Father will not return child after "visitation"

[CntryMomma]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

My ex works offshore. we split up in August. I moved out in November. With him working offshore, and his past experience with seeing his out of state children, I attempted to be "nice". I have been very liberal and open with visitation, and NO support from him.

We had agreed if he was "home", our son would be with him. When he went offshore, our son would be with me. I agreed to this, knowing when the "season" picked up, he would rarely be home to see our son(or his other son, who comes from another state during the summer).

Mar 6, we had a support hearing/mediation. I cancelled it that morning, because I was unable to get hold of him, as he'd not paid his phone bill. I hadn't heard from him since last Friday Mar 2.

Well, he used our allotted time to learn his rights. He is not on our son's birth certificate as we were not married, and he was offshore when our son was born so I couldn't add him. He says he has a DNA test he had privately done, that shows our son is his.

For the last 3 days, I have been asking when he is going to let me pick up our son, or at least see him. He keeps bypassing it, and refuses to answer the question.

My question is this. With the "visitation" we had set up, without a judges order, or him being on the birth certificate, can he REFUSE to return the child to me? He just asked today for my address, so I am assuming he is about to file for custody. But as I said, he keeps bypassing anything to do with returning our son, or even just letting me SEE him. We live nearly 4 hours apart, and he is due to go offshore at ANY time, quite literally. He was actually supposed to return the child yesterday, because he was supposed to leave to go offshore today. But, they changed his date to "anytime" by the 14th.

Everyone keeps telling me(including the Sheriff's office in both our counties), that I am able to go and pick my son up. They also keep saying I'm being too nice about this.

I realize this is long, but I wanted to get as much info as possible out, and not have to keep writing out more paragraphs.

At this point, my intent is to go in the morning, to pick my son up from his father's house, where an aunt cohabits the home and babysits my son when he is with his dad. I'm being told by the S.O. that without a protective order, she is also not allowed to with-hold the child from me. I'm so lost. I helped him fight this EXACT same scenario with his ex-wife. Now, he's the one doing this to me.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

My ex works offshore. we split up in August. I moved out in November. With him working offshore, and his past experience with seeing his out of state children, I attempted to be "nice". I have been very liberal and open with visitation, and NO support from him.

We had agreed if he was "home", our son would be with him. When he went offshore, our son would be with me. I agreed to this, knowing when the "season" picked up, he would rarely be home to see our son(or his other son, who comes from another state during the summer).

Mar 6, we had a support hearing/mediation. I cancelled it that morning, because I was unable to get hold of him, as he'd not paid his phone bill. I hadn't heard from him since last Friday Mar 2.

Well, he used our allotted time to learn his rights. He is not on our son's birth certificate as we were not married, and he was offshore when our son was born so I couldn't add him. He says he has a DNA test he had privately done, that shows our son is his.

For the last 3 days, I have been asking when he is going to let me pick up our son, or at least see him. He keeps bypassing it, and refuses to answer the question.

My question is this. With the "visitation" we had set up, without a judges order, or him being on the birth certificate, can he REFUSE to return the child to me? He just asked today for my address, so I am assuming he is about to file for custody. But as I said, he keeps bypassing anything to do with returning our son, or even just letting me SEE him. We live nearly 4 hours apart, and he is due to go offshore at ANY time, quite literally. He was actually supposed to return the child yesterday, because he was supposed to leave to go offshore today. But, they changed his date to "anytime" by the 14th.

Everyone keeps telling me(including the Sheriff's office in both our counties), that I am able to go and pick my son up. They also keep saying I'm being too nice about this.

I realize this is long, but I wanted to get as much info as possible out, and not have to keep writing out more paragraphs.

At this point, my intent is to go in the morning, to pick my son up from his father's house, where an aunt cohabits the home and babysits my son when he is with his dad. I'm being told by the S.O. that without a protective order, she is also not allowed to with-hold the child from me. I'm so lost. I helped him fight this EXACT same scenario with his ex-wife. Now, he's the one doing this to me.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

So he is NOT legally established as Dad? Get your ID, get your child's birth certificate and go and get your child.

If Dad wants to establish paternity and have legal rights and visitation to/with his child, let him go ahead and do that.

 

[ecmst12]

A private DNA test has no force in court or in law and gives him no rights.

 

[CntryMomma]

Is it really that simple? I am SO scared, that he thinks that because he has a PACKET of papers, to be MAILED OFF, or FILED, that he believes that gives him custody. Or that even though *I* cancelled the CS appointment, that by telling the OAG the child is in his POSSESSION, that constitutes having custody. I had already explained my reason for cancelling with the AG's office before our appointment. That he had our son for VISITATION. I just found out, he told them HE has custody of the child.

He just texted saying he can claim abandonment, because he has had our son for 3 weeks. If that's the case, I could have claimed it when he DIDN'T have our son for a month. Apparently, this "visitation schedule", is definitely NOT ever going to work.

