Or someone who wants everyone to feel sorry for him/her/whatever. There are support forums for that. There are also social networking sites for that, too.At this point, breezy, I'm calling troll.
Or, as I suggested earlier - this ain't Mom posting
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Proserpina
Senior Member
The reason your son has such opinions is because of the trash-talking you have done about his father.
Pot, kettle?
Dad is going to get visitation, Mommy Dearest. Time to accept that.
You might want to close the thread - it's pointless continuing, since you obviously aren't grasping the reality of your situation.
Prove it. Hear say doesn't. Using the child to report this alleged slander is a big legal mistake and moreso a bigger moral one.
And don't whine that I don't know what I am talking about. I have mine in writing with his name, the date, and the time on it. Any judge is going to ask you to prove it and if you DO have solid proof, at best, the first time, the judge will probably warn him.
>Charlotte<
Lurker
Don’t EVEN try. I don’t want to hear it.
For God’s sake, that little boy’s biggest decision should be whether to watch TV or go ride his bike. HE’S SEVEN. And you’re preparing to walk him into a courtroom so he can tell a judge what a jerk his daddy is and how much he hates his stepmother so you can try to get your little bit of revenge for whatever happened in the past?? That’s just downright vile. You are USING that child as a pawn in your sick little game of “let’s see how much I can make him pay for what he did.”
Here’s a newsflash for you, lady. When fathers want to be a part of their sons’ lives that’s a GOOD thing. When they want visitation rights to spend time with their kids that’s a GOOD thing. When kids have a father in their lives, that’s a GOOD thing. And what the father is trying to do now, isn’t that your whole point? What the heck kind of bass ackward logic is it that what you resent him not doing before is exactly what you’re trying to prevent him from doing now? What do you think he should have done before? Call the kid? Take him for weekends? Spend time with him? Be a father? Well, hellll-OOOOO! That’s what he’s trying to do now, and you’re trying to stop him! Oh, but it’s different now, right? Quality time with Dad isn’t all that important to you now that it’s something you don’t want him to have, right?
There is no way in hell that child doesn’t want his daddy to take him to the zoo or whatever because he “hasn’t been there” for the preceding years. NO way. And if that child so much as utters anything along those lines he’s going to look as coached as Abigail Breslin, and I promise you, this will not be that judge’s first time at the rodeo.
For God’s sake, that little boy’s biggest decision should be whether to watch TV or go ride his bike. HE’S SEVEN. And you’re preparing to walk him into a courtroom so he can tell a judge what a jerk his daddy is and how much he hates his stepmother so you can try to get your little bit of revenge for whatever happened in the past?? That’s just downright vile. You are USING that child as a pawn in your sick little game of “let’s see how much I can make him pay for what he did.”
Here’s a newsflash for you, lady. When fathers want to be a part of their sons’ lives that’s a GOOD thing. When they want visitation rights to spend time with their kids that’s a GOOD thing. When kids have a father in their lives, that’s a GOOD thing. And what the father is trying to do now, isn’t that your whole point? What the heck kind of bass ackward logic is it that what you resent him not doing before is exactly what you’re trying to prevent him from doing now? What do you think he should have done before? Call the kid? Take him for weekends? Spend time with him? Be a father? Well, hellll-OOOOO! That’s what he’s trying to do now, and you’re trying to stop him! Oh, but it’s different now, right? Quality time with Dad isn’t all that important to you now that it’s something you don’t want him to have, right?
There is no way in hell that child doesn’t want his daddy to take him to the zoo or whatever because he “hasn’t been there” for the preceding years. NO way. And if that child so much as utters anything along those lines he’s going to look as coached as Abigail Breslin, and I promise you, this will not be that judge’s first time at the rodeo.
You know...Charlotte's response, among others, reminded me of something very important from a parenting class that I think about every time I am frustrated with my ex so that I DON'T pass that frustration on to my daughter:
Your child is half YOU and half his DAD. If you are telling/encouraging that there is something wrong with his father, then it is just as bad as you telling him there is something wrong with him. How is *that* in his best interest? How is making him respond to adult issues to make YOU feel better in his best interest? These are more rhetorical questions, at this point...ones that you should be asking yourself.
Your child is half YOU and half his DAD. If you are telling/encouraging that there is something wrong with his father, then it is just as bad as you telling him there is something wrong with him. How is *that* in his best interest? How is making him respond to adult issues to make YOU feel better in his best interest? These are more rhetorical questions, at this point...ones that you should be asking yourself.
