Trying to change permanent parenting with no lawyer

[Ohiogal]

Once i explained to her the childs living situation she has agreed to not send her to the office and has agreed to keep trying to work with her

The living situation is an excuse. Time to help your child deal with reality. DO NOT let her use this as an excuse for poor behavior or grades or that is ON YOU. She can adapt if you give her the tools to do so.

Her teacher tells me what goes on, she tells me what she says to him but he never comes in or offers any solutions and goes on.

Says you quite frankly. You don't know what he does at his house.

i do talk to the teacher often since the her behavior has become a steady decline.

Well making excuses for it is NOT going to help remedy the situation. Let your daughter deal with the CONSEQUENCES of her behavior. Oh yeah, you don't want that to happen.

I call him he does not answer so i text him and he does not reply.

YOu have no proof that he does nothing. All you know is he does not reply to you.

I am not innocent in all of it because i did agree to the week by week. She was 2 when the agreement was made and i could not have known that this would mess her up when she started school in the future.

Truthfully your attitude is what is messing with her. You are teaching her that she does not have to deal with the consequences of her behavior.

And after the divorce this was not how things were, he would only keep her on weekends for over a year. I did not keep her from him it was that he did not want her but on weekends so i let it be. I figured he wanted it to say 50/50 so he paid less child support. Then suddenly he demanded the week by week to start and i agreed because thats what he should have been doing in the first place but now it is hurting her now that she is in school. When the problems first started i tried to ask him to go back to having her on weekends during school and back to week and week in summer and he refused and then cut me off and ignored me and wont let my daughter call me when he has her and wont answer his daughters calls and voicemails when i have her, so to ease her frustrations from this i have her call his mother and chat with her instead when he wont answer her calls.

He is allowed to do weekends. YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DEMAND HE GO BACK TO WEEKENDS. No wonder he wants nothing to do with you -- you are controlling things. You are dictating things and not teaching your daughter coping skills. Bad parenting. It will and can backfire on you.

 

[momtab]

The living situation is an excuse. Time to help your child deal with reality. DO NOT let her use this as an excuse for poor behavior or grades or that is ON YOU. She can adapt if you give her the tools to do so.



Says you quite frankly. You don't know what he does at his house.


Well making excuses for it is NOT going to help remedy the situation. Let your daughter deal with the CONSEQUENCES of her behavior. Oh yeah, you don't want that to happen.


YOu have no proof that he does nothing. All you know is he does not reply to you.



Truthfully your attitude is what is messing with her. You are teaching her that she does not have to deal with the consequences of her behavior.





He is allowed to do weekends. YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DEMAND HE GO BACK TO WEEKENDS. No wonder he wants nothing to do with you -- you are controlling things. You are dictating things and not teaching your daughter coping skills. Bad parenting. It will and can backfire on you.

He is supposed to have her an entire week according the perm parenting plan and he was not following it. 50/50 is not him having her for 3 days a week. I did not demand he go back i was trying to reach an agreement that would give her more time in one place during the school year.

 

[mistoffolees]

He is supposed to have her an entire week according the perm parenting plan and he was not following it. 50/50 is not him having her for 3 days a week. I did not demand he go back i was trying to reach an agreement that would give her more time in one place during the school year.

You can't have it both ways. First you complain that you want to have the child more - and then you complain that Dad only sees the child 3 days every other week. You have the child 11 days out of 14 - which is about as close to full time as anyone's likely to get unless the other parent is unfit.

 

[momtab]

You can't have it both ways. First you complain that you want to have the child more - and then you complain that Dad only sees the child 3 days every other week. You have the child 11 days out of 14 - which is about as close to full time as anyone's likely to get unless the other parent is unfit.

No this is how it was after the divorce for over a year. Then he suddenly wanted to start have her every week which i did because thats how it was supposed to be. As it is now i have her a week and he has her a week. I am wanting it to go back to him having her on weekends now that it is affecting her school. I did not complain that he was only having her 3 days a week. I figured he did it to save himself some money because during the seperation he only kept her a few hours 3 times a week while i went to classes and i figured no matter what the parenting plan said it would probably stay about the same which it did for over a year because he only wanted her on weekends instead of the full week.

