Baby born on Friday - all communication with Father has fallen apart

[acmb05]

The presumed father is being a complete donkey's behind. She just under went major surgery. To think he could stay in a room of someone who is NOT related to him (mom or baby) is ludicrous.

Seriously you all need to get over this. My ex had 7 people in the room after her third c-section. 4 of which were not related to her and she had no problem whatsoever sleeping and resting while people came in and out of the room to see the child.

If he was so concerned about all that, he should do things the old fashioned way:

1. Meet your future spouse.
2. Fall in love.
3. GET MARRIED.
4. Then have the baby.

He failed. Therefore, he is reaping the consequences.

And so is she.

If you allow dad in the house for visits, I suggest that you have someone in the background who can be the enforcer and make him leave when the time comes. It's called insurance.

It could also be called assualt depending on how it is handled.

 

[LdiJ]

Seriously you all need to get over this. My ex had 7 people in the room after her third c-section. 4 of which were not related to her and she had no problem whatsoever sleeping and resting while people came in and out of the room to see the child.

And so is she.



It could also be called assualt depending on how it is handled.

So you are claiming that because your ex had no problem with it that no one else should ever have a problem with it?

No two women are the same, no two births are the same, no two recoveries are the same, and no sets of relationships are indentical..etc, etc, etc.

I really cannot believe that you even said that.

 

[acmb05]

So you are claiming that because your ex had no problem with it that no one else should ever have a problem with it?

No two women are the same, no two births are the same, no two recoveries are the same, and no sets of relationships are indentical..etc, etc, etc.

I really cannot believe that you even said that.

Why not? The OP in this case has already stated that she was just tired. She had no medical problems from the c-section. And no I am not saying that the OP should not have a problem with it. What I am saying is all of you are using the fact that she had a c-section as an excuse to not allow him to sit with the child in the room. Being tired and needing sleep is different than having a medical problem and being ordered to rest.

Wha I am saying is, don't use the fact that thew OP had a c-section to base your answers on.

 

[acmb05]

Oh and btw. I have a question for the OP.

If you were so concerned about keeping things civil between you and the (alleged) father. Why did you wait 12 hours after the birth to notify (alleged) dad that his (alleged)child was being born? Why didn't you have someone call him immediately?

 

[Momto1]

Oh and btw. I have a question for the OP.

If you were so concerned about keeping things civil between you and the (alleged) father. Why did you wait 12 hours after the birth to notify (alleged) dad that his (alleged)child was being born? Why didn't you have someone call him immediately?

First of all they aren't using the fact that she had major surgery as an excuse. They are using the law which says he doesn't have a child so why should he be allowed in a women's room to hold HER child? Because at this point that's whose child it is.
And common sense would say she was under some influence of some narcotics (sp) for some time after the surgery, that's is why she didn't call

 

[acmb05]

First of all they aren't using the fact that she had major surgery as an excuse. They are using the law which says he doesn't have a child so why should he be allowed in a women's room to hold HER child? Because at this point that's whose child it is.

No they were not. Almost every post has reference to him or anyone else being in the room because she just had "major surgery" I am willing to bet if her parents or sister (neither of which have a legal right to the child either) wanted to be in the room while mom rested it would have been fine.

And common sense would say she was under some influence of some narcotics (sp) for some time after the surgery, that's is why she didn't call

Seriously? So shew was all alone in this? She had no one at all who could make a phone call?

Also was this a planned c-section or an emergency? If it was a planned one then she knew well in advance when it would be. If it was an emergency and she was that concerned about being civil with the alleged father then she would have had her parents or sibling call the alleged father(who she is positive is the father) and tell him there is a problem and he should get to the hospital as soon as he can.

Sure the alleged dad is being an ass for the most part but the mom could have handled this a lot better also.

 

[stealth2]

No they were not. Almost every post has reference to him or anyone else being in the room because she just had "major surgery" I am willing to bet if her parents or sister (neither of which have a legal right to the child either) wanted to be in the room while mom rested it would have been fine.

Moot point. Mom is allowed to make that decision.

Also was this a planned c-section or an emergency? If it was a planned one then she knew well in advance when it would be. If it was an emergency and she was that concerned about being civil with the alleged father then she would have had her parents or sibling call the alleged father(who she is positive is the father) and tell him there is a problem and he should get to the hospital as soon as he can.

