one-sided financial situation w/ complications

[pt2011m]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MD

Summary: Have been married 9 years. Wife suddenly left in March with limited contact until end of April. When 'talking' about paying bills (mortgage, utilities, car payment, etc) she said that my paycheck is enough to cover all bills. She took her name off electric bill account (only payment auto-deducted from her checking acct) and put it solely in my name. Currently have separate phone accounts, separate credit cards. She also had our $8k tax return put into her bank account before she left ($4k of which should be mine).

We have had no verbal contact since end of April (only a couple short emails). I have not seen her since. I have been paying for everything without a penny of support from her. She has her own apartment with monthly rent, a car that is paid off and other personal monthly expenses (groceries, phone bill). Not once has she offered to help contribute to the mortgage payments (two mortgages, $2k total per month). I have made FIVE mortgage payments since she left, totaling $10k.

I am preparing a document w/ pertinent info for a consultation with an attorney. But for now I am looking for any answers to what she would be responsible for. From a legal standpoint, I want to look into the possibility of retroactive repayment for her half of the mortgage mainly since it is in both of our names. I want to also look into getting my tax return share.

A third and crucial reason I am prepping for the consultation is that she had a breast augmentation in May without my knowledge. We did go to a consultation in Feb, but the final cost was out of our price range and she did not go through with it. The estimate they gave us was just over $10,500. She went ahead with the surgery on her own, claiming to others she had 'saved money' in her savings account. All money we had at the time of her leaving was marital money. We had $1500 to both our names when we got married 9 years ago. We have maintained separate bank accounts, but always viewed our combined income as 'ours'. That income level could be considered moderately comfortable.

Additionally, she has not mentioned the word 'divorce.' She had said, though, that she is done with the marriage and refuses to work on anything to fix our relationship.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know it's best to speak to someone locally, but want to reach out in the meantime.

thanks

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MD

Summary: Have been married 9 years. Wife suddenly left in March with limited contact until end of April. When 'talking' about paying bills (mortgage, utilities, car payment, etc) she said that my paycheck is enough to cover all bills. She took her name off electric bill account (only payment auto-deducted from her checking acct) and put it solely in my name. Currently have separate phone accounts, separate credit cards. She also had our $8k tax return put into her bank account before she left ($4k of which should be mine).

We have had no verbal contact since end of April (only a couple short emails). I have not seen her since. I have been paying for everything without a penny of support from her. She has her own apartment with monthly rent, a car that is paid off and other personal monthly expenses (groceries, phone bill). Not once has she offered to help contribute to the mortgage payments (two mortgages, $2k total per month). I have made FIVE mortgage payments since she left, totaling $10k.

I am preparing a document w/ pertinent info for a consultation with an attorney. But for now I am looking for any answers to what she would be responsible for. From a legal standpoint, I want to look into the possibility of retroactive repayment for her half of the mortgage mainly since it is in both of our names. I want to also look into getting my tax return share.

A third and crucial reason I am prepping for the consultation is that she had a breast augmentation in May without my knowledge. We did go to a consultation in Feb, but the final cost was out of our price range and she did not go through with it. The estimate they gave us was just over $10,500. She went ahead with the surgery on her own, claiming to others she had 'saved money' in her savings account. All money we had at the time of her leaving was marital money. We had $1500 to both our names when we got married 9 years ago. We have maintained separate bank accounts, but always viewed our combined income as 'ours'. That income level could be considered moderately comfortable.

Additionally, she has not mentioned the word 'divorce.' She had said, though, that she is done with the marriage and refuses to work on anything to fix our relationship.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know it's best to speak to someone locally, but want to reach out in the meantime.

thanks

Generally, in a divorce or separation the party remaining in the marital home is responsible for the upkeep of the home and any debt associated with the home, because they are the only party that has use of the home. There can be exceptions to that, but that is generally how it works.

In addition, that party normally has to refinance the home in order to take the other party off the mortgage, and has to buy out the other party's share of the equity in the home.(if any, these days)

Therefore, keep that in mind when dealing with any division of assets or debts.

 

[pt2011m]

So given what you've explained, is there little chance of her having to be financially responsible for any of the mortgage payments? I know that in MD there is a one year mark between separation and filing D, so my guess is that as long as the next 7 months go as the previous 5 have, then she gets what she wants in terms of not being obligated to contribute and will able to 'walk away' from everything.

