getting child support after none for 8 years

[stacyinnebraska]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nebraska

I had a child out of wedlock. The father became abusive. I fled from Louisiana to Nebraska where my family was while I was pregnant. I was contacted by child support services because I was receiving medicaid. I filed a good cause not to establish paternity because of the abuse.

1 year after baby was born, father decided to go to child support services and sign paternity acknowledgment on his own accord and start paying child support since his income was low. Child support order for 104 a month.

I received child support for a year and it stopped when the father called me to ask for the child's ss# so he could claim on his income taxes and I would not release that information. We have not heard from him since.

Jump to March 2011. I have received 3 child support checks outta the blue. He has not contacted me. These child support checks for upwards of 700 dollars. I think he is Ohio but am not positive and the child support order is in Louisiana.

What should I do. I do not want him in our life and I do not want his money. I have not told my now 10 year old that her "daddy" is not her real "sperm donor". Whats the deal with these checks after 8 years?

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nebraska

I had a child out of wedlock. The father became abusive. I fled from Louisiana to Nebraska where my family was while I was pregnant. I was contacted by child support services because I was receiving medicaid. I filed a good cause not to establish paternity because of the abuse.

1 year after baby was born, father decided to go to child support services and sign paternity acknowledgment on his own accord and start paying child support since his income was low. Child support order for 104 a month.

I received child support for a year and it stopped when the father called me to ask for the child's ss# so he could claim on his income taxes and I would not release that information. We have not heard from him since.

Jump to March 2011. I have received 3 child support checks outta the blue. He has not contacted me. These child support checks for upwards of 700 dollars. I think he is Ohio but am not positive and the child support order is in Louisiana.

What should I do. I do not want him in our life and I do not want his money. I have not told my now 10 year old that her "daddy" is not her real "sperm donor". Whats the deal with these checks after 8 years?

You chose her sperm donor daddy, remember. The consequences of your actions will follow you for the rest of your life. Your lies to her will come back and hurt all of you later and there will be consequences to that too.

Dad is dad and since you're on State aid, there is no way you are going to be able to distance yourself from her father.

Cash the checks and consider yourself lucky that you're getting them.

 

[stealth2]

What should I do. I do not want him in our life and I do not want his money. I have not told my now 10 year old that her "daddy" is not her real "sperm donor".

Honestly? Huge mistake. She WILL eventually find out, and how will you explain to her that her entire life has been a lie?

 

[stacyinnebraska]

in my defense on this, which I wasnt expecting to be attacked, let me give more information.

I am not on state aid, just was when I was pregnant while I was in college. I am married to the man that has helped me raise her for the last 10 years.

I did choose my sperm donor so to speak, and that is what he was. He has seen her once in 10 years. I paid to take her to the state of residence of his so he could meet her and maybe change his ways. He seemed like a different person at that point from where he was when we were together. It was after that, that he up and quit paying child support after only 9 months of doing so just because I claimed her on my income tax return because I was the primary care giver of her. She has had many medical problems throughout her life, I was always the one that was there and he always appeared to not give a crap when I was the one making the attempts at calling him to update him on her. After 3 years of him not showing an interest, thats when I gave up. Had he of gave a crap and wanted to be involved I would have told her about him obviously. But I see no purpose in telling a child that there is a genetic contributor out there that thought she wasnt worth getting to know.

I really dont want or need his money, my husband and I have plenty of money because we both work good jobs. Perhaps you that have replied do not understand my intentions.

My options as of right now are:
A. Save the money and pay him to sign adoption papers and let him off the hook.

B. Use the money to let her do activities that I otherwise wouldn't spend the money on because I do have 2 other children and although we make good money sometimes I just want to save some.

C. Keep saving the child support money for her college fund and just deal with it if he gets mad that he is being garnished.

 

[Antigone*]

in my defense on this, which I wasnt expecting to be attacked, let me give more information.

I am not on state aid, just was when I was pregnant while I was in college. I am married to the man that has helped me raise her for the last 10 years.

