killerzoey
Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? HI
Shared legal/physical custody, 2 daughters ages 3 and 6. Kids are with me 4 nights a week, 5 nights every other week. Decree does not state exact visitation, only says "parents shall ponder 50% time share with children", and mentions name of person we can work with to arrive at a good schedule. However, schedule since trial in April 2010 has remained as-is, with ex not requesting a change.
History of ex barging in my house, other uncomfortable boundary stuff in front of our kids.
Therefore my policy has been that ex not come to my house at all. Exchanges are at another location. I do exchanges, not s.o. S.o. is home with youngest during the day while I'm teaching.
S.o. just moved over from another state, after a 1 year + long distance relationship on the heels of a friendship of nearly 20 years. We dated for 3 of those years in our 20s, and have always been friendly and wished the best for each other. He is awesome with the kids and they love him. S.o. has a strong desire to stay out of the middle of things between me and ex. Wants privacy, wants clean, respectful communication.
Here's what happened:
Ex came over to our new house totally unannounced last Thursday. He did not attempt to call first. He knew I was at work at that time and would be off in a few hours. He claimed he was bringing our daughter macaroni that she likes, as she was not feeling well. It was very strange. "Next thing I knew" (said my s.o.), (ex) is walking around the house. He left a child support check near my bed.
A few hours later when I did not immediately return my ex's phone call, he called s.o. Ex left message: "Could you get _ to call me?"
Before s.o. appeared, ex has said that in his mind, since "his" kids live in my house, he has the right to come in if they're ok with it. He has actually said that when I had kids with him I gave up any right to privacy. He later said obviously he doesn't really think that, but based on his actions, I think he at least partially does.
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So, the questions:
Where can I draw the home boundary lines now that s.o. is in the picture?
If I'm at work and s.o. is home with one or more kid, does ex have a right to show up unannounced to see the child(ren)? I don't mind if he wants to make arrangements to see them more, but I do mind him using this as a device to have this casual drop-in anytime arrangement, which I think is what he was doing. He could have easily seen children in a few hours when I was off work, did not even try.
Can s.o. (mind you, he wants to be nice) point to the agreement ex and I have that he not show up at the home, and does that hold if I am not there?
If it becomes something ex starts doing out of aggression/power trip, at any point can I call the cops on ex, given that we have no formal visitation agreement? This may sound like overkill, but I would just like to know.
Regarding the phone, can I or s.o. legally ask ex to not contact s.o. except in emergencies regarding the children/ that all parenting stuff should be through me, including exchange times and places? Can s.o. request that everything be a text, not a call?
Thanks in advance, I need to know this before I send an e-mail clarifying boundaries as they pertain to life with my s.o.
Shared legal/physical custody, 2 daughters ages 3 and 6. Kids are with me 4 nights a week, 5 nights every other week. Decree does not state exact visitation, only says "parents shall ponder 50% time share with children", and mentions name of person we can work with to arrive at a good schedule. However, schedule since trial in April 2010 has remained as-is, with ex not requesting a change.
History of ex barging in my house, other uncomfortable boundary stuff in front of our kids.
Therefore my policy has been that ex not come to my house at all. Exchanges are at another location. I do exchanges, not s.o. S.o. is home with youngest during the day while I'm teaching.
S.o. just moved over from another state, after a 1 year + long distance relationship on the heels of a friendship of nearly 20 years. We dated for 3 of those years in our 20s, and have always been friendly and wished the best for each other. He is awesome with the kids and they love him. S.o. has a strong desire to stay out of the middle of things between me and ex. Wants privacy, wants clean, respectful communication.
Here's what happened:
Ex came over to our new house totally unannounced last Thursday. He did not attempt to call first. He knew I was at work at that time and would be off in a few hours. He claimed he was bringing our daughter macaroni that she likes, as she was not feeling well. It was very strange. "Next thing I knew" (said my s.o.), (ex) is walking around the house. He left a child support check near my bed.
A few hours later when I did not immediately return my ex's phone call, he called s.o. Ex left message: "Could you get _ to call me?"
Before s.o. appeared, ex has said that in his mind, since "his" kids live in my house, he has the right to come in if they're ok with it. He has actually said that when I had kids with him I gave up any right to privacy. He later said obviously he doesn't really think that, but based on his actions, I think he at least partially does.
******************************
So, the questions:
Where can I draw the home boundary lines now that s.o. is in the picture?
If I'm at work and s.o. is home with one or more kid, does ex have a right to show up unannounced to see the child(ren)? I don't mind if he wants to make arrangements to see them more, but I do mind him using this as a device to have this casual drop-in anytime arrangement, which I think is what he was doing. He could have easily seen children in a few hours when I was off work, did not even try.
Can s.o. (mind you, he wants to be nice) point to the agreement ex and I have that he not show up at the home, and does that hold if I am not there?
If it becomes something ex starts doing out of aggression/power trip, at any point can I call the cops on ex, given that we have no formal visitation agreement? This may sound like overkill, but I would just like to know.
Regarding the phone, can I or s.o. legally ask ex to not contact s.o. except in emergencies regarding the children/ that all parenting stuff should be through me, including exchange times and places? Can s.o. request that everything be a text, not a call?
Thanks in advance, I need to know this before I send an e-mail clarifying boundaries as they pertain to life with my s.o.
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