One thing I failed to mention before is that I still do not know where she lives. Taking into consideration her abrupt leaving, moving everything of hers unannounced from the house, no contact with me and complete avoidance...could this be considered a case of desertion or abandonment? I wonder if that would have any sway with the handling of mortgage responsibility on her behalf. In terms of defining abandonment, there has been absolutely no abuse, infidelity, withholding 'relations', or refusing financial support.

 

[LdiJ]

So given what you've explained, is there little chance of her having to be financially responsible for any of the mortgage payments? I know that in MD there is a one year mark between separation and filing D, so my guess is that as long as the next 7 months go as the previous 5 have, then she gets what she wants in terms of not being obligated to contribute and will able to 'walk away' from everything.

One thing I failed to mention before is that I still do not know where she lives. Taking into consideration her abrupt leaving, moving everything of hers unannounced from the house, no contact with me and complete avoidance...could this be considered a case of desertion or abandonment? I wonder if that would have any sway with the handling of mortgage responsibility on her behalf. In terms of defining abandonment, there has been absolutely no abuse, infidelity, withholding 'relations', or refusing financial support.

Correct, there is little to no chance of the court requiring her to be responsible for the mortgage. Credit wise of course she is still responsible, but the court won't require it.

And no...its not "abandonment".

If you cannot afford the home then it needs to be sold and the proceeds divided (if any).

 

[pt2011m]

Thank you for the explanation. How would you view the outcome regarding the other two questionable aspects, those being the tax return money & the unannounced surgery (especially since marital money was involved)?

 

[mistoffolees]

Thank you for the explanation. How would you view the outcome regarding the other two questionable aspects, those being the tax return money & the unannounced surgery (especially since marital money was involved)?

You're married, so those are marital issues. You will be entitled to 1/2 of all marital assets and 1/2 of all marital debt. Had you filed for divorce before the surgery, you might be able to argue otherwise, but now you're out of luck. Congratulations - you paid for half of her surgery.

 

[Bali Hai]

You're married, so those are marital issues. You will be entitled to 1/2 of all marital assets and 1/2 of all marital debt. Had you filed for divorce before the surgery, you might be able to argue otherwise, but now you're out of luck. Congratulations - you paid for half of her surgery.

That's a bit insensitive misto.

OP is certainly entitled to half the tax refund, and, if it were me, I would argue that the elective cosmetic surgery his stbx had was a wasteful dissipation of marital assets done after she constructively abandoned OP with divorce on the horizon. I would ask the court to deduct the full cost of that surgery from her share of the property settlement.

The $10k/2 he has paid on the mortgage should also be deducted from her share of any equity in the home for the same reason.

 

[LdiJ]

That's a bit insensitive misto.

OP is certainly entitled to half the tax refund, and, if it were me, I would argue that the elective cosmetic surgery his stbx had was a wasteful dissipation of marital assets done after she constructively abandoned OP with divorce on the horizon. I would ask the court to deduct the full cost of that surgery from her share of the property settlement.

The $10k/2 he has paid on the mortgage should also be deducted from her share of any equity in the home for the same reason.

That is not going to happen Bali. The other things, maybe.

 

[mistoffolees]

That's a bit insensitive misto.

OP is certainly entitled to half the tax refund, and, if it were me, I would argue that the elective cosmetic surgery his stbx had was a wasteful dissipation of marital assets done after she constructively abandoned OP with divorce on the horizon. I would ask the court to deduct the full cost of that surgery from her share of the property settlement.

The $10k/2 he has paid on the mortgage should also be deducted from her share of any equity in the home for the same reason.

I can accept the first one - he MIGHT be able to argue that the surgery was dissipation of marital assets. It could go either way - and the longer he waits before filing for divorce, the weaker that argument is. And the fact that they had an appointment to discuss the surgery so long ago weakens the argument as well.

He should look at it as an investment. Maybe she can catch a new husband sooner with the surgery which would reduce the amount of alimony he'd have to pay (if any, of course).

I can't see him winning the home equity argument, though. They're still married. Their income is marital and any increase in the home equity is marital. If he tries to force her to get less equity in the home because he's paying the mortgage, then she would be able to argue that he isn't entitled to any share of money that she has saved. The fact is that it's all marital money - it's like a business balance sheet - any credit is offset by a debit. You can't simply debit one account without creating an offsetting credit somewhere else.

