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[novemberbride]

I've talked with the sergeant about that. My ex has violated the TRO 3 times that I am aware of, but based on the conversations with daughter it's probably a lot more. Thats what makes me so incredibly sick to my stomach that he can be watching me and I don't even know it.

The police department play the "well, it didn't happen infront of us, so we can't arrest him" card.

My ex has been talked to by the police on several occasions. He denies violating the TRO, and they warn him that the NEXT time he'll be arrested.

There have been several complaints about a suspicious person/vehicle in my neighborhood over the last few weeks. The sergeant believes it's my ex, but by time they come out to question the suspicous person, they're gone.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Which goes back to the, "call 911 when you see him tailing you." If you see any inkling that he's watching, call 911. Let all the neighbors know the description of the vehicle, along with the license plate numbers. SOMEONE will see him. Let them know to call 911 immediately. Worse case, ask the police department to swing by your house more often.

Is your daughter on speaker phone when she talks to dad? Have the witnesses to the conversation talk with the police also.

Squeaky wheel here. Don't lie back and do NOTHING. Make noise. Lots of it.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Does your phone have video camera capabilities? If so, learn to use it and video tape the entire surroundings.

 

[RRevak]

You should also make attempts to not go anywhere alone. I understand this may be hard but you should try. It would mean both a witness to the violations and some extra security for you.

 

[novemberbride]

What creeps me out most about my ex is he has a recent gun conviction. He had a LOADED handgun in his car. Who needs to carry a LOADED gun around with them unless they think they will have to use it? Am I just paranoid for thinking that???

I always have daughter on speaker. I started putting her on speaker because she would routinely play with the phone, or be distracted and not talk. When she's on speaker, she can play and talk at the same time. Now, I do it just so I can hear what's going on. I try not to sit and moniter the call, and walk into another room.

I've talked to my neighbors about it, just so they can keep an eye out. We actually don't have many neighbors. A lot of the houses here are foreclosures and are vacant. Most of my neighbors are aware of which vehicles belong here, and which ones don't. We live in a small gated community, so everyone here seems to be aware of who lives here and who doesn't.

 

[RRevak]

What creeps me out most about my ex is he has a recent gun conviction. He had a LOADED handgun in his car. Who needs to carry a LOADED gun around with them unless they think they will have to use it? Am I just paranoid for thinking that???

I always have daughter on speaker. I started putting her on speaker because she would routinely play with the phone, or be distracted and not talk. When she's on speaker, she can play and talk at the same time. Now, I do it just so I can hear what's going on. I try not to sit and moniter the call, and walk into another room.

I've talked to my neighbors about it, just so they can keep an eye out. We actually don't have many neighbors. A lot of the houses here are foreclosures and are vacant. Most of my neighbors are aware of which vehicles belong here, and which ones don't. We live in a small gated community, so everyone here seems to be aware of who lives here and who doesn't.

With your ex's behavior I would say no! And you should monitor the calls from now on, even if its just you sitting quietly in the room doing something else. It would give you better opportunity to end the conversation once he begins to interrogate her.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What creeps me out most about my ex is he has a recent gun conviction. He had a LOADED handgun in his car. Who needs to carry a LOADED gun around with them unless they think they will have to use it? Am I just paranoid for thinking that???

I always have daughter on speaker. I started putting her on speaker because she would routinely play with the phone, or be distracted and not talk. When she's on speaker, she can play and talk at the same time. Now, I do it just so I can hear what's going on. I try not to sit and moniter the call, and walk into another room.

I've talked to my neighbors about it, just so they can keep an eye out. We actually don't have many neighbors. A lot of the houses here are foreclosures and are vacant. Most of my neighbors are aware of which vehicles belong here, and which ones don't. We live in a small gated community, so everyone here seems to be aware of who lives here and who doesn't.

Was the conviction BEFORE or AFTER the TRO was issued? Is the judge aware of him having a gun?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Are the POLICE aware that he has this conviction when you've reported the violations of the TRO?

If you are in a gated community, is there a guard at the gate or does someone have to buzz them in?

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

How is he getting into a gated community? Does the community have cameras at the gates? If so, speak to them about getting copies of tapes and possibly changing the codes. Yes its a headache for the residents, but for the safety of all the residences it should be done every so often (I work for a company that deals in security gates.)

 

[novemberbride]

Coviction was before the TRO was issued. Dad plead to a lesser charge, had to pay a fine, restitution and serve 2 days in jail this past decemeber. He is on "informal probation".

I mentioned the conviction in my request for the TRO. I also make sure to mention it to the police when I've called to report violations. I just want to make sure EVERYONE knows he has a history of carrying a loaded weapon.

 

[novemberbride]

How is he getting into a gated community? Does the community have cameras at the gates? If so, speak to them about getting copies of tapes and possibly changing the codes. Yes its a headache for the residents, but for the safety of all the residences it should be done every so often (I work for a company that deals in security gates.)

No cameras. Residents here are assigned a code, and given a little clicker thing which opens the gates. However, people can just follow a car in who has used their clicker or code to open the gate. The gate opens automatically from the opposite side (inside) when a car approaches the gate. So, it's really really easy for someone to come inside the gate. I've talked to the president of the homeowner's association. He just said he encourages people to take the license plate number of vehicles who tailgate in through the gate.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

THAT is the reason why I think the "gated" community without the guard is totally useless. Are there any security cameras aimed at the gate?

Have you considered having a security camera aimed towards the street for your security? I would be screening it EVERY day.

 

[mistoffolees]

I mentioned the conviction in my request for the TRO. I also make sure to mention it to the police when I've called to report violations. I just want to make sure EVERYONE knows he has a history of carrying a loaded weapon.

I'd make more noise. If you're not getting anywhere with the sergeant, ask for his supervisor (probably the lieutenant). Or the chief of police. Or the county prosecutor. Point out his criminal conviction and the fact that he has a loaded gun in his car and has continually violated a TRO. Show them your evidence.

 

[LdiJ]

THAT is the reason why I think the "gated" community without the guard is totally useless. Are there any security cameras aimed at the gate?

Have you considered having a security camera aimed towards the street for your security? I would be screening it EVERY day.

I think this is a very good idea as well. Its not even that expensive to do anymore.

 

[mistoffolees]

I think this is a very good idea as well. Its not even that expensive to do anymore.

Yes - and be sure to take all the other personal safety advice. Never leave your doors unlocked. Try to avoid going out alone. If possible, have a friend or family member come stay with you in case he shows up so you'll have a witness. If you don't have deadbolt locks, think about having them installed. And so on.

And DEFINITELY keep 911 on speed dial. He's a convicted criminal with a loaded gun who regularly violates a TRO. Don't take any chances. If you see him, dial 911 instead of waiting to see what he's going to do. The police would rather have you do that than have to rush you to the hospital in an ambulance.