thetiredwife
Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA
The other thread was closed before I could get a clear answer on this question. If members here want to think I want the child in question to "suffer", that is what you'll believe, regardless what I say. But for whatever it's worth, that is untrue. He didn't ask for this, and neither did I or our kids together. But it is the hand we were dealt. Now despite what some may think, I know I cannot make decisions on his behalf and I'm not his parent. But as a parent of his older half siblings, I don't see how it is "none of my business" if we are expected to cancel or rearrange OUR children's previously made plans when his mother springs something on us.....that is why I posted. I'm not saying it is a bad thing for him to be in Boy Scouts, but the fact is, she put him in it without any prior agreement with my husband~ and that goes against legal custody (and that was set back in 2005). Schooling, childcare, medical care....she makes her own decisions and many times has been proven to be standoffish and dishonest. Again, mostly that is for my husband to deal with, but when things end up affecting the children I have WITH him, that does concern me.
I don't remember who asked on the other thread, but yes- we were married for a few years before his son with her was born, and we were dating and living together for longer before that. Yes, I was his childcare provider when I did not know about the adultery and she had said another guy was his father. I have known her since we were teenagers.
Anyway, this is where things stand now: my husband had told her to keep him last night and then she could drop him off after the derby was over and asked whenabout that would be. She said she'd be here by 2. Then sent a notice that it would be "later than 2". So he ended up coming here shortly before 4. As it was suggested, my husband gave up most of the time this weekend so that the child wouldn't miss the derby (if he was at the derby that is....). And now in addition to this weekend she wants to tell us which week to take him in spring so that her boyfriend can take him on a camping trip on the regular weekend here, even though they are going on another camping trip that month.
This isn't about "making the child pay"~ the conflict here that particular weekend in spring is a choir concert. Attendance at the concert is part of their grade~ aka if she (our daughter) doesn't get to her concert, she FAILS choir. In one of these recent years, my husband asked his mother about being able to pick the child up a little earlier (because the concert fell on the same weekend as custody, and the time conflicted)....she just said "no" and hung up. So he didn't go to pick him up and another visit was missed.
****So, to get to the real question- would the judge expect us to pull our children out of all their activities and that only the one child would get to be involved in activities? Why? *****
I know it was mentioned about this current weekend being "too busy" and "not including the child"~ to get specific, my husband works during the morning on Saturdays, so it's only a few hours after his son gets up that he's still at work (and there are Saturdays where he doesn't have to be in as well). He was going to take him along to the birthday party, and RSVP'd for him actually, before she said anything about the derby. The only thing after that was separate was the team meeting. How is that unreasonably busy? Is it also unfair amongst our kids together when they have separate things or when their Dad has to work? If so, that's news to me. And to clarify, no, the weekends are not usually like this.
To Ohiogal~ I do agree with Humus somewhat....you made a statement (maybe not word for word, but similar) that I "am making the child pay". Again, an assumption. I don't know you, and you don't know me or my family or the mother. That was a judgement call off of things you've read, and I've seen a whole lot of that on this site. I don't see how my asking questions about our children's activities equates to "punishing" that child. His mother did keep him yesterday and most of today. Now I can't say what my husband or the child's mother will end up doing when it comes to the trip in spring....but I will not agree with our daughter missing her concert or being told she has to quit choir now~ YEARS after she has started that. If it were to come down to that, seems to me that is a case of his mother punishing our children and making them pay, just because she wants to insist on switching weekends or their sons' plans (or hers)taking priority.
Lastly, this probably seems like a " these things happen and Mom just wants what's best for him" kind of thing. I have seen the whole history~ years and years of fights and threats and just taking off with him (plus much more)....that is the reason she is in abeyance of contempt. She is not an innocent. Now do I think its right if and/or when he is put in the middle of all this? No. And I don't think its right for the children I birthed either. We just try to deal with it and work it out the best we can.
Now I've addressed the comments/questions on the old thread. If someone could please clarify if we need to make sure our children do not have any plans ever. I thought the answer was simply "No- legally [Dad] can decide what happens during his custodial time", but then it went off in all kinds of directions and judgements on me and the truth of the situation.
