school is giving condoms to my 11 year olds!!

[musicrebel93]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I am a minister at a lutheran church, and i have 3 children. one boy who is a sophomore in high school and two twin girls in 8th grade. My son was given condoms in school, and they have been teaching him it is ok to use birth control, which is against our religion. The town is having a meeting this week to talk about the issue that they want to give condoms out to not only the high school, but also the middle school. Is there any legal thing I can 9for lack of a better word) 'threaten' them with? can I sue them? I would never really do it, but I want to know what my options would be, so I can make my argument.

I tried talking to the school and the town calmly and asked them to not give out condoms, if kids REALLy want them, they can go buy them, they told me that kids are too embarrassed to buy them, I rebutted that if they are too EMBARASSED to buy condoms, they are to immature to be having sex. They said there was nothing they could do. They have taken out the music and arts programs and fired veteran teachers who were outstanding and replaced them with cheaper intern like teachers who know nothing. They can't afford ACADEMIC things, but they have money to buy condoms.

They are undermining me to my children. I do not want my children exposed to such things, it is against my religion. But my children are required to go to school. A public school should not be allowed to talk about things regarding family morals and values, private schools are different.

Please help me with what I can do.. I do not want my kids exposed to condoms, or sex until they are older, ESPECIALLY my 8th grade twin girls!!!

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I am a minister at a lutheran church, and i have 3 children. one boy who is a sophomore in high school and two twin girls in 8th grade. My son was given condoms in school, and they have been teaching him it is ok to use birth control, which is against our religion. The town is having a meeting this week to talk about the issue that they want to give condoms out to not only the high school, but also the middle school. Is there any legal thing I can 9for lack of a better word) 'threaten' them with? can I sue them? I would never really do it, but I want to know what my options would be, so I can make my argument.

I tried talking to the school and the town calmly and asked them to not give out condoms, if kids REALLy want them, they can go buy them, they told me that kids are too embarrassed to buy them, I rebutted that if they are too EMBARASSED to buy condoms, they are to immature to be having sex. They said there was nothing they could do. They have taken out the music and arts programs and fired veteran teachers who were outstanding and replaced them with cheaper intern like teachers who know nothing. They can't afford ACADEMIC things, but they have money to buy condoms.

They are undermining me to my children. I do not want my children exposed to such things, it is against my religion. But my children are required to go to school. A public school should not be allowed to talk about things regarding family morals and values, private schools are different.

Please help me with what I can do.. I do not want my kids exposed to condoms, or sex until they are older, ESPECIALLY my 8th grade twin girls!!!

Okay - your title is a wee bit misleading. No one has given your 11yo girls condoms - they are simply talking about making them available. Being a little less dramatic will make you somewhat more credible.

I will admit that I have never quite understood the fear and outrage over this issue. (And I speak as a member of a Christian Church seriously more conservative than Lutheran.) As a parent, it is my job to raise my children with certain values and morals which are important to me. However, as a member of society, I understand that not all children have parents who (a) share my values and morals or (b) are willing or able to instil certain values and morals. And for their sakes, it is important (IMO) that they have access to both information and products that will help protect them from consequences they may not be ready for.

Believe me when I tell you that your 11yo girls KNOW about sex. They KNOW about condoms. They KNOW a lot more than you think they do. They hear about it from other kids, in the schoolyard, on the bus, at the playground. They do not think a big bird dropped them in a cradle 11 years ago. If you did not want them exposed to such subversive ideas, you should have home-schooled them - because they'd hear the same at a private, parochial school.

I can also tell you, for a fact, that access to such information does NOT mean a preteen or teen is going to run out and have sex with the first person he or she sees. That's where parenting comes in - and being open enough to talk to your kids, have them learn and understand that they can approach you at any time with questions, conversation, etc. And, most importantly, help should they need it. I have a 17yo daughter, and a 19yo son. The former is not sexually active; the latter wasn't when he went to college. But he is an adult now, and capable of making adult decisions - I trust him to be careful and protect both himself and his partner when he chooses to take that step.

THAT is the sort of thing you want to focus on. IMO, of course.

 

[Banned_Princess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I am a minister at a lutheran church, and i have 3 children. one boy who is a sophomore in high school and two twin girls in 8th grade. My son was given condoms in school, and they have been teaching him it is ok to use birth control, which is against our religion.

Well then you should have them enrolled at a Lutheran private school.

You have not answered our question as to what state are you in.

The town is having a meeting this week to talk about the issue that they want to give condoms out to not only the high school, but also the middle school. Is there any legal thing I can 9for lack of a better word) 'threaten' them with? can I sue them? I would never really do it, but I want to know what my options would be, so I can make my argument.

