Had a 2 hour long mediation today and thought I would post the update.
Different mediator than the last one.
Ex stated that his wife is uncomfortable with me being at daughter's school fieldtrips and class parties with her. Mediator told me since his wife is uncomfortable then it is a problem for ex and I need to back off and split the school fieldtrips and class parties with her.
Ex stated that his wife has a problem with my 2 year old son coming with me to pick up daughter from school because he likes to run around and play. Mediator said I need to make other arrangements for my son while I pick daughter up from school and that also goes for after school, school things like the Christmas pagent and science fair, not school fieldtrips or class parties because those are to be split. I told the mediator I don't think this is right at all but she still said I need to do it.
Ex stated that his wife does not like it when I put my arm around my daughter or hold her hand when I pick her up from school because it's not affection but shows stepmom ownership of daughter. I said it is affection I have always done it long before stepmom and I will continue to do it. Mediator said because it's an issue for stepmom it is an issure for ex and I need to correct it and that I need to make sure it really is affection and to make sure daughter gets to say goodbye to stepmom no matter what errands or hurried I am.
I stated I have a problem with him letting his wife coparent with me. Mediator said he needs to coparent and not his wife and he needs to set up his own email address. Got the new email address and it's "blanknblank4ever" lol.
Mediator got a copy of the police report from ex and he stated again that he was exhonerated off all charges. Mediator did not ask anything about the incident just for a copy of the report.
Mediator asked if we did coparenting therapy. I told her I am seeing a MFT specializing in coparenting therapy. Ex said I never gave him the info to attend. I told mediator that I asked him 3 times to attend and he would not. I tried to show the emails stating that he would not attend with me but she would not look at them and said I did not try hard enough to get him to attend. Mediator said she is enforcing the court order again for him to attend the therapist I have been seeing and for me now to go to coparenting class and the therapist.
Mediator asked which therapist our daughter is seeing and is going to speak with daughter's therapist.
Mediator told us to get daughter into Karate asap. I take her on my week and him on his week.
That's what I got for right now. There was a lot of things said but these were the issues that the mediator addressed.
Mediator kept telling ex that he has a lot of power. I don't get this and I was there but in your opinions, why did she keep saying that and why does it end up being that I have to cater to his wife? Is this what coparenting is moving toward?
I realize that it's not about me but all of this crap that ex and stepmom are saying and putting daughter through is affecting her relationship with me. For example, daughter looks around to make sure stepmom is not watching before she will let me hug her, hold her hand or put my arm around her when before she would walk right into my arms for a hug.
Learning experience:
I got repremanded several times for interupting. My ex is very long winded and takes very long pauses, I counted to 95 mississippi in my head one time, in which I really did think he was finished, turns out he wasn't. Once ex saw me get repremanded he really worked it with the super long pauses and when I would start to say something he would say "I'm not finished yet" and mediator would tell me to be quiet or she will kick my butt out of the room.
Ex got repremanded when mediator asked what the custody arrangement was currently. He answered 50/50 physical and legal. Mediator yelled at him that daughter is not a math problem, what is the current custody arrangement and he answered 50/50 again and she yelled it a second time. He told her he did not understand the question then and she said "NO". He said one week on and one week off and mediator said that's better. Glad she did not ask me that one because I would have gotten yelled at too for the same thing.
I did not get to say much and ex did most of the talking. I believe that I did not project myself that well and would go blank especially after being repremanded. I have a lot of "I wish I said this". After my poor performance and what mediator is saying it does not seem like the DV, interference and lack of coparenting are enough to change custody.
Mediator is sending the report to the judge and us and our court date is January 26th and I will post back with that update.
Nothing to do with mediation but to top everything off on the way home from mediation the freeway came to an abrupt halt and my car got rear ended pretty good. Awww figures**************
