Ex setting up scenario to skew son's thoughts

[MichaCA]

I would get concrete legal feedback about getting heard in a different county. The whole idea behind it sounds good...but I also wonder what it would take to get the jurisdiction changed to that new county LEGALLY. Cause what happens when she moves to another new county? Anyway, I'd write that one down for your attorney - how is he so sure the case can be heard in that county?

So in 2008 the child was supposed to be attending a private school, at your cost? Is that even remotely an option, if you end up in court in the new county with a decent judge, to pursue again? Would that school be close enough to both mom and your residences to make it feasible for everyone?

Think on the school issue. He goes to new school, somehow you establish that as the resident county of child...then you take action (presumably) to insist that the child stay in one school...is it good for him to be at this new school? Because then that kind of sets in stone the transportation issues/cutting into your relationship with the child.

I don't know if its common in your state (write down for your attorney) for joint legal custody to be given out as one parent gets to trump the other parent in decision making. Thats in your court order so thats the deal - but wonder if thats status quo. If its not status quo, see what you can do about getting it changed to more standard joint legal which means if the parents don't agree, they have to go back to court for the decision, or have a GAL, or something.

 

[cyjeff]

Apparently you and the other poster who mentioned this have never lived in Atlanta or one of it's suburbs.

I could take you a half dozen or more area's that this could happen in.

I have lived in and around Atlanta for over 30 years.

You need to find another way. There are always other ways...

Or, better, you move closer. Your child is worth it.

 

[ra04152010]

I have lived in and around Atlanta for over 30 years.

You need to find another way. There are always other ways...

Or, better, you move closer. Your child is worth it.

If mom is moving once or twice a year should dad really have to tag along behind her. Wouldn't it be better for the child to have at least one stable home.

 

[Shears]

I absolutely LOVE this suggestion!

Ditto. I should likely do that before I post on here, too. LOL

 

[Shears]

I would get concrete legal feedback about getting heard in a different county. The whole idea behind it sounds good...but I also wonder what it would take to get the jurisdiction changed to that new county LEGALLY. Cause what happens when she moves to another new county? Anyway, I'd write that one down for your attorney - how is he so sure the case can be heard in that county?

I have no idea - I wish I could see it in writing myself, so I could stop wondering about it. I'm keeping it on a list to ask attorney for more detail on that when we have to have another phone call.

So in 2008 the child was supposed to be attending a private school, at your cost? Is that even remotely an option, if you end up in court in the new county with a decent judge, to pursue again? Would that school be close enough to both mom and your residences to make it feasible for everyone?

I proposed that to her in my second email. No response from her. The tuition is much higher for elementary than kindergarden there, and I can't afford it at 100%, so I'm pretty sure she won't even consider it if it means her having to contribute financially. But the suggestion is on the table.

Think on the school issue. He goes to new school, somehow you establish that as the resident county of child...then you take action (presumably) to insist that the child stay in one school...is it good for him to be at this new school? Because then that kind of sets in stone the transportation issues/cutting into your relationship with the child.

For his education alone, new school is a miniscule improvement from old school statistically speaking (meaning, from standpoint of DOE info on 'school report card'). Still below average, but at least it's not a step down in educational standards. For our visitation, it stinks.

I don't know if its common in your state (write down for your attorney) for joint legal custody to be given out as one parent gets to trump the other parent in decision making. Thats in your court order so thats the deal - but wonder if thats status quo. If its not status quo, see what you can do about getting it changed to more standard joint legal which means if the parents don't agree, they have to go back to court for the decision, or have a GAL, or something.

What I've found on that is: "In Georgia, 'Joint legal custody' means both parents have equal rights and responsibilities for major decisions concerning the child, including the child´s education, health care, and religious training; provided, however, that the court may designate one parent to have sole power to make certain decisions while both parents retain equal rights and responsibilities for other decisions."

 

[Proserpina]

Ditto. I should likely do that before I post on here, too. LOL

Excellent idea

Hang in there. I know it's stressful. But you've got to step back and breathe and sometimes just find your favourite LOLCat photo and laugh heartily.

It makes you feel better, and even more-so because despite their frustration, cats don't have opposable thumbs.

(If they did, we'd all be doomed!)

 

[Shears]

I have lived in and around Atlanta for over 30 years.

You need to find another way. There are always other ways...

Or, better, you move closer. Your child is worth it.

If my ex didn't move every 9-12 months, I could see entertaining a residential move on my part to address this. But she has no stability whatsoever; additionally, she has never owned a home, always renting, so moving is only a u-haul phone call away for her.

Selling our home to try to stay close to where she has decided to move for the moment is not really sensible, and uproots the only stability my son has had to date. This is the one place he can come and have his same room, same routine, no strange roommates, a yard to play in, etc.

But I do thank you for the mindset of "always another way"...that helps to keep me thinking of creative solutions to a sometimes seemingly impossible roadblock.

 

[stealth2]

A child should not spend 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours a day in a car on a routine basis on school days.

My kids spends 3 hours a day on a bus on a routine basis on school days. She is, however, older.

 

[CJane]

I'm not going to address the commute issue. My feelings on the "damage" to kids of longish commutes to school are easily found on this site - and backed up by the judge and GAL in our case.

However. Dad, I think that you're "looking for" manipulation on Mom's part. Believe me, I get it. You're so used to her doing things or behaving a certain way, that you're in a particular frame of mind when dealing with her or situations involving her.

You need to take a deep breath. If your child says "Mommy says we're moving closer to you!", you don't have to respond beyond what was suggested "I KNOW! Isn't that cool!" or "Know what's crazy? It takes LONGER to get there, even though it's closer! Can you believe that?" At 7, (hell, at 13) my kids loved mapquesting stuff or looking at it on google earth. Show him how insane the roads are that a mile closer can really be 30 minutes farther away.

And, since you're trying to move kiddo away from Mom, and change his schools again in the near future -- might want to stop focusing on how sad the move makes him, and how it's going to be so hard to leave his friends and ....

 

[cyjeff]

If my ex didn't move every 9-12 months, I could see entertaining a residential move on my part to address this. But she has no stability whatsoever; additionally, she has never owned a home, always renting, so moving is only a u-haul phone call away for her.

Selling our home to try to stay close to where she has decided to move for the moment is not really sensible, and uproots the only stability my son has had to date. This is the one place he can come and have his same room, same routine, no strange roommates, a yard to play in, etc.

But I do thank you for the mindset of "always another way"...that helps to keep me thinking of creative solutions to a sometimes seemingly impossible roadblock.

I will even go one step further... if you give me approximate locations (via private message) I will see what I can do to help you find other routes.

Finding ways around Atlanta gridlock is kind of a hobby of mine.

 

[mistoffolees]

I will even go one step further... if you give me approximate locations (via private message) I will see what I can do to help you find other routes.

Finding ways around Atlanta gridlock is kind of a hobby of mine.

Personally, I've found that the best way around the Atlanta gridlock is to live somewhere else.