Your argument is its against your religion. but this is a state school, and we here in America separate church from state. and the state wants kids to be safe. ((sounds like the school has a better argument))

What are you doing to keep your kids sexually healthy? ... great, so if you feel like that is working, your kids wont need the condoms. (they should still know what condoms are for, and why its important to use one.)

I tried talking to the school and the town calmly and asked them to not give out condoms, if kids REALLy want them, they can go buy them, they told me that kids are too embarrassed to buy them, I rebutted that if they are too EMBARASSED to buy condoms, they are to immature to be having sex.

WOW!! Why don't you just fill the kids in on this small bit of wisdom. I'm sure they will see how easy it is to tell when they are ready, and start using sex to just procreate.

If you don't want your kids to get a state education, there are other options for you.

They said there was nothing they could do. They have taken out the music and arts programs and fired veteran teachers who were outstanding and replaced them with cheaper intern like teachers who know nothing. They can't afford ACADEMIC things, but they have money to buy condoms.

Ah well, its the state of our state educational system. Luckily, your children have the option of other schools.

They are undermining me to my children. I do not want my children exposed to such things, it is against my religion. But my children are required to go to school. A public school should not be allowed to talk about things regarding family morals and values, private schools are different.

Really simple, wherever you are... send your kids to the private school, with your morals. that is how private school is different.

The state runs the public school, and it is in societies best interest to teach the masses sexual education. YOU are free to use another school. the state is stuck with the same kids.

Please help me with what I can do.. I do not want my kids exposed to condoms, or sex until they are older, ESPECIALLY my 8th grade twin girls!!!

Start a petition.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I am a minister at a lutheran church, and i have 3 children. one boy who is a sophomore in high school and two twin girls in 8th grade. My son was given condoms in school, and they have been teaching him it is ok to use birth control, which is against our religion. The town is having a meeting this week to talk about the issue that they want to give condoms out to not only the high school, but also the middle school. Is there any legal thing I can 9for lack of a better word) 'threaten' them with? can I sue them? I would never really do it, but I want to know what my options would be, so I can make my argument.

There is nothing you can "sue them for." And, you probably have heard, this is a topic in the news for a while, about making birth control available versus the parents who don't want it available.

I tried talking to the school and the town calmly and asked them to not give out condoms, if kids REALLy want them, they can go buy them, they told me that kids are too embarrassed to buy them, I rebutted that if they are too EMBARASSED to buy condoms, they are to immature to be having sex.

When I taught high school, there was a story that rocked our town about a 5th grader who got pregnant. The kids don't see sex and buying condoms as the same level of embarrassment. Sex fulfills a different need, often the need for love or acceptance, that buying condoms does not. They see purchasing something as the possibility to be caught, and they won't do it.

You see this situation from purely a "my kid, my kid, me me me" perspective. You aren't looking at this from the rest of the kids, your kid, the schools, the community's, or health care's perspective. There are other kids at this school besides yours. There are other kids who might have sex and need the resource, besides yours. Making available (and I doubt the school is dropping them in every locker, or putting them in a bowl on the teacher's desk) along with the child has to get them from the nurse, gives the health care provider a chance to talk to the child and make sure there's no abuse or psychological issues, which often - parents are completely unaware of.

They said there was nothing they could do. They have taken out the music and arts programs and fired veteran teachers who were outstanding and replaced them with cheaper intern like teachers who know nothing. They can't afford ACADEMIC things, but they have money to buy condoms.

The school didn't purchase them with "teacher money." This is separate funding from the state health funds. Not the same money.

They are undermining me to my children.

No. This provides an opportunity for you to lead your children, parent your children, and discuss what you believe as a church and as a family.

I do not want my children exposed to such things, it is against my religion.

Sex is not a religion. If you have a probelm - YOU need to discuss why with your kids. Provide them foundations. There are all kinds of influences in the world - you can't hide your kids forever, like my parents tried to. When I got away from them, at 18, I went WILD. If you don't acknowledge the world, the world becomes the forbidden fruit, and your children will go buck wild.

But my children are required to go to school. A public school should not be allowed to talk about things regarding family morals and values, private schools are different.

This is a health issue for the school. You are the one who has to teach morals and values to your children.

Please help me with what I can do.. I do not want my kids exposed to condoms, or sex until they are older, ESPECIALLY my 8th grade twin girls!!!

