Quick question

[TJNJmom]

Maybe the dad has ADD.

I didn't read you post well in terms of where you are with court. I do know courts would hear your case better if you had documentation/letter from the childs doctor(psychiatrist) as to 1. found a medication thats working 2. the importance of it being taken daily 3. possible consequences if its not taken daily - scientifically what are the symptoms.

Then your own statement outlining the behaviors you see upon return from dads, your understanding she's not getting her meds, for about how long this pattern has been going on.

I would think your request would be for the court to order dad to be responsible for making sure child takes medication as prescribed.

I think this is a great idea and I think I will get the documentation from the doctors. I will look into what has to be done. Although they can't force him to give it to her I assume if he doesn't and I have that documented I can bring him back and then it would be an issue of him keeping his extended visits if he can't administer the medication that is necessary.

 

[Ohiogal]

quite possibly and to be quite honest the less I personally deal with him the better but I should be allowed to speak to my child to remind her to take meds or to say goodnight. That was the reason I bought her a cell phone.

As well she's been on meds for almost a year. She has switched meds 4 times in the last year until we finally found the one that is working for her. Some children rebound from medication just after a day or coming off of the meds, and this is why we had to switch them. If she is not consistantly taking them it can cause her to rebound which is what is happening. Her extended visits are a full weekend from friday to sunday night and when she is back on sunday night she's a mess. He has never told me he will not give her the meds his excuse is he forgets he's only human but he forgets 4 out of 5 times. There is no consistancy and with an ADHD consistancy is extremely important. I say extended visits because for the last year and a half before that her visits were only one overnight every other week and just recently he was awarded full weekends.

4 TIMES? Good grief that is ridiculous and could be part of the problem since that is NOT consistent. As for how much I know about ADHD? You would be amazed. AND, you know what? Everything is about LIMITING dad's time. SUING DAD to get money from him. Cutting dad out of the equation> That is a MAJOR problem.

 

[Ohiogal]

Maybe the dad has ADD.

I didn't read you post well in terms of where you are with court. I do know courts would hear your case better if you had documentation/letter from the childs doctor(psychiatrist) as to 1. found a medication thats working 2. the importance of it being taken daily 3. possible consequences if its not taken daily - scientifically what are the symptoms.

Then your own statement outlining the behaviors you see upon return from dads, your understanding she's not getting her meds, for about how long this pattern has been going on.

I would think your request would be for the court to order dad to be responsible for making sure child takes medication as prescribed.

Those statements would be INADMISSIBLE HEARSAY.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I am not trying to accuse you of being a negligent parent, however I have witnessed many "concerned" moms who say their children are ADHD, yet I see them buying chocolate, sugared soda and other sweets, with no regard for the consequences. Then they explain how hard it is to raise a child with ADHD.

Perhaps dad has a different perspective on the child's problems.

 

[TJNJmom]

4 TIMES? Good grief that is ridiculous and could be part of the problem since that is NOT consistent. As for how much I know about ADHD? You would be amazed. AND, you know what? Everything is about LIMITING dad's time. SUING DAD to get money from him. Cutting dad out of the equation> That is a MAJOR problem.

I sued dad for money because he crashed my car and he owed me for bills which I had proof of. As far as limiting his time, well there are reasons, he is and was abusive I have a R/O on him for breaking my nose, knocking me out, spitting in my face pushing me out of the house, and keeping my daughter from me. He has been verbally abusive towards her recently and in the past was physcially abusive towards her. She is not keen on the idea of seeing him to begin with but if the judge says we have to do it I have no choice...he has a history of drug abuse and didn't see his daughter for almost 2 years because he refused to take a drug test and after that when he got together with the woman he is with now completely forgot he had a child for over a year. So do I feel it is in her best interest to be with him? Absolutely not I have documentation supporting ALL of it BUT the judge says I have to send her so I really don't have a choice in the matter.

 

[TJNJmom]

I am not trying to accuse you of being a negligent parent, however I have witnessed many "concerned" moms who say their children are ADHD, yet I see them buying chocolate, sugared soda and other sweets, with no regard for the consequences. Then they explain how hard it is to raise a child with ADHD.

Perhaps dad has a different perspective on the child's problems.

I have seen it too and it's sad my daughter is not allowed candy and junk often at all, never really has since she was a small child. I wanted her to be healthy so I kept the candy away from her for the most part. I can't say she NEVER gets it but when she does it's a treat and I must say she's a very healthy eater, she will pick an apple over chips and candy and brussel sprouts over bread with her meals. I think more of it is preference for her and I got lucky in that sense but either way I wouldn't have allowed it often anyway.

 

[CJane]

Personally, I think you might have a pretty difficult time with the medication issue unless you have a VERY sympathetic judge. Very often asserting a diagnosis of ADHD is met with eyerolls and a "Yeah, isn't EVERY high strung kid getting that diagnosis these days?"

Dad is going to say that kiddo is FINE on his time - and therefore she doesn't need the meds. You are going to say that kiddo comes home a complete basket case and therefore DOES. And it's very likely to be seen as parenting issues, or "settling in" issues, or something of that nature.

If these aren't meds that actually contribute to the health and safety of the child (as opposed to behavior), then it's quite possible they won't be seen as necessary.

