Need help!!!

[lilmansmom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Mexico

oK, My son is 7 years old and his father and I split up at birth. His father has had little to no communication with him since he's been born. He has asked my family members and myself on occasion but this was only allowed visitation in my presence. He does pay child support but there was no visitation order in place. He has now started asking to see our son again and wants to be in his life full time. Do I need to let my son see him? I feel because he has made no prior effort into seeing by going through courts, as a mother I feel he lost his rights. I have supported him along with my family while he has only done his part through child support. He has recently contacted an attorney about joint custody so I am not sure if I can use abandonment in my opening statement.

 

[LillianX]

He hasn't lost his rights. He can, and should, file for visitation with the courts. This is, almost certainly, be granted. You should start getting used to the idea.

Edit: If he has been paying support, he has NOT abandoned the child.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Mexico

oK, My son is 7 years old and his father and I split up at birth. His father has had little to no communication with him since he's been born. He has asked my family members and myself on occasion but this was only allowed visitation in my presence. He does pay child support but there was no visitation order in place. He has now started asking to see our son again and wants to be in his life full time. Do I need to let my son see him? I feel because he has made no prior effort into seeing by going through courts, as a mother I feel he lost his rights. I have supported him along with my family while he has only done his part through child support. He has recently contacted an attorney about joint custody so I am not sure if I can use abandonment in my opening statement.

You would be incorrect.

He has every right to be part of his child's life, and if he goes to court he WILL be allowed to do so.

You cannot use abandonment. He has not abandoned the child.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Mexico

oK, My son is 7 years old and his father and I split up at birth. His father has had little to no communication with him since he's been born. He has asked my family members and myself on occasion but this was only allowed visitation in my presence. He does pay child support but there was no visitation order in place. He has now started asking to see our son again and wants to be in his life full time. Do I need to let my son see him? I feel because he has made no prior effort into seeing by going through courts, as a mother I feel he lost his rights. I have supported him along with my family while he has only done his part through child support. He has recently contacted an attorney about joint custody so I am not sure if I can use abandonment in my opening statement.

You are using lots of legal terms without knowing their definitions.

No, "abandonment" is off the table. And no, he has not "lost his rights." And no, "as a mother," is not a legal argument.

Tell Dad to file in court for a parenting schedule.

Logic Check: if Dad has "lost his rights," according to you, then why were you cashing his checks?

 

[lilmansmom]

You would be incorrect.

He has every right to be part of his child's life, and if he goes to court he WILL be allowed to do so.

You cannot use abandonment. He has not abandoned the child.

Even if my son doesn't want to go with him? He knows who his dad is but doesn't want to be around someone that has never been there for him

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Mexico

oK, My son is 7 years old and his father and I split up at birth. His father has had little to no communication with him since he's been born. He has asked my family members and myself on occasion but this was only allowed visitation in my presence. He does pay child support but there was no visitation order in place. He has now started asking to see our son again and wants to be in his life full time. Do I need to let my son see him? I feel because he has made no prior effort into seeing by going through courts, as a mother I feel he lost his rights. I have supported him along with my family while he has only done his part through child support. He has recently contacted an attorney about joint custody so I am not sure if I can use abandonment in my opening statement.

There won't be any opening statements. Your job as the custodial parent is to foster the relationship between the child and the NCP, not to prevent it.

He will get some visitation if he seeks it.

 

[Proserpina]

Even if my son doesn't want to go with him? He knows who his dad is but doesn't want to be around someone that has never been there for him

Your son doesn't get to decide.

Period.

 

[lilmansmom]

You are using lots of legal terms without knowing their definitions.

No, "abandonment" is off the table. And no, he has not "lost his rights." And no, "as a mother," is not a legal argument.

Tell Dad to file in court for a parenting schedule.

Logic Check: if Dad has "lost his rights," according to you, then why were you cashing his checks?

Can i ask for it to be supervised with my family or I present? I feel the judge in this state will be more in my favor since our son will be joining us in court and wants to tell the judge himself his story. It was abandonment because he left out of our lives and never wanted anything to do with himm before until now 7 years later

 

[>Charlotte<]

I feel because he has made no prior effort into seeing by going through courts, as a mother I feel he lost his rights.

Your perspective doesn't fit the legal reality you're about to face. Your perspective is all about punishing Dad for being a crappy father up until now. The court's perspective is all about encouraging his desire to, now, step up and be a part of his son's life. The past can't be changed. The future can. Instead of harboring bitterness over his former lack of concern, you should be grateful that your son has a father who wants to be a father.

This isn't about you and your ex. This is about your ex and your son.

 

[Antigone*]

Can i ask for it to be supervised with my family or I present? I feel the judge in this state will be more in my favor since our son will be joining us in court and wants to tell the judge himself his story. It was abandonment because he left out of our lives and never wanted anything to do with himm before until now 7 years later

You should NOT put your son in the middle of these adult, and legally it is not abandonment.

Again, your job is to foster the relationship, not alienate him.

 

[Proserpina]

Can i ask for it to be supervised with my family or I present? I feel the judge in this state will be more in my favor since our son will be joining us in court and wants to tell the judge himself his story. It was abandonment because he left out of our lives and never wanted anything to do with himm before until now 7 years later

WHY would you put your child through that?

Your son doesn't HAVE a story. YOU and DAD have a "history". Why you would put your poor child in the middle of things is beyond me.

And frankly the chances of the judge even talking to your son are slim to none.

And AGAIN - legally this is NOT abandonment.

Yes, you can ask for supervised visitation to begin with including a period of reintroduction. But after that, he'll get regular unsupervised visitation away from you, leading up to overnights, weekends and entire weeks in the summer.

Time to accept that, Mom.

 

[Silverplum]

He's SEVEN.

He doesn't "know" ANYTHING other than what YOU have told him.

You're guilty of bending your kid's head and heart into nasty directions.

 

[lilmansmom]

He's SEVEN.

He doesn't "know" ANYTHING other than what YOU have told him.

You're guilty of bending your kid's head and heart into nasty directions.

He does see what his father has put us through, and he doesn't like his stepmom because of how she has acted in front of us.he does know alot for being only 7. My ex would see us at the store and not say one word. Now 7 years later he does?.. until he seeks his rights I will not allow my son to go with someone he hardly knows!!

 

[>Charlotte<]

FYI to others, this is a handy reference for one-stop shopping re: best interests of the child by state, according to respective statutes.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/best_interest.pdf

lilmansmom, if you look at your state, you'll see that New Mexico will bend over backwards to foster the parent-child relationship ("...to the maximum extent possible"..). Your ex is a parent. You really need to come to terms with that. Your time is better spent planning how to best handle this new dynamic, rather than trying to find a way to thwart Dad's efforts.

 

[lilmansmom]

WHY would you put your child through that?

Your son doesn't HAVE a story. YOU and DAD have a "history". Why you would put your poor child in the middle of things is beyond me.

And frankly the chances of the judge even talking to your son are slim to none.

And AGAIN - legally this is NOT abandonment.

Yes, you can ask for supervised visitation to begin with including a period of reintroduction. But after that, he'll get regular unsupervised visitation away from you, leading up to overnights, weekends and entire weeks in the summer.

Time to accept that, Mom.

this seems to be a defense argument instead of getting help!!