Sit down as a family, and discuss what the kids are going to see in public school, and why you have a problem with it. Times are changing, they are scary, and I KNOW that your children probably know more about sex than YOU DO. You have to wake up, as the schools are doing, and provide information. Holding back information makes kids rebellious and angry. Tell your girls the truth before they learn it from some boy under the bleachers. Kids have sex, even at school. You wouldn't believe the amount of sexual activity in ANY school, public or private. I know, I taught at many and have read even more. Don't be part of the problem here - get to your kids first.

 

[stealth2]

Sex is not a religion. If you have a probelm - YOU need to discuss why with your kids. Provide them foundations. There are all kinds of influences in the world - you can't hide your kids forever, like my parents tried to. When I got away from them, at 18, I went WILD. If you don't acknowledge the world, the world becomes the forbidden fruit, and your children will go buck wild..

This is both an important and valid point, HL makes. I know it from my own youth, but I also know it from talking to my kids. They've both told me that the kids who are the most sheltered and constrained - tend to be the wildest. Outside of their parents' sight. And once they get out on their own (i.e. college)? Stand back 'cause they are out there.

Again - this does NOT mean that you have to expect your teens to go out and get crazy. My two are really quite conservative in their behavior. My oldest has had a few drinks now that he's away, but he didn't drink in HS. Didn't do drugs either. Or have sex. My youngest? She's split a beer with me a couple of times. She won't drink out with her friends - because someone has to be responsible. She doesn't have sex. She doesn't do drugs. And again - they have both known about sex, and drugs, and drinking... and even foul language... for quite a few years. Knowledge does not equal action.

And I DO appreciate that you are a spiritual leader in your community. And that it's important for you to uphold certain standards. But knowledge doesn't need to supersede morality and values. In fact, I think you could go a long way in providing classes for parents and their kids about how to navigate these issues. Not by hiding your heads in the sand, but by confronting them head-on. Acknowledge that there are temptations of all sorts out there, why your community believes as it does, what the consequences are, and how you - as a faith community - can counteract those influences.

 

[Lovingmom1]

Well then you should have them enrolled at a Lutheran private school.

You have not answered our question as to what state are you in.





Your argument is its against your religion. but this is a state school, and we here in America separate church from state. and the state wants kids to be safe. ((sounds like the school has a better argument))

What are you doing to keep your kids sexually healthy? ... great, so if you feel like that is working, your kids wont need the condoms. (they should still know what condoms are for, and why its important to use one.)





WOW!! Why don't you just fill the kids in on this small bit of wisdom. I'm sure they will see how easy it is to tell when they are ready, and start using sex to just procreate.

If you don't want your kids to get a state education, there are other options for you.



Ah well, its the state of our state educational system. Luckily, your children have the option of other schools.





Really simple, wherever you are... send your kids to the private school, with your morals. that is how private school is different.

The state runs the public school, and it is in societies best interest to teach the masses sexual education. YOU are free to use another school. the state is stuck with the same kids.




Start a petition.

Can I quote this, write it really super big and post it out in front of my school for all to witness? Oh, princess, so perfectly put! "Start a petition"...wonderful!

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

I personally know someone who at age 14 was the father of a three year old. He became sexually active at age 8. Your responsibility as a parent is to educate your children about your faith and not shield them from the world. Fulfill your responsibility and it won't matter what they hear at school.

 

[stealth2]

I personally know someone who at age 14 was the father of a three year old. He became sexually active at age 8. Your responsibility as a parent is to educate your children about your faith and not shield them from the world. Fulfill your responsibility and it won't matter what they hear at school.

That is, to me, incredibly sad.

 

[Humusluvr]

That is, to me, incredibly sad.

To me, it reeks of abuse. If he had been able to approach a school nurse, she could have assessed that situation.

 

[Lovingmom1]

To me, it reeks of abuse. If he had been able to approach a school nurse, she could have assessed that situation.

That is...if the school nurse hadn't been laid off due to budget cuts.

 

[stealth2]

To me, it reeks of abuse. If he had been able to approach a school nurse, she could have assessed that situation.

I can only imagine OP's freak if someone suggested handing out condoms in elementary!

 

[justalayman]

I tried talking to the school and the town calmly and asked them to not give out condoms, if kids REALLy want them, they can go buy them, they told me that kids are too embarrassed to buy them, I rebutted that if they are too EMBARASSED to buy condoms, they are to immature to be having sex

You really are missing the point.

Yes, the children are too immature to be having sex. That is the point. Due to that immaturity, they will not by condoms because they are embarrassed. What you apparently are missing is: not buying condoms does not relate to not having sex. So, if you continue the thought through completely;

you now have kids that are going to have sex but they are not going to be using condoms. I am sure you know what comes from that. So, that means you will have immature children having children.