 

[TJNJmom]

Personally, I think you might have a pretty difficult time with the medication issue unless you have a VERY sympathetic judge. Very often asserting a diagnosis of ADHD is met with eyerolls and a "Yeah, isn't EVERY high strung kid getting that diagnosis these days?"

Dad is going to say that kiddo is FINE on his time - and therefore she doesn't need the meds. You are going to say that kiddo comes home a complete basket case and therefore DOES. And it's very likely to be seen as parenting issues, or "settling in" issues, or something of that nature.

If these aren't meds that actually contribute to the health and safety of the child (as opposed to behavior), then it's quite possible they won't be seen as necessary.

That's pretty much what her father always says..."she doesn't act like that with me" and "I don't know what you do to make her like that" BUT he says he's not against the meds.I don't understand it because she had such difficulties last year before we started them and failed 4th grade no matter how much we tried to get her help for it she was so fidgety it was hard for her to complete her work and she was left back. Now after being on the meds and working with the extra help her lowest grade is a 90. It's a complete 360. I would think this would make a difference and the judge would see that. I am just concerned because she's such a mess when she gets back and she's so out of wack and I can't get her to bed til sometimes 1am and she has school the next day. But I don't have a sympathetic judge at all, and even if I did I haven't been getting my court notices so I probably wouldn't even get to be there to fight this one either. Thank you for all of your help.

 

[CSO286]

Personally, I think you might have a pretty difficult time with the medication issue unless you have a VERY sympathetic judge. Very often asserting a diagnosis of ADHD is met with eyerolls and a "Yeah, isn't EVERY high strung kid getting that diagnosis these days?"

Dad is going to say that kiddo is FINE on his time - and therefore she doesn't need the meds. You are going to say that kiddo comes home a complete basket case and therefore DOES. And it's very likely to be seen as parenting issues, or "settling in" issues, or something of that nature.

If these aren't meds that actually contribute to the health and safety of the child (as opposed to behavior), then it's quite possible they won't be seen as necessary.

Well, I'd like to point out that dad stiil has the benefit of the child still having therapuetic levels of meds in her syystem....If the meds fade in a day or two, then by the time mom has the child back, she could be a completely wild child.....

Just another thought.

You know, I do get tired of these arguments against psych med (of any kind). If the child were diabetic or epileptic, then I'm sure both parents would be completely on board with insulin or anti seizure meds..... JMO

 

[>Charlotte<]

he doesn't really see that part because by the time I pick her up from him she hasn't really started up like that yet.

After she gets back to you, how long does it take for her behavior to deteriorate? The first day back? Second?

 

[TJNJmom]

That's pretty much what's going on here...and I agree...I guess there really isn't much I can do here. In all honesty he does a lot to get at me and I wouldn't be surprised if this were one of the things...not realizing that he's hurting his child. Again that wouldn't be out of the ordinary for him. He refused to take her to her soccer games on his time because he said it cut into his time as well as pick her up an hour later because she had girl scouts he told her she just wouldn't be able to do them on his weekends and she was devastated. So at this point it is what it is and my child suffers it seems

 

[TJNJmom]

After she gets back to you, how long does it take for her behavior to deteriorate? The first day back? Second?

I have to pick her up from his home at 6pm and it's almost an hour away from my home. Sometimes she gets in the car and she is a little off just moody and doesn't want to talk and other times she gets in the car and is on a warpath but she's not her normal self when I get her unless she's taken her meds. There is an obvious change. My mother sees her after the visits and she says the same thing. My best friend takes the drive with me and also agrees so it's pretty much noticable from the minute I get her and by the time she gets home she's really difficult.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I have to pick her up from his home at 6pm and it's almost an hour away from my home. Sometimes she gets in the car and she is a little off just moody and doesn't want to talk and other times she gets in the car and is on a warpath but she's not her normal self when I get her unless she's taken her meds. There is an obvious change. My mother sees her after the visits and she says the same thing. My best friend takes the drive with me and also agrees so it's pretty much noticable from the minute I get her and by the time she gets home she's really difficult.

I'm just wondering if this is something that Dad really doesn't see, or if he's just being spiteful. Perhaps you should surprise him with a last-minute extension of a day or two. If he, for once, is the one that has to deal with a screaming, violent, out-of-control child he'll probably jump on those meds pretty quickly.

 

[RRevak]

I have to pick her up from his home at 6pm and it's almost an hour away from my home. Sometimes she gets in the car and she is a little off just moody and doesn't want to talk and other times she gets in the car and is on a warpath but she's not her normal self when I get her unless she's taken her meds. There is an obvious change. My mother sees her after the visits and she says the same thing. My best friend takes the drive with me and also agrees so it's pretty much noticable from the minute I get her and by the time she gets home she's really difficult.

OP may I ask what meds the child is taking? I'm curious as to the half-life.

And btw to OHROADWARRIOR; Sugar does NOT make children hyper...thats a common myth.

 

[Zigner]

And btw to OHROADWARRIOR; Suger does NOT make children hyper...thats a common myth.

I'd like to take that a step further. For children with ADHD (in my experience), many of the things the people assume would make a child hyper (sugar and caffeine come to mind immediately) actually have a calming effect.