Question about an annulment

[annalyn024]

Hi everyone,
I live in Arkansas and I have a question regarding an annulment. About 10 years ago, a friend got me to do something very stupid. He was having a major surgery and he convinced me to marry him beforehand - saying things like "I just know I won't make it through this surgery! I don't want to die alone!" and that. I don't know why I agreed, but I did, and we were married. He had the surgery and was fine, naturally, so we got an annulment. The marriage wasn't consummated, of course, and neither of us liked the other to the point of actually wanting to be married - the marriage was purely on paper for his "peace of mind" confused. The annulment was finalized within about 2 months of the marriage.
Now here it is, 10 years later, and I am finally in an actual relationship. I had pushed the annulment out of my mind until now, and actually hadn't thought a thing about it in years. The man that I am seeing and I really care about each other very much and are probably going to want to get married eventually, but I never did mention the previous marriage and annulment. I was thinking that annulments make everything as though the marriage didn't exist. If the man I am seeing and I do decide to get married, will there be any nasty surprises when we try to get the marriage license? "Oh, so this is your second marriage, Miss?" or anything at all like that?
Thanks so much, everyone, for the help.

 

[Ohiogal]

Hi everyone,
I live in Arkansas and I have a question regarding an annulment. About 10 years ago, a friend got me to do something very stupid. He was having a major surgery and he convinced me to marry him beforehand - saying things like "I just know I won't make it through this surgery! I don't want to die alone!" and that. I don't know why I agreed, but I did, and we were married. He had the surgery and was fine, naturally, so we got an annulment. The marriage wasn't consummated, of course, and neither of us liked the other to the point of actually wanting to be married - the marriage was purely on paper for his "peace of mind" confused. The annulment was finalized within about 2 months of the marriage.
Now here it is, 10 years later, and I am finally in an actual relationship. I had pushed the annulment out of my mind until now, and actually hadn't thought a thing about it in years. The man that I am seeing and I really care about each other very much and are probably going to want to get married eventually, but I never did mention the previous marriage and annulment. I was thinking that annulments make everything as though the marriage didn't exist. If the man I am seeing and I do decide to get married, will there be any nasty surprises when we try to get the marriage license? "Oh, so this is your second marriage, Miss?" or anything at all like that?
Thanks so much, everyone, for the help.

You will have to produce your annulment papers when you apply for a marriage license. Tell the man you are seeing about your philanthropic act. If you can't be honest with him, what do you really have?

 

[Zigner]

You will have to produce your annulment papers when you apply for a marriage license.

Where did you find that requirement?

 

[annalyn024]

Thank you so much for your advice!
I thought that the annulment made it perfectly fine to say, in any situation, "No, I've never been married." Gosh, I have never lied to the man I am seeing, and certainly never planned to. He is a very kind, understanding man, but I don't think anyone could overlook or forgive this, no matter how kind or understanding they were! I hate to have to give up seeing him (he lives in Kentucky - where we probably would have gotten married eventually), but I suppose all things work out for the best, right?
Thanks again!

 

[Zigner]

Thank you so much for your advice!
I thought that the annulment made it perfectly fine to say, in any situation, "No, I've never been married." Gosh, I have never lied to the man I am seeing, and certainly never planned to. He is a very kind, understanding man, but I don't think anyone could overlook or forgive this, no matter how kind or understanding they were! I hate to have to give up seeing him (he lives in Kentucky - where we probably would have gotten married eventually), but I suppose all things work out for the best, right?
Thanks again!

Huh? This love of your life couldn't overlook or forgive this from 10 years ago? I think you need to reevaluate your view of what you are looking for in a man.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thank you so much for your advice!
I thought that the annulment made it perfectly fine to say, in any situation, "No, I've never been married." Gosh, I have never lied to the man I am seeing, and certainly never planned to. He is a very kind, understanding man, but I don't think anyone could overlook or forgive this, no matter how kind or understanding they were! I hate to have to give up seeing him (he lives in Kentucky - where we probably would have gotten married eventually), but I suppose all things work out for the best, right?
Thanks again!

Legally, it is correct to state that you've never been married, so you didn't really lie to him.

However, if you feel that telling him about this situation is going to ruin your relationship, then I'd recommend that you not marry him, anyway. Tell him the truth and tell him that you never brought it up earlier because the marriage was not legal and not consummated. If he won't accept that, then look elsewhere.