They are undermining me to my children. I do not want my children exposed to such things, it is against my religion. But my children are required to go to school

What? You don't want your children to be exposed to knowledge? The school isn't telling the kids to have sex. They are simply presenting the information of how to avoid pregnancy if they do have sex. If you teach them that they shouldn't be having sex, learning of a condom is not going to make them run out and have sex.

as to it being against your religion; so are a lot of other things. Do you prevent your children from learning of those things as well or do you counsel them that those things are in contrast to the teachings of your church. You seem to want to cause your children to grow up ignorant of the world. There is no test of a person when they are ignorant. The test is when they have knowledge but still chose the right path. A blind man cannot be guilty of voyeurism so it is silly to claim he is a good man because he isn't a peeping Tom. It's when he hes full vision and could be a peeping Tom and chooses not to being where he earns respect.

Oh, and trust me on this one point: whether the schools broaches the subject of sex or not, your 8th grade children will be exposed to sex. 8th grade kids are not ignorant of the subject. I know I would much rather my children be taught the truth about sex, whether it be from me or other informed adults than in the locker rooms where they will likely be taught some very incorrect information.

 

[CdwJava]

I find the mixed message devastating. Sex between minors is a crime, yet herre are condoms to carry it out. Why not provide filtered cigarettes? Kids are going to smoke. Why not provide a place for kids to have a beer? They are going to drink. Cigarette smoking is bad, but marijuana is a medicine and is good. Where does it end?

On one hand we tell kids that a certain act is unlawful and/or immoral, then ww decide to encourage it because they are going to do it anyway.

I do not want my school handing out condoms, either. If it is a health issue, the health department or some other organization can do this. The schools can and should impart information, but for me it crosses the line when they start passing out something that encourages what is - at least in my state - unlawful activity.

Fortunately, if parents choose, we can have them opt out of sex education classes here. I did not make that choice, but I could have had I chosen to.

Unfortunately, there are a great number of other moral or ethical "teaching" that we parents do not have a choice for our children to opt out of. If my kids were beginning school in CA with the edicts that have recently been handed down by the state, i would put them back in Christian school. But, as two are in high school and one is in middle school in what is largely a conservative community to begin with, they are beyond what could be the most influential age level.

I understand the OP's frustration. And I see the results of those mixed messages every day and I have to deal with the results.

Folks, it's not the lack of condoms that gets kids pregnant. Ask them - they know about condoms and where to get them. For the most part, it is a conscious choice not to use them, not a lack of access. Greater emphasis on moral behavior would probably be far more effective. Abstinence works every time it is tried.

... Well, there was this ONE time when abstinence resulted in a pregnancy ...

 

[Just Blue]

I find the mixed message devastating. Sex between minors is a crime, yet herre are condoms to carry it out. Why not provide filtered cigarettes? Kids are going to smoke. Why not provide a place for kids to have a beer? They are going to drink. Cigarette smoking is bad, but marijuana is a medicine and is good. Where does it end?

On one hand we tell kids that a certain act is unlawful and/or immoral, then ww decide to encourage it because they are going to do it anyway.

I do not want my school handing out condoms, either. If it is a health issue, the health department or some other organization can do this. The schools can and should impart information, but for me it crosses the line when they start passing out something that encourages what is - at least in my state - unlawful activity.

Fortunately, if parents choose, we can have them opt out of sex education classes here. I did not make that choice, but I could have had I chosen to.

Unfortunately, there are a great number of other moral or ethical "teaching" that we parents do not have a choice for our children to opt out of. If my kids were beginning school in CA with the edicts that have recently been handed down by the state, i would put them back in Christian school. But, as two are in high school and one is in middle school in what is largely a conservative community to begin with, they are beyond what could be the most influential age level.

I understand the OP's frustration. And I see the results of those mixed messages every day and I have to deal with the results.

Folks, it's not the lack of condoms that gets kids pregnant. Ask them - they know about condoms and where to get them. For the most part, it is a conscious choice not to use them, not a lack of access. Greater emphasis on moral behavior would probably be far more effective. Abstinence works every time it is tried.

... Well, there was this ONE time when abstinence resulted in a pregnancy ...

Sex between two 16 year olds is (likely) not a criminal issue. Children should be aware of safe sex. Just like they should be aware of drug awareness. Would you NOT allow your child to be in a "Just Say No" seminar??

Is not "Knowledge Power"??

 

[stealth2]

Carl... as much as I love you? I disagree with you on this one. Sorry.