Average visitation schedule

[stealth2]

I think you may have misunderstood this comment.

I don't think I misunderstood anything. You've been trying to make it seem that he's done nothing to help you/the kids. That is patently untrue - he has provided some rather substantial financial support, which he did not have to do.

 

[kmf3066]

Thank you for the information gr8rn. Any idea how much I might need for a retainer? Once he is positive I am getting an attorney he may speed things up so I don't have time to save very much.

 

[kmf3066]

We will just have to disagree. I haven't been "trying" to do anything other than state the facts. I stated he would not help me with daycare or sitter costs...fact. He will not agree to keeping the kids at any point during the week which would relieve me of some of these costs...fact. If I have to pay a babysitter for 48 hours a week on my paycheck, it is impossible for me to meet rent and gas. That is simple numbers. I understand it is not something he HAD to do, but it was his choice. To move his mistress in....he had to move me out. We would not co-exist in the same house.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't think I misunderstood anything. You've been trying to make it seem that he's done nothing to help you/the kids. That is patently untrue - he has provided some rather substantial financial support, which he did not have to do.

And he insists that it is only a loan and she has to pay him back. That isn't "stand up" in my opinion.

 

[Ohiogal]

And he insists that it is only a loan and she has to pay him back. That isn't "stand up" in my opinion.

And quite frankly she does NOT have to pay him back. It is NOT a loan. They are married.
She needs to contact legal aid. AND apply for Title XX and other aid.

 

[LdiJ]

We will just have to disagree. I haven't been "trying" to do anything other than state the facts. I stated he would not help me with daycare or sitter costs...fact. He will not agree to keeping the kids at any point during the week which would relieve me of some of these costs...fact. If I have to pay a babysitter for 48 hours a week on my paycheck, it is impossible for me to meet rent and gas. That is simple numbers. I understand it is not something he HAD to do, but it was his choice. To move his mistress in....he had to move me out. We would not co-exist in the same house.

You REALLY need to see an attorney. You are entitled to 1/2 of the assets that have accrued during the marriage (cash, home equity, retirement accounts investments etc.) and are responsible for 1/2 of the debts.

You will be entitled to child support even in a 50/50 custody situation. He will be responsible for daycare costs proportionate to the income differentials.
A judge will never give him all the weekends so don't give in on that.

Get an attorney to help you deal with this ASAP...even if you have to borrow money from family to do so. You will be able to pay them back with your share of the marital assets.

Your husband is trying to con you into walking away with nothing, and you cannot let him do that to you.

 

[mistoffolees]

We will just have to disagree. I haven't been "trying" to do anything other than state the facts. I stated he would not help me with daycare or sitter costs...fact. He will not agree to keeping the kids at any point during the week which would relieve me of some of these costs...fact. If I have to pay a babysitter for 48 hours a week on my paycheck, it is impossible for me to meet rent and gas. That is simple numbers. I understand it is not something he HAD to do, but it was his choice. To move his mistress in....he had to move me out. We would not co-exist in the same house.

Everyone is telling you the same thing. PLEASE do yourself a favor and listen.

GO SEE AN ATTORNEY. At least for an initial consultation which may well be free (call around to different attorneys to see who will meet with you, if necessary). Contact legal aid to see if they can help. Apply for state aid. And so on.

You are almost certainly going to be entitled to FAR more than he's offering you - and you're not receiving any direct child support at this point.

Your attorney would probably file for divorce (if that hasn't bee done already) and ask for temporary child support and possibly temporary alimony that would last until the divorce is finalized. Given the length of your marriage and your income, the attorney will also probably ask for long term alimony. As OG says, you may not get it, but you certainly won't get it if you don't ask. You will be entitled to 1/2 of all marital assets and 1/2 of debt - which is, again, probably a lot more than you'll get doing it on your own.

 

[kmf3066]

Thank you everyone. I am going to get an attorney. Well, "the retainer has to be paid upfront" comment kinda scares me, but I am certainly going to call around and see if there is any way possible to get one. State aid, legal aid and that Title XX is going to be my first step (Thank you Ohiogal!) because there is no family to borrow from except his and they certainly won't loan it to me.

I know an attorney will be able to get me more than I can on my own, because I was willing to accept what he was offering until we hit the daycare issue. That and he agreed to start paying me 500/month child support once we got this figured out.

Thank you mistoffolees, for the temporary child support suggestion. That is what I need. Just something to keep us living until an attorney can straighten this out.

LdiJ...Thank you for the advice. I am going to take it, I agree he is trying to con me into or out of something. An attorney should be able to figure out what.

I really appreciate you guys taking the time to be on here to answer questions for us uninformed!

 

[CJane]

You're a nicer person than me. I'd move back into the house and let the mistress deal with the discomfort. He can't MAKE you leave the marital home without a court order.

BUT, since you ARE a nicer person... look around for an attorney that does flat-rate divorces. My original attorney - who was AWESOME - did my entire divorce for a flat $2500. And it was a hella custody battle. Yes, I walked away with less than I was "entitled to" monetarily, but I walked away with ENOUGH, and that was all that mattered to me.

 

[crazyeights]

KM,

I would like to send you a PM, from a SAHM to another...

Crazyeights

 

[stealth2]

KM,

I would like to send you a PM, from a SAHM to another...

Crazyeights

Why can't you just post your information here, so other SAHMs can also benefit from your wisdom?

 

[crazyeights]

Why can't you just post your information here, so other SAHMs can also benefit from your wisdom?

Because it is not legally related and would be subjected the type of sarcastic reply that your reply above seems to scream.. .

And quite possibly because sending a PM is allowed?????

 

[stealth2]

Because it is not legally related and would be subjected the type of sarcastic reply that your reply above seems to scream.. .

And quite possibly because sending a PM is allowed?????

Aaah, so a drphil moment. Carry on, then.

 

[crazyeights]

Aaah, so a drphil moment. Carry on, then.

Aaah...you just proved my point.....

 

[stealth2]

Aaah...you just proved my point.....

What - it's NOT a drphil moment? You don't get it both ways. And actually, I don't really comment much on drphil-esque posts. I post anecdotal stuff myself, and don't really have a problem with that in most circumstances. So you're barking up the wrong tree, sweetpea.