I did choose my sperm donor so to speak, and that is what he was. He has seen her once in 10 years. I paid to take her to the state of residence of his so he could meet her and maybe change his ways. He seemed like a different person at that point from where he was when we were together. It was after that, that he up and quit paying child support after only 9 months of doing so just because I claimed her on my income tax return because I was the primary care giver of her. She has had many medical problems throughout her life, I was always the one that was there and he always appeared to not give a crap when I was the one making the attempts at calling him to update him on her. After 3 years of him not showing an interest, thats when I gave up. Had he of gave a crap and wanted to be involved I would have told her about him obviously. But I see no purpose in telling a child that there is a genetic contributor out there that thought she wasnt worth getting to know.

I really dont want or need his money, my husband and I have plenty of money because we both work good jobs. Perhaps you that have replied do not understand my intentions.

My options as of right now are:
A. Save the money and pay him to sign adoption papers and let him off the hook.

B. Use the money to let her do activities that I otherwise wouldn't spend the money on because I do have 2 other children and although we make good money sometimes I just want to save some.

C. Keep saving the child support money for her college fund and just deal with it if he gets mad that he is being garnished.

Sorry you felt attacked sometimes the truth hurts.

Dad should never claim kiddo on his taxes and you were right to deny him that. Paying a few bucks alone, doesn't even come close to earning him that right. The fact remains he is DAD, as crappy as he may be.

I'd go with option C.

 

[stacyinnebraska]

but he is not her dad, my husband is her dad. he didnt want to be a dad. And yes I know that the truth hurts. I am not one of those people tho who is out to screw him over which is why I though maybe I would get some sound advise here. But I guess I was wrong. I am not bitter at all. But I suppose alot of other people in these kind of situations are.

 

[Antigone*]

but he is not her dad, my husband is her dad. he didnt want to be a dad. And yes I know that the truth hurts. I am not one of those people tho who is out to screw him over which is why I though maybe I would get some sound advise here. But I guess I was wrong. I am not bitter at all. But I suppose alot of other people in these kind of situations are.

Obviously you are not going to get the answers you want here. You must understand we deal with the legality of your situation. Your husband is a legal stranger to this child. Her father is her father and legally no one else can take his place unless an adption occurs.

So, since we're our answers will not suit your needs, why don't you head off to www.iwannahearonlywhatiwannahear.com:rolleyes:

 

[stacyinnebraska]

wow, your a really nice person, you know that. I dont want to hear what I want to hear. Legally my husband pays for this childs medical support, legally he pays for all her expenses. Legally he is the one there that kisses her knee when he taught her to ride her bike. There is a bigger picture here. I am trying to figure out a way to LEGALLY let the sperm donor out of an obligation that he obviously does not want. I just wanted to find out if it could LEGALLY be done.

 

[stacyinnebraska]

if someone else has something a little more helpful.
Thanks

 

[stealth2]

wow, your a really nice person, you know that. I dont want to hear what I want to hear. Legally my husband pays for this childs medical support, legally he pays for all her expenses. Legally he is the one there that kisses her knee when he taught her to ride her bike. There is a bigger picture here. I am trying to figure out a way to LEGALLY let the sperm donor out of an obligation that he obviously does not want. I just wanted to find out if it could LEGALLY be done.

At this point in time, the man you slept with and conceived the child with is the only LEGAL father she has. Your husband is, I am sure, a very nice person. And it's great that he loves your daughter. But, legally, he is not her father. If you were hit by a bus tomorrow and died, the man you slept with would have the legal right to take his child. Your husband would, perhaps, be able to file in court. But it would be a fight.

You could consider investigating whether her father (i.e. not your husband) would be willing to give up parental rights if your husband were willing to adopt her. Other than that, you can't do a heck of a lot. He can pop up at any time until she is a legal adult and claim his rights via legal channels.

Otherwise, you can feel free to pay someone for advice.

 

[Antigone*]

wow, your a really nice person, you know that. I dont want to hear what I want to hear. Out of the goodness of his heart my husband pays for this childs medical support, out of the goodness of his heart he pays for all her expenses. Out of the goodness of his heart he is the one there that kisses her knee when he taught her to ride her bike. There is a bigger picture here. I am trying to figure out a way to LEGALLY let her father out of an obligation that he obviously does not want. I just wanted to find out if it could LEGALLY be done.

