up sooner then it will be easier to explain to him that it is because the schedule was interrupted and he was with mom for 3 weekends.

Long story shorter- we have been going back and forth and as yet she will not agree to any date before the months she named. So I suggested extending the Christmas visit (as that is in December) and was told No again.

This is just the latest incident in a long history of custody issues. I have filed for contempt before- for now, I will just say it did not go well at all- she managed to get custody time reduced and was never considered for contempt despite what evidence I had. I can't afford a lawyer but representing myself and the pro bono service I went through seems as it will accomplish nothing after what happened last time. When these things come up, his mother keeps sending harrassing emails and refuses to be reasoned with. I'm at a loss and extremely frustrated. What is my next step?

 

[milspecgirl]

you can either file for contempt each and every time she denies you your court ordered visitation or you can play her games

 

[tiredofthegamez]

any further advice on filing for contempt? Is it not worth it if I do not pay a lawyer? Or what can I do to better represent myself?

When I went for the first contempt hearing, I had a log of missed visits and the dated emails with her telling me I wouldn't get him. They were never looked at and none of her arguments were addressed. I was told I needed police reports of missed visitation time. So subsequent times it happened, I called them and was told they won't come out. The one time the police did come was when because she called them so she could pick our son up two hours earlier, as she'd been demanding to do. They said because the order only said every other Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm that it "wasn't specific enough" that he was supposed to be visiting here at that time....so she ended up getting to take him away and cut it short. If I can't get it on police report and the court won't accept other proof of denying/messing with visits, what do I do?

 

[WittyUserName]

What about getting a more specific order? I know someone with "every other weekend" in his court order, and it's really difficult to enforce. To an outsider, who can say which weekend is "every other", anyway? He's trying to change his to "first and third weekends", rather than the every other wording.

 

[tiredofthegamez]

Good point Witty. The order gives the date of the weekend the new custody schedule went into effect (and I have the log of missed visits from that point)but the officers did not take note of that. I will definitely see if getting the order changed to note specific weeks will make a difference. My next question is if it will matter about this visit, or do I have to get it modified again first and if it happens again then file for contempt?

 

[gr8rn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

pick a weekend in November or December. I said I felt it should be made up sooner than that (suggesting October), one of the reasons being that he will have a hard time understanding being here for 3 weekends in a row- if it is made up sooner then it will be easier to explain to him that it is because the schedule was interrupted and he was with mom for 3 weekends.

This doesn't make any sense to me. Why do you need to explain to your child why he will be spending extra time with you? Is this the real reason you refused to take a weekend in November or December? Because this one makes no sense.

You need the police to come out so they can write a report, so you have documentation.

When you call them ask them to send an officer out for the reason that you need a police report in order to pursue contempt charges. Don't use 911, use the police non emergency number.

 

[tiredofthegamez]

This doesn't make any sense to me. Why do you need to explain to your child why he will be spending extra time with you? Is this the real reason you refused to take a weekend in November or December? Because this one makes no sense.

You need the police to come out so they can write a report, so you have documentation.

When you call them ask them to send an officer out for the reason that you need a police report in order to pursue contempt charges. Don't use 911, use the police non emergency number.

He is 8 and has PDD-NOS, on the autism spectrum. He's had difficulties with concepts and behavorial problems. It's been talked about how he needs routines and they are even more important to him. I've also been told repeatedly by the mother how much he hates coming here, complains about it, how he is so happy to go back with her etc. I said that is one reason I don't agree to a make up visit being put off until then- another is that she has denied holiday visits before and harrassed us with arguments during this time of year especially. I could name more dates until she agrees that one is suitable to her, but I have reason to believe she would come up with a way for that not to work either.

I have never called 911, it was the local non-emergency police number. They refuse to come out. I've explained that the court said that I needed police record and they just repeated to take it back to court. One told me that we just needed to learn to deal with the "petty nonsense" ourselves. This is why I'm frustrated.

 

[gr8rn]

OK that makes more sense.

So why not sit down with Mom and work out an alternate weekend? Just to see if she will agree to any weekend? Don't worry about how to explain it, just do it now, and a few weeks before the extra weekend, let your son know that the extra weekend is going to happen. Give him a calendar, color code it, and see how that works. I understand about autism and truthfully, I am trying to help. If you work it out now, you will have pleanty of time to explain it to him and prepare him. My son is 8, one of his best buddies has autism. I think the calendar is a good solution.

 

[liandrajade]

I have never called 911, it was the local non-emergency police number. They refuse to come out. I've explained that the court said that I needed police record and they just repeated to take it back to court. One told me that we just needed to learn to deal with the "petty nonsense" ourselves. This is why I'm frustrated.