What will happen if he or his aunt try to keep the child from me physically, as in, when I get there? I'm so paranoid and freaked out. The only thing he actually has against me, is that I am between employment at the moment, so to speak. I WAS working at a gentlemen's club, but they lost their lease. Now, I work with my mother cleaning houses. He says that's not a job, it's "something to do" and because it's not verifiable(as in, receiving a check stub), the judge will consider me unemployed and unfit. Well, it pays the bills!

I have my own house, with room for my son. He has belongings in my home. He is listed on my lease as an occupant. He was with me for a month, before he went with my ex. That's more or less what it works out to. 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off. Hell, last week, I spent the night at his house, so he could check out a mechanical issue with my car, AND to see my son because I was still employed where he lives.

What are the chances even if I CAN retrieve the child, that a judge would give an ACTIVE offshore oil hand primary custody of a child? He's gone nearly 7-8 months total a year. I mean, give it time, we'd be back in court for a change of custody?

 

[Proserpina]

Is it really that simple? I am SO scared, that he thinks that because he has a PACKET of papers, to be MAILED OFF, or FILED, that he believes that gives him custody.

What, he seriously believes that he's got custody without a) a COURT ORDERED paternity test, or b) him signing certain papers (which he hasn't), and c) there being a court hearing?

He's delusional.

He just texted saying he can claim abandonment, because he has had our son for 3 weeks. If that's the case, I could have claimed it when he DIDN'T have our son for a month. Apparently, this "visitation schedule", is definitely NOT ever going to work.

Okay, I'll revise my answer. He's COMPLETELY full of brown smelly horse manure. AND delusional.

What will happen if he or his aunt try to keep the child from me physically, as in, when I get there? I'm so paranoid and freaked out. The only thing he actually has against me, is that I am between employment at the moment, so to speak. I WAS working at a gentlemen's club, but they lost their lease. Now, I work with my mother cleaning houses. He says that's not a job, it's "something to do" and because it's not verifiable(as in, receiving a check stub), the judge will consider me unemployed and unfit. Well, it pays the bills!

I have my own house, with room for my son. He has belongings in my home. He is listed on my lease as an occupant. He was with me for a month, before he went with my ex. That's more or less what it works out to. 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off. Hell, last week, I spent the night at his house, so he could check out a mechanical issue with my car, AND to see my son because I was still employed where he lives.

What are the chances even if I CAN retrieve the child, that a judge would give an ACTIVE offshore oil hand primary custody of a child? He's gone nearly 7-8 months total a year. I mean, give it time, we'd be back in court for a change of custody?

If he will not release your child, call the police immediately. He isn't even Dad at this point - he has no rights, whatsoever.

And no, the court isn't going to give him primary custody if he's gone most of the year.

Good lord. Send him here, would you? He needs a major reality check!

As for what else you need to do? Get yourself to the court-house first thing in the morning and file for custody, requesting immediate temporary custody pending a full hearing.

 

[Humusluvr]

ex husband or ex boyfriend? If he wasn't your husband, and he's not on the birth certificate, go pick up your kid. Don't look at him, talk to him, don't talk to the aunt. Say, "Give me my kid," and leave with him. If they even smell of saying no, Call the cops. Make sure you have your ID and the birth certificate - and the ex can't stop you. He has NO RIGHTS. Not until a judge GIVES HIM rights. Go get your kid. Don't put up with this bullying.

 

[Proserpina]

ex husband or ex boyfriend? If he wasn't your husband, and he's not on the birth certificate, go pick up your kid. Don't look at him, talk to him, don't talk to the aunt. Say, "Give me my kid," and leave with him. If they even smell of saying no, Call the cops. Make sure you have your ID and the birth certificate - and the ex can't stop you. He has NO RIGHTS. Not until a judge GIVES HIM rights. Go get your kid. Don't put up with this bullying.

It really IS bullying, isn't it?

Very sad

 

[Humusluvr]

It really IS bullying, isn't it?

Very sad

It is, and it's BS.

Mom, you HAVE sole custody. YOU don't have to file for anything!

He very well could be blowing smoke up your hiney, and that pack of papers could be his comic books.

Don't worry about anything else - get your kid in the morning, and then come back and talk to us. IF he files anything.

And FILE for child support.

Don't be a foot rug. You have sole custody. Go get your kid, and don't talk to your ex. Stone cold, Queen Victoria face - "give me my child."

The more they talk, the more it could turn into arguing, the worse it is. Don't talk, get your kid, call the sheriff to help, but walk out of there with your son. No matter what.

 

[CntryMomma]

multiple answers

Are/Were we married?
No...which is why he was ORIGINALLY not on the birth certificate. Keep in mind, our son is almost 4, and NOW, he had a DNA test done, and TMK has NOT signed an AOP, and until now, has NEVER been concerned with seeking paternity.

