one-sided financial situation w/ complications

[Bali Hai]

OK, I'll make allowances. (However, even while getting divorced, I had a sense of humor, although I guess I always leaned toward a black sense of humor. In fact, while going through the divorce process, I told my friends that I'd pay 1/2 of the alimony I saved to anyone who found her a new husband).

If you are going to get a divorce, delaying can cost you significantly more. First, any property you continue to accumulate will be half hers. Second, she can continue to spend money. Third, if you file now, the surgery MIGHT be considered dissipation of assets. If you wait, that won't be the case. Fourth, in some states, 10 years is considered a long term marriage which is eligible for alimony. Whether 10 years is a hard cutoff or a guideline depends on the judge, but you're getting close to the point where alimony might become an issue. If alimony IS an issue, the longer the marriage, the longer the alimony in most cases.

If the marriage is irredeemable, there's nothing to be gained by waiting - and a lot to lose.

Great advice misto, clear, concise and right on point.

 

[pt2011m]

Thanks for that. In regard to MD law (and I touched on this before), can any papers be filed as of yet or can they only be filed at the 12 month mark from date of separation? She & I have had zero verbal contact in months, which makes me believe she could be waiting it out till then. Maybe she's not, but it's possible.

 

[Bali Hai]

Thanks for that. In regard to MD law (and I touched on this before), can any papers be filed as of yet or can they only be filed at the 12 month mark from date of separation? She & I have had zero verbal contact in months, which makes me believe she could be waiting it out till then. Maybe she's not, but it's possible.

Based on the information you have provided thus far, she will likely contest any divorce action, get a lawyer and file a complaint for divorce, NOW!

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks for that. In regard to MD law (and I touched on this before), can any papers be filed as of yet or can they only be filed at the 12 month mark from date of separation? She & I have had zero verbal contact in months, which makes me believe she could be waiting it out till then. Maybe she's not, but it's possible.

Grounds for divorce in MD:
Maryland Grounds for Divorce

There are no-fault grounds which require either a one year separation if you agree or a 2 year separation if only one party wants the divorce.

Fault grounds are:
Adultery
Desertion for at least a year
Voluntary separation for a year
Imprisonment for three years
Living separate for two years
Insanity if the spouse has been hospitalized for three years
Cruel treatment
Excessively vicious conduct toward the filing spouse or a minor child of the filing spouse - if there isn't expectation of reconciliation

Fault divorces are more expensive and contentious than no-fault divorces in general, so there's a downside to filing for a fault divorce. You would have to speak with an attorney to see if you meet the requirements for any of these (unless you can prove adultery, it looks like cruelty would be your best bet, but refusing to have contact with you might make it impossible to file on those grounds).

You really need to schedule an appointment with a local attorney.

 

[Bali Hai]

Grounds for divorce in MD:
Maryland Grounds for Divorce

There are no-fault grounds which require either a one year separation if you agree or a 2 year separation if only one party wants the divorce.

Fault grounds are:
Adultery
Desertion for at least a year
Voluntary separation for a year
Imprisonment for three years
Living separate for two years
Insanity if the spouse has been hospitalized for three years
Cruel treatment
Excessively vicious conduct toward the filing spouse or a minor child of the filing spouse - if there isn't expectation of reconciliation

Fault divorces are more expensive and contentious than no-fault divorces in general, so there's a downside to filing for a fault divorce. You would have to speak with an attorney to see if you meet the requirements for any of these (unless you can prove adultery, it looks like cruelty would be your best bet, but refusing to have contact with you might make it impossible to file on those grounds).

You really need to schedule an appointment with a local attorney.

I would say that stealing the marital tax return, using his half for her boob job, and leaving him saddled with both mortgages is pretty damn cruel!

 

[dmcc10880]

When you show your marital assets and debts, there will be an equalization payment in the end. Until you are divorced, she's on the hook for a part of the marital expenses. Your lawyer can explain in full detail.

 

[mistoffolees]

I would say that stealing the marital tax return, using his half for her boob job, and leaving him saddled with both mortgages is pretty damn cruel!

Not to any relevant legal standard. She's allowed to spend marital assets until a court says otherwise.

 

[dmcc10880]

Not to any relevant legal standard. She's allowed to spend marital assets until a court says otherwise.

That is until the court orders an equalization payment. If he was smart, he'd drain all bank accounts, cut off credit cards and stop the bleeding.

 

[LdiJ]

That is until the court orders an equalization payment. If he was smart, he'd drain all bank accounts, cut off credit cards and stop the bleeding.

Except that the monies in question came out of an account in her name only...and they have separate credit cards according to the OP's very first paragraph of his very first post.

 

[dmcc10880]

Except that the monies in question came out of an account in her name only...and they have separate credit cards according to the OP's very first paragraph of his very first post.

Doesn't matter if the cards were applied for or the accounts opened during the marriage and if she's using marital funds to pay for the charges, it's marital property.

 

[LdiJ]

Doesn't matter if the cards were applied for or the accounts opened during the marriage and if she's using marital funds to pay for the charges, it's marital property.

That wasn't my point...my point is that there are no bank accounts to be drained or credit cards to close, because they have separate accounts and separate cards. He has no means to stop her spending any money.

 

[mistoffolees]

That wasn't my point...my point is that there are no bank accounts to be drained or credit cards to close, because they have separate accounts and separate cards. He has no means to stop her spending any money.

Exactly.

He can, of course, ask to be reimbursed, but there are several issues:

1. The longer he waits, the less likely it will be reimbursed.
2. They agreed to consider the expense in February and had their first appointment then - 6 months ago.

It's not at all clear that he's going to get out of paying 1/2 - even if he were to file today. And it's not clear he can do that, anyway. In all likelihood, the expense of fighting over it will be greater than the 50% he might be able to get back.

 

[Bali Hai]

Exactly.

He can, of course, ask to be reimbursed, but there are several issues:

1. The longer he waits, the less likely it will be reimbursed.
2. They agreed to consider the expense in February and had their first appointment then - 6 months ago.

It's not at all clear that he's going to get out of paying 1/2 - even if he were to file today. And it's not clear he can do that, anyway. In all likelihood, the expense of fighting over it will be greater than the 50% he might be able to get back.

That's something I would deny to the grave.

 

[pt2011m]

Really appreciate all the posts today everyone. For some reason I couldn't load the forum at work, otherwise I would have jumped in sooner. I've been getting together a list of questions, a bulleted/dated list of events since spring & a list of everything financial. Was planning on having that (with what proof I have on file) when going to the consultation. Should I decide to use the guy I was referred to, it would be a huge start to getting my concerns met. Trying to finish & get ready w/ that asap. If there are specific questions I could ask regarding things financial or other areas I should bring up, please feel free to throw them in for discussion. Thanks

 

[mistoffolees]

That's something I would deny to the grave.

Sorry, recommending that someone commit perjury is disgusting.