 

[Ohiogal]

No this is how it was after the divorce for over a year. Then he suddenly wanted to start have her every week which i did because thats how it was supposed to be. As it is now i have her a week and he has her a week. I am wanting it to go back to him having her on weekends now that it is affecting her school. I did not complain that he was only having her 3 days a week. I figured he did it to save himself some money because during the seperation he only kept her a few hours 3 times a week while i went to classes and i figured no matter what the parenting plan said it would probably stay about the same which it did for over a year because he only wanted her on weekends instead of the full week.

Then when he was only getting her three times a week, you should have filed to change the parenting plan. You did not. Hence now you have to deal with the court order. And you still have not presented ANYTHING to state that your daughter's difficulties are due solely to dad.

Silver seems to have this nailed. You are to blame -- at least partially -- and if you want to move out of state, look for dad -- if he requests it -- to win custody while you move by yourself and "visit" your child while paying child support.

 

[momtab]

Then when he was only getting her three times a week, you should have filed to change the parenting plan. You did not. Hence now you have to deal with the court order. And you still have not presented ANYTHING to state that your daughter's difficulties are due solely to dad.

Silver seems to have this nailed. You are to blame -- at least partially -- and if you want to move out of state, look for dad -- if he requests it -- to win custody while you move by yourself and "visit" your child while paying child support.

i wont move without her. I wont move unless i get permission to take her with me.

 

[Banned_Princess]

i wont move without her. I wont move unless i get permission to take her with me.

Good luck to you then.

 

[Proserpina]

This might seem like a silly question, but is there any reason Dad shouldn't have custody?

 

[momtab]

This might seem like a silly question, but is there any reason Dad shouldn't have custody?

I dont want him to not have custody, i want it changed during the school year that she is more with me so its more stable for her. Why me? because only i register her for school, take her to dr and dentist appts, get her immunizations, and anything else that has to be done. I am already responsible for getting everything that needs to be done, done and have been the only one doing it ever.

 

[Ohiogal]

This might seem like a silly question, but is there any reason Dad shouldn't have custody?

Because dad doesn't have an UTERUS, Pro. Come on now. Dad is to blame for everything! Mom is the only perfect parent.

 

[momtab]

Because dad doesn't have an UTERUS, Pro. Come on now. Dad is to blame for everything! Mom is the only perfect parent.

We disagree at times but we don't get rude, arrogant and name calling

i would say what you wrote is pretty rude..

 

[ecmst12]

Perhaps she is just having trouble adjusting to school - she just started it and adjustment problems are normal even when NOT in a split household situation. You don't need to immediately jump to taking time away from dad before you try other methods to help her adjust.

 

[LdiJ]

Perhaps she is just having trouble adjusting to school - she just started it and adjustment problems are normal even when NOT in a split household situation. You don't need to immediately jump to taking time away from dad before you try other methods to help her adjust.

I don't disagree with what anyone has said here...because its all totally valid. However, I can also see mom's point, because dad certainly doesn't sound like a dad who actually wants to be a parent.

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't disagree with what anyone has said here...because its all totally valid. However, I can also see mom's point, because dad certainly doesn't sound like a dad who actually wants to be a parent.

Yes, that's the way Moms always present things when they're trying to take a child away from a 50:50 situation.

I haven't seen a single thing Mom has said that indicates that Dad is unfit in ANY way.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, that's the way Moms always present things when they're trying to take a child away from a 50:50 situation.

I haven't seen a single thing Mom has said that indicates that Dad is unfit in ANY way.

Well, then perhaps you should read the thread more thoroughly Misto...and hold 50/50 dads to the standard that you set, not just 50/50 moms. I don't mean that sarcastically in any way. You set a high standard. You do an excellent job. I would love to see you hold dads to the same standards that you hold moms.