New Update

[Isis1]

NB, I am so horrified at these new developments. I was wondering what the above means. Does he have a PO? If so I would definitely be talking to him/her about what your ex has been up to.

informal means no probation officer

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

But they still are under the umbrella of a probation office. Nothing says that she can't call and explain what is going on - particularly since a GUN was involved.

 

[novemberbride]

NB, I am so horrified at these new developments. I was wondering what the above means. Does he have a PO? If so I would definitely be talking to him/her about what your ex has been up to.

The criminal court clerk told me he doesn't have to report to a probation officer. His probation says that he cannot be caught driving on a suspended license, or without insurance. However, when I asked my PD about informal probation, they told me essentially it means he can't break the law again.

 

[mistoffolees]

Novemberbride, also consider pepper spray. It is legal in CA, although there are restrictions:
Pepper Spray Warnings and Laws & Stun Gun Laws

Once again, make sure you know how to use it properly or it can be used on you.

 

[PQN]

I would strongly suggest you follow up on the earlier suggestion to contact a domestic violence shelter. They are very experienced in this type of situations and may have developed a relationship with the cops in your area and be able to get a better response.

 

[mistoffolees]

I would strongly suggest you follow up on the earlier suggestion to contact a domestic violence shelter. They are very experienced in this type of situations and may have developed a relationship with the cops in your area and be able to get a better response.

Concur 100%. I'd certainly do that before looking at guns, mace, pepper spray, etc.

 

[novemberbride]

Thank you all for the wonderful advice.

Last night, at 6pm dad's mom came and picked up daughter for visitation, which she usually does. She is so much more easy to deal with than dad.

Around 7:45, Dad calls my house to talk to daughter. I tell him that his mom picked her up, and she should be with him. He hangs up. I thought it was really weird, but dad has done this before. Called me to talk to daughter, when daughter is supposed to be with him.

My husband suggested that I call grandma and make sure everything is ok.....So I call grandma, and tell her dad called my house looking for daughter and I just wanted to be sure everything was ok. Grandma says everything is fine, and they went out to dinner before heading to dad's house. Grandma says she called dad right after she picked up daughter and told him she was going to feed her before heading to his house. It's about an hour from my house to dad's. Just weird....

I did talk to the crisis center when I was first seeking the RO. They helped me fill out the paper work for the TRO, and gave me advice on what to do if ex calls me, etc. They said they couldn't really help me much more because it wasn't a "domestic violence" situation.

I have an appoinment with my councelor later today. I've been seeing her for the last 2 years, and she has always been very deeply concerned about dad's behavior. She also has worked with the county crisis centers and domestic violence shelters, before she stopped and opened her own practice. She's well aware of what my ex has been like for the last 5 years.

I keep pepper spray in my purse, but I'm going to get a couple others too keep like ontop of the refirgerator, or in a high cabinet (away from little's). That way, I have some around in case my purse isn't close by.

Still haven't heard from my attorney. I know they're busy...so I'll just wait.


Thanks again for all the help. It's really really appreciated. If there was a hug button, I'd give each of you one

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

That is a great point Misto. My husband has suggested getting a gun, but I've told him I think I would be way too uncomfortable that it would be more of a risk than a safety. I would, but I am just too terrified of guns. I think I would be one of those people who end up shooting themselves because they're more scared of holding their own gun than scared of the person who's trying to kill them. I guess if I took classes and had the proper training I could learn and be comfortable. I could never be in law enforcement...I'm way too little, and way to chicken to handle a gun.

Sorry, I just have to pipe up here. Being little shouldn't have anything to do with it, being aware of your situation and your own physical limitations, however, should. Being BRAVE has nothing to do with it either. Being prepared to protect yourself and your own, has nothing to do with bravery.

Size has nothing to do with it. I know someone who's about 4' 8" who could whoop someone twice her size.

I'm not saying you shouldn't get a gun - just that you need to get all the training and lessons that go with it. You CAN learn to use a gun safely (my grandmother was still hunting when she was in her mid-80's. I know a number of young kids who hunt). Just don't do it without training.

Seconded.

I keep pepper spray in my purse, but I'm going to get a couple others too keep like ontop of the refirgerator, or in a high cabinet (away from little's). That way, I have some around in case my purse isn't close by.

I also want to respond to another one of your posts. Having an UNLOADED gun is USELESS. "Oh wait, Mr. Burgular, let me load this thing"... sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it?

Education and preparedness are the only things I've seen here that you could use more of. You're anticipating something awful, but haven't done anything to make sure you ARE ready to help yourself. Our police and sheriff's departments are stretched too thin as it is. Their response time could mean the difference of you making it, or not, if you're not prepared.

PLEASE, PLEASE look into information in your area for "Ladies Nights" at the local Gun Club. I know that MOST of the Gun clubs in my area have "Ladies Only Nights", in which members who are state qualified to teach and test for the conceal/carry permits, do so more often than not, for free or nominal fee. If you can't find one in your area, look into setting something up with a friend (much easier to take coaching from someone other than your spouse, IMHO) who can teach you the ways of the "Force" (Sorry, little bit of humor there).