HER choice, acmbo. Even with a vaginal birth, it would have been up to her if she wanted him there or not.

 

[LdiJ]

Moot point. Mom is allowed to make that decision.



HER choice, acmbo. Even with a vaginal birth, it would have been up to her if she wanted him there or not.

Yep, that is what he is not acknowledging/accepting. It was 100% her choice and she cannot be faulted legally for her choice.

 

[mistoffolees]

Moot point. Mom is allowed to make that decision.



HER choice, acmbo. Even with a vaginal birth, it would have been up to her if she wanted him there or not.

I agree complete. However, I think acmbo's point is that her words and actions are inconsistent. She's spending a lot of time here telling us how wonderful she's being and how she's going to make sure the father is an equal part of the child's life --- but then her actions don't quite match that.

Now, it could be that it WAS an emergency C-section and no one else could call him, but the point is that if she wants to talk the talk about sharing parenting with Dad, she needs to walk the walk, too.

 

[stealth2]

Well, ya know... there should be no surprise at inconsistency so soon after birth. OP's hormones are completely out of whack, which tends to make a person less than rational and consistent.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree complete. However, I think acmbo's point is that her words and actions are inconsistent. She's spending a lot of time here telling us how wonderful she's being and how she's going to make sure the father is an equal part of the child's life --- but then her actions don't quite match that.

Now, it could be that it WAS an emergency C-section and no one else could call him, but the point is that if she wants to talk the talk about sharing parenting with Dad, she needs to walk the walk, too.

She could have waited until she was home from the hospital completely to tell him about the birth. She didn't do that.

Quite frankly, I had a very hard birth when I had my daughter. I understand exactly how she felt. She was in no condition to be thinking about "walking the walk".

 

[Momto1]

No they were not. Almost every post has reference to him or anyone else being in the room because she just had "major surgery" I am willing to bet if her parents or sister (neither of which have a legal right to the child either) wanted to be in the room while mom rested it would have been fine.


Seriously? So shew was all alone in this? She had no one at all who could make a phone call?

Also was this a planned c-section or an emergency? If it was a planned one then she knew well in advance when it would be. If it was an emergency and she was that concerned about being civil with the alleged father then she would have had her parents or sibling call the alleged father(who she is positive is the father) and tell him there is a problem and he should get to the hospital as soon as he can.

Sure the alleged dad is being an ass for the most part but the mom could have handled this a lot better also.

I agree with that completely and I think Misto said it best of all. She is saying one thing and then acting the complete opposite, that being said you tend to do that after giving birth, stupid hormones
But the legality is she was well within her rights to not call about the birth planned or not, and in asking him to leave.

 

[Just Blue]

Lol. I wondered the same thing! Plus, when I had dear son, they would shuffle all the visitors out (even dad/my husband) for a minute or two while they did their thing (although in my 3 days at the hospital it felt like every person on staff at some point saw all my privates).

Is it just me...

I didn't give a flying ...Blank...WHO saw my stuff during/after giving birth...Never mind the guy that planted the seed!!

 

[Momto1]

Is it just me...

I didn't give a flying ...Blank...WHO saw my stuff during/after giving birth...Never mind the guy that planted the seed!!

I think I would have flashed anyone wandering the halls for drugs

 

[Nevergrowup]

A woman giving birth, or one that just gave birth, is entitled to manage her surroundings. When my oldest was born, I was not with her father (although he was present for the birth). A nurse came in to check me and I asked her to hold off while he stepped out, she looked at me like I was nuts. To me, I allowed him there to witness the birth of his child, but that wasn't the birth, that was a nurse just checking out my woohoo and he had no need to witness. I set aside my discomfort for him to witness the actual birth, because I felt it was important for him not to miss that, but that doesn't mean up until the moment, or after for that matter, I was comfortable with him hanging out while my nether parts were all hanging out.

In addition, my husband and I have had three children (a set of twins for two, one vaginal, one c-section in the same day, fun right). He has seen everything, including my uterus sitting on top of my stomach. However, I still don't want him around when the nurse is checking me out after...quite frankly, that is nasty business and I did not feel comfortable sharing those particular moments with anyone, including my husband. MY RIGHT.

I'm married to my husband and he still doesn't have the right to be present in my hospital room if I don't want him there. Even marriage doesn't negate a woman's right to manage her delivery and recovery while in the hospital.