 

[annalyn024]

Well, even if he could overlook this (I don't see how anyone could), my conscience would never be easy knowing that I practically did lie to him - I just couldn't handle that. Better to try to start over and try to find someone half as great - ah, but that's not a legal matter, is it?
But honestly, I thought the whole point of an annulment was to be able to wipe the slate clean, as it were, and start fresh - never have your huge mistake dragged up again, and be able to say, legally, "No, I've never been married." I'm glad I thought to ask this question before, say, we were going to get a marriage license!
Thanks again, everyone.

 

[Just Blue]

Well, even if he could overlook this (I don't see how anyone could), my conscience would never be easy knowing that I practically did lie to him - I just couldn't handle that. Better to try to start over and try to find someone half as great - ah, but that's not a legal matter, is it?
But honestly, I thought the whole point of an annulment was to be able to wipe the slate clean, as it were, and start fresh - never have your huge mistake dragged up again, and be able to say, legally, "No, I've never been married." I'm glad I thought to ask this question before, say, we were going to get a marriage license!
Thanks again, everyone.

Huh? Why could he not "overlook" this? Goodness it's no like you were prostituting yourself! And if the guy is such a tightass that he finds this "unforgivable"...You need to find someone WAY better.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well, even if he could overlook this (I don't see how anyone could), my conscience would never be easy knowing that I practically did lie to him - I just couldn't handle that. Better to try to start over and try to find someone half as great - ah, but that's not a legal matter, is it?
But honestly, I thought the whole point of an annulment was to be able to wipe the slate clean, as it were, and start fresh - never have your huge mistake dragged up again, and be able to say, legally, "No, I've never been married." I'm glad I thought to ask this question before, say, we were going to get a marriage license!
Thanks again, everyone.

I am so confused now. He is so great and fantastic and yet you think you need to walk away from him because you didn't tell him you were married for a blink of an eye and never consummated said marriage? Seriously?

 

[mistoffolees]

Well, even if he could overlook this (I don't see how anyone could), my conscience would never be easy knowing that I practically did lie to him - I just couldn't handle that. Better to try to start over and try to find someone half as great - ah, but that's not a legal matter, is it?
But honestly, I thought the whole point of an annulment was to be able to wipe the slate clean, as it were, and start fresh - never have your huge mistake dragged up again, and be able to say, legally, "No, I've never been married." I'm glad I thought to ask this question before, say, we were going to get a marriage license!
Thanks again, everyone.

So you have a guy that you were ready to marry and commit to for the rest of your life, but you'd rather start over and try to find someone half as great - because you can't bear to tell him that you had a fake non-marriage?

Wow. Just wow.

 

[Just Blue]

I am so confused now. He is so great and fantastic and yet you think you need to walk away from him because you didn't tell him you were married for a blink of an eye and never consummated said marriage? Seriously?

I know...Bizarre huh?

 

[ecmst12]

This sounds like a major non-issue. Legally, you CAN say you were never married and I have no idea why it would even come up when you apply for a marriage license. ESPECIALLY if it's not even in the same state. And it's not like you were ever actually in a relationship with this guy or had your life effected by what happened. I think you are putting WAY too much importance on something that's really not important. Which tells me that you don't really understand the true meaning of marriage or lifetime committment and shouldn't be thinking about getting married (for real) anyway.

 

[Ohiogal]

Where did you find that requirement?

Arkansas Marriage License Information, Laws, Requirements

I was wrong in stating she had to produce the papers. She may have to reveal the date of the annulment however. Because she was married before technically.

What she could do is call the registrar and ASK if she would have to reveal that in case it became an issue. But the fact that she wants to walk because he might find out about a fake non-marriage.... she shouldn't get married at all.

 

[annalyn024]

Thanks everyone.
I've just looked at the laws in the county where he lives (Christian County Kentucky -) and it said that one of the things required is the current marital status of both partners - "Current Status (Single, Widowed, Divorced or Annulled)" so I guess I'm out of luck.
The man I am seeing is so wonderfully kind that if someone shot him, he would forgive them with his dying breath, but I think it's more of an issue of my conscience. I couldn't live with myself knowing I had lied to him, even though I had no malicious intent, or intent to lie at all, really.
Thanks for all your advice everyone, and for saving me from committing a second horrible mistake.

 

[ecmst12]

I think you need to see a therapist. Really.