Fly SOLO?

[gasgirl]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NV

Facts: Single Minor Child, 7
I have sole physical custody, joint legal custody. Father lives in Georgia and is current on child support.
Divorced when child was 18 months old. Father has seen child 5 times since then. Calls 5-6 times per year (every 2-3 months).
Had parenting agreement which "expired" when child was 5, but I never pursued another because father never exercised visitation as dictated by agreement anyway, so I figured "why go to expense"? I have never spoken ill of father to the child, send him photos, videos and child's wish list for Santa every year. I have bent over backwards to get them on Skype together, and even allowed him to come to where we happened to be vacationing, because it was near him and stay for a BBQ and come boating with us.

Now the burr in the saddle: He has a fiance who wants him to get the child to spend the summer with them. He wants me to send my 7 year old on a plane, alone (5 hours) so he doesn't have to take time and expense to come escort her back.

I have 2 problems:

1. Given the rarity of prior contact with the child, I think the entire summer is too much . The father has not seen her in almost 24 months already, and says he has no plans to see her before the summer-it will be 30 months by then.

2. I do not think this child is ready to fly by herself for 5 hours across the country.

I conveyed this to the father who blew up at me. He said he works 6 days a week, 10 hours a day, and cannot afford the time to waste coming to get her. I even said that, if he would pay, I would bring her out, but he would have to bring her back. I further said that if the 2 weeks went well at the beginning of the summer, I would agree to another visit at the end of the summer.

So I have decided to push the ignore button. It is unlikely he will pursue legal avenues due to geographical and time/money constraints. Right decision?

He is calling her this week (twice), but only to try to get her to "tell mommy you want to fly by yourself". She was crying at bedtime over it, and having trouble sleeping too. It is clear she is stressed over it. Advice?

 

[CourtClerk]

What do you mean that the court order "expired"

and what gives you the right to summarily modify a courts order or make another one just because you want to?

And you've pushed the "ignore" button, meaning what? That you've decided dad can have/should no longer have contact with his child?

 

[Proserpina]

A 7 year old is fine to fly unaccompanied with every airline in the country (as far as I'm aware).

Please explain though, how the parenting agreement "expired".

What exactly did/does it say?

 

[WittyUserName]

A 7 year old is fine to fly unaccompanied with every airline in the country (as far as I'm aware).

As long as there are direct flights, anyway - generally with kids that young you can't book connecting flights.

Waiting to hear how court orders expire....

 

[gasgirl]

The previous parenting agreement stated that the schedule of visitation (which he never followed) was valid until the child started school.

The previous agreement, FYI, stated he was responsible for ALL transportation costs, AND was required to come and get the child/return the child to/from the home.

I have NEVER prohibited phone or personal contact. In fact, I had to cancel a trip because he was to come fly to get the child for a visit ( I even offered him to stay in my HOUSE so he wouldn't have to get a hotel)- and canceled the day before he was to arrive.

Listen, I absolutely will not be the one responsible for the child's lack of a relationship with this man- he, and he alone will have to answer the tough questions later as to why he didn't even send Birthday Cards!

As for the ignore button- I take the position that I am the best judge of when this child is ready to travel alone, and I told him that as soon as I think she is ready, I will be more than happy to pack her suitcase. He says not good enough- I say sorry, but my position stands.

 

[ecmst12]

If he goes to court, he is likely to win on her flying to see him alone. Most airlines have unaccompanied minor service. He might not win on getting to have her for the entire summer right away, but probably for 1 or 2 weeks and possibly working up to longer. IMO you are being rigid and unreasonable by just refusing to discuss the issue at all.

 

[gasgirl]

I don't care what the Airlines will permit. Not all children are created equal. I reiterate that I (the person who feeds, bathes, clothes and cares for this child 24/7/365) am a good judge of the psychological development and social maturity of this 7 year old. My personal feelings regarding the father are irrelevant here. Jeez, I even get the child to call him on his birthday (he never picks up calls from my number).

Can and Should are different things.

I was willing to discuss- and compromise, but not when I get yelling and profanity. That is where I draw the line. So I choose not to be verbally abused (with his fiance chiming in, to boot) and remain inert on the matter.

 

[acmb05]

I don't care what the Airlines will permit. Not all children are created equal. I reiterate that I (the person who feeds, bathes, clothes and cares for this child 24/7/365) am a good judge of the psychological development and social maturity of this 7 year old. My personal feelings regarding the father are irrelevant here. Jeez, I even get the child to call him on his birthday (he never picks up calls from my number).

Can and Should are different things.

I was willing to discuss- and compromise, but not when I get yelling and profanity. That is where I draw the line. So I choose not to be verbally abused (with his fiance chiming in, to boot) and remain inert on the matter.

I'll give you a bit of advice. Do not go in front of a judge and tell him this. Your personally feelings will mean nothing if the judge orders you to do it.

 

[gasgirl]

I'm not that foolish to go into court and say that...please.

My concerns are valid: despite the airline regulations, this child is not able to travel alone for 5 hours or more. Furthermore, she cries when the father suggests it, and is very distressed when the father tells her: "If you don't get on a plane by yourself, I can't see you."

So my hopes (and reasonable expectations) are that he will just stew for a few weeks and then take me up on my generous compromise.

