Late Night Pick-Ups

[texastepmom]

your husband, the father, also has a legal right to allow ANYONE into HIS home as well. you don't override him.

Perhaps, but he doesn't override me either. we are married and have learned to give and take when the other person feels strongly about a situation.

 

[stealth2]

Perhaps, but he doesn't override me either. we are married and have learned to give and take when the other person feels strongly about a situation.

Stop hijacking OP's thread. No one cares about you OR your stepdaughter. Not in this thread.

 

[Isis1]

Isis, this overstepper isn't even the OP for this thread, she just up and hijacked the whole thing.

aww....nutts!

 

[stealth2]

I think this is the whole point. Legally, the situation you've described in the orig. post has nothing to do with you.

I offered up some 'emotional' thoughts on the subject earlier, but that's not really what this forum is for. So I think you've probably understood now from the feedback that legally you're an outsider *for the described situation*.

squidleigh - the poster you quoted/replied to is not the OP, but a senior member. Try to keep up.

 

[texastepmom]

Isis, this overstepper isn't even the OP for this thread, she just up and hijacked the whole thing.

wow, i'm an "overstepper" because i wouldn't let my sd stay home alone overnight? So be it.

You quoted me, I responded, sorry if that means I "hijacked" the thread.

 

[Antigone*]

wow, i'm an "overstepper" because i wouldn't let my sd stay home alone overnight? So be it.

You quoted me, I responded, sorry if that means I "hijacked" the thread.

You are an overstepper because you have completely hijacked this thread. This has absolutely nothing to do with you or your daughter.

 

[texastepmom]

You are an overstepper because you have completely hijacked this thread. This has absolutely nothing to do with you or your daughter.

Antigone, you are the one who quoted me. You talked directly to me, I responded. how that means I hijacked the thread I have no idea. Ironically, in my thread I agreed that OP needs to back off and let the parents make the decisions, but somehow that has been overlooked and ignored.

 

[stealth2]

Antigone, you are the one who quoted me. You talked directly to me, I responded. how that means I hijacked the thread I have no idea. Ironically, in my thread I agreed that OP needs to back off and let the parents make the decisions, but somehow that has been overlooked and ignored.

Stop. Just.Stop.

 

[mrs.army]

Texastepmom - thank you for the post and your guidance on how to further handle this situation. It's good to hear from someone in a very similar situation. And I agree with you that I can give my advice on certian things and if he decides to take it or not, that's his choice. I do think that if I let this go and just move on, I too will feel like a weight has been lifted. And I will look around locally to see if there are any step-parent support groups so I can hopefully get a better focus on my role and an outlet to share when I feel it's needed.

Squideast - Thank you for your post as well. I completely understand the situation with your husband's ex, as it rings true in my case as well. Now the hard part comes in with learning to cope with it (especially when you've been put down as a nobody after you've take care of said child). I will definintely put into place your advice on the "i don't agree and that's for you to deal with".

Stealth2 - I appreciate your advice, even if I don't like some of it (that is what a forum is all about, everyone's opinions). I would just like to put one more thing you said up for talking. When you said that I could have said no to the mother for watching my step-child, please put yourself in my situation. I was fairly new to the family then and wanted to get along and be a cohesive family that would all work together for the greater good of the child. Why would I have said no in that siatuation? Even though the father was deployed, there still (in my mind) needed to be stability in the child's schedule, especially bonding time with their new sibling. But saying no will no longer be hard for me due to issues that have happened since then...although I will still consider my step-child before saying no; when I have the option to say no of course.

 

[LdiJ]

Saying no to a teenager staying alone, overnight, in a house that you own and therefore where you would have liability....not a parenting decision in my opinion, but a homeowner's decision.

Deciding that the exchange will take place when mom gets off work, even if that makes it 2:00AM....100% parenting decision and therefore not the business of the stepparent to express an opinion unless asked.

Its a pretty simple situation. If something directly effects a stepparent, then I don't have a problem with the stepparent expressing an opinion. However, when something does not directly effect the stepparent, or the stepparent does not have to be effected if the stepparent chooses not to be, then its completely a parenting decision, and the stepparent should not be expressing an opinion unless asked.

 

[stealth2]

Stealth2 - I appreciate your advice, even if I don't like some of it (that is what a forum is all about, everyone's opinions). I would just like to put one more thing you said up for talking. When you said that I could have said no to the mother for watching my step-child, please put yourself in my situation. I was fairly new to the family then and wanted to get along and be a cohesive family that would all work together for the greater good of the child. Why would I have said no in that siatuation? Even though the father was deployed, there still (in my mind) needed to be stability in the child's schedule, especially bonding time with their new sibling. But saying no will no longer be hard for me due to issues that have happened since then...although I will still consider my step-child before saying no; when I have the option to say no of course.

I don't disagree. However, you agreed to do it, including the late p/u. If you didn't agree with that aspect of it, then that would also have been your choice. You agreed, therefore there's no cause to be unhappy with it.

Same as now. Dad is getting up with the child. You have expressed your opinion, and he doesn't agree with it. Fine. So he handles the situation. Period. End of story. It doesn't have to be this long drawn-out situation.

 

[texastepmom]

Texastepmom - thank you for the post and your guidance on how to further handle this situation. It's good to hear from someone in a very similar situation. And I agree with you that I can give my advice on certian things and if he decides to take it or not, that's his choice. I do think that if I let this go and just move on, I too will feel like a weight has been lifted. And I will look around locally to see if there are any step-parent support groups so I can hopefully get a better focus on my role and an outlet to share when I feel it's needed.

There are some good on-line support groups also. You can PM me if you would like a suggestion.

I understand why you decided to help your husband with his child while he was deployed. The trick is that when you aren't the parent, and you don't make parenting decisions, you also need to not take too much emotional responsibility for the child. You will have to decide on a case by case basis what you are willing to do when it comes to childcare and support for your step child. You are not responsible for the child and need to step back and make sure you aren't doing so much that you are resentful in the end. It is a delicate balance, one that you and your husband have to work through together.

 

[mrs.army]

I agree. I plan on letting my husband deal with this and only my husband...as I will not be getting up this time. And I agree that unless it does fall on me to do something (i.e. pick step-child up, drop them off at school, etc.) I will voice my opinion on it once, if at all, and just move on. This thread has helped me figure some things out and I need to find some local avenues to better help myself; in which I will then be helping not only me, but my entire family, to include my step-child. Thank you!