My husband does drugs. Can I keep my son from him?

[angelvoice722]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Florida

My husband had an affair and wants out of the marriage. He has not given me any papers yet. He is still with the girl. He smokes weed all the time. The girl he is with has a 3 year old daughter whom she does not have custody of and she is on probation as well for what I think was a drug problem. I want to know if I can keep my 3 year old son away from one or both of them for now. Thank you for your help. God bless.

 

[proud_parent]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Florida

My husband had an affair and wants out of the marriage. He has not given me any papers yet. He is still with the girl. He smokes weed all the time. The girl he is with has a 3 year old daughter whom she does not have custody of and she is on probation as well for what I think was a drug problem. I want to know if I can keep my 3 year old son away from one or both of them for now. Thank you for your help. God bless.

If you believe that your husband's drug use is detrimental to the child, why aren't YOU the one seeking to dissolve the marriage?

 

[angelvoice722]

He's been doing it for years and it was never really around the child. But ever since he started seeing this girl and having his cousin over and friends over and things like that, it's gotten worse and now it's constantly in front of my son. And I don't want to worry when he is now at his new place with this girl, having fun and possibly doing something right in front of my son.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Florida

My husband had an affair and wants out of the marriage. He has not given me any papers yet. He is still with the girl. He smokes weed all the time. The girl he is with has a 3 year old daughter whom she does not have custody of and she is on probation as well for what I think was a drug problem. I want to know if I can keep my 3 year old son away from one or both of them for now. Thank you for your help. God bless.

Likely not. You've apparently been at least tolerant of the pot smoking until he had the affair.

He's going to get visitation/custody if he requests it, and it's best you accept that now. In order to keep either of them away you would have to prove that they're actually a risk to your child.

You can, however, file for divorce and request a "no paramour" clause to at least restrict her somewhat from being around your son.

But that would likely only be temporary until the divorce is finalized.

 

[Proserpina]

He's been doing it for years and it was never really around the child. But ever since he started seeing this girl and having his cousin over and friends over and things like that, it's gotten worse and now it's constantly in front of my son. And I don't want to worry when he is now at his new place with this girl, having fun and possibly doing something right in front of my son.

I don't think for a second you actually believe he'd be having sexual relations right in front of your son.

(I believe that's what you're hinting at since you mentioned drug use separately)

I realize that you're hurt, and angry, but Mom you've got to now get your head on straight and make this business-like. This is now about getting yourself together and moving forward.

 

[angelvoice722]

I don't think at all that he would have sex in front of my son. That's not what I meant. I just don't want them partying it up in front of him. I don't want him to see it or smell it or be around it.

 

[Proserpina]

I don't think at all that he would have sex in front of my son. That's not what I meant. I just don't want them partying it up in front of him. I don't want him to see it or smell it or be around it.

But you've tolerated that up until now. Pot really isn't considered much of a big deal these days. Again, you'd have to show that his use is actually putting your child at risk.

(Apologies for the misunderstanding, too )

 

[angelvoice722]

It's ok. But isn't it still a drug? I don't want my kid raised thinking that it's ok to do. Isn't that my right as a parent to not want my son around drugs? It is illegal.

 

[Proserpina]

It's ok. But isn't it still a drug? I don't want my kid raised thinking that it's ok to do. Isn't that my right as a parent to not want my son around drugs? It is illegal.

Yes, that's true. It is an illegal substance. But the truth is that the courts generally - and there are likely a few jurisdictions where judges might disagree - don't think pot is a big deal.

They treat it like alcohol.

And besides - how are you going to prove he's actually toking up while kiddo is there? If he tests positive it's his word ("I smoked a couple of nights last week when Mom had kiddo") versus what...your 3 year old's?

 

[angelvoice722]

Wow. That really breaks my heart. Ok, thank you all for your advice.

 

[Banned_Princess]

Wow. That really breaks my heart. Ok, thank you all for your advice.

I'm sorry, file for a divorce tomorrow, mention a no paramour until finalization, (that means you too) and bring up the pot smoking, at least it will be to the judges attention even if he feels its no big deal, at least he will make a more informed decision.

its time to think of a custody split plan, if you have one, it will be better to have one worked out, just in the likely case that the judge doesn't feel the pot smoking is enough to limit, or supervise the visits.

if possible get a lawyer, one might know how to bring the pot smoking up, if that is even an option. It is probably best if you feel you are about to get in an ugly divorce, they really are worth the money, and might end up costing less then trying to do a messy divorce by yourself.

good luck.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm sorry, file for a divorce tomorrow, mention a no paramour until finalization, (that means you too) and bring up the pot smoking, at least it will be to the judges attention even if he feels its no big deal, at least he will make a more informed decision.

its time to think of a custody split plan, if you have one, it will be better to have one worked out, just in the likely case that the judge doesn't feel the pot smoking is enough to limit, or supervise the visits.

if possible get a lawyer, one might know how to bring the pot smoking up, if that is even an option. It is probably best if you feel you are about to get in an ugly divorce, they really are worth the money, and might end up costing less then trying to do a messy divorce by yourself.

good luck.