If he does file a motion, I will hope that my attorney will help me to show that this child is not mature enough for this, even if it means psych/pediatrician testimony. I think I am doing what is best for this child.

 

[mistoffolees]

As long as there are direct flights, anyway - generally with kids that young you can't book connecting flights.

Typically, at 8 an unaccompanied minor can book a connecting flight. They will be attended during the connection.

If he goes to court, he is likely to win on her flying to see him alone. Most airlines have unaccompanied minor service. He might not win on getting to have her for the entire summer right away, but probably for 1 or 2 weeks and possibly working up to longer. IMO you are being rigid and unreasonable by just refusing to discuss the issue at all.

Agreed. Probably not the whole summer, but certainly some time. I doubt if he'll ever get the whole summer - even after several years. Typically, he might work up to maybe 2/3 of the summer.

I don't care what the Airlines will permit. Not all children are created equal. I reiterate that I (the person who feeds, bathes, clothes and cares for this child 24/7/365) am a good judge of the psychological development and social maturity of this 7 year old. My personal feelings regarding the father are irrelevant here. Jeez, I even get the child to call him on his birthday (he never picks up calls from my number).

Ultimately, that's not your choice to make. If the court says that you have to send him, then you send him - or get on the plane and take him yourself.

Maybe you don't get the picture. You pay the airline a few extra dollars and they have a customer service agent with the child the whole time they're on the ground and they're watched by flight attendants in the air. They're not left entirely alone.

I can understand not wanting to do that, but if you refuse, then it's up to you to get the child to Dad's house. Do it on horseback, if you wish, but you need to get him there.

I was willing to discuss- and compromise, but not when I get yelling and profanity. That is where I draw the line. So I choose not to be verbally abused (with his fiance chiming in, to boot) and remain inert on the matter.

That's not going to be an option, either. You are both parents and you need to communicate. You can't just shut down and refuse to discuss it. Well, actually, you can, but don't be surprised if the court takes the child away from you.

Should he use profanity? No. But that's no excuse for keeping his child from him. (And we don't know how much provocation he received before swearing, either. Given your attitude here, I'll bet it was substantial).

 

[gasgirl]

Provocation? Absolutely not. I am no hothead.

I know how unaccompanied minors travel on flights.

Prior visitation agreement stated it was his responsibility to transport child. Despite being entitled to a weekend per month, every other holiday and 2 weeks in the summer. He saw her 5 TIMES-total. Since age 18 months. 5 TIMES.

Perhaps you didn't read my post where I offered to bring the child there if he would return with the child.

Would your perspective change if I were a Medical Professional capable of rendering an Educated opinion on the Psychosocial Development of this child?

The reality is that he won't spend the time or money to pursue this. He can't even find the time to send Christmas presents until January...(I usually just write his name on one I bought so child doesn't cry about it like when he doesn't send a Birthday present).

I cannot honestly believe that a judge would say "shove the kid on a plane for 5 hours and like it" to a Physician and Mother who expresses significant concern (both intellectually and emotionally) AND IS WILLING TO MAKE REASONABLE COMPROMISES to accommodate those concerns.

 

[Proserpina]

What kind of medical professional?

One who is qualified to treat and diagnose this child, and has done so?

Remember, a phlebotomist can legitimately call themselves a "medical professional". The term is very vague.

That aside though Mom...what are you doing to assuage your child's obvious anxiety?

What are YOU doing to help?

 

[CJane]

If Dad has not seen this 7 year old child in more than 2 years, it's highly unlikely that a judge would find you in contempt for denying visits across the country - even if the order was still in effect.

IF he chooses to pursue legal action, he will likely be granted some extended time with the child. However, he will first be expected to reestablish a relationship with her.

 

[stealth2]

So I have decided to push the ignore button. It is unlikely he will pursue legal avenues due to geographical and time/money constraints. Right decision?

He is calling her this week (twice), but only to try to get her to "tell mommy you want to fly by yourself". She was crying at bedtime over it, and having trouble sleeping too. It is clear she is stressed over it. Advice?

If all you're going to do is argue with the input you don't like, why bother asking? Do what you please, and time will tell what happens.

 

[Ohiogal]

Provocation? Absolutely not. I am no hothead.

I know how unaccompanied minors travel on flights.

Prior visitation agreement stated it was his responsibility to transport child. Despite being entitled to a weekend per month, every other holiday and 2 weeks in the summer. He saw her 5 TIMES-total. Since age 18 months. 5 TIMES.

Perhaps you didn't read my post where I offered to bring the child there if he would return with the child.

Would your perspective change if I were a Medical Professional capable of rendering an Educated opinion on the Psychosocial Development of this child?

The reality is that he won't spend the time or money to pursue this. He can't even find the time to send Christmas presents until January...(I usually just write his name on one I bought so child doesn't cry about it like when he doesn't send a Birthday present).

I cannot honestly believe that a judge would say "shove the kid on a plane for 5 hours and like it" to a Physician and Mother who expresses significant concern (both intellectually and emotionally) AND IS WILLING TO MAKE REASONABLE COMPROMISES to accommodate those concerns.

YOu are NOT an medical professional who can render a professional opinion on your own child. Sorry but that is not allowable in court. So perspective does not change.