I fixed it for you

Legally he is her dad and not if DAD says no.

 

[divona2000]

...father decided to go to child support services and sign paternity acknowledgment... I do not want him in our life...I have not told my now 10 year old that her "daddy" is not her real "sperm donor"...

Her father is not your husband.

...but he is not her dad, my husband is her dad. he didnt want to be a dad...I though maybe I would get some sound advise here...

Her father is not your husband.

...Legally my husband pays for this childs medical support, legally he pays for all her expenses. Legally he is the one there that kisses her knee when he taught her to ride her bike...

Legally, your husband is not required to do any of this.

What are you going to do when your daughter's father decides to file for visitation? Explain your lies to her then.
What if her father decides to try for custody?

 

[Ohiogal]

wow, your a really nice person, you know that. I dont want to hear what I want to hear. Legally my husband pays for this childs medical support, legally he pays for all her expenses. Legally he is the one there that kisses her knee when he taught her to ride her bike. There is a bigger picture here. I am trying to figure out a way to LEGALLY let the sperm donor out of an obligation that he obviously does not want. I just wanted to find out if it could LEGALLY be done.

Legally he is NOT the father. LEGALLY the FATHER is the one who you spread your legs for and allowed him to shoot his semen into your uterus thus impregnating you and then he signed the AOP (which also requires the signature of the mother by the way). Legally your husband is NO ONE to this child. Got it?

LEGALLY you have made a mess.

 

[mistoffolees]

but he is not her dad, my husband is her dad. he didnt want to be a dad. And yes I know that the truth hurts.

Which may be your excuse for continually denying the truth.

Your husband is not the child's Dad. No way, no how.

You know, it's really rather perverse, but it's people like you who cause stepparents to be under-appreciated. By insisting that being a step-parent isn't good enough and that you therefore want to take away Dad's role and assign it to your husband, you are asserting that there's something wrong with being a step-parent -- which is total BS.

Not to mention, of course, that you're going to have problems in 10 years when the kid goes to college and says "Mom, your blood is Type A and "Dad's" is Type O, so why is mine AB?" Or when she finds out some other way. You're lying to an innocent child and that will likely come back to haunt you - and possibly destroy the child's relationship with your husband. So your silly game may well backfire and create the exact opposite effect.

Oh, and when your disrespect of parenting duties backfires on you and you get a divorce, your precious child is going to wonder why she can't see "Dad". The amount of damage you could be doing is incalculable.

 

[nextwife]

Which may be your excuse for continually denying the truth.

Your husband is not the child's Dad. No way, no how.

You know, it's really rather perverse, but it's people like you who cause stepparents to be under-appreciated. By insisting that being a step-parent isn't good enough and that you therefore want to take away Dad's role and assign it to your husband, you are asserting that there's something wrong with being a step-parent -- which is total BS.

Not to mention, of course, that you're going to have problems in 10 years when the kid goes to college and says "Mom, your blood is Type A and "Dad's" is Type O, so why is mine AB?" Or when she finds out some other way. You're lying to an innocent child and that will likely come back to haunt you - and possibly destroy the child's relationship with your husband. So your silly game may well backfire and create the exact opposite effect.

Oh, and when your disrespect of parenting duties backfires on you and you get a divorce, your precious child is going to wonder why she can't see "Dad". The amount of damage you could be doing is incalculable.

That is a very good point. People who lie about adoption do the same discredit to the role of adoptive parents. It implies that being adopted is negative. Why lie? There is nothing wrong about being either a step parent or an adoptive parent.

EVEN if husband were LEGAL father, lying about being biodad is a really bad idea. I'd never, ever mislead my kid to think I or her dad are her BIOPARENTS. Sure, we are LEGALLY her parents, but that does not give us the right to lie or mislead about her bioparentage.

It's easier if they always know the truth about who is, or is not, biomom and biodad.