Is significant other a sitting duck?

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The court order is definitely loosey goosey. I hesitate to go back to put into writing what we are now doing, though, as his lawyer will probably want to have it written with a 3.5/3.5 50/50 split. Ex has a year-long history refusing to give our 3 year old her asthma meds (preventative) so I really don't want to invite a situation wherein he might have her more than one night. Right now it's one night at a time, and I can get her meds into her. It was a year ago on the 10th that our daughter was admitted for 4 days...almost lost her from asthma. So it's a high priority for me to try to arrange things this way as long as possible, hopefully until she or her sister can make sure she gets her meds.

So, you have status quo of one day per week. After a year of having it available, he is CHOOSING to not have her do so. You have even more reason for him not to do it if he NOT medicating the child.

 

[ecmst12]

You really need a clear and explicit parenting schedule put into place. There needs to be no question about when and where he is permitted to pick up the children.

 

[killerzoey]

So, you have status quo of one day per week. After a year of having it available, he is CHOOSING to not have her do so. You have even more reason for him not to do it if he NOT medicating the child.

You mean after a year of having more parenting time available he is choosing not to take it? Sorry, just not quite sure I understood. It's been two years that we've had this one-night-at-a-time schedule, and one year since the bad asthma attack, when the preventative meds were first prescribed. It took me nearly a year of frustration and slippery conversations before ex finally admitted to me that he hasn't been--nor does he intend to begin--giving her her preventative meds. I am so grateful she did not have a terrible attack in that time. He even neglected to give them when she was in the midst of viruses, when she was most likely to be triggered. I think it is possible that she did not have another bad attack because of this schedule--she at least got half of her doses with me.

 

[killerzoey]

You really need a clear and explicit parenting schedule put into place. There needs to be no question about when and where he is permitted to pick up the children.

Thank you. I would like to do that but have to seriously consider the unintended consequences of opening up a can of worms.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You can file a motion for status quo (one night per week) as given in the past two years? He HAD the opportunity to move towards 50/50 but HE chose not to do it.

In this case, you need clear boundaries and LOCKS for your doors.

A short message of, CALL ME to schedule time with the children should be sufficient at this time.

Without a clear cut order, you can really make it what is has been.

 

[killerzoey]

You can file a motion for status quo (one night per week) as given in the past two years? He HAD the opportunity to move towards 50/50 but HE chose not to do it.

In this case, you need clear boundaries and LOCKS for your doors.

A short message of, CALL ME to schedule time with the children should be sufficient at this time.

Without a clear cut order, you can really make it what is has been.

Oh, that is interesting. I see what you mean. He has not had them one night per week, though--it is one night at a time. He has them 2 nights every other week and 3 nights every other week. It works out to 35.7% Still, that is an interesting idea--try to establish that as his voluntary status quo. Two years would certainly seem like enough time to establish that.

 

[killerzoey]

Exactly.

Sensible solutions before court


Zoey, your parenting plan seems to be incredibly vague. It's almost indicating that Dad DOES have the right to stop by even if it's not his "night".

Prosperina, I just noticed this line you wrote. True what you say about how the decree reads. But I wanted to be clear that we have a very set-in-stone status quo. Same days each week. Not sure to what extent that matters, but just wanted to throw that out there.