Is he delusional?
Well, apparently? IDK it's not for me to decide, ha! But yes, even if he signed an AOP this week, he is apparently under the impression that the AOP gives him rights, along with his private DNA test, to just up and keep our son from me. Just to throw a wrench, and see if he really DID seek a test, I had to have my single catty moment, and asked him, "Are you SURE you did a paternity test"? He replied yes, 99.98% his son. Well, imagine that (sorry, we've never really had an issue of ME being adulterous).

At any rate...I will definitely let ya'll know what happens.

 

[Proserpina]

He cannot sign that AOP without your consent....

 

[CntryMomma]

He cannot sign that AOP without your consent....

Wow, well I was definitely not aware of this. I figured(before being told his alleged DNA test isn't technically acceptable), that any man could sign an AOP. Wow...learn something new for sure, every day!


Aside from that...Thank you all, once more. I've gotten my mind straight back on where it needs to be, in concern to my confidence of being able to get my son back home with me.

As I said before, I'll make sure to update ya'll

 

[CntryMomma]

New questions...

Well, I calmed down long enough to go have a discussion with the county attorney's office this morning...

after he pretty much called me stupid for allowing my son's father to have such liberal visitation(he pretty much said i should never have let him see him??)...

I have found I need to file a habious(sp?) corpus, and a writ of attachment.

anyone have any idea how I can do this on my own? I can't afford an attorney. The cheapest I was quoted was "$1k retainer".

However, I HAVE been assured, by 3 different counties, that he has no legal rights. He is not on the birth certificate, there are no legal documents concerning the child, and a JUDGE has to sign off apparently "allowing" him parental rights. I learned the other day when he used our allotted time at the OAG's office, at most he was able to do, is join the TX Paternity Registry. He can also sign an AOP all day, but until we BOTH go in front of a judge, he's a stranger.

As for going and picking up my son. Well, even though the sheriff's office SAID they would help, apparently they really DON'T want to get involved. Which is where the HB and writ of attachment come in.

The Co. Atty says there is ABSOLUTELY no way *I* could write it out correctly, in order for a judge to even VIEW it, much less accept it, on my own. So, I'm asking for some help. I have no idea how to go about this, and even though I'm generally Queen Google, Google is NOT my friend at this moment

 

[MTS1969]

If he has no legal right to your son at this point and you are not in agreement to ALLOW him to keep your son would this not be considered "kidnapping".?

With no court order and no legal documentation to say he is the father, he is a stranger and is holding your child against his will and your authority. I suggest explaining this to the police and asking them to go with you while you go get YOUR son, for your and your sons protection.

If he wants legal claim to your son he will have to go through the courts to do so. Have you contacted your local Children and Youth or DYFS? I suggest doing that as well and reporting that he has kept your child and refuses to return him. Let them get involved as they will go through the court to get it done if necessary.

I know this because when my ex and I separated I had a Protection from abuse order against him, he was allowed to see our children BUT he too, refused to return my children ! DYFS got involved, needless to say they were returned and as per court order he has not seen them in 3 years and will not until he has finished counseling ordered through the court, and the counselor agrees he is in good mental health to see the children most likely with "supervised" visits to start.

Good Luck ! Oh one last thing, private DNA tests are not approved by the courts ( I know this from my first marriage) the court must order the DNA testing.

 

[Ohiogal]

If he has no legal right to your son at this point and you are not in agreement to ALLOW him to keep your son would this not be considered "kidnapping".? With no court order and no legal documentation to say he is the father, he is a stranger and is holding your child against his will and your authority. I suggest explaining this to the police and asking them to go with you while you go get YOUR son, for your and your sons protection. If he wants legal claim to your son he will have to go through the courts to do so. Have you contacted your local Children and Youth or DYFS? I suggest doing that as well and reporting that he has kept your child and refuses to return him. Let them get involved as they will go through the court to get it done if necessary. I know this because when my ex and I separated I had a Protection from abuse order against him, he was allowed to see our children BUT he too, refused to return my children ! DYFS got involved, needless to say they were returned and as per court order he has not seen them in 3 years and will not until he has finished counseling ordered through the court, and the counselor agrees he is in good mental health to see the children most likely with "supervised" visits to start. Good Luck ! Oh one last thing, private DNA tests are not approved by the courts ( I know this from my first marriage) the court must order the DNA testing.

No. It would not be considered kidnapping because mom let dad have the child.

 

[MTS1969]

Thank you. I only stated "kidnapping" as that is what DYFS considered it with my case when I requested return of my children and he refused and kept them outside of the time frame where he had my "permission" to keep them. Needless to say after they got involved, he lost visitation rights via court order in the end, and has not seen them in 3 years.