Personal website non-custoidal kids to contact father

[majomom1]

Ditto that. Both of mine knew that it was my prerogative to check their communications until they were 18. My 16yo still knows that if I have a concern? She can hand that phone over for me to look at. Same with email, FB accounts, etc. MINE. And ya know? It has NOTHING to do with communicating with their Dad. It's the rest of the world. But... if their Dad was trying to sneak past me? I'd have an issue with it. As I hope he would if the situations were reversed.

My ex told the kids I was unreasonable for monitoring things and that I was invading their privacy. Guess what happened when HE didn't?

I have gotten a great big apology from my ex... for all the things he did to make things difficult for my parenting of the kids.

And my kids are back with me. They found out that the rules and structure WERE beneficial and that I was looking out for them, not just being nosy.

 

[CJane]

Ditto that. Both of mine knew that it was my prerogative to check their communications until they were 18. My 16yo still knows that if I have a concern? She can hand that phone over for me to look at. Same with email, FB accounts, etc. MINE. And ya know? It has NOTHING to do with communicating with their Dad. It's the rest of the world. But... if their Dad was trying to sneak past me? I'd have an issue with it. As I hope he would if the situations were reversed.

Exactly. And frankly, I don't care to allow random people into my "house" at any and all hours for whatever reason they feel it's necessary. I'm not going to answer the door if I don't feel like it, not going to answer the phone, and not going to let the kids be online unless I feel like it.

And when they are online? They are in the glass house. The girls (14 and almost 11) have their own laptops, and cell phones. But the computers don't leave the living room w/out my permission and the phones reside in my purse unless I decide they need to have them.

This Dad seems to think that setting up a website would open up communication with the kids. But honestly, I just don't see how. And his expectation of privacy is unreasonable.

 

[dlw99]

Privately? Not in my house.

I have the passwords to everything. I monitor the texts on the cell phone, and have no problem grabbing it out of Wild's hand mid-type just to see what she's up to.

There is no privacy with electronics. A diary? Absolutely. But communications with other people? No. Freaking. Way.

Really? Do you stand over their shoulders at school, the public library, their friends homes or any of the other hundreds of places 11 & 12 year old kids can find internet access?

This is their DAD, not some random stranger. These are 11 & 12 year old kids. Are you saying he does not have a right to private conversations with his children?

 

[Proserpina]

Are you saying he does not have a right to private conversations with his children?

Re-read.

Comprehension is essential.

 

[dlw99]

Except that mom has the absolute right to control their computer use and supervise EVERYTHING they do on the computer. In fact, mom SHOULD be doing this. Children of that age should not have any alone time on a computer.

11 & 12 year old kids know how to find access to the internet, since computers are everywhere, even on small telephones.

Those kids could borrow a phone at school and hop on Dad's website.

Are you saying Mom should have supervised conversations with their Dad?

 

[dlw99]

Exactly. And frankly, I don't care to allow random people into my "house" at any and all hours for whatever reason they feel it's necessary. I'm not going to answer the door if I don't feel like it, not going to answer the phone, and not going to let the kids be online unless I feel like it.

And when they are online? They are in the glass house. The girls (14 and almost 11) have their own laptops, and cell phones. But the computers don't leave the living room w/out my permission and the phones reside in my purse unless I decide they need to have them.

This Dad seems to think that setting up a website would open up communication with the kids. But honestly, I just don't see how. And his expectation of privacy is unreasonable.

This Dad is desperate to talk to his kids, and he's on speakerphone.

Unless your kids are home-schooled, they can get away from your glass house, especially your 14 year old.

 

[dlw99]

Re-read.

Comprehension is essential.

Missing it. Care to enlighten?

 

[Ohiogal]

Do these children even remember dad if they haven't seen him in 8 years?

 

[ecmst12]

Dad has a right to communicate with his kids, but the way to do it is by going to court, getting "unsupervised phone calls" put into his order, and getting his visitation order enforced, not by trying to make an "end run" around mom and encouraging his kids to sneak around to get computer time.

 

[SESmama]

Basically what dlw is proposing is teaching the kids to lie and sneak. If they learn to lie and sneak with one parent what makes anyone think they won't learn to do it with the other? Then it gets worse when it starts happening when they are adults. It becomes such a habit they end up forgetting who they lied to and what they lied about.

OP needs to get back into court.

 

[dlw99]

Dad has a right to communicate with his kids, but the way to do it is by going to court, getting "unsupervised phone calls" put into his order, and getting his visitation order enforced, not by trying to make an "end run" around mom and encouraging his kids to sneak around to get computer time.

Mom doesn't obey court orders, remember?

He had a court order for (presumably) unsupervised summer visits from Arizona to Michigan but he needs a court order for unsupervised phone calls?

Who knows how long it will take to get the matter back to court, or all the reasons why social services in two states are interested in Mom.

Dad is being resourceful and showing the kids he cares by setting up the site.
It's a good way to start re-connecting with pictures, videos, stories, and most especially, contact information. If Mom is monitoring incoming calls, she's probably not allowing outgoing calls.

If Mom is really a druggie, the kids will have few problems accessing the site and talking to Dad.

 

[dlw99]

Do these children even remember dad if they haven't seen him in 8 years?

Sounds like Mom has worked very hard to see that they don't.

 

[stealth2]

I'd like to know just what you've done, OP, to enforce your visitation order over the past 8 years.

 

[dlw99]

Basically what dlw is proposing is teaching the kids to lie and sneak. If they learn to lie and sneak with one parent what makes anyone think they won't learn to do it with the other? Then it gets worse when it starts happening when they are adults. It becomes such a habit they end up forgetting who they lied to and what they lied about.

OP needs to get back into court.

Riiiiiiiiight - and smoking marijuana will make you a herion addict. Dad is providing "gateway lies". Got it.

I have a 9 year old. He knows how to lie and sneak. These kids are 11 & 12, and Mom has defied court orders for eight years, at least according to Dad.

They don't have to lie. My kids didn't. They were in a similar situation, and would call me from my parents house when Mom wasn't around.

I never encouraged them to lie about speaking to me, and they didn't. They just knew that Mom would create drama central with speakerphone and constant interruptions, and it was less stressful to speak with me from my parents house.

OP admits that Mom, who has been chased across the nation by social services agencies, will find out and have access:

Yesterday, 12:35 AM
chad101
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 6

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isis1
Now, about the contact site. Are they of age according to the sites rules and regulations? Check into that. And, keep in mind, it might be an issue if mom wants access. Encouraging the children to hide things from their parent is never a good way to go.

Its perfectly fine if Mom wants access. The site needs to be password protected otherwise I would be sharing my personal information with the whole world. Privacy is my main concern. But I want to tell my kids first before notifying her.

chad - I would also like to know what's happened over the past eight years. Did you file contempt? Have you been paying child support, contacting, or attempting to contact children on a regular basis? The judge will want to know as well.

 

[stealth2]

Of course, it is not always Moms that pull these stunts.