The other thread was closed before I could get a clear answer on this question. If members here want to think I want the child in question to "suffer", that is what you'll believe, regardless what I say. But for whatever it's worth, that is untrue. He didn't ask for this, and neither did I or our kids together. But it is the hand we were dealt. Now despite what some may think, I know I cannot make decisions on his behalf and I'm not his parent. But as a parent of his older half siblings, I don't see how it is "none of my business" if we are expected to cancel or rearrange OUR children's previously made plans when his mother springs something on us.....that is why I posted. I'm not saying it is a bad thing for him to be in Boy Scouts, but the fact is, she put him in it without any prior agreement with my husband~ and that goes against legal custody (and that was set back in 2005). Schooling, childcare, medical care....she makes her own decisions and many times has been proven to be standoffish and dishonest. Again, mostly that is for my husband to deal with, but when things end up affecting the children I have WITH him, that does concern me.
I don't remember who asked on the other thread, but yes- we were married for a few years before his son with her was born, and we were dating and living together for longer before that. Yes, I was his childcare provider when I did not know about the adultery and she had said another guy was his father. I have known her since we were teenagers.
Anyway, this is where things stand now: my husband had told her to keep him last night and then she could drop him off after the derby was over and asked whenabout that would be. She said she'd be here by 2. Then sent a notice that it would be "later than 2". So he ended up coming here shortly before 4. As it was suggested, my husband gave up most of the time this weekend so that the child wouldn't miss the derby (if he was at the derby that is....). And now in addition to this weekend she wants to tell us which week to take him in spring so that her boyfriend can take him on a camping trip on the regular weekend here, even though they are going on another camping trip that month.
This isn't about "making the child pay"~ the conflict here that particular weekend in spring is a choir concert. Attendance at the concert is part of their grade~ aka if she (our daughter) doesn't get to her concert, she FAILS choir. In one of these recent years, my husband asked his mother about being able to pick the child up a little earlier (because the concert fell on the same weekend as custody, and the time conflicted)....she just said "no" and hung up. So he didn't go to pick him up and another visit was missed.
****So, to get to the real question- would the judge expect us to pull our children out of all their activities and that only the one child would get to be involved in activities? Why? *****
I know it was mentioned about this current weekend being "too busy" and "not including the child"~ to get specific, my husband works during the morning on Saturdays, so it's only a few hours after his son gets up that he's still at work (and there are Saturdays where he doesn't have to be in as well). He was going to take him along to the birthday party, and RSVP'd for him actually, before she said anything about the derby. The only thing after that was separate was the team meeting. How is that unreasonably busy? Is it also unfair amongst our kids together when they have separate things or when their Dad has to work? If so, that's news to me. And to clarify, no, the weekends are not usually like this.
To Ohiogal~ I do agree with Humus somewhat....you made a statement (maybe not word for word, but similar) that I "am making the child pay". Again, an assumption. I don't know you, and you don't know me or my family or the mother. That was a judgement call off of things you've read, and I've seen a whole lot of that on this site. I don't see how my asking questions about our children's activities equates to "punishing" that child. His mother did keep him yesterday and most of today. Now I can't say what my husband or the child's mother will end up doing when it comes to the trip in spring....but I will not agree with our daughter missing her concert or being told she has to quit choir now~ YEARS after she has started that. If it were to come down to that, seems to me that is a case of his mother punishing our children and making them pay, just because she wants to insist on switching weekends or their sons' plans (or hers)taking priority.
Lastly, this probably seems like a " these things happen and Mom just wants what's best for him" kind of thing. I have seen the whole history~ years and years of fights and threats and just taking off with him (plus much more)....that is the reason she is in abeyance of contempt. She is not an innocent. Now do I think its right if and/or when he is put in the middle of all this? No. And I don't think its right for the children I birthed either. We just try to deal with it and work it out the best we can.
Now I've addressed the comments/questions on the old thread. If someone could please clarify if we need to make sure our children do not have any plans ever. I thought the answer was simply "No- legally [Dad] can decide what happens during his custodial time", but then it went off in all kinds of directions and judgements on me and the truth of the situation.