 

[pt2011m]

Thanks for the responses today on this.
Mistoffolees—a couple of your points were out of line. Let's be more professional about this. What is your background anyway?

First (for anyone to answer), MD has a 12 month waiting period between date of separation and date of filing divorce. Does this mean that no papers could have been filed yet on her behalf without me knowing? Not sure if she would be able to begin papers now, and they get put on hold until next year.

Secondly, I'll be forward about this. I do not want to divorce, nor has she brought up the word. Her avoidance says otherwise to me, so I am losing hope and looking out for myself. We hit our 10 year anniv. next summer. The 12 month date will be in spring. Question is: if nothing is filed or pursued, and hypothetically stating that we get to 10 years, would she be entitled to anything more than if we were to file before that 10 year point? I'm hoping she would not be vindictive in that regard, but nothing is certain.

thoughts?

 

[Silverplum]

Thanks for the responses today on this.
Mistoffolees—a couple of your points were out of line. Let's be more professional about this. What is your background anyway?

Let's get real, Pumpkin.

You are receiving free advice on the internet. If you don't like the responses, feel free to go pay an attorney to help you in person. They charge by the minute.

First (for anyone to answer), MD has a 12 month waiting period between date of separation and date of filing divorce. Does this mean that no papers could have been filed yet on her behalf without me knowing? Not sure if she would be able to begin papers now, and they get put on hold until next year.

Secondly, I'll be forward about this. I do not want to divorce, nor has she brought up the word. Her avoidance says otherwise to me, so I am losing hope and looking out for myself. We hit our 10 year anniv. next summer. The 12 month date will be in spring. Question is: if nothing is filed or pursued, and hypothetically stating that we get to 10 years, would she be entitled to anything more than if we were to file before that 10 year point? I'm hoping she would not be vindictive in that regard, but nothing is certain.

thoughts?

I'm holding my thoughts in reserve.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks for the responses today on this.
Mistoffolees—a couple of your points were out of line. Let's be more professional about this. What is your background anyway?

First (for anyone to answer), MD has a 12 month waiting period between date of separation and date of filing divorce. Does this mean that no papers could have been filed yet on her behalf without me knowing? Not sure if she would be able to begin papers now, and they get put on hold until next year.

Secondly, I'll be forward about this. I do not want to divorce, nor has she brought up the word. Her avoidance says otherwise to me, so I am losing hope and looking out for myself. We hit our 10 year anniv. next summer. The 12 month date will be in spring. Question is: if nothing is filed or pursued, and hypothetically stating that we get to 10 years, would she be entitled to anything more than if we were to file before that 10 year point? I'm hoping she would not be vindictive in that regard, but nothing is certain.

thoughts?

I have some thoughts which might have significant impact, but since you obviously don't care for my opinion, I'll keep it to myself.

 

[ecmst12]

Wild guess here, but with 2 mortgages, do you even have ANY equity?

 

[pt2011m]

I have some thoughts which might have significant impact, but since you obviously don't care for my opinion, I'll keep it to myself.

Let's be frank for a minute and clear the air. I appreciate the feedback and opinions of everyone on here. Otherwise, I wouldn't have posted to begin with. If you took me asking about your background personally, it wasn't meant as a jab...just asking. No, I did not appreciate the comment about my wife 'catching a new husband sooner'. Regardless the situation, that is my wife. I take those sort of comments very seriously.

So for anyone (including you mistoffolees) willing to give sound advice, I welcome the conversation...just as I have been from the beginning of this post. I'm here to look for answers like everyone else.

 

[mistoffolees]

OK, I'll make allowances. (However, even while getting divorced, I had a sense of humor, although I guess I always leaned toward a black sense of humor. In fact, while going through the divorce process, I told my friends that I'd pay 1/2 of the alimony I saved to anyone who found her a new husband).

If you are going to get a divorce, delaying can cost you significantly more. First, any property you continue to accumulate will be half hers. Second, she can continue to spend money. Third, if you file now, the surgery MIGHT be considered dissipation of assets. If you wait, that won't be the case. Fourth, in some states, 10 years is considered a long term marriage which is eligible for alimony. Whether 10 years is a hard cutoff or a guideline depends on the judge, but you're getting close to the point where alimony might become an issue. If alimony IS an issue, the longer the marriage, the longer the alimony in most cases.

If the marriage is irredeemable, there's nothing to be gained by waiting - and a lot to lose.