That is unacceptable, you tell the officer answering the phone to get the desk sergeant or supervising officer on duty and GET THEM on the phone. They are required to take any and all complaints a civilian requests to file. If they will not show up, you go down to the station and file a report in person, if they still insist on being difficult, you ask to speak with the captain of that precinct.

If they continue to be ridiculous, then you contact the police headquarters or regional commanding office and a make a formal complaint against that precinct.

DO not give up and get defeated, you have to be more proactive and not get easily dissuaded. What city in PA if you dont mind me asking?

 

[LdiJ]

That is unacceptable, you tell the officer answering the phone to get the desk sergeant or supervising officer on duty and GET THEM on the phone. They are required to take any and all complaints a civilian requests to file. If they will not show up, you go down to the station and file a report in person, if they still insist on being difficult, you ask to speak with the captain of that precinct.

If they continue to be ridiculous, then you contact the police headquarters or regional commanding office and a make a formal complaint against that precinct.

DO not give up and get defeated, you have to be more proactive and not get easily dissuaded. What city in PA if you dont mind me asking?

While I absolutely understand and agree with what you are saying, I see somewhat of a bigger problem here.

Police departments are stretched thin these days and if every person with visitation issues is required to get police reports in order to file for contempt, I could see this being a real problem for communities.

Courts requiring people to have police reports of denied visitation seems very problematic to me.

 

[mistoffolees]

While I absolutely understand and agree with what you are saying, I see somewhat of a bigger problem here.

Police departments are stretched thin these days and if every person with visitation issues is required to get police reports in order to file for contempt, I could see this being a real problem for communities.

Courts requiring people to have police reports of denied visitation seems very problematic to me.

Unfortunately, without it, it's typically 'he said / she said'. AND, for a lot of people, a police report or two might fix the problem without tying up the courts.

 

[LdiJ]

Unfortunately, without it, it's typically 'he said / she said'. AND, for a lot of people, a police report or two might fix the problem without tying up the courts.

I understand what you are saying, but I find it fundamentally wrong that a court could require it when the court cannot compel the police department to cooperate.

 

[Ohiogal]

I understand what you are saying, but I find it fundamentally wrong that a court could require it when the court cannot compel the police department to cooperate.

A court requires credible evidence. A police report is one type of evidence that may be found credible.

 

[tiredofthegamez]

OK that makes more sense.

So why not sit down with Mom and work out an alternate weekend? Just to see if she will agree to any weekend? Don't worry about how to explain it, just do it now, and a few weeks before the extra weekend, let your son know that the extra weekend is going to happen. Give him a calendar, color code it, and see how that works. I understand about autism and truthfully, I am trying to help. If you work it out now, you will have pleanty of time to explain it to him and prepare him. My son is 8, one of his best buddies has autism. I think the calendar is a good solution.

His visits are on the calendar here and the mother says she does that as well. She said we can have a discussion, still waiting on word back as to setting up when, so we'll see how that goes.

My concern is that this is coming after she physically had him not be at her residence for pick up, so that I had no idea where he was when I was supposed to be picking him up for our time. If it had been an emergency or something, I could be understanding of that. If we had worked something else out ahead of time, I could be understanding. Instead she took him and then tells me she will give me a make up weekend when she thinks it should take place. In addition to nixing the dates I gave, she also noted that (even though she said first to pick a date in November or December) she has to "check" if he will be at her place the first week of November....I don't understand what this means at all. No point in asking for further details as (according to her) its not even my business where he was this past Friday at 6.

I feel that no matter what date I suggest, even if she says it is acceptable to her, will give her the message that all she has to do next time she doesn't think he should visit/says he doesn't want to visit is just make sure to take him with her before I'm there to pick him up. Then it will be at her discretion. I don't see what good the calendar/custody schedule will be then

 

[tiredofthegamez]

That is unacceptable, you tell the officer answering the phone to get the desk sergeant or supervising officer on duty and GET THEM on the phone. They are required to take any and all complaints a civilian requests to file. If they will not show up, you go down to the station and file a report in person, if they still insist on being difficult, you ask to speak with the captain of that precinct.

If they continue to be ridiculous, then you contact the police headquarters or regional commanding office and a make a formal complaint against that precinct.

DO not give up and get defeated, you have to be more proactive and not get easily dissuaded. What city in PA if you dont mind me asking?

I live in Easton. I have physically gone to the station before- cops said that didn't prove that I was at her residence at pick-up time, therefore I had nothing. I was told by the secretary/ desk clerk (?) that she would file it but I can't say for sure that it was. I admit I haven't tried pursuing it further than that (ie insisting to speak with the higher ups)