Average visitation schedule

[kmf3066]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I was wondering if someone could tell me normal visitation schedule during/after divorce? My husband has asked for a divorce.

We have been married 17 years. 3 children: 11, 8, and 4. I have been a stay at home mom since our oldest was born. Our main division is he wants the kids from friday evening till sunday evening. My problem with this, is that it not only leaves me finding and paying daycare 4 days a week, of which, at this point I can't afford. And I don't feel I will be getting much awake, quality time with them. I also worry that if this schedule is agreed to short term, I will have a harder time changing it later.

We have (so far) been able to compromise on the major issues without attorney involvement, but I feel like I am forgetting something. Like I am going to realize one day too late, he suckered me. I guess my main question is:
How important are things like visitation, Child support amount etc during the divorce process in the judges decision of a final ruling?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I was wondering if someone could tell me normal visitation schedule during/after divorce? My husband has asked for a divorce.

We have been married 17 years. 3 children: 11, 8, and 4. I have been a stay at home mom since our oldest was born. Our main division is he wants the kids from friday evening till sunday evening. My problem with this, is that it not only leaves me finding and paying daycare 4 days a week, of which, at this point I can't afford. And I don't feel I will be getting much awake, quality time with them. I also worry that if this schedule is agreed to short term, I will have a harder time changing it later.

We have (so far) been able to compromise on the major issues without attorney involvement, but I feel like I am forgetting something. Like I am going to realize one day too late, he suckered me. I guess my main question is:
How important are things like visitation, Child support amount etc during the divorce process in the judges decision of a final ruling?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Picture more every other weekend and dinner date during the week. You have the right to down time as much as dad.

have dad also be responsible for daycare costs for you to find employment and afterwards. Ask for alimony (short term) to get you back on your feet.

 

[kmf3066]

Thank you for replying. That definitely sounds more fair to me. He definitely won't agree to any alimony. I have found (I hope, temporary) full time employment but definitely not a career position. I can barely make rent and pay a sitter. I hate leaving the kids with a sitter but daycare is just way above my budget. I would like for him to either pay the daycare until I can get a job in my field or take the kids at night and I would change my shift so I could keep them during the day. In my opinion that is cheaper, better and safer for the kids. At least until school resumes. He has taken in his secretary as a roommate during the week and I think that is his aversion to having the kids there on weeknights.

In your opinion an average judge would order him to pay daycare at least through the summer, considering he makes 15X what I do? He says a judge would order me to pay half which on 3 kids at minimum wage just isn't possible. Even a second job would just increase the daycare costs at this point.

 

[ecmst12]

With a marriage that length and you being a stay at home mom before AND making an effort to find good employment, it shouldn't be hard for you to get some alimony in addition to child support for a few years at least. But you will probably need to get a lawyer involved.

I would also suggest that you object to the children spending the night at his place while his "roommate" is there at least until the divorce is final...once you're divorced he can do what he pleases, but you're still married right now!

 

[gr8rn]

He has taken in his secretary as a roommate during the week and I think that is his aversion to having the kids there on weeknights.

In your opinion an average judge would order him to pay daycare at least through the summer, considering he makes 15X what I do?

I'm sorry but because of these two statements, I think you would be doing yourself a BIG disservice trying to do this outside the courts. He thinks he is in the drivers seat, but why don't you do a (usually free) consult with a family law attorney so you can have some idea what you may be entitled to?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I would voted for the expenses being split based on percentage of income ... daddy dearest is in for a nasty surprise.

 

[mistoffolees]

I would voted for the expenses being split based on percentage of income ... daddy dearest is in for a nasty surprise.

Absolutely.

However, I would second the thought that Mom needs to speak with an attorney. "STBX wouldn't agree to alimony" is a sign that she's being manipulated. No one cares if he agrees to alimony or not - if the judge orders it, he has to pay.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

oh - and never take legal advice from your STBX .. it's never in YOUR best interest.

 

[kmf3066]

Thank you all so much for the advice! I have been leaning more toward trying to get my own attorney. He thinks we can come to agreements on everything and then just have an attorney look over it. We have come to terms on everything until this. Probably because I have a habit of just caving. He has pretty much made the decisions through out our marriage so I admit to being a little weak in the "stand up for yourself" department. I am trying to make this as easy as possible on the kids. I do have a degree (from before children) so I am trying to get a much better job, but just trying to live off what I can get now.

The roommate only stays there during the week. The children know her quite well and thankfully believe, for now, she is staying there to save commuting costs to work. Other than sleeping with my husband she really isn't that bad of a person. I really don't think they would behave inappropriately in front of the kids.

The kids are my only priority. I don't care about the assets etc, but the kids shouldn't have to pay for our failures. I am going to contact some attorneys and see what can be done. I will see him tomorrow when I drop the kids off. Should I tell him then? The kids will be there. Maybe I should wait until Sunday when I pick them up after they get in the car, so they don't hear the conversation. He is going to be livid.

 

[TheGeekess]

Go to an attorney, talk to him. See what the attorney thinks about making your STBX pay for both (your and his) attorneys, given the disparity in income.

 

[LillianX]

Please, please go talk to an attorney. I know it's been said several times in this thread, but really. It's very important that you go to an attorney and get an idea of what you are entitled to. It's pretty clear that you are entitled to alimony, child support, and quite possibly attorney fees. You're entitled to half of all assets and half of all debt.

Your husband is in for a seriously rude awakening.

 

[kmf3066]

Go to an attorney, talk to him. See what the attorney thinks about making your STBX pay for both (your and his) attorneys, given the disparity in income.

I had no idea that was even a possibility. Thank you. Okay, I definitely have a lot more to learn. Maybe I should wait to inform him until after I talk to the attorney, so I know more of what I am talking about.

After re-reading some of my posts, I wanted to state he isn't a physically violent person. I just wanted to put that on record in case my "livid" comment was taken wrong.

 

[LillianX]

I had no idea that was even a possibility. Thank you. Okay, I definitely have a lot more to learn. Maybe I should wait to inform him until after I talk to the attorney, so I know more of what I am talking about.

After re-reading some of my posts, I wanted to state he isn't a physically violent person. I just wanted to put that on record in case my "livid" comment was taken wrong.

You don't have to talk to him about the financial situation at all. I mean, it's always a good thing if you CAN, but if he's going to treat you like you're an idiot and try to trick you into agreeing to MUCH less than what you are entitled to, next time he brings it up, let him know that you've retained an attorney, and you'd really be more comfortable if he'd just talk to your representation about the financials. You will, of course, be happy to talk to him about the children.

 

[kmf3066]

Thank you LillianX, I am going to. There appears to be a lot more to this than I am aware of.

 

[buck_n_a]

Not knowing your STBX I couldn't say he is trying to manipulate you because there are 2 sides to every story.

Having said that, it is clear you are not very familiar with Divorce Law and your gut feeling is 100% right in recognizing this and being cautious.

Even after you speak to lawyer there is nothing that says you and STBX can not still come to an agreeable resolution, but at least by that time you will have a better understanding on what the State of Ohio thinks is fair.

Good Luck.

Note - I have no legal background whatsoever as many who post here do. The above is just my personal opinion.