Heck, without proof why don't we throw in spouse and child abuse too?

Seriously, princess?

No. There is no PROOF. And seriously, these allegations are tossed around like candy in family court. The judges don't care unless there is PROOF.

 

[Banned_Princess]

well, technically the "proof" would be the failed tests. plus she could easily get him arrested if she knows he has weed on him, or whatever she can send the cops to prove for her.. I assure you, in Fla they take every illegal drug extremely seriously.

I'm not saying it will be a slam dunk, I'm just saying it wouldn't kill her to at least mention the increase, and the concern about him smoking in front of the kid...

really, its not like she will lose her status quo primary custody because she told the judge her concerns.


Some states are still serious about their residents, and visitors and pot smoking, heck Fla is a "go on vacation, leave on probation state" their courts are serious about every single illegal drug or substance, and anything else you do slightly illegal. drugs are a serious problem in Fla, I think the judge will at least be unhappy about it.

She should get a lawyer. and yes, I get she has been ok with it while they were together, but maybe he wasn't using at home, or at least being stealthy about it.

please consider the following (Fla direct laws were not immediately found so take my word on it, its both true, and shows the pot acceptance with the court climate to be extremely cold. ) I have cut it to be informative without being a advertisement but I will reference the website I found this so...




http://www.criminaldefenseattorneytampa.com/PracticeAreas/PossessionofMarijuana.aspx

WARNING!
A conviction for any drug offense
(including possession of marijuana)
will result in an automatic and immediate
two (2) year suspension of your driver's license
regardless of whether the crime was driving-related.

We understand that your arrest and prosecution for possession of marijuana is serious


Consequences of a Florida marijuana conviction can include the following indirect penalties:

■Ineligibility for public employment without enrolling in a drug treatment program for any conviction;
■Ineligibility for Florida Bright Futures scholarships;
■Ineligibility for State financial aid;
■Ineligibility for state licenses, permits or certifications without enrolling in a drug treatment program for any felony conviction;
■A potential three-year ban on public housing for any misdemeanor or felony conviction;
■A five-year ban on eligibility to adopt a child or become a foster parent, and even after the ban is lifted you will have to submit to a special review by an adoption review committee if you have any felony or misdemeanor marijuana conviction;
■Lifetime ban on the right to possess a firearm under Florida Statute Section 790.23 for any felony conviction.

I can see its talking about convictions, but DA'S and judges dont casually lower these charges as easy as they do in pro pot states.

I am pro pot. and since I am active in trying to get it more legal here, I know of a few other states who aren't as progressive as the west coast and the NE. those southern states are not having any of it.

 

[Proserpina]

well, technically the "proof" would be the failed tests. plus she could easily get him arrested if she knows he has weed on him, or whatever she can send the cops to prove for her.. I assure you, in Fla they take every illegal drug extremely seriously.

And on what basis would she convince a court to order drug testing?

An allegation that "He did it regularly when we lived together"?

Not going to cut it.

I'm not saying it will be a slam dunk, I'm just saying it wouldn't kill her to at least mention the increase, and the concern about him smoking in front of the kid...

"Yes, your honor, he smoked before. I didn't mind so much until he left us for the floozy"

"So you were perfectly fine with your child being exposed to marijuana beforehand. I understand"

Yeap, that's going to work real well.

really, its not like she will lose her status quo primary custody because she told the judge her concerns.

Now YOU need to put down the pipe. NOBODY mentioned anything of the sort.

Gawd, roll on Sept 12th.

Some states are still serious about their residents, and visitors and pot smoking, heck Fla is a "go on vacation, leave on probation state" their courts are serious about every single illegal drug or substance, and anything else you do slightly illegal. drugs are a serious problem in Fla, I think the judge will at least be unhappy about it.

She should get a lawyer. and yes, I get she has been ok with it while they were together, but maybe he wasn't using at home, or at least being stealthy about it.

please consider the following (Fla direct laws were not immediately found so take my word on it, its both true, and shows the pot acceptance with the court climate to be extremely cold. ) I have cut it to be informative without being a advertisement but I will reference the website I found this so...




http://www.criminaldefenseattorneytampa.com/PracticeAreas/PossessionofMarijuana.aspx







I am pro pot. and since I am active in trying to get it more legal here, I know of a few other states who aren't as progressive as the west coast and the NE. those southern states are not having any of it.

You're ignoring, forgetting or not understanding one VERY basic concept here.

She needs PROOF in order to even get the court to order drug testing.

Tell you what. You come back and show us some case law where a parent has been completely forbidden from seeing their child solely due to their marijuana use - in Florida - and I'll happily eat crow.

Very happily. With a side of Funyuns.

 

[Just Blue]

He's been doing it for years and it was never really around the child. But ever since he started seeing this girl and having his cousin over and friends over and things like that, it's gotten worse and now it's constantly in front of my son. And I don't want to worry when he is now at his new place with this girl, having fun and possibly doing something right in front of my son.

Wow.

Possibly or always? Make up your mind.

Have you taken the child to the Pedi to test for "possible or absolute" exposure to pot? NO? Why?