TheGeekess
Keeper of the Kraken
snuffleupagus
Member
Children are extremely resilient. They are also extremely forgiving. Especially of their parents.
Badmouthing the other parent is one of the worst things one can do. As others have said - it attacks half of the child and causes a great deal of anguish and trauma. So, if one can't say anything good, one should remember the old adage - "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all." It's easy to vent the hurt and anger. But you should love your child more than that. More than you hate the ex. Much more. Sad that you apparently don't love your child that much. Poor kid.
Badmouthing the other parent is one of the worst things one can do. As others have said - it attacks half of the child and causes a great deal of anguish and trauma. So, if one can't say anything good, one should remember the old adage - "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all." It's easy to vent the hurt and anger. But you should love your child more than that. More than you hate the ex. Much more. Sad that you apparently don't love your child that much. Poor kid.
lilmansmom
Member
i do love my child very much and i have proof of his father talking down on me calling me names through my phone messages. it's just not fair for our son to feel this way and as i have said before he is a very smart boy he sees these things on his own even without anyone saying anything to him.
Ok, so it's obvious that you and Dad have no love for each other.
But here's the big question: Do you love this little boy? Obviously you cannot speak for Dad, so I'm going to ass-u-me that he does. I don't think he'd be trying to fight for his rights if he didn't.
So, if Dad wants to try and grow a relationship with your [mutual] child, and he follows the proper legal steps to do so, there isn't a rational judge in the land who is going to tell him that he arrived at the game too late and is not allowed to play. Dad WILL get parenting time, and after a reasonable (by the Judge's standard--not yours) amount of time will most likely wind up with a standard parenting schedule.
OP. I understand where you are coming from. I have a child whose absent parent hasn't been a part of the child's life--at all. If the NCP decided tomorrow to take me to court, then I know that parenting time would be awarded. I wouldn't stand in the way. LittleCSO deserves to know both parents, regardless of the type of people we are.
Do you know what it does to a child to not know his/her parents? It means that they feel left out on Father's/Mother's Day, they only have half a tree for their family tree project, they miss out on inportant familial bonding. They see things in themselves that they don't see in the parent they live with and wonder where it came from, they wonder what is so wrong with them that the absent parent doesn't care.
Children who live in fatherless homes and who don't have a relationship with thier fathers account for:
◦63% of youth suicides
◦70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes
◦71% of pregnant teenagers
◦71% of all high school dropouts
◦75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers
◦80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger
◦85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders
◦85% of all youths sitting in prisons
◦90% of all homeless and runaway children
(source:http://www.liamsdad.org/topics/fatherless_children.shtml]Fatherless Children)
You are facilitating THAT.
snuffleupagus
Member
Who ever told you that life is fair? It's not. And you simply cannot say that your son sees things on his own, because you've admitted to telling him everything about his father 0 things that you don't need to be sharing.
Do you think you're the only parent here who has an ex-partner uninvolved with the kid(s)? You're not. But most of us handle it quite differently. I can tell you that my kids have never heard a negative word about their other parent, as hard as it's been to keep my mouth shut. Even now, after 10+ years, I follow the "if you can't say something nice..." mantra.
Who CARES what HE says about you? It's not about *you*. It's about the kid. And the kid should not hear anything negative about his other parent. I'm sorry, but you are hurting your son as much as his Dad is. Maybe more - you're the parent who IS there and iis supposed to love him more than that.
Life isn't fair, lady.
That Dad makes no secret that he doesn't care for you is not an indicator that he doesn't care about the child.
You need to realize that you are not going to win here. And not only are you going to hurt the realtionship between father and son, you are going to hurt your son.
It doens't matter how smart your seven year old is, he could be the next Stephen Hawking--at age seven a child is not emotionally mature enough decide he doesn't want to see his father for the rest of his life.
I've said this several times in last couple of weeks. Would you let him go and play at the park by himself if that was his choice? What if he no longer wanted to attend school?
And, just to take your argument to the far end here: If Junior told you that he wanted to go and live with Dad, would you let him make that decision?
After all, according to you, he is smart enough and mature enough to decide he doesn't want anything to with his Dad. Therefore, it stands to reason he is smart and mature enough that his opinion should cary the same weight with you should he decide he wanted to be with his dad, right?????
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RiverSong42
Member
Not that the OP is going to listen but... they usually appoint a law guardian to represent the child. Since the boy is 7 the law guardian should be able to have a productive conversation with him (My daughter was less than 2, so the her law guardian didn't have much to go on. However the guardian spoke with me and asked to speak to her father, to hear both sides of the story.)
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