getting child support after none for 8 years

[RRevak]

That is a very good point. People who lie about adoption do the same discredit to the role of adoptive parents. It implies that being adopted is negative. Why lie? There is nothing wrong about being either a step parent or an adoptive parent.

EVEN if husband were LEGAL father, lying about being biodad is a really bad idea. I'd never, ever mislead my kid to think I or her dad are her BIOPARENTS. Sure, we are LEGALLY her parents, but that does not give us the right to lie or mislead about her bioparentage.

It's easier if they always know the truth about who is, or is not, biomom and biodad.

Ugh I agree. My hubs has been "dad" to my daughter for the last 6yrs. She has seen her father all of a handful of times due to his complete lack of interest. She calls my hubs "dad" because she asked if that was ok and he was fine with it. Its actually that the hubs is "dad" and her father is "daddy". But never EVER have I tried to make him her father. She is well aware he is her step-parent and tells others that when asked. She does still occasionally call him by his first name but over the last year its been dad more and more. She knows who her father is and easily differentiates between the two. People like OP make me sad for their children. I could never dream of lying to my child like that. There is nothing shameful about your children knowing they have a parent and a step-parent or parents and adoptive parents. It all comes down to them just having more people in their lives who love them. Oh to be a fly on the wall when OPs child finds out that their mom didnt care enough to tell them the truth

 

[mistoffolees]

That is a very good point. People who lie about adoption do the same discredit to the role of adoptive parents. It implies that being adopted is negative. Why lie? There is nothing wrong about being either a step parent or an adoptive parent.

Unfortunately, that attitude is deeply entrenched- which is why I point it out when I can.

It really used to bother me on Father's Day. Not my step kids, they were great. But we'd go to church and the EXTREMELY old-fashioned priest would ask all the fathers to stand up at the end of mass. Then he'd ask grandfathers to stand up. Then foster fathers. Then god-fathers. But never the stepfathers. (It goes back to the Catholic prohibition against divorce, I guess). Used to burn me up.

At one point, I wrote a letter, but it didn't do any good - he did the same thing next year. (I also suggested that the Church should make St. Joseph the patron saint of stepfathers, but that didn't go anywhere, either). Clearly, their prohibition against divorce is stronger than their respect for the people who take care of kids.

 

[RRevak]

Unfortunately, that attitude is deeply entrenched- which is why I point it out when I can.

It really used to bother me on Father's Day. Not my step kids, they were great. But we'd go to church and the EXTREMELY old-fashioned priest would ask all the fathers to stand up at the end of mass. Then he'd ask grandfathers to stand up. Then foster fathers. Then god-fathers. But never the stepfathers. (It goes back to the Catholic prohibition against divorce, I guess). Used to burn me up.

At one point, I wrote a letter, but it didn't do any good - he did the same thing next year. (I also suggested that the Church should make St. Joseph the patron saint of stepfathers, but that didn't go anywhere, either). Clearly, their prohibition against divorce is stronger than their respect for the people who take care of kids.

Although not in the religious realm its equally bothersome during fathers day. All the kids get to make "fathers day" arts n crafts but never have I seen anything thanking step-fathers. I have to gently ask lil-bit to ask her teachers if she can make two presents.

 

[proud_parent]

Unfortunately, that attitude is deeply entrenched- which is why I point it out when I can.

It really used to bother me on Father's Day. Not my step kids, they were great. But we'd go to church and the EXTREMELY old-fashioned priest would ask all the fathers to stand up at the end of mass. Then he'd ask grandfathers to stand up. Then foster fathers. Then god-fathers. But never the stepfathers. (It goes back to the Catholic prohibition against divorce, I guess). Used to burn me up.

At one point, I wrote a letter, but it didn't do any good - he did the same thing next year. (I also suggested that the Church should make St. Joseph the patron saint of stepfathers, but that didn't go anywhere, either). Clearly, their prohibition against divorce is stronger than their respect for the people who take care of kids.

I'm very sorry you had that experience, misto. However, I would pray that it had more to do with that particular priest than with the Catholic Church at large. Saints Thomas More and Adelaide of Italy are recognized patrons of stepparents, and Joseph is considered a patron of all fathers.

Of course, not all who become stepparents do so as a result of remarriage after divorce. Some marriages end upon a spouse's death, and some are declared null by the Church.

 

[LdiJ]

wow, your a really nice person, you know that. I dont want to hear what I want to hear. Legally my husband pays for this childs medical support, legally he pays for all her expenses. Legally he is the one there that kisses her knee when he taught her to ride her bike. There is a bigger picture here. I am trying to figure out a way to LEGALLY let the sperm donor out of an obligation that he obviously does not want. I just wanted to find out if it could LEGALLY be done.

The only way to let him off the hook legally would be for your husband to adopt the child. That would take an attorney.

 

[nextwife]

But never the stepfathers. (It goes back to the Catholic prohibition against divorce, I guess). Used to burn me up

If THAT is the basis, it's pretty ridiculous.

One can have a step dad without a divorce.

My kiddo's Grandparents have all been gone for a number of years, so it's always hard for her when the programs include/involve Grandparents.

For her 8th grade Graduation, the committee asked for "baby pictures", which don't exist for kids like mine, to put in the grad yearbook. Lots of ways to feel left out.

 

[babybaker7]

wow, your a really nice person, you know that. I dont want to hear what I want to hear. Legally my husband pays for this childs medical support, legally he pays for all her expenses. Legally he is the one there that kisses her knee when he taught her to ride her bike. There is a bigger picture here. I am trying to figure out a way to LEGALLY let the sperm donor out of an obligation that he obviously does not want. I just wanted to find out if it could LEGALLY be done.

Just wanted to chime in and say my husband takes care of my kids. He carries insurance on them, and pays their medical bills. Pays for all their expenses. Buys their food. Loves them like his own. Teaches them to ride their bikes. He does everything that a dad should do. However, my children still have a father. He sees them whenever he wants. He hardly pays a dime. The two are not related. You can not hold your child from her/his father because of money or any other reason unless you have a court order to do so. There have been times I would have loved to say no you can't see the children, but I do not have that power and would not want to do that to my kids. You don't have that power either.

 

[Antigone*]

Just wanted to chime in and say my husband takes care of my kids. He carries insurance on them, and pays their medical bills. Pays for all their expenses. Buys their food. Loves them like his own. Teaches them to ride their bikes. He does everything that a dad should do. However, my children still have a father. He sees them whenever he wants. He hardly pays a dime. The two are not related. You can not hold your child from her/his father because of money or any other reason unless you have a court order to do so. There have been times I would have loved to say no you can't see the children, but I do not have that power and would not want to do that to my kids. You don't have that power either.

Nice first post babybaker

 

[babybaker7]

Nice first post babybaker

Thanks!

 

[stacyinnebraska]

Her father is not your husband.


Her father is not your husband.


Legally, your husband is not required to do any of this.

What are you going to do when your daughter's father decides to file for visitation? Explain your lies to her then.
What if her father decides to try for custody?

He has had a visitation order for the last 8.5 years. I have not lied to her. I mentioned it to her when she was 3 but she has always called my husband dad. The bio piece of **** has not tried to contact us. Jeez, if I didnt take care of her I would go to jail for neglect, but if he doesnt take care of her, I guess there are always you type of people that think that a baby is like a book, you can just put it up on the shelf and take it down 20 years later when its convenient.

 

[stacyinnebraska]

And as far as telling her, I plan on telling her when she is old enough to understand the whole sex issue, jeesh, you people are sharks. The only time we ever had contact with him is when I tried......I spent my money to take her on an airplane to meet him cause he wasnt going to come to my state. I mean for the love of god, the child knows something is going on, she is 10, not stupid, and has a different last name, which is my maiden name because bio donor is not on the birth certificate. I did not sign anything on the AOP. He lived in a different state, my state knew his name because I said he was the dad and filed good cause not to establish paternity because of petty threats he made on my life if I did not get an abortion. All I know is that I get paperwork certified in the mail saying that he claims he is the father and this is what the child support is. They never even contacted me to find out my income or anything. And that was Louisiana. My god, yes I am in a cluster. Did I make it alone, no I didnt. but you guys treat me like I raped him.

 

[Antigone*]

And as far as telling her, I plan on telling her when she is old enough to understand the whole sex issue, jeesh, you people are sharks. The only time we ever had contact with him is when I tried......I spent my money to take her on an airplane to meet him cause he wasnt going to come to my state. I mean for the love of god, the child knows something is going on, she is 10, not stupid, and has a different last name, which is my maiden name because bio donor is not on the birth certificate. I did not sign anything on the AOP. He lived in a different state, my state knew his name because I said he was the dad and filed good cause not to establish paternity because of petty threats he made on my life if I did not get an abortion. All I know is that I get paperwork certified in the mail saying that he claims he is the father and this is what the child support is. They never even contacted me to find out my income or anything. And that was Louisiana. My god, yes I am in a cluster. Did I make it alone, no I didnt. but you guys treat me like I raped him.

He is legally dad, end of story. Run and tell that (darn I did it again, wrong thread)

 

[Proserpina]

He has had a visitation order for the last 8.5 years. I have not lied to her. I mentioned it to her when she was 3 but she has always called my husband dad. The bio piece of **** has not tried to contact us. Jeez, if I didnt take care of her I would go to jail for neglect, but if he doesnt take care of her, I guess there are always you type of people that think that a baby is like a book, you can just put it up on the shelf and take it down 20 years later when its convenient.

That's a lovely way to refer to your child's father.

I sure hope you don't show that kind of disdain to your child.

(That would be alienation, incidentally)

 

[stacyinnebraska]

Just wanted to chime in and say my husband takes care of my kids. He carries insurance on them, and pays their medical bills. Pays for all their expenses. Buys their food. Loves them like his own. Teaches them to ride their bikes. He does everything that a dad should do. However, my children still have a father. He sees them whenever he wants. He hardly pays a dime. The two are not related. You can not hold your child from her/his father because of money or any other reason unless you have a court order to do so. There have been times I would have loved to say no you can't see the children, but I do not have that power and would not want to do that to my kids. You don't have that power either.

I am not trying to hold her from him, he has no interest......his wages are being garnished and I am afraid of what he is like now. There was a time I thought he had turned a leaf and to repeat myself, I took her to meet him but then he never tried to have a relationship with him, I know that in the economic climate that we have he may be going broke paying this back child support. I dont want him to get angry or whatever and come try to hurt us. If he wants to come and see her, I dont have a problem with that other than he needs to be evaluated and supervised since she does not know him. I have no problem telling my daughter when she is mature enough to understand that there is a dad who was not ready or wanting to be a parent, but she does have a male parent Step or other, that did want her.

 

[babybaker7]

He has had a visitation order for the last 8.5 years. I have not lied to her. I mentioned it to her when she was 3 but she has always called my husband dad. The bio piece of **** has not tried to contact us. Jeez, if I didnt take care of her I would go to jail for neglect, but if he doesnt take care of her, I guess there are always you type of people that think that a baby is like a book, you can just put it up on the shelf and take it down 20 years later when its convenient.

As a divorced mother with full custody that would have to be my biggest complaint. I have to be there no matter what. I have to wake in the middle of the night with a sick child. I don't get to go out whenever I want. I don't just get to be a parent at my convenience. I would not trade it for anything though. As I am sure you would not either. But, no matter how you want to look at it, HE IS STILL THE FATHER!