Not a question, suggested reading

[thetiredwife]

As it is ours... yet you keep telling folks here NOT to express theirs, you don't want to hear it.

Thank you. I am having a great Sunday!

Untrue. What I've been trying to say is we all have the right. Never said anyone could not express theirs. I know they can, I know they have. I believe you were the poster that said before to extract the legal advice, not let the other comments bug me, and keep it moving.

I heard that and think that is sound advice

 

[thetiredwife]

We are a legal forum, not a self help group.

The moment a legally distant party started demanding legal advice upon a situation that not only didn't concern them (legally) AND involved children this forum will remind you that you have no say, no input and no involvement in the case.

The fact that you don't like that answer and the fact that your husband didn't like the answers he received does not make them untrue.

Deal with it. Leave if you want. Stay if you want.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have people that need our help that actually have a legal question to ask.

Even if you won't excuse me...

My husband did and does have legal questions to ask.

I am fully cognizant that I'm not a party in the case. After reading through posts, several read not as legal advice, but simply another open internet forum with people's opinions.

If you feel I'm not a party in comments about the marriage I have with my husband....that's also your opinion. Maybe the sticky should be changed to say "If you are not strictly a parent to the child(ren) you're asking about, you cannot post here. At all. Verboten."

Dealt with.

 

[majomom1]

Untrue. What I've been trying to say is we all have the right. Never said anyone could not express theirs. I know they can, I know they have. I believe you were the poster that said before to extract the legal advice, not let the other comments bug me, and keep it moving.

I heard that and think that is sound advice

Yet you continue to engage and fuel the negative posts. Not one thanks to me, or Novemberbride who also tried to give you legal advice even though you are a third party...

This society has become negative... but opposing viewpoints, or perspectives are not 'negative' comments. I don't care for some of the posts on here, but I accept them and move on. Some of them I have actually learned from... once I took the time to think about it from that posters perspective.

 

[mistoffolees]

My husband did and does have legal questions to ask.

And, as you've been told several times, your husband is free to come back here and ask his questions.

I am fully cognizant that I'm not a party in the case. After reading through posts, several read not as legal advice, but simply another open internet forum with people's opinions.

If you feel I'm not a party in comments about the marriage I have with my husband....that's also your opinion. Maybe the sticky should be changed to say "If you are not strictly a parent to the child(ren) you're asking about, you cannot post here. At all. Verboten."

Dealt with.

No one said you're not a party in your marriage. You obviously are.

You are NOT, however, legally involved in the situation involving your husband's children from his earlier relationship.

Furthermore, seniors here are volunteers. We're offering our time to answer questions - and most of us choose not to answer questions for third parties for a large number of reasons. If you don't like that, you're free to pay an attorney (although he's going to give you the same answer, but maybe you'll feel better if you're paying him).

I'm really sorry that this concept is too difficult for you. Maybe you can get your husband to read it to you and explain what it means.

 

[novemberbride]

Yet you continue to engage and fuel the negative posts. Not one thanks to me, or Novemberbride who also tried to give you legal advice even though you are a third party...

This society has become negative... but opposing viewpoints, or perspectives are not 'negative' comments. I don't care for some of the posts on here, but I accept them and move on. Some of them I have actually learned from... once I took the time to think about it from that posters perspective.

I tried to see things from OP's perspective: I was raised and eventually adopted by my stepmom, my husband was adopted by his stepdad, and my husband is a step-parent. I know, from the wonderful step's I have in my life how difficult it can be stand by and be a third party. However, my husband is painfully aware of where is stands, legally, with my daughter. He knows he loves her, but he also would never involve himself in my legal matters with my ex. Honestly, my husband loves my daughter enough to never interfere with her love and affection for her dad and to never impose himself in my custody situation.

OP, the comments made to you and your husband may not be warm and fuzzy and cuddly but that isn't what this forum is about. Really, you and your husband could seriously benefit from seeing the importance of the comments you both didn't like. There is value to them, and I'm sorry you can't see it.

 

[thetiredwife]

Yet you continue to engage and fuel the negative posts. Not one thanks to me, or Novemberbride who also tried to give you legal advice even though you are a third party...

This society has become negative... but opposing viewpoints, or perspectives are not 'negative' comments. I don't care for some of the posts on here, but I accept them and move on. Some of them I have actually learned from... once I took the time to think about it from that posters perspective.

You said I'm engaging~ I acknowledge that's your opinion.

If you think there has been no negative or untrue comments posted to me or my husband~ I acknowledge that's your opinion.

You said not once was I thankful to you or novemberbride~ maybe you did not see the post here that said to you, "I heard that, and think that is sound advice ". So I will add (with regard to that post), Thank You for saying that. And novemberbride~ Thank You for your post that addressed the question of the mother intending to move child in with her boyfriend, and keeping it non-judgemental.

Disagreements, opposing viewpoints~ a given in life. I do give thought to the posts, even ones that said things such as I am carrying my husband's balls. Is that a factual statement? Good legal advice? I disagree there, and that's my opinion on statements like that. And after that, I do want to move on and see if there's any more advice or a poster who has experience they share.

Despite another opinion made at one point, I don't like drama and really do like simplicity. Help appreciated, snarkiness not appreciated. Thankful and respectful when someone can offer help and leave out character judgements. The posts that have come across that way?....they've rolled off.

 

[stealth2]

Hey third party - you may want to read Tanya781's posts to see how one responds with grace to a request to send the involved party.

 

[Proserpina]

Hey third party - you may want to read Tanya781's posts to see how one responds with grace to a request to send the involved party.

Indeed!!!!

 

[thetiredwife]

I tried to see things from OP's perspective: I was raised and eventually adopted by my stepmom, my husband was adopted by his stepdad, and my husband is a step-parent. I know, from the wonderful step's I have in my life how difficult it can be stand by and be a third party. However, my husband is painfully aware of where is stands, legally, with my daughter. He knows he loves her, but he also would never involve himself in my legal matters with my ex. Honestly, my husband loves my daughter enough to never interfere with her love and affection for her dad and to never impose himself in my custody situation.

OP, the comments made to you and your husband may not be warm and fuzzy and cuddly but that isn't what this forum is about. Really, you and your husband could seriously benefit from seeing the importance of the comments you both didn't like. There is value to them, and I'm sorry you can't see it.

Totally understood that I don't stand anywhere, legally, with husband's oldest son.

I also never hoped for warm and fuzzy comments, I know the courts and the laws don't work that way. Things are matter of fact. I have seen value in some posts (please refer to my Thank You).

 

[thetiredwife]

And, as you've been told several times, your husband is free to come back here and ask his questions.



No one said you're not a party in your marriage. You obviously are.

You are NOT, however, legally involved in the situation involving your husband's children from his earlier relationship.

Furthermore, seniors here are volunteers. We're offering our time to answer questions - and most of us choose not to answer questions for third parties for a large number of reasons. If you don't like that, you're free to pay an attorney (although he's going to give you the same answer, but maybe you'll feel better if you're paying him).

I'm really sorry that this concept is too difficult for you. Maybe you can get your husband to read it to you and explain what it means.

I have stated, a few times, I know I am not legally involved with that child, that custody case etc. So I'm sorry you want to make further comments on my reading and conceptual skills.

Factually, the child is not from an earlier relationship. But (perhaps proof I can and have actually read through the posts you made?) I am aware you might comment again that you do not care and it makes no difference.

Point taken. Moving on. It wouldn't make sense for me to even try to go to an attorney on my husband's behalf in that case.

Posting here also doesn't seem to be making sense now. Referring to that article I mentioned, I agree with what it said about cutting out things that can make you feel "less than". And being told by a bunch of strangers several comments that imply that I am "less than" falls in there.

Loving my family....that is what makes sense and is good. Something I realize is not done here on this forum, so I'm choosing to spend my time with them instead of replying further than this, and loggin' out.

 

[majomom1]

You said I'm engaging~ I acknowledge that's your opinion.

If you think there has been no negative or untrue comments posted to me or my husband~ I acknowledge that's your opinion.

You said not once was I thankful to you or novemberbride~ maybe you did not see the post here that said to you, "I heard that, and think that is sound advice ". So I will add (with regard to that post), Thank You for saying that. And novemberbride~ Thank You for your post that addressed the question of the mother intending to move child in with her boyfriend, and keeping it non-judgemental.

Disagreements, opposing viewpoints~ a given in life. I do give thought to the posts, even ones that said things such as I am carrying my husband's balls. Is that a factual statement? Good legal advice? I disagree there, and that's my opinion on statements like that. And after that, I do want to move on and see if there's any more advice or a poster who has experience they share.

Despite another opinion made at one point, I don't like drama and really do like simplicity. Help appreciated, snarkiness not appreciated. Thankful and respectful when someone can offer help and leave out character judgements. The posts that have come across that way?....they've rolled off.

You are welcome.

And no... the comment of "carrying your husband's balls" was not legal advice, but come on... that was quite some time ago. Why is it still bothering you so much that you keep bringing it up?

I have been here long enough to know why the senior posted that. In some cases it is true... and a few posters have actually taken a step back and realized that their posts did indeed display that attitude.

 

[stealth2]

And no... the comment of "carrying your husband's balls" was not legal advice,

And I do think it was factual. Sorry if that strikes a nerve.

 

[majomom1]

And I do think it was factual. Sorry if that strikes a nerve.

Yes, I do believe it was factual. You didn't strike any nerve with me. I wouldn't have said it quite that way, but I respect your right to.

It was actually these comments that made me take a real hard look at myself when I first came here and the straight forward, blunt responses helped me to grow and become a better parent, and co-parent with my ex.

I have to admit that I have had to clean my computer a few times after your posts... and some have given me my good laugh for the day.

 

[CreativeBlock]

There is a very excellent article in the current issue of Glamour magazine (April 2011) I read last night titled "Stop The B**ch Wars!" that I suggest reading. Much of the principles apply to both genders (especially concerning such things as blogs and the internet being used as tools to be cruel to others). Very insightful.

Classic display of passive-aggression noted.

 

[davidmcbeth3]

The article was giving bad advice. Ask Charlie Sheen .. who